Donburi Posted August 11, 2005 Share Posted August 11, 2005 Hello again. My ex of three years who broke up with me 4 months ago (for valid reasons) keeps asking me if I am going to attend his b-day party. I am still not sure if I should go, though I would really like to. I guess I will share the conversation we had online with you all. Him: Hey, are you still coming to the birthday party? Me: I dunno...I'm still thinkin' about it. Him: Cause we were gonna do an early dinner thing with just a few people ,and a bigger mario kart gaming get together later, and I wanted to know if you could make it to the early dinner thing. Me: I see...who else is going to the dinner thing? Him: I was thinking like P and T and D or something (I thought it was interesting that those happen to be the friends of his who still like me.) Him: Not a ton of people, just a small group like that. Me: ok, maybe. Him: You need to let me know so I an arrange it though. Me: um, ok..are you gonna make reservations or something? Him: yeah Me: where are we going? Him: I was thinking Ragin Shrimp Me: you've never done reservations before.... Him: True, but just in case Me: are your parents going? Him: Yeah Him: They wanted to take us all out Him: So, I'd still like you to come... Me: do you feel obligated to ask me because I'm your "friend" now? Him: well...yeah... Him: is that wrong of me to still consider you a friend? Me: well, I guess not....but you know how I feel. Him: so, you're saying I should've just stopped all communication with you altogether? Me: I dunno...if you don't plan on working on our relationship, then I guess, yeah. Him: Did I say I didn't plan on it? Me: you never said that, but actions do speak louder than words (its been 4 months already, Jeez!) Him: Ok, what I DID say is that I do want to work on things, but it's going to be a SLOW process, right? Him: and that I want to work on renewing our friendship first, since that's a pretty key base to work on. Me: I don't understand. what exactly needs to happen during the time we're being "friends" for us to be ready as a couple again? Him: There you go! I don't know either! Him: You dont know, and I dont know, so it's just gotta happen when it does! And we kinda stopped talking about it from there. I had done NC for about 4 days before he IM'ed me out of nowhere, and I couldn't really ignore an invitation. Well, maybe I should have, but I would have felt rude doing so. Since most people in general have the same habits and behaviors I was just wondering if from your experience, if he sounds like he means everything he says. I think some people would feel like this was a good sign and I was happy when he said those things too but it is hard to take seriously because some days he will say things like this, other days he says he doesn't know if we are going to get back together or not. Thanks for reading. Link to post Share on other sites
Rocko Posted August 11, 2005 Share Posted August 11, 2005 Are his friends mutual friends with you? Otherwise it might get weird. I would say go if you think you can handle it...But know this: If "P and D and T" are not mutual friends the topic of girls will most likely come up and you may get hurt by what is said. (Assuming P and D and T are guys ) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Donburi Posted August 11, 2005 Author Share Posted August 11, 2005 Originally posted by Rocko Are his friends mutual friends with you? Otherwise it might get weird. I would say go if you think you can handle it...But know this: If "P and D and T" are not mutual friends the topic of girls will most likely come up and you may get hurt by what is said. (Assuming P and D and T are guys ) lol yeah P, D and T are guys. I feel weird posting people's full names, don't ask. Um, they are not mutual friends. I've become friends with them, but it is not the same friendship as the one they have with my ex. I am pretty sure my ex is considerate enough to not talk about girls, but thanks for the heads up anyways. These guys are a bunch of nerds so I think games will be the hot topic. lol. I really hope my ex is being sincere with everything he said....sigh. Thanks for responding. Link to post Share on other sites
pippen_2k Posted August 11, 2005 Share Posted August 11, 2005 If you go im sure your well aware that you may hurt yourself..... You will expect the NC to be over and for you 2 to get closer again and start talking more? Tell me if im wrong here... Is it worth it? Link to post Share on other sites
loony Posted August 11, 2005 Share Posted August 11, 2005 I think you're pushing too hard. Link to post Share on other sites
Sal Paradise Posted August 14, 2005 Share Posted August 14, 2005 I say resume NC and this time stay with it. Let him see that he can lose you. Let him actually miss you. 4 days isn't that long and he called. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Donburi Posted August 18, 2005 Author Share Posted August 18, 2005 Thanks for the replies, everyone. Oh and Loony, thank you for sending me that PM a while ago, sorry I never had a chance to write back. I really did appreciate everything you said, and hopefully I can find that book you were talking about. Well, for the people who have been reading my posts from day one (Sal, who has really been a great help, even though i'm terrible at taking advice. ) it wouldn't come as a surprise to you that I did go to his party. It was fun actually. First we went to a restaurant for lunch with his parents, who still think we're together. When we were leaving there he asked if I was going to his house to play games with everyone and I was a bit reluctant, but he kept insisting to so I gave in. We get there and some of his friends who had ignored me the last time I was there were actually talking to me, almost like old times. We played Mario Kart, which was a game that consisted of partners, and he offered to be mine. Then he showed me some stuff on another game which I didn't mind too much. Hey, old me would have been annoyed after looking at a game for 30 min that I had no desire for, but now I'll take any kind of attention I can get, haha. Overall it was a good time, good food, some people, but not everyone was coming up and talking to me, etc... Later on in the night he and I were alone in his room and he starts "making out" with this stuffed cow thing he got and was acting all sexual with it and I said "haha, miss having a girlfriend or something?" and he just laughed. After a min or two of just sitting there I said I was going to go home and he kept asking if I was sure. So, he walked me out to my car, said he'll catch me online later most likely, and that was that. I'll have you know, I did not bring up the topic of our relationship at all. Even though I did give in and went to his party, I was proud of myself for at least not doing that. I feel bad for not getting him a present, though. Well, anyways, that was last Sunday. I haven't talked to him since. He texts me online everyday since the party with "hello? you there?" but I don't respond. I want to keep the NC going until I dunno, something happens. Either him realizing something or me realizing that I DO want to move on. I'm doing NC for the wrong reasons, I know, but I'm honestly not ready to move on yet because it just doesn't seem like its over officially... Link to post Share on other sites
sundrop Posted August 19, 2005 Share Posted August 19, 2005 Donburi, Sounds like you are doing NC for the right reasons. Giving yourself the space and time you need and also to make him miss you. Link to post Share on other sites
butterfly29 Posted August 19, 2005 Share Posted August 19, 2005 well, all I can say is, I went ahead and changed my aim name so that he will never sees me online. Because when I was online, he would pop up and we would have a conversation. I'd always be really sad for the rest of the day. Link to post Share on other sites
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