somanymistakes Posted July 27, 2017 Share Posted July 27, 2017 Weight is not hard to keep off if you don't revert to your previous lifestyle that led to the weight gain in the first place. Studies show that almost everyone regains, unfortunately. Partly because a lot of people lose weight by doing things that are inherently unsustainable. You can't keep up a crash diet all the time, you would die. So they go back to eating normally and the weight comes back. It's part of why I think health/exercise targets are better than weight targets, if you push yourself to a new health goal of biking X miles a week or whatever, you will probably lose SOME weight whether you hit a particular target or not, and you'll definitely be healthier, and it will be obvious that you have to keep it up. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted July 27, 2017 Share Posted July 27, 2017 Hi, There is this guy that I have been in love with for a long time and he was married until 2 weeks ago. We are good friends and have been really close. I know from 2 people that he likes my personality. He has kissed me and touched me sexually. I know from his remarks (not to me..he never offended me that way) that he likes slim girls. I am like 20 kgs overweight. He now doesn't want a relationship...doesn't want any woman telling him what to do. My friends say to me that it is obvious that after being in a relationship for 20 years he isn't looking to settle down. He has been with her since he was 20 years old so probably doesn't have a lot of experience with woman and I must understand that he needs to experience single life. They say that this is my time to take care of myself and lose the weight I want (i hate the way i look). They think that once he is ready to settle down and sees how good I look and lost weight and have confidence with myself I can have a relationship with him. Could weight be a factor when considering a serious relationship with someone (not someone that you meet at a bar)? Thanks The bolded seems to suggest that you and him are not on the same page on this, and it doesn't seem to be related to your weight. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted July 27, 2017 Share Posted July 27, 2017 Studies show that almost everyone regains, unfortunately. Partly because a lot of people lose weight by doing things that are inherently unsustainable. You can't keep up a crash diet all the time, you would die. So they go back to eating normally and the weight comes back. It's part of why I think health/exercise targets are better than weight targets, if you push yourself to a new health goal of biking X miles a week or whatever, you will probably lose SOME weight whether you hit a particular target or not, and you'll definitely be healthier, and it will be obvious that you have to keep it up. Which is exactly why people should follow consistent, sustainable lifestyle changes when they try to lose weight. People box themselves in and set up themselves for failure when they equate weight loss with some extreme, unsustainable "diet." It's totally possible to fit in some "junk" type food nearly every day while still dropping weight in a healthy way. Most people don't track their food intake, so they have no real idea what they're consuming, how many calories they take in, or what the macro nutrient breakdown of those calories are. Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted July 29, 2017 Share Posted July 29, 2017 Sheesh. This sounds quite awful to me. Another example of opposite sex "friendships" at their finest. Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted July 29, 2017 Share Posted July 29, 2017 Remember loose the weight for you because if you don't when their is a break-up or rejection you'll gain that weight back on because you didn't do it for you! Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 30, 2017 Share Posted July 30, 2017 Weight is not hard to keep off if you don't revert to your previous lifestyle that led to the weight gain in the first place. I respectfully disagree. That's just not true. I have lost lots of weight many times and there comes a point when the same amount of starvation and with even increased exercise, I will begin to regain weight. Maybe it's different for men. I don't know. After some months, I can gain weight back at 1200 calories and excercising every day. To continue to lose weight, I'd have to quit both jobs and just do aerobic exercise all day. I more or less did that once and took a job where I had to do a lot of walking and running and I still gained it slowly back. There's a whole lot of self-righteous blame being put on overweight people. If it isn't your body, you don't know what it will or won't do. My body stops gaining weight at a certain high number because that's my body. Anything less, it conserves energy and tries to retain weight or put it back on. And also no one seems to consider that as people get older they are often unable to continue doing a lot of exercise actvities, like after a point, I couldn't walk well because of foot and nerve in my leg problems, and now it's a torn miniscus and arthritis. I just did 7 months of physical therapy (low impact) to strengthen my knee, but I still can't walk without pain and it gets worse the more I walk so completing a grocery store run isn't even possible. Keeping weight off is easy for most young people because they're still growing and people who genetically have bodies that don't want to put weight on, even after they get old, the lucky few. Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted July 30, 2017 Share Posted July 30, 2017 LoveShack.org has a Physical Fitness, Health & Weight Management forum for discussing the particulars of weight management and we encourage members to do so. Here we apparently have a member who is concerned about a particular person whom they like finding them attractive and ask about their weight as a factor in that. Let's remain focused on their relationship issue. Thanks! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pepsimax Posted August 23, 2017 Author Share Posted August 23, 2017 Hi, Have a good guy friend that I have known for 5 years and I am in love with. He got divorced a month ago. We have kissed since and had sexual intimacy. We aren't dating. He moved to a new place and the first time he invited me over so things got heated.. kissed and intimacy. Today, I went over for about 3 hours. During that time he was trying to fix something on his new TV and didn't try to touch me whatsoever. I am actually hurt. Guys have you ever acted like that? Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 Hi, Have a good guy friend that I have known for 5 years and I am in love with. He got divorced a month ago. We have kissed since and had sexual intimacy. We aren't dating. He moved to a new place and the first time he invited me over so things got heated.. kissed and intimacy. Today, I went over for about 3 hours. During that time he was trying to fix something on his new TV and didn't try to touch me whatsoever. I am actually hurt. Guys have you ever acted like that? Thanks Yes, I have.... Not being critical of anyone, but I see this frequently....The feeling from some women that no matter what the external conditions, her needs for intimacy are top priority...Whatever external factors on the guys mind are irrelevant and must be dropped in favor of meeting her needs.. Obviously something was bugging him and he wanted to resolve it...I mean, OK, maybe he should have dealt with the TV problem at another time, but he wanted to do it then...I get that way as well, when I have something I want to deal with,, Point is, other than the TV, maybe there was other shyt on his mind compounding it..He got divorced only a month ago...Sheesh, I can only imagine the pile of crap he is dealing with right now... Give him a break.. TFY 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 Pepsi, when the football (soccer) is on, I could dance naked in front of the TV and he's tell me to move aside. Totally normal. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 Have a good guy friend that I have known for 5 years and I am in love with. He got divorced a month ago. We have kissed since and had sexual intimacy. We aren't dating. He moved to a new place and the first time he invited me over so things got heated.. kissed and intimacy. Today, I went over for about 3 hours. During that time he was trying to fix something on his new TV and didn't try to touch me whatsoever. I am actually hurt. Guys have you ever acted like that? Oh boy. This man is fresh out of a divorce. You may think you are in love. from his perspective you are a rebound, a warm body available for sex. When he's in the mood & you are there he's happy to oblige as no effort is required on his part. In this instance his priority was setting up his new TV. Even if he did love you, his priority would still have been the TV in this instance. Men are not robots; they don't always have sex on the brain nor do they always crave sex above all else all the time. I see more pain in your future because I don't see you two being on the same page. Giving him sex will not make him love you. He may value you less because he never had to work for it. Be very careful here. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pepsimax Posted August 23, 2017 Author Share Posted August 23, 2017 Oh boy. This man is fresh out of a divorce. You may think you are in love. from his perspective you are a rebound, a warm body available for sex. When he's in the mood & you are there he's happy to oblige as no effort is required on his part. In this instance his priority was setting up his new TV. Even if he did love you, his priority would still have been the TV in this instance. Men are not robots; they don't always have sex on the brain nor do they always crave sex above all else all the time. I see more pain in your future because I don't see you two being on the same page. Giving him sex will not make him love you. He may value you less because he never had to work for it. Be very careful here. I know he really likes me as a person. I just thought that men always have sex on their minds (sorry guys). If he only wanted to see me to have some kind of sexual interaction I would have been hurt. But, he calls me also to meet up for lunch or whatever. I guess he isn't using me for sex. Women are strange..never happy Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 I know he really likes me as a person. I just thought that men always have sex on their minds (sorry guys). If he only wanted to see me to have some kind of sexual interaction I would have been hurt. But, he calls me also to meet up for lunch or whatever. I guess he isn't using me for sex. Women are strange..never happy Well he does have to eat and I'm sure you are a lovely lunch partner. The point is the man just divorced and it's doubtful he is ready for love at this point. He does need sex and companionship. Most people who have just divorced (myself included) want to date around and see different people before they EVEN think about falling in love and settling down again. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 How long was he married? Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 How long was he married? 20 years. ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 I have now read your other thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/631014-could-someone-want-you-after-losing-weight You are obsessed with a man who is barely a month out of a 20 year marriage which was the only relationship he knew as an adult. You are headed for heartbreak at 90 m.p.h. This man does not love you. He is not going to grow to love you. He's perfectly happy to spend time with you because he's not a bad guy. He does not want a relationship. This has disaster for you written all over it . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 20 years. ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, Ohhhhh........ OP, this man isn't ready for a relationship with you or anyone else. You should adjust your expectations. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 (edited) Hi, Have a good guy friend that I have known for 5 years and I am in love with. He got divorced a month ago. We have kissed since and had sexual intimacy. We aren't dating. He moved to a new place and the first time he invited me over so things got heated.. kissed and intimacy. Today, I went over for about 3 hours. During that time he was trying to fix something on his new TV and didn't try to touch me whatsoever. I am actually hurt. Guys have you ever acted like that? Thanks The flip side of this scenario would be "wow, every time I go over to my bf's/guys house, all we do is have sex. Does this guy only want me for sex?" Not all guys are sex crazy and even if they are, there are other things they want to do or focus on sometimes. I am actually hurt. -- So if a guy doesn't want to have sex with you when you show up one time, your self-esteem suffers? That's a problem. Besides all that, they guy is fresh out of a divorce. If you are looking for a boyfriend, you should move on even if this guy starts acting like he wants a girlfriend. 20 years is a long time to be married. Being single after that period of time puts a person in a completely "new world" and frame of mind and it's a roller-coaster. You don't want to be on that ride. Edited August 23, 2017 by Redhead14 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 OP, you might also want to consider that perhaps this guy is looking for a girlfriend and wants to get to know the girl on a more emotional level and doesn't really want a woman who serves it up on a silver platter. He may like a little bit of a chase . . . Guys worry about women only wanting sex too sometimes. If that is all you really want, that's OK, but don't put pressure on this. Maybe have a conversation about what he's looking for right now and tell him what you're looking for out of your "dating" journey. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 Unrequited love for 5 years, sees an "opportunity" when the object of desire gets a divorce but he is in a far different place. He hasn't loved you for 5 years, he has just got out a marriage and feels he is now free, he says doesn't want a woman telling him what to do any more. He is very unlikely to want to get into something serious yet and as you love him, you are going to get very hurt. He may be one of those guys who goes wild after divorce with women or he may not be able to have sex with anyone who is not his wife for years, who knows? But you can't keep waiting for him, because as you say he has known about your feelings for him but he hasn't really taken you up on it apart from a kiss and a fumble so I feel you will be waiting in vain. He chose to fix the TV, rather than spend the afternoon in bed with you, so that must tell you something. Maybe he is a once or twice a year man like some married guys are so you may wait a long time for the next fumble... I know he is 38, how old are you? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 Moderation merged three threads on a similar topic to provide historical context and to consolidate discussion on that topic into one discussion. There may be some duplication of content. Thanks for the responses and please continue! Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 First comes respect. This guy is not going to respect you if you throw yourself at him. Also, he is just out of a marriage and will want to date around to see what is out there. He may eventually realise that you and he get along great and that he is falling for you but at the moment there is no sign of that. The best thing you can do now is to focus on doing the things you want to do in life (apart from being with him) and to make yourself scarce. People do not value what they can get easily. They value what they have to make an effort for. Even if you do drop off the radar for a while so he has to seek you out, he is still in that post-divorce state and it is not in your best interest to become his first rebound. The minute you feel that he is not noticing you or being disrespectful in any way (which it seems you do feel), that is the time to pull back and find other things to occupy your time. You might meet someone else that way. At the very least, you won't be hanging around moping and hoping he will have a change of heart. I really feel there is nothing to be gained with him at the moment or for the next year or two. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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