pregnant

[MidnightBlue1980]

Sorry, I mixed you up with another poster where she is pregnant and the mm is far away.

 

In any event though, I'd still lean on my family and just wait and see what the mm does.

[pheonixrisen]

wow... it has been 5 days since i posted and **** has hit the fan in every single way possible.

 

I did not have a chance to come back here to read all the replies after I first posted.. but i very much appreciate every single one of you who took time to reply, be it the "hard truth" or the really nice and understanding well wishes.

 

so.

 

both of us exposed to our respective spouses over the weekend. my world has overturned overnight.

 

when writing my first post i was emotionally shaken.. at the uncertainty of our future. trust me all the doubts pointed out here, i went through it 10x in my head. previously i read all the other threads.. where MMs backtracked and lied and basically throw the ow in front of the bus. and i never forgot that this could very well happen to me too.

 

last thursday we went for my obgyn visit again, there is some problems with my blood test..my health requires close monitoring and medication throughout the pregnancy(about this point mentioned by some, MM or not, there is no way i will not keep the baby. I am financially capable of raising a child..).

 

after coming out from obgyn with news that its too early to see how im responding to meds...that it could possibly need further intervention in future. i was very worried if the pregnancy could be affected. MM first's response was telling me that at the moment first priority is me, and it might sound heartless but the unborn child definitely comes second place at the moment if its at the expense of my health. and his main concern now is to make sure that i am well.

 

i started crying.. frankly i was trying to hold it back for the longest time. This whole situation was making me very sad, humiliated... and helpless. I couldnt stop feeling like I was a huge sinner walking into a disaster.

so i told him that.. that we should not drag this any longer. to my surprise, he agreed. that there's no point waiting for first trimester if we were gonna leave sooner or later anyway. we discussed the how to do it. and decided to do it alone separately. He started tearing a bit when he mentioned his child. i truly do know how sad it is, i am not a mother yet, but i cant even imagine this. my heart was so weak just thinking of the backlash.. im a coward i know. we decided to do it over the weekend.

 

long story cut short. On saturday, I told my husband that there is someone else and we need to end our marriage. i am in the wrong and i shouldnt lie to him anymore. he took it hard, obviously. i was freaking out because it was so hard to confess. we dont live together so it was easier afterwards in a sense, I went home after telling him- basically he was very very shocked, my heart broke. i cried and cried. he's not a bad guy. i am. and he deserves someone who truly loves him. but anyway. i did it. i DID NOT tell him I am pregnant. it is impossible that baby is his, because we havent had sex in a long time. I think it would have been a huge blow if he know right now.

 

as for MM.. he told the wife on sunday. they were separated once before, so the legal process was not unfamilliar for them. she asked if there is someone else and he said yes. maybe he downplayed everything to me. but the gist is we both told. and things are definitely proceeding- at least definitely on my side. I got an attorney too- just to do the annulment process. (its complicated, but i can get an annulment because we were married for relatively short time, not living together.. and marriage not consumated etc etc.. my attorney is sorting it out for me).

 

mm has another property, an apartment that he owns. and he is making plans to move there as the current tenants lease is expiring soon. he needs to tell his child and it is killing him, but i leave that to him.

 

i told my family (mom, dad and sibling).. and i was so damn scared of the disappointment. reactions wasnt approving but it wasnt discouraging. they were concerned about how others are gonna see me.. mom was crying.. i was crying. and about my health.. and mixed feelings about the pregnancy. all i know is that no matter what they are by my side. (i stay with my family instead of husband throughout our short marriage.. )

 

Im still in a mess, but amidst all, i feel much better that things are processing. i dont know whats the "right thing" to do at this moment. but i hope maybe years down the road we can safely say we tried our best.

 

still freaking out. and having bad morning sickness nausea all day long.

 

thanks all again for the kind responses.....

 

Telling your h was the right thing to do ...break up are hard but eventually people get over it .

 

Focus on you /Your health /and baby and have a happy and healthy 9 months .

 

Please do update us the mm has followed through on his side with the divorce .

[BaileyB]

Just wanted to wish you good health. Take care of yourself and your baby.

[gonnabeflamed]

Hi all, and to some who replied previously, thanks very much for the advice and for going easy on me.

 

Im still pregnant, and due in 3 more months (baby girl! scans were perfect and after initial misgivings, I now honestly cannot imagine not wanting my soon to be born child, despite all the drama and how we started. i think maternal instincts has officially kicked in full on mode.)

 

Anyway, MM went ahead with a speeded up divorce procedure (basically accepting all terms laid out by soon to be xw), their best interests is in their child. From where we are from, under the law- there is a 3 years separation needed for divorce to proceed, but both parties lawyers agreed to signing off that separation started more than 3 years ago (fact that they were sleeping different rooms for years, and communicating only with regards to needs of child). so the divorce should be finalized within this couple months as the final papers has been signed off by both parties and only pending a procedural approval and judgement by judge.

 

My annulment was done in 3 months. I didnt expect it to go so smoothly, honestly. but I had a lawyer friend who works at a big firm and got her family law boss to see me and after a thorough outline, annulment filed based on marriage unconsummated. Had a hard time with xh and I truly felt like ****, furthermore I was showing and had to tell him I was pregnant. I wish I can apologise to him a thousand times, but I never felt more "right" than I ever did in my life, when the annulment was finalised. At that time MM's divorce was in process and i was frankly prepared to be a single mom if he did not follow through like so many of you have 'warned' me about.

 

but he did. and i won't say we are gleeful or glad, under such circumstance. but with a child on the way and communication between us still always being so open, honest and unconditional, I can't help but be hopeful. He did what he should and could and I wish we can make it all up to the people we hurt but still have a shot at happiness ourselves too. Despite all the stress we both went through, I have never felt more loved and supported the past months. every little thing was discussed and done with me as priority, and he took steps to ensure I have family support and help for when the baby is born.

 

with all this out of the way I am largely focused on preparing being a first time mum and honestly im so nervous and scared about how the future will be like, but i really hope i can bring my child up the best I can.

 

thanks everyone once again..

[road]

 

Anyway, MM went ahead with a speeded up divorce procedure (basically accepting all terms laid out by soon to be xw), their best interests is in their child. From where we are from, under the law- there is a 3 years separation needed for divorce to proceed, but both parties lawyers agreed to signing off that separation started more than 3 years ago (fact that they were sleeping different rooms for years, and communicating only with regards to needs of child). so the divorce should be finalized within this couple months as the final papers has been signed off by both parties and only pending a procedural approval and judgement by judge.

 

 

So dad divorcing and breaking up his first child's family is

acting in the best interest of his child.

 

The way a dad treats his first child is an indication of how

he is going to treat his second child.

[Scoutjr]

Not much to say except that I hope it works out for you.

 

Not sure I would ever trust a married man who professed his love to me three days in... No, actually - I KNOW, I would never trust a married man who I met online and professed his love so quickly. But, I do hope that you find some happiness.

 

I have to agree with Bailey B here. That's awfully fast for I love you. Take it from me, I have experienced it. Good luck to you.

[Steen719]

i found out i am pregnant. about 6 weeks along only. it can only be his as i haven't had sex with my H for more than half a year.

 

Isn't this consummation?

[LivingWaterPlease]

Isn't this consummation?

 

Huh? Consummation is when you do, she says she hasn't for six months. Trying to figure out what you mean by your post. I must be missing something?

[d0nnivain]

Best wishes for a healthy delivery

[sandylee1]

Isn't this consummation?

 

Good point. She doesn't say I've NEVER had sex with my husband.

 

Hmmmm. Strange.

[Steen719]

Huh? Consummation is when you do, she says she hasn't for six months. Trying to figure out what you mean by your post. I must be missing something?

 

What I mean is that she wants an annulment based on the fact that she has not consummated her marriage. It looked to me like she had, but it had been 6 months ago. She couldn't be pregnant by HIM because they hadn't had sex in 1/2 year, so it had to be the OM. I don't think there is a time limit on it if you have had sexual intercourse with your H in the past.

 

But, IDK, I'm not a lawyer or a cleric.

[LivingWaterPlease]

What I mean is that she wants an annulment based on the fact that she has not consummated her marriage. It looked to me like she had, but it had been 6 months ago. She couldn't be pregnant by HIM because they hadn't had sex in 1/2 year, so it had to be the OM. I don't think there is a time limit on it if you have had sexual intercourse with your H in the past.

 

But, IDK, I'm not a lawyer or a cleric.

 

Thanks for taking the time to explain, Steen! Makes sense! I hadn't read the thread very well and missed some things.

[Poppy47]

Good point. She doesn't say I've NEVER had sex with my husband.

 

Hmmmm. Strange.

Consummation of marriage means you have had sex with your husband at least once.

 

Nonconsummation means you NEVER EVER did.

 

Wonder what she means???

Poppy.

[healing light]

Probably what she means is that they haven't had sex in half a year, but she mentioned her marriage to her husband was short enough to qualify for an annulment. So my guess is that their marriage was less than six months along, that they had last slept together when they were engaged and not married. Hence, not consummated.

[amaysngrace]

Probably what she means is that they haven't had sex in half a year, but she mentioned her marriage to her husband was short enough to qualify for an annulment. So my guess is that their marriage was less than six months along, that they had last slept together when they were engaged and not married. Hence, not consummated.

 

Oh, so she got married when she was pregnant and having sex with MM and that's why she never slept with her husband maybe.

[gonnabeflamed]

So dad divorcing and breaking up his first child's family is

acting in the best interest of his child.

 

The way a dad treats his first child is an indication of how

he is going to treat his second child.

 

maybe, maybe not. neither is staying in an unhealthy marriage. the divorce takes 2 to agree. and the (ex) wife agreed because she knew the marriage was not normal for a long time. and the child sensed it from a younger age (they were asked by do they not sleep in same room when other parents does). then again you could have said “that’s what he told u”, but whatever.

 

in any case you are right. and that’s the consequence i would bear and try my best to raise my child the best i could.

[gonnabeflamed]

Probably what she means is that they haven't had sex in half a year, but she mentioned her marriage to her husband was short enough to qualify for an annulment. So my guess is that their marriage was less than six months along, that they had last slept together when they were engaged and not married. Hence, not consummated.

 

this is correct. thanks for your logical answer and not jumping to conclusion.

[gonnabeflamed]

Oh, so she got married when she was pregnant and having sex with MM and that's why she never slept with her husband maybe.

 

i find it rather baffling how you came to this answer...

why would i still marry H intentionally after finding out i’m pregnant by another man? i know i’m supposed to be rather daft and evil as an ow and all.. but this non-consummation thing was verified and used by my attorney.

 

to clear things since everyone seems particular interested in whether my marriage was cosummated or not..

we dated for years and yes we had sex. we got married legally first half of 2017 as a procedural step for our housing (this is how it works- where i’m from not in USA). we had not had sex since 3 months before the marriage. and before that it was another 6 months of no sex. maybe 4 times in 3 years. yes sounds ridiculous and yes i can remember it because it was so infrequent. (there was no wedding, it was civil marriage thing where we signed papers in presence of witnesses. supposed wedding was 2018-2019). so all the way until i met MM and i fell pregnant and filed for annulment, the marriage was not consummated. we did not live together before and nothing changed after being legally married, we met once every fortnight as a routine. these were more than adequate reasons for my attorney to proceed. which he signed off as well.

 

i’m feeling a bit emotional and of course don’t expect anybody’s sympathies or kindness. yet i do think some positivity and logic thinking would help in a long way. it’s ultimately my life to lead and for every choice i made (and MM arid), it’s my (and his) consequences to bear. that’s life.

 

happy new year everyone.

[misspalmy]

you need to tell Hubby if you want to be free and the best mum you are.

[MJJean]

you need to tell Hubby if you want to be free and the best mum you are.

 

It's all right here in her thread.

 

GonnaBeFlamed did tell her legal husband, they got an annulment and are no longer married, her MM and his STBXW filed for divorce and are only waiting for the judge to sign off, and Gonna is due to have her baby in the next few months.

 

GonnaBeFlamed, congratulations! Babies are awesome.

[anika99]

Well I want everyone to be happy, especially the kids involved. For your baby's sake I hope the MM makes you happy so that you will be a happy mother and I hope the MM is a good father to your baby. I also hope your MM continues to parent the child he already has who is just as important as your baby. Pay attention to how much time he spends being a good father to the child he has already.

[gonnabeflamed]

It's all right here in her thread.

 

GonnaBeFlamed did tell her legal husband, they got an annulment and are no longer married, her MM and his STBXW filed for divorce and are only waiting for the judge to sign off, and Gonna is due to have her baby in the next few months.

 

GonnaBeFlamed, congratulations! Babies are awesome.

 

thanks so much MJ. It was a messy past months but to see the events so succinctly described i can only feel somewhat relived at this stage. no matter what happens i really am trying to stay positive, because Im so looking forward to seeing my baby.

[gonnabeflamed]

Well I want everyone to be happy, especially the kids involved. For your baby's sake I hope the MM makes you happy so that you will be a happy mother and I hope the MM is a good father to your baby. I also hope your MM continues to parent the child he already has who is just as important as your baby. Pay attention to how much time he spends being a good father to the child he has already.

 

thanks anika. it's early days of course, and I cant vouch for MM. But from what I have seen in the past months.. i really would like to believe he is and will be a good dad. the only tears i seen him shed throughout this whole ordeal was when it came to his child whom he felt his only failure as a parent was not being able to stay married to child's mother. after the blow up/reveal, he consulted a child psychiatrist on how to anticipate and handle his interaction with his kid who is now almost a pre-teen. we both agreed he has an ex-wife but never ex-child. i am more than 100% supportive for him to be as involved as he should and would like.

 

am tentative but hopeful. thanks again.