How can i get over my partners accident?

[young and stupid]

I have had a girlfriend for about 8 months. I have never had a serious relationship before and I hadn,t even had that many flings(my family is very old fashioned) so it is a new thing for me. My girlfriend is a couple of years older than me and has had several relationships, but i do love her and i feel that every one has a past its what we do with our future right? I liked her because we could play around on the beach and play lasertag and all sorts of active sports. I felt that the thing that attracted me to her the most was the fact that she loved goof around and try anything.

 

About threee months into our relationship, she was involved in a car accident and suffered whiplash and some head injuries. She was on pain killers for a couple of weeks but she was fairly mobile after a monthe and seemed to be well on her way to recouvery. Things were looking fine for her until she went to claim at her insurance company.

 

The company didnt offer her enough money. I didnt feel that she was that badly injured but the company offered her $5000 for her personal damages. She origionally wanted $12000 but after seeing them she hired a lawyer and is seeking $50 000. However, this is NOT my problem.

 

My problem is that she started to develop several other problems and I believe that she has turned into a hypochondriac. It has seriously affected our relationship as she refuses to do anything even remotely active. We still go for walks but she cant ride a bike or play around and the worst part is she wont even try. She blames every thing that happens to her or about her on her accident and talks about the seriousness of the accident and the unjustness of her insurance company every day. I have tried to help her to heal by doing things with her but it getting very difficult as she is jobless(because of her accident) and is having problems with her self-image as her inactivity has caused her to get out of shape. We dont make love nearly as oftne now because she is so self concious about her shape. And for the past month she has been comparing me with some of the actions of her past boyfriends and I really dont know how to deal with this.

[unnamed]

This really isn't uncommon among people who are involved in accident's. My brother was hit by a car once (and he flew over the top of the car...) and was scared to get on a bike again. It took him awhile, but he eventually did.

 

I consider this similar to what you're girlfriend is going through.

 

You can be bothered by the fact that you're girlfriend isn't in the mood for much activity anymore, but look at the biggest picture: you're girlfriend is alive, not dead! She can walk and talk. She's not stuck still in a chair, paralyzed.

 

If you cannot get over this "problem", then you yourself have a bigger problem. Personally, I would be helping you're girlfriend every step of the way until full recovery.

 

Otherwise, you will get the whiplash.

[ReallyConfused]

If you cannot get over this "problem",

What a load of bunk!

 

It sounds like she needs some serious psychological counseling. She is using her accident as a crutch now in her life - EVERYTHING is the accidents fault. EVERYONE is against her. Instead of getting on with her life, she is spending time trying to place blame and play the part of the victim as much as possible.

 

She is slowly cutting off everything in her life & if anyone questions her decisions, THEY are the bad guy - HOW DARE THEY ask her to get on with her life.

 

She needs counseling and she needs it NOW.

 

It may be a good idea to sit down with her parents and explain what you've noticed (skip the sex stuff please). Possibly together you can all explain that you are really worried about her well-being and would like her to seek help.

 

Some people, whether they realize it or not, enjoy "suffering" - they need the attention from everyone. They need people to feel sorry for them always, so they never recover.

 

Sheesh I sound like Tony!

[Laurynn]

Sounds to me like since she found out how much $$$ she could receive as a result of her 'injury', she's playing up her injury to the max, so that she'll possibly receive a larger settlement.

 

No doubt her attorney has told her that she has to be very careful about what she does......no doubt he's encouraging her to pretend to be more injured/disabled than she actually is...so that SHE will receive a larger settlement, and of course, he'll receive a larger cut.

 

If she was active a some point following this accident, but now she's regressed, I'd definitely be suspicious as to the legitimacy of her claims. Sounds like she's just trying to milk the accident for all it's worth. Of course if she's seen being active, riding a bike, bla bla...that could severely hurt any chances for a significant payout/settlement.

 

The guy who posted about this..sounds like he's been very understanding and supportive throughout all of this. It's not like she was left a paraplegic or with permanent brain damage.......so, that being said, she sounds like she's more than capable of getting her act together and getting on with her life.

 

If she wants to suck sympathy from everyone, and use her 'accident' as an excuse to blame everyone for everything, and feel sorry for herself, and be constantly whining and complaining about her health/aches/pains, I say the guy should sit down and have a talk with her....explain to her how she's 'changed'.........how this changes has negatively affected their relationship........and then take it from there.

 

L

[Miss Mojo]

you say she wanted more money right? well, i used to work for a law firm who dealt primarily with motor vehicle accidents, and let me tell you a little something (which you probably already know):

 

1) the more severe the injury, the more money you will get;

 

2) it's not just physical disabilities that are compensated for, it's also emotional - depression, nervous shock, trauma.

 

3) loss of wages is also compensated for.

 

while people in car accidents are entitled to compensation, it sounds to me as though the one thing your girlfriend is after here is money....good luck to her trying to squeeze more out of the system. the reason her solicitors (and the insurance company) offered her what they did is because the medical examinations (that are compulsory to attend in compensation claims) will prove beyond a shadow of a doubt the severity of her injuries (which obviously, aren't that severe). of course, if she has even the slightest clue, she will play up on 'psychological problems', which is what she appears to be doing.....and hey presto, there's another problem you can add to your claim for more money, right?

 

the reason i believe she may be playing up on this is these 2 statements of yours:

 

Things were looking fine for her until she went to claim at her insurance company.

 

well, enough said, really.

 

The company didnt offer her enough money....offered her $5000 for her personal damages. She origionally wanted $12000 but after seeing them she hired a lawyer and is seeking $50 000.

 

and lastly

 

she started to develop several other problems and I believe that she has turned into a hypochondriac.

 

granted that i don't know your girlfriend and the circumstances, it appears to me that while she probably does have some psychological affects from the accident (naturally), she is *really playing it up*.

 

but nevertheless, i have seen it many times in compensation claims where a claimant tries to suck more money out of the insurance companies, and 99% of the time, they fail because the doctors can usually pick up on someone who is exaggerating or feigning symptoms, and this *will* go in the doctors reports, which of course will probably be served or subpoenaed.....oh, and i bet she's aware that people in mva's (motor vehicle accidents) who are claiming more than they're worth are put under surveillance sometimes. hmmmm.

 

i think you should let her know how her behaviour is affecting this relationship. you have been very understanding with her, but i sense you are seeing right through her 'medical problems' right now and you know she is seeing dollar signs. it's not fair on you to have to put up with this, because obviously, you are not stupid, and it is draining. she is trying to milk sympathy and money out of this accident by blaming everything on it. how transparent.

 

everything was alright until she didn't get an offer of settlement she wanted. do you really want to spend your time with someone whose mind works like this??? have a talk to her about you're feeling. she has become very self-absorbed since the accident, but you are part of the team here too. she has to live up to her end of the bargain in this relationship. i could understand if she was severly injured, but she wasn't. she needs to stop wallowing in it.

 

tell her to wake up to herself, because she was offered the original sum for a reason, and she will do herself over in court. the doctors and lawyers will see straight through her 'problems' which surfaced only after she wasn't offered enough in settlement monies.

[Miss Mojo]

....i meant to point out 3 statements