My son hit puberty

[davidclay123]

Hi everyone,

My son is now 11 and he has hit puberty. I've noticed some changes. His voice, his height, his stubbornness.

It's not really easy dealing with this guy.

I've just found some dirty magazines in his closet. We might haven't had any birds and bees talk, and I don't know where to start.

Can anyone help me with this?

Really appreciate your help!

[preraph]

My condolences. Go on google and search for birds and bee talk I bet there's some on there. As a woman, I would just beg you to consider that all these naked women he's now viewing as objects are somebody's mom or daughter and not in the healthiest state of mind to subject themselves to that, but do it without shaming him for masturbating. That's natural. The internet generations have a big problem with porn addiction that keeps some of them from functioning normally, too, so you might advise him not to get too used to doing it looking at only porn and also please tell him that REAL women he will meet in his lifetime will not consider porn sex normal and for him not to start thinking that is the normal practice. If he does, he'll scare women away in droves. No one with any self-respect would subject themselves to that.

 

It's good you're going to have the talk. Be sure to tell him how it really is so he doesn't think what he sees in porn is how it really is. I'd say that's the most important thing, coupled with teaching him to always himself practice safe sex and not rely on the woman to do it.

[Michelle ma Belle]

Fun times! Still nothing compared to having daughters and dealing with periods and the erratic emotional roller coaster that engulfs them. Ugh. I'll take pubescent boys all day long

 

There are some awesome books and articles online you can research that help with the birds and the bees talk. I would encourage you to look into them and make a point of having that talk with your son no matter how uncomfortable you and/or your child may be initially.

 

It is a very important talk and one that should start at home.

 

I would caution you on a couple of things; the first is watch your son closely in terms of him dealing with dark periods. Just like girls, boys going through puberty are prone to an array of emotions particularly depression. I went through it with both my sons. So often parents take a hands-off approach to raising boys unlike raising daughters which I think is not only unfortunate but damaging. They need love and guidance and understanding just as much as girls do so be mindful that they too are susceptible to episodes of depression and anxiety as they cross the threshold into manhood.

 

The second thing I would like to stress is to NEVER shame your son (or daughter) for their curiosity and particularly their masturbatory explorations. If you're a religious person, that may not sit well with you but shaming your child or punishing them for something that is a very natural process is only damaging them more than helping them. That's not to say you shouldn't be a responsible parent to limit the risk of inappropriate online viewing with parental controls wherever you can but at the end of the day, kids WILL be exposed to porn and dirty mags and naked images so long as they have a computer, cell phone, and wi-fi or even a friend with an older sibling. You will NOT be able to protect them 100% which is why open, honest and thoughtful communication is critical.

 

At the end of the day, as parents we want to raise our children to know that they can always count of us for anything. Even when it comes to questions about sex. Open communication is paramount in any healthy and happy child/parent relationship. The more you try to ignore, dismiss, deny your child the basic rights of passage the more you teach your child to hide, lie, sneak and basically feel ashamed not to mention put them at risk as they resort to figuring stuff out for themselves, sometimes at the hands of others who don't have their best interest in mind.

 

Good luck.

Edited August 21, 2017 by Michelle ma Belle

[amaysngrace]

I'd just tell him that if he's gonna beat off do it into a tissue so nobody has to clean up after his mess....especially his mother

[darkmoon]

he might need mentoring on dating

[basil67]

Dirty magazines? That's very unusual for a young person - I thought porn was all internet these days.

[Cookiesandough]

must have parental control lock.

Edited August 21, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[preraph]

I'd just tell him that if he's gonna beat off do it into a tissue so nobody has to clean up after his mess....especially his mother

 

Ever pragmatic....

[turnera]

What kids his age need most is ACCEPTANCE as well as NO JUDGMENT. They need to know you'll love them no matter what, that you may not like what they DO, but you'll never stop loving THEM.

 

The second thing they need most is honesty. Tell of your own experiences. They really want to know. Tell your mistakes. Your regrets. What you're proud of, like respecting a girl and not pushing yourself on her. Teach him what it means to be a man. He's dying to hear this stuff and he wants to be like his dad. Or earn his mom's respect. Just talk to him.

[GunslingerRoland]

Hi everyone,

My son is now 11 and he has hit puberty. I've noticed some changes. His voice, his height, his stubbornness.

It's not really easy dealing with this guy.

I've just found some dirty magazines in his closet. We might haven't had any birds and bees talk, and I don't know where to start.

Can anyone help me with this?

Really appreciate your help!

 

Has he had any sex-ed through school? By 11 most kids have so you may be able to skip some of the very basics if you think he knows them.

 

But focus on the key parts, make sure he understands the basics of human reproduction if he doesn't already, talk about respect for women and the importance of consent, talk about internet safety and privacy, and try to talk a bit about the other ways puberty will affect him mentally, it can be pretty jarring to many.