Lost My IRL GF of Over a Year to a Facebook LDR: Depressed

[CAG]

She said I wasn't there for her the past few months emotionally while he was. I admit, I dropped the ball here due to work, bills and one of my parents dying. Nonetheless, I could've paid more attention to her. We didn't have too much in common so she ultimately thought we were incompatible. All we did was have sex in her opinion, but they're soulmates and already in love with each other. She really stressed the importance of me eventually becoming her soulmate during our relationship or she didn't see us having a future. This is super important to her, and I guess I wasn't and he was. I feel like she gave up on me because this guy has more in common with her, and once things settled I could've rose to her level, and gotten out of my funk.

 

They've never met, but will soon which makes this even harder to stomach. She wants to move across the country to be with him ASAP. She texted two days after breaking up with me apologizing, but I feel it was self-serving so she can move on. I couldn't even recognize her she was so cold and emotionless when dumping me. I felt like trash, and saw I went from being someone she loved (it took me a lot longer than the new guy to reach the 'love' stage) to a nobody in a few months.

 

I've gone NC for almost two weeks since being dumped, but it's a struggle everyday. I'm super lonely, and can't stop thinking about what she's doing. Completely blindsided that her romance escalated so quickly to soulmates/love, and my window appears shut. I'm most hurt by how she discarded me and now being single again. Any advice on coping? Thanks in advance.

 

*EDIT: We never fought. She just slowly lost feelings for me over time to where she felt nothing. I don't know if that makes it even worse. I may have taken her for granted, not sure.

Edited August 22, 2017 by CAG

[InAFog]

Uh, sounds like you were the one who needed someone there for them, and she wasn't. I have lost both my parents, and it was very, vert, difficult times. Times that I needed to be just inside myself, and needed someoe there for me. Doesn't sound like she was.

 

"Becoming soul mates during the relationship" is a very strange thing to say. If you're someone that believes in soulmates, uh, wouldn't think an ultimatum is how to find them....

 

I definitely know the feeling of thinking about them with someone else. It tears your mind, body, & soul apart. My ex was cheating on me with her. The pain is so unbearable sometimes when I think of them together, & comparing his new relationship with her to ours. And she wins. They have waaay more in common. And they'll be happy together. Maybe make the long haul. But sometimes two people just don't work. No matter how hard they try. And that's the whole point, finding someone we do work with. You go do the same. Believe me, I know how much it hurts. How impossible it can seem. But allow both you & her the chance.

[mrs rubble]

Sorry to hear of your parent dying. I can understand why you would have retreated into yourself after that and not given your gf as much attention, you are grieving. She should've recognized that and supported you rather than find company through some random online guy.

I'm sure you are hurting from the break-up, but I really think she did you a favour, she's not supportive, she's dodgy (messaging this guy while still with you) and quite frankly she sounds like an idiot to me- how can you be "soul mates" with someone you've never meet in person?

I suspect she'll end up breaking up with him too because real life is waaay different to messaging over the internet.

[CAG]

Should I continue NC and move on, try and talk to her before they meet or give her space to see where her new relationship goes? I want her back, but I don't want to be her backup plan down the road if things don't end up happily ever after. I made the mistake of checking her social media, and had a huge setback. Feels almost like day 1 again where I had trouble eating and sleeping. Oddly enough I haven't shed any tears through any of this (lack of emotion was a big problem for her).

 

The guy looks VERY similar to me but checks all her spiritual, emotional and personality boxes. They're also only three days apart in terms of age (25), and she used to say our Zodiac signs weren't meant for each other. She takes all this amongst other things as if they're soulmates. This is not good, and if this guy is halfway decent in person she's gone forever. He also makes more money and promised to financially support her if she were to move, travel the world, etc.

 

I could definitely use some distractions besides going to work, but everything I like to do I'm unable to focus. I feel like losing your GF to a complete stranger she's never met over the internet is very humbling. Not only that, but it's her soulmate!? What kind of crazy stuff have I done to deserve THAT kind of karma?

[Whitenblack]

I suggest to move on. You need to force yourself to go FULL NC. Block her on all social media, and any form of contact. Throw away anything that will remind you of her that can tempt you to see how she's doing. Forget her, and in time, you'll be ok.

 

I had a r/s in the past where my ex-gf went back to her ex shortly after we broke up. Not exactly the same situation as you, but I know how it can feel. I couldn't stop comparing myself to him, and kept thinking of myself as sub par. But that kind of thought is toxic, and you'll go mad. It's going to be hard, but force yourself to NC. And when you've finally let it go in time, you'll look back and be glad you got through it.

 

Spend time doing what you think can get your mind off of it. For me, it was gaming. I love it, and it helped me get through it. Probably different for you. Maybe it's hanging out with friends, playing a sport, or evening seeing another girl, or whatever it is. Do something that will occupy your mind, so you minimize the time you think about her. Good luck.