The "work" they talk about

[PrincessWarrior1]

Some people mostly namely my boyfriend don't know what happy couples mean by, "it's alot of work." He's never had a real relationship and I knew I was in for more than I bargained for, but he made me so happy in the beginning, I jumped in for the long haul.

 

The first time he left me over minor issues, I did the whole begging pleading thing. Fast forward 7 months. We love each other, we trust each other. Things are generally good. He took me on a weekend getaway, we both needed it.

 

So the problems. I didn't even want to be bothered with a relationship because of what u have to deal with, with social media problems flirting. I should not have even posted it. We were broken up. I connected with an old friend especially because I was determined to go NC for at least a month. He contacted me and I dove right on it like an idiot.

 

We just got into another spat because we both had long hard days and his truck has major problems. I hate FB. There is this one friend and I know her too she is a very nice person respectable. But I am uncomfortable with his "hubba hubba" or damn girl remarks. So I brought it up and he got all pissy and left to which I took my keys and said C ya I get some space.

 

I've been doing reading on how to deal with this. Because I mean all in all. He loves me and he is a good man and I trust him. I'm just so sick of what the world has become because of all this. I found a link that is helpful to me at this time. If y'all feel taken advantage of or not happy or suffering, I wanted to share these pearls here.

 

I didn't want to make this too long to read so it may not make sense. Feel free to ask me questions. And I look forward to your input. Much love and appreciation LS friends.

 

How to Make Your Boyfriend Want You More Than Ever

 

p.s. don't judge by the title a few things stood out especially one of the rules that say: Walk away when you feel disrespected which I do right now. It's pretty good and worth give it a whirl. I saved it and changed the name to: How To Be Happy In A Relationship. I found this article from extensively poking and fishing around with the questions along the line: "How to deal with a flirty boyfriend" because He worshiped me and ONLY me in the beginning. He's not over the top with it so I can account for some of it being my own insanity. I really can. I want to deal with it like a goddess not a crazy lady. So here goes my self work and improvement during this break. Equally importantly, I don't want to be too easy this time!

Edited August 22, 2017 by PrincessWarrior1

[Michelle ma Belle]

smh

 

So you entered into a relationship with someone you KNEW was more than you bargained for which proved to be just so and now you're broken up (yet again) and scouring the internet desperately looking for quick fix answers to saving and having the perfect relationship with this guy?

 

Sweetie, that's all fine and dandy and I might commend you for being proactive about improving yourself but there is one major flaw in your plan...it's one sided.

 

This article and so many articles like this found filling the pages of trashy women's fashion magazines claiming to have all the answers to every woman's problem, all too often put all the onus on the woman to diagnose, fix and ultimately save their struggling relationships.

 

What is this guy doing about the role he plays/played in your relationship? What is he doing with his time to better himself while on this break?

 

Here's a tip; a happy healthy fulfilling relationship is a TWO WAY STREET. You BOTH have to want it. You BOTH have to work at it. And that includes recognizing and taking ownership for the parts you each play in your relationship, both good and bad.

 

Go ahead and take those Cosmo relationship quizzes and read those relationship tune-up articles but at some point you're going to realize that unless your man (this or another) is on the same page about what it means to be WORKING at your relationship and the WORKING IT, then you might as well be reading Hitchhiker's Guide the Galaxy for how much good it will do in your relationship.

 

Good luck.

[basil67]

The first time he left me over minor issues,

 

Right at the beginning of this, I noticed a huge flaw in your relationship approach. If he left you, then those issues would have been very significant to him. Why would you dismiss his concerns as being minor issues?

[preraph]

Don't know what your issues are that made him leave, but just from what you say about him, he's still a little boy. He's not respectful. He wants what he wants like a narcissist and doesn't really care if you like it or not. I don't know why you trust him. He's already flirting bigtime with other women. Sounds like his life is online like a teenager and he's simply not ready to be a man.

 

What your issues are, again, don't know, but to me, he doesn't sound like enough for any woman who wants to be loved and respected. And really, there's no love if there's no respect.

[Popsicle]

Why don't you both get off FB.

[Blanco]

Is this the same guy from your thread earlier this year?

 

If so, I'm not sure why you're bothering with this guy aside from a fear of being alone.

[dumbass2]

You should look over your past threads you started on this site. You posted this one in "second chances". You notice there is no " third chances" category? There is a reason for that. I get it when things don't work and people want to try again, but again and again? It does seem that you may just not want to be alone. You've left him before, but he knows you come back so that tough stance is all for not. He hasn't changed. This is who he is. It's up to you to finally end this or expect more of the same.

[PrincessWarrior1]

Right at the beginning of this, I noticed a huge flaw in your relationship approach. If he left you, then those issues would have been very significant to him. Why would you dismiss his concerns as being minor issues?

 

I don't know. There wasn't anything major going on. And even his mother says he thinks a lot about himself. I need to let go of the image of the beginning when he was so into me and worshiped me like crazy. Now the spark is gone. I'm better off starting over with someone new and learning from the mistakes.

 

One major one is to NOT let them come over, absolutely not move in. No intimate dates. The real character defects don't surface for months and months. Usually when you're already head over heals and very invested.

[PrincessWarrior1]

Don't know what your issues are that made him leave, but just from what you say about him, he's still a little boy. He's not respectful. He wants what he wants like a narcissist and doesn't really care if you like it or not. I don't know why you trust him. He's already flirting bigtime with other women. Sounds like his life is online like a teenager and he's simply not ready to be a man.

 

What your issues are, again, don't know, but to me, he doesn't sound like enough for any woman who wants to be loved and respected. And really, there's no love if there's no respect.

 

I know, thank you. I need to let go of that perfect guy in the beginning. He is so far from that it's not even funny. It's extremely hurtful and I'm tired of being in severe emotional pain and depressed. The flirting is very hurtful and not only does it take attention away from me, If he loved me and was so into me it wouldn't happen. He doesn't care about me. This is the behavior of someone who wants to use the comfort of the relationship, while grooming their next victim. It's all narcissistic behavior. The guy I met in the beginning was perfect: empathetic, supporting, caring, loving, loyal. I just can't grasp the change and I'm tired of hurting over the behavior changes and bad treatment.

 

Even though I'm struggling with missing him and wanting to try again, the more logical decision seems to be to move on completely and never allow this to happen to me ever again.

[PrincessWarrior1]

Why don't you both get off FB.

 

My sentiments exactly. That would solve a lot of problems! I was thinking if there was a reconciliation after a very long break, that I would lay the law down and make that one major condition.

 

It feels like I had the perfect relationship before all this. Women private messaging my boyfriend. Hookers with their profiles trying to get guys, whatever.

 

He also went through mine after one of our breaks and got very butt hurt over conversations. Although very innocent, they were not meant for his eyes/ears. Wish I had erased them, thus leading to more damage, and the tit for tat saga continues... I'm so tired of it all.

[PrincessWarrior1]

Is this the same guy from your thread earlier this year?

 

If so, I'm not sure why you're bothering with this guy aside from a fear of being alone.

 

Honesty, I have more of a fear of relationships not working out alongside and fear of bad reputation of moving from man to man. I stay as long as I can and try to work it out to avoid starting over and how it looks and feels. I have a history of staying too long in bad relationships.

[PrincessWarrior1]

You should look over your past threads you started on this site. You posted this one in "second chances". You notice there is no " third chances" category? There is a reason for that. I get it when things don't work and people want to try again, but again and again? It does seem that you may just not want to be alone. You've left him before, but he knows you come back so that tough stance is all for not. He hasn't changed. This is who he is. It's up to you to finally end this or expect more of the same.

 

Thank you. Thankfully the emotional pain and depression is lifting and I'm more comfy. I'm finally having thoughts of that it's too far gone and he's crossed lines that should be considered deal breakers. I'm also having hope for someone better in my future. You have to think there is someone even better out there. And then just work on yourself and be happy and content. I think that is the only way. He did save me from a very very bad situation. So I tried to count that I'm in a better place also the tattoo I got of his name. I'd never go back to the bad treatment and abuse. That troll reared his ugly head too, and because of Jeremy I declined. Like, at least learn and stay away from what he saved you from type of a thing...