Finding the wrong girls

[Nacho]

I always seem to be attracted to women that aren't for me, there's always allot of drama, they have had bad childhoods and they just don't hold the same values as me. I was raised in a good home with both parents and a family oriented lifestyle but I always am attracted to the ones with problems. I get attatched emotionally and ebd up wasting my time and theirs and then im hurt because i love them and they love me, or at least i think its love.

 

Maybe it's because lack of experienceor whatever but idk

 

I'm sure others have experienced the same thing as me but I'm having a hard time figuring this out. I never dated as a younger kid, since I turned about 24 I've been dating regularly and have been in a few relationships since then, one was 2.5 years the other was about 9 months and I was even living with her for about 5 of those months.

[d0nnivain]

Part of it may be that you're trying to make up for lost time. Part of it is you move too fast. There is no reason to move in with somebody until you have known each other for more than one year.

 

What other commonalities do you see in the women you date? Do you meet them in the same places? Part of it may be you need to end things sooner. As soon as you see one of these needy, broken red flags you have to break up with the person not try to "fix" them. Them needing you is different from them being good for you.

[Cookiesandough]

I see this pattern that 'good' guys like the 'bad' girls. They're fun and a challenge. But you're starting to realize that what we like is often not what's good for us. Things like weak boundaries, emotional insecurity, broken homes, promiscuity, etc are all red flags particularly when found together. You can't help what you are attracted to, buf other side of that coin is insability, drama, disrespect, infidelity etc. Many girls have to deal with this too. They like bad boys. Give stability a shot

Edited August 23, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[Ieris]

@Nacho ~ I find people who go for those broken family types usually do so because they like helping people. I'm not sure if that's the case with you but I've come lots of people who like helping others and can't help but notice that it's because they want to feel needed / helpful / useful.

 

When people come across a damsel in distress, some people find it difficult to walk away and some even feel obliged to take care of them. However, I don't think that's a good reason to get into a relationship with someone as you know from experience that all the drama in their lives become a part of yours. I think they need a therapist more than a boyfriend in some cases.

[Nacho]

@Nacho ~ I find people who go for those broken family types usually do so because they like helping people. I'm not sure if that's the case with you but I've come lots of people who like helping others and can't help but notice that it's because they want to feel needed / helpful / useful.

 

When people come across a damsel in distress, some people find it difficult to walk away and some even feel obliged to take care of them. However, I don't think that's a good reason to get into a relationship with someone as you know from experience that all the drama in their lives become a part of yours. I think they need a therapist more than a boyfriend in some cases.

 

I definitely enjoy helping people but I thinkni have a hard time distinguishing the difference between understanding someone and accepting them as they are and realizing they don't fit into my life as a person to be in a relationship with. Now i can honestly say that the people I've dated have had good hearts, I see that and it's what keeps me but then I'm too deep in it and I only hurt both sides

[Nacho]

I see this pattern that 'good' guys like the 'bad' girls. They're fun and a challenge. But you're starting to realize that what we like is often not what's good for us. Things like weak boundaries, emotional insecurity, broken homes, promiscuity, etc are all red flags particularly when found together. You can't help what you are attracted to, buf other side of that coin is insability, drama, disrespect, infidelity etc. Many girls have to deal with this too. They like bad boys. Give stability a shot

 

Yea I've been looking for stability. I think I need to disregard others feelings a bit more and just be picky

[Nacho]

Part of it may be that you're trying to make up for lost time. Part of it is you move too fast. There is no reason to move in with somebody until you have known each other for more than one year.

 

What other commonalities do you see in the women you date? Do you meet them in the same places? Part of it may be you need to end things sooner. As soon as you see one of these needy, broken red flags you have to break up with the person not try to "fix" them. Them needing you is different from them being good for you.

 

Yea there is a few similarities for sure and I knoe what they are, I need to look for something different than before. I just ignored them and idk why.

[Mysterio]

Maybe we should all experiment. For one year. Don't do the on line thing. Don't try to go out of our way to date. For the men that are single. Concentrate on things that make you happy.

 

Unless there is a woman that lets it be know that she is single and she is making some sort of an effort to get to know you. Thats who you would date.

[Michelle ma Belle]

Yea there is a few similarities for sure and I knoe what they are, I need to look for something different than before. I just ignored them and idk why.

 

And there is your first mistake!

 

Seriously, looking back on past 'bad' relationships, I'm willing to bet all of us had an early feeling, some tiny inclining that something wasn't quite right, yet we ignored it because our genitals demanded to be heard instead.

 

I'm going to give you my best advice, one I learned a long time ago and has become the single solitary game changer for me in my relationships...

 

LISTEN TO YOUR GUT!

 

You're welcome

Edited August 24, 2017 by Michelle ma Belle

[mysisterhatesme]

I think you are fighting with who you really are if you ask me. If you like these people, what is wrong with that? You were raised with luck and good family and values, perhaps they had divorce, death, and maybe more. It does not make them less than. They did not choose their family of origin.

 

Sounds to me like you like these type of people but you are fighting it? why?

[Nacho]

I think you are fighting with who you really are if you ask me. If you like these people, what is wrong with that? You were raised with luck and good family and values, perhaps they had divorce, death, and maybe more. It does not make them less than. They did not choose their family of origin.

 

Sounds to me like you like these type of people but you are fighting it? why?

 

No that's not the case. It's a bit more complicated than just the bad up bringing. There is allot more details to it but it almost feels wrong for me to tell everyone here. Not that anyone knows me but still I feel wrong about it.

[Nacho]

And there is your first mistake!

 

Seriously, looking back on past 'bad' relationships, I'm willing to bet all of us had an early feeling, some tiny inclining that something wasn't quite right, yet we ignored it because our genitals demanded to be heard instead.

 

I'm going to give you my best advice, one I learned a long time ago and has become the single solitary game changer for me in my relationships...

 

LISTEN TO YOUR GUT!

 

You're welcome

 

I think your on the money with this one. It started as lust and developed onto more knowing it was wrong yet it was ignored. I feel I've learned this time and I hope not to make the same mistake again