Sister diagnosed with BPD

[littleblackheart]

It can just become disconcerting as what you read over the internet about a diagnosis, treatment and medications tends to be polarized.. People are either posting extremely negative experiences or their writing about positive ones. There's really no in-between where most people inevitably fall. I would recommend that she is careful when it comes to researching medications as there are far too many horror stories on the web about side-effects and what-not.

 

Ultimately, she will be just fine once everything is in place. The biggest key with any mental illness is recognizing what is going on and being proactive with responses to it, versus reactive.

 

I too think she'll be fine eventually, when she gets her head around it. This diagnosis won't change the gorgeous person she is, we'll make sure of that.

 

She's already proactive and she seems to be in good hands at present, but I also think it's important for us to be aware of her illness so we're better equipped to help her as a family unit as dispassionately as possible; honestly, reading about BPD on LS is a lot more overwhelming than dealing with it in real life!

 

As for the meds, I'm not keen on her taking any 'brain meds' now that I read up on it myself, but that's her choice. Medical follow-up in France is high quality, which is reassuring, but she knows herself well and she's not alone so I'm not sure it's the right path for her. We'll see.

[knabe]

Littleblackheart, I wish everyone was as kindhearted as you. It's people like you who help reduce the stigma and bias.

[littleblackheart]

Littleblackheart, I wish everyone was as kindhearted as you. It's people like you who help reduce the stigma and bias.

 

That's such a lovely thing to say, thank you:love:

[whichwayisup]

Hello

 

My sister got recently diagnosed with BPD. She is distraught over the diagnosis but also wants to be able to regulate her moods because she is fully aware of how she is acting. She is medicated (I'm not sure what she's on though) and does all she can but I wanted to know what we could do as a family to help her out.

 

We're the supportive sort of family so I don't need to be told of negative experiences or those who gave up on their loved ones because they are BPD.

 

I'm just looking for tips on how to make it easier on her now she is on this path to trying to sort herself out.

 

Thanks!

 

Make sure she feels loved and supported. That her being BP doesn't define her as a person! Be there to help (groceries, cooking meals, going with her to appointments/therapist) and I'm sure doing that will mean a lot to her.

 

Go walking together, or do yoga with her too. Any physical exercise will only benefit her and make her feel in control too.

[littleblackheart]

One year post-diagnosis, I just thought I'd give an update for those who kindly offered support, and for those whose family members or themselves are affected by BPD.

 

Despite the initial concerns, my sister has been dealing with her diagnosis like a pro. She went into a crazy stage for a few months of reading and digesting every last bit of info she could find, and this has made her feel a lot more in control, it seems.

 

She has made huge strides into understanding her triggers and is trying her very hardest to keep her emotions in check. She tried and stopped medication (it didn't work for her) but we've seen a huge improvement in the way she deals with tricky situations, and that's mainly from educating herself on her condition and from finding an A* counsellor.

 

The takeaway from this for us as a family has been to not prejudge what the condition is, or to write off the people who have it; it affects people differently, they don't all turn into evil egotists at the drop of a hat. With the right support and lots of positive enforcement, it can be well managed.

[alphamale]

I was diagnosed with bipolar in 1989. PM me with any questions

[Downtown]

LBH, thanks so much for returning to give us all a one-year update on your sister is doing. I'm glad to hear she is doing so well. Incidentally, the reason that medication has not made a dent in her BPD traits is that is a thought disorder that cannot be treated with meds. Doctors prescribe meds to BPD patients only because the vast majority of them have 2 or 3 co-occurring clinical disorders (e.g., PTSD, anxiety, depression, bipolar, or ADHD) that can be treated with medication.

 

If your sister does not have access to a DBT treatment program locally, she may be interested in downloading information from DBT Self Help so as to familiarize herself with Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. Psychologists often recommend such a program to BPD patients to teach them the emotional skills they had no opportunity to learn in childhood.

 

The BPD patient typically needs to learn, for example, how to do self soothing, how to regulate all of her emotions, how to avoid black-white thinking by tolerating strong mixed feelings, how to trust, how to intellectually challenge intense feelings instead of accepting them as self-evident "facts," and how to stay aware of the present instead of escaping through daydreams into the past and future. Absent those skills, she must continue to rely on the primitive ego defenses used by young children: projection, denial, temper tantrums, magical thinking, and black-white thinking.

[Otter2569]

Read the book 'Stop walking on eggshells'

 

Expect surprises.

 

I call it the 'sky is blue' disease, meaning something seemingly innocuous and pleasant can bring on a rage in a BPD'er.

 

Read up on engulfment and abandonment.

 

Your patience and sanity will be tested.

 

If your sister can maintain even short-term friendships with people, there's hope. Usually people, if given a choice, avoid sufferers if/when the rages appear. That's been my experience.

 

My historical saying has been 'which one will I get today?' and that changes from minute to minute.

 

AFAIK, unless there's a co-morbid organic brain chemistry issue involved, BPD isn't really treatable with meds. It's a personality disorder. One of those deals where the big cognitive brain has to consciously manage the disorder through desire to and with intensive psychological therapy.

 

Good luck!

 

I think I dated your sister! Do read the Eggshell book. I went to a relationship counselor in order to understand GF and they recommended this book. Best of luck!!!

[anduina]

BPD can be treated with CBT or DBT, sometimes in concert with meds that can alleviate symptoms. Mood stabilizers are commonly prescribed, to offset rapid cycling of emotions.

 

Since others have provided a lot of good advice, don't forget about yourself. Know your limits and don't be afraid to reach out for help when you need it. Help can be in the form of support groups or mental health professionals.

[littleblackheart]

Thanks all for your kind words and advice!

 

Alphamale - thank you for the offer. You no doubt have a wealth of experience. She has borderline - I'm not sure how similar it is to bipolar?

 

Downtown - you're totally right, the main thing she's been working on in regulating her extreme feelings and taming how she expresses them. The difference in her is really striking, especially in a relatively short amount of time.

 

Otter2569 - I read the book! It was very helpful.

 

anduina - thank you! Somehow, we coped with having each other and staying very close no matter what, but in truth it probably would have been helpful to have had some sort of support group when we were younger.

 

About the meds, the ones she was on seemed to have made her more anxious after a while and she didn't want to experiment with others. She does have a remarkably knowledgeable therapist, though. As well as her own determination to get better, he has been absolutely instrumental in guiding her through it, we can't praise him enough as a family.

 

The core thing for her has been to not fight the diagnosis and accept herself as she is, and also be patient; it's constant work for her, even one year on.