Madley In Love With A Guy That Dosn't Notice Me!

[reneetomasso]

I'M IN LOVE WITH THIS GUY, IN EVERY WAY I THINK WE ARE A MATCH MADE FROM HEAVEN, BUT ONLY IF HE JUST GAVE ME A CHANCE!

 

4 YEARS AGO I MET THIS GUY AT MY FRIENDS BACHLORETTE WEEKEND AT THE RIVER. HE WAS ONE OF THE GUYS THAT WERE CHOSEN TO DRIVE THE HOUSE BOAT! I WAS JUST GETTING OUT OF A BAD 10 YEAR RELATIONSHIP, SO I REALLY NEEDED THIS TRIP FOR MANY REASONS! WHEN I FIRST SAW HIM, THERE WAS JUST SOMETHING ABOUT HIM! ON THE TRIP WE TALKED, DANCED, AND EVEN SLEPT ON TOP OF THE HOUSE BOAT TOGETHER, WITH THE STARS SPARKLING ABOVE US! WE DIDN'T DO NOTHING, BUT JUST SLEPT!

 

THE WEEKEND WAS OVER, HE DIDN'T ASK ME FOR MY NUMBER OR ANYTHING! I KNEW IN TWO WEEKS I WOULD SEE HIM AT MY FRIENDS WEDDING AGAIN, THEN I WOULD SEE IF HE WAS INTERESTED OR NOT! WELL, HE SHOWED MUCH INTEREST, WE DANCED ALL NIGHT AND HUNG OUT TOGETHER, AND KISSED! WE STAYED THE NIGHT AT MY FRIENDS HOUSE. THE NEXT MORNING HE DROPPED ME OFF, AND DIDN'T ASK ME FOR MY NUMBER, BUT GAVE ME HIS BUSINESS CARD. I SAID, YOU DON'T WANT MY #,? HE SAID, OH YAH RIGHT, WHAT IS IT? I GAVE IT TO HIM, SAID BYE AND THAT WAS IT!!

 

I WAITED, WAITED, FOR HIM TO CALL, BUT NEVER DID! I WAS HEART BROKEN! I FINALLY CALLED HIM, HE WAS BEING COOL, WE TALKED FOR A WHILE, THEN IT CAME UP WHERE HE WAS DATING SOME GIRL. WE HUNG UP THE PHONE, AND I THREW HIS # AWAY! I FIGURED, IF HE WAS EVER INTERESTED HE COULD CALL ME! OR IF WE WERE MEANT WE WILL FIND EACH OTHER AGAIN! WELL, 2 1/2 YEARS PASSED BY, NOT HEARING OR SEEING HIM! ME STILL HOPING AND WAITING FOR THE DAY HE WOULD CALL ME OR I WOULD RUN INTO HIM!

 

WELL FINALLY THE DAY I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR CAME! I WAS AT A CLUB WITH MY FRIENDS AND THERE HE WAS! WE STARTED TALKING, HE BOUGHT ME A DRINK, WE WERE LAUGHING CATCHING UP WITH LIFE! HE SAID ABOUT A MONTH AGO HE WENT TO ONE OF OUR FRIENDS CHRISTMAS PARTIES HOPING I WAS GOING TO BE THERE, AND ME NOT KNOWING HE WAS GOING TO BE THERE! WELL, UNFORTINATELY, I WAS SUPPOSE TO GO, BUT A COUPLE OF MY GIRLFRIENDS DECIDED NOT TO GO, SO I ENDED UP NOT GOING. WE DANCED, KISSED, LAUGHED, AND I ENDED UP GOING HOME WITH HIM AND STAYING THE NIGHT AT HIS PLACE!

 

THE NEXT MORNING I HAD TO WAKE UP EARLY AND BE SOMEWHERE! I WAS IN A DREAM WORLD ALL DAY! I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT! WELL. HE CALLED ME A FEW DAYS LATER, WE HUNG OUT COUPLE OF TIMES, TALKED HERE AND THERE, HE CAME TO MY BIRTHDAY PARTY! WE NEVER TALKED ABOUT HOW WE FELT TOWARDS EACHOTHER, IT WAS MORE OF FRIENDLY TALK, AND HANGING OUT! EVEN THOUGH I AM MADLY IN LOVE WITH HIM! WELL, HE STOPPED CALLING AND SHOWING INTEREST! AGAIN I WAS HURT!

 

TWO MONTHS WENT BY NOT HEARING FROM HIM, JUST WAITING AND HOPING HE WOULD CALL! WELL. ONE DAY I TEXT HIM WITH A HI, AND SEEING IF HE WANTED TO GO TO S CLUB THAT NIGHT BECAUSE IT WAS MY FRIENDS BIRTHDAY. WAITING FOR HIS TEXT HOPING FOR A YES. FINALLY I GOT THE TEXT AND HE REPLIED WITH A YES! I WAS SO HAPPY! AGAIN WE HAD A GREAT NIGHT DANCING, AND TALKING! HE TOLD ME I MADE HIS DAY WITH MY TEXT, AND HE WAS SO GLAD HE WAS THERE WITH ME, HUGGING ME, KISSING ME, SHOWING ME HE REALLY LIKED ME! THE END OF THE NIGHT WE GO BACK TO HIS PLACE, AND I STAYED THE NIGHT! THE NEXT MORNING I WENT HOME THINKING MY DREAM HAD FINALLY CAME TRUE!

 

WELL, AGAIN, NO CALL! SEVERAL DAYS PASSED BY, NOW I'M NOT ONLY HURT I'M CONFUSED WITH NO ANSWERS! I CALL HIM BUT I'M SPEECHLESS! WE JUST TALK LIKE FRIENDS! SO, I GUESS THATS WHAT WE ARE JUST FRIENDS! I JUST KNOW IF HE GAVE ME A CHANCE THINGS WOULD BE DIFFERENT! BUT WE HANG OUT HE SHOWS ME HIGH INTERTEST, THEN DOSN'T CALL! I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO, AND I STILL WAIT!

[shesays]

Hi Renee,

 

I'm not a mindreader, so I don't know for sure, but from an outsider's standpoint, this situation doesn't seem so confusing as you find it.

 

It sounds like:

 

1) He's a flirt. Even the times he didn't want your number, and didn't want to call you, he acted interested. Some men try out their game on everyone just to see if it will work, whether or not they're truly interested in the girl.

 

2) Once you sleep with a guy, unless you act like you regret it, they're going to think you'll sleep with them again. So you invite him to a club, he says yes, thinking he'll get a shag, and he does. But then he doesn't call you. showing you he is definitely not interested in a relationship with you. Someone might wait a few days, even a week to call someone they liked so as to not seem desperate, but no one who's interested waits two months AFTER they've already shagged!

 

So it looks to me like he's maybe interested in having you as a friend, and maybe occasionally getting a shag. Nothing more.

 

I'm not even sure what you mean by him "giving you a chance". You've talked as friends enough for him to know your personality, he's fully aware of your physical compatibility; so in a sense, he HAS given you a chance. He knows all that he would need to know to want a relationship with you, and clearly he doesn't.

 

Don't waste another 4 years on him! Be friends with him if you want, shag him if you want, but look for someone else to be your boyfriend, because it's not going to happen with him.

[winnie_05]

Hi,

 

You only texted him the once, and it seems to me like you were waiting for him to ring or text you, maybe he's waiting for you to call him but because you never do thats why you don't speak for long periods of time, maybe he's playing hard to get.

 

Why don't you text or ring him and ask him out for dinner? Probably best if you don't invite him to a club as he'll probably know what might happen next.

 

Theres is only one way to find out if he wants a relationship and thats to ask him or tell him how you feel.

 

If he doesn't then shesays is probably right.

 

Winnie

[loony]

You may have been out of the dating game for too long (10 years is a long time) and maybe you have forgotten how people are... Sheays is right, there isn't much confusing about this guy and you're wasting your time. I think the first time when you meet someone at a party things are still quite easy and the situation can be broken down two main cases:

 

1. You and the guy are having a really good time together, you laugh a lot. At the end he will ask for your phone number because he's interested. Sometimes a guy does not ask but when you're offering his phone number he will be pleased, in that case he didn't ask because he's a tad shy.

 

2. You and the guy are having a really good time together, you laugh a lot. But at the end he does not ask you for a phone number, he also doesn't seem to be shy -- you can bet he's involved with someone or he's not interested in you somehow.

 

I keep it simple, because I think in 99 % of the cases it's like this. In the beginning things are never really complicated, they become complicated when people develop emotions, when something in the relationship triggers their fears, when they overreact, when resentments build up and communication breaks down. Here I can't find any of these excuses, you're definitely wasting your time with this guy.

 

And talking about wanting a chance, I remember someone complaining to me that I never gave him a chance, that I never wanted to meet him for a date. Well, fact is, he always had the chance to prove to me that he was the kind of person I should be dating. If he thought that an official date was necessary to prove to me that he was dateworthy he was mistaken, we had a lot of interaction inbetween through emails and phone calls and he has never managed to convince me to meet him (he lived a bit farther away from me, but I knew him in real life, no online dating thing).

 

I remember saying the same thing to someone else and I've come to realize that I was in the same situation as my friend. I wanted a relationship with him so badly and I wanted him to give me a chance again to prove that things had changed, but it just doesn't work like this, not always. Sometimes the only chance you have is to be yourself all the time and to make the other person realize on their own that they want to be with you. In your case though, I'd call it quits now, that guy doesn't seem to be worth it. Cut your losses.

 

Also, please don't write in caps, that's supposed to equal SHOUTING on the internet.

[morrigan]

Originally posted by shesays

You've talked as friends enough for him to know your personality, he's fully aware of your physical compatibility; so in a sense, he HAS given you a chance. He knows all that he would need to know to want a relationship with you, and clearly he doesn't.

 

Don't waste another 4 years on him! Be friends with him if you want, shag him if you want, but look for someone else to be your boyfriend, because it's not going to happen with him.

 

I agree with everyone's posts. You could be honest with this guy about wanting a relationship with him, and he probably would hedge and say something about wanting to be friends. If you feel you have to persuade someone to date you, they are not the person for you.

 

If you are totally fine with friends with benefits with this guy, knowing it's not going to ever lead to a relationship, go ahead. If you truly want a relationship with this guy, I'd stop hanging out with him. It will be a lot easier to see what's going on when you don't see him all the time and aren't continuously daydreaming about him.

[EnigmaXOXO]

If he's an attractive guy, then he's use to getting booty. LOTS of booty. If you want to set yourself above the rest and maintain his interests, you have to have a little extra something going in your game.

 

I know it sounds old-fashioned, but I'm telling you…you gave up too much too soon without requiring anything except an occasional phone call in return. There's no thrill of the chase because you gave him nothing to work for or look forward to. You made it way too easy. Probably just like a lot of the other girls he's use to hooking up with.

 

I don't know how you go about recovering from here, except perhaps to switch up your game plan. The next time you bump into him…don't let it end with: "Went back to his house, spent the night, and he hasn't called since." Instead, work on nurturing the friendship and sparking his interests first. You'll know if he's really into you if he makes the effort to call you and hang out without it having to end with sex. If removing sex from your next reunion means he never calls again…than you'll know deal.

 

Or…as someone else mentioned…you've got yourself an FWB. You could just enjoy the occasional booty call if you can somehow keep your feelings from getting all caught up in the mix. I've seldom seen these kinds of relationships develop into anything more, though. Especially if another new, exciting and not-yet-conquered lady should happen along who knows how play her cards better.

 

Sexy, attractive, self-proclaimed 'bachelors forever' have been known to change their minds and settle down for the right lady…but they can certainly present one hellava challenge!

 

Good Luck and I hope you eventually get your guy!

[Neptune]

He`s just not that into you