Any Multidating Tips???

[Kellens]

Good for you! I don't think I'd want a reduction either but I know people who have. I"m sure your guy loves them as well

 

I was a small 34B when I was younger but I think once I turned 30 they started to shrink a bit and I was a 34A, which isn't fair if they weren't big to begin with

 

When I became single 3 years ago (for the first time in 13 years) I realized that somebody new was going to be looking at my body naked and I wasn't confident at all in what I looked like. I didn't go too big because I'm self conscious and didn't want that much extra attention and I also wanted to look natural. I wear a 34D or a 32DD but fake boobs just fit into bras differently, I'm more like a full C or small D which I am so happy with I've definitely become more fascinated with boobs in general since getting mine which is why I asked about yours

 

Cookies, make sure to do your research first. There's a website called www.realself.com that has great advice, reviews, pics, etc. It was a huge help to me since I only knew one person who has had them done. I'd be happy to give you advice as well!

 

Sorry for all the boob talk Dis, have fun tonight with your sexy new man!! ;);)

[Dis]

The family party was insane and awesome!!!!

 

So many czech people there, they were so fun and loud and just delightful

 

I'm not one to stay at large social gatherings for too long, my batteries start to run low. Plus I was super nervous so I was drinking a good amount of wine. I had to take a break for about 45 minutes. I was tipsy and overwhelmed. Of course when you're tipsy and overwhelmed, communication is a little difficult. I swear, I'm so used to things going south with men. So just when I think it will end with him, everything turns out to be fine. He's a good communicator and he's reliable. He's in this. So am I. He surprises me in every good way imaginable. After I took that breather, I got back out there and danced to czech music until 11pm. Although it was overwhelming, I had so much fun!

 

Andddd his family and friends loved me! Yay!!! They all told him I was beautiful and so nice. I helped them clean up. I talked to everyone. I learned a little czech too! Everyone told me they gave me a lot of credit for meeting everyone at one at such a huge czech event. There was 50 people there and mostly everyone was speaking czech. They all wanted to see me again and gave me lots of hugs and kisses. His sister asked me out to lunch today but I had to study I was grateful my bf and his family saw much I was trying and wanting to make a good impression.

 

He said its important to him that the person he dates gets along well with everyone. He said he could see how some girls would be whiny about it and not participate and have fun.... so he was glad I kind of dove into it. He knew everyone would like me.

 

It was a success!

 

He slept over last night and in the morning he saw the scars on my arm and pulled up my sleeve. I was kind of hesistant about it. He handled it so sweetly and open mindedly. I told him my concerns about sharing that with someone and how it makes me nervous a guy would ghost. He told me I didnt have to worry about that with him and that he understood. He kissed them and then cuddled me for 2 hours I told him a little bit about it, I opened up a bit. It was really sweet.

 

He just keeps on getting better. My faith in something lasting is slowly being restored.

 

We're seeing each other next on Wednesday

 

He keeps looking at me, like he's falling for me. And every time I ask him what he's thinking.... he smiles and says, "Nothing." Watching this slowly unfold is making my heart beat again

Edited October 15, 2017 by Disillusionment373

[Miss Spider]

awwww what a wonderful update!!! So glad you had a great time

 

Glad you were able to open up to him more too.

 

It's so sweet

[No_Go]

Sounds awesome!

 

It will be great if you make friends with his sister - if he's from a traditional family, the opinion of his parents and siblings is very important, and will help moving the relationship forward.

 

For the scars: he reacted great. It is fantastic that you can be open with him on a serious subject. Introducing him slowly to your life and past, including negative experiences, is IMO the way to build intimacy. Just don't overwhelm him, and hopefully he'd match with revealing more about himself as well.

 

How is the communication between dates now?

[Dis]

Sounds awesome!

 

It will be great if you make friends with his sister - if he's from a traditional family, the opinion of his parents and siblings is very important, and will help moving the relationship forward.

 

For the scars: he reacted great. It is fantastic that you can be open with him on a serious subject. Introducing him slowly to your life and past, including negative experiences, is IMO the way to build intimacy. Just don't overwhelm him, and hopefully he'd match with revealing more about himself as well.

 

How is the communication between dates now?

 

Its funny because after I opened up about that, he opened up and told me about a DUI he got back when he was in his early 20's. He told me he understands how when you're young, you dont think about the future. He got really hurt in that accident and showed my his scars. I share = He shares

 

As things move forward, we'll continue to open up more to each other

 

His mom is packing leftovers for me as we speak. She's so cute. I helped a lot with clean up and setting up. She liked that. We had some good convos going on too

 

Communication has been pretty much daily now. I texted him today that a friend of the family passed away and he called me to see how I was doing. I'm satisfied with our level of communication. We see each other more frequently now too.

 

His sister lives kind of far away. But she's super nice and I'm glad she likes me

[No_Go]

The bolded for me is the biggest sign that a relationship has legs. I'm happy it is all turning so great Dis!

 

Its funny because after I opened up about that, he opened up and told me about a DUI he got back when he was in his early 20's. He told me he understands how when you're young, you dont think about the future. He got really hurt in that accident and showed my his scars. I share = He shares

 

As things move forward, we'll continue to open up more to each other

 

His mom is packing leftovers for me as we speak. She's so cute. I helped a lot with clean up and setting up. She liked that. We had some good convos going on too

 

Communication has been pretty much daily now. I texted him today that a friend of the family passed away and he called me to see how I was doing. I'm satisfied with our level of communication. We see each other more frequently now too.

 

His sister lives kind of far away. But she's super nice and I'm glad she likes me

[Dis]

Oh and I got his dad a nice bottle of wine and a card

 

I brought his mom a beautiful bouqet of flowers I made myself

 

Score!

[Kellens]

I'm glad that you had a great time! His family sounds like a lot of fun and it's awesome that they liked you. You're super smart for bringing the flowers and wine, I always struggle with things like that, it means you were raised well

 

How long have you guys been seeing each other now? Has it been a month?

I agree with NoGo, the fact that he shared an experience with you after you told him about your scars, shows the potential for a strong relationship. I hope everything continues in this direction.

 

Starting a relationship in the Fall is the best! At least in my opinion You have the cool cuddling weather, holidays, etc. :love:

[Dis]

Hi guys!

 

So sorry I've been MIA. I've been spending a lot of time with the bf and things are going so well

 

I feel like I've been looking for him for so long that it almost feels surreal

 

We've been spending 3 or 4 days together a week

 

Andddd I know we're a little soon on this (about 2 months) but he said I love you! I said it back It feels like its right. We both feel it.

 

He is very Eastern European. He says American guys can be deceptive. That where he comes from, men dont say things they dont mean. He doesnt say much sometimes. He's stoic in a sense. He's not full of pretty words. A lot of the time, we just look at each other. We stare. Its all in the eyes. He doesnt throw around compliments or unrealistic promises. He's genuine. When he does open up, I can feel the sincerity in his words.

 

I've been seeing his family and friends a lot. We go out on adventures and just hang out at home. He's still over the moon about my cooking

 

As time has gone on, I realize how much past experiences in dating has hurt me. I've been cheated on many times. I had an ex I was with for 2.5 years, he was cheating on me the whole time. I walked in on another one cheating on me. I dont care what anyone says, after stuff like that, theres no way you cant have trust issues. I have them... they're apparent.

 

I talk to him about my worries. Like when I cant get a hold of him for an hour or two. I start to get nervous. Or when he's tipsy at his apartment and he sends me a text that doesnt make sense....my mind starts going a mile a minute. Its like flashbacks.

 

After I left his apartment one morning, I started to have some kind of panic attack. I was convinced he had a woman at his apartment. I turned around in a panic and went back to his place. The second he opened the door, I started to cry. He asked me if I was having flashbacks of walking in on my ex. He held me, kissed me. Reassured me.

 

I communicate with him about what worries me and how I feel. He feels bad that I'm so worried because my worries are unfounded. It feels like I'm wasting so much energy on it. He's patient and affectionate....he's true.

 

He's not secretive with his phone. Theres no lock on it. Sometimes he leaves it on my nightstand when we sleep. He leaves it around my house. He uses it right on front of me. I use it sometimes. He's transparent. Knowing that grounds me.

 

He's been cheated on too. By two women. He knows what it feels like. He can relate.

 

I guess I'm just trying to ask for advice about how to overcome trust issues. I dont want my trust issues to persisit because I dont want to sabatoge a great thing even though he's told me not to worry about that. Its so weird because he gives me no reason not to trust him. But I still feel like I need to read into every little thing, in an attempt to protect myself. Like I'm bracing myself

 

I think some of it just takes time. He's told me he's on board for the ride. That months and a year from now, things will be even better. I believe him because he's not one for pretty words, he says what he means

 

I just need to find a way to quiet my mind

[Miss Spider]

That's so sweet that you're spending so much time together and said I love yous!!!!!! Could not be happier for you! I understand it's hard to trust sometimes after you've been betrayed by people. I feel so sad that you started crying I'm glad that he's understanding about it and willing to make you feel comforted. Yes, I dont like to generalize people, but Eastern Europeans are pretty stoic and don't say something about their feelings unless they mean it. They aren't gushy and stuff. At least not my father. Wishing you a wonderful relationship full of love and trust<3

[No_Go]

Dis, it is great that things are going so well! It is painful to read how much your nasty exes affected you though

 

I guess the you'd get advice for therapy, CBT and all the jazz, so I'd refrain from iterating on that. IME the only thing that calms the mind is repeatedly seeing the worry is not grounded - this happens only by observing the behavior of the person in time. As months pass by, your worries will naturally lessen if his behavior is consistently proving he's faithful. For the time being: focus on the moment, keep yourself as busy as possible, and in the times you're together - always bring your best foot forward (which does not mean that you shouldn't be vulnerable - I think it it awesome you're able to communicate your fears with him, just don't make this a sole focus of your time together)>

[Dis]

That's so sweet that you're spending so much time together and said I love yous!!!!!! Could not be happier for you! I understand it's hard to trust sometimes after you've been betrayed by people. I feel so sad that you started crying I'm glad that he's understanding about it and willing to make you feel comforted. Yes, I dont like to generalize people, but Eastern Europeans are pretty stoic and don't say something about their feelings unless they mean it. They aren't gushy and stuff. At least not my father. Wishing you a wonderful relationship full of love and trust<3

 

This is so sweet Cookies

 

Thank you so much, really

 

Its hard but its so worth it. I feel like I need to go forward because he's sturdy, stable, reliable. He's what I've been looking for.

 

I just need to learn to put the past in the past.

 

Cookies, your posts on my threads are so sweet. I appreciate your feeback and support. I know I've been hard on you. I guess I just want things to be different for you because deep down, you have so much to offer and I want you to GET that. You have a good heart and intelligence. I know someday, you'll find what you want and your true self will shine without being clouded by any issues. You have kindness many people dont possess. I know at some point, some lucky guy will see that.

 

Btw, your bunny is very cute! Mini Rex? My baby of 12 years was a mini rex. They're so funny and have such vivid personalities. Mine was my princess Still miss and love her.

[Miss Spider]

Thanks, dis!!! Yes He is a mini rex. Im sorry you lost your baby. I hope my lives 12 years though! That is a very long life. Was she spayed?

[Mkn1010]

Hey Dis, thank you for updating! It's so nice to hear that you're legit in love I just wanted to tell you that I relate so much with your past, the walking in on my ex cheating happened to me too! And I wanted to tell you that you are doing REMARKABLY well with this new man in being so open, honest and transparent! And the fact that you CAN love, is a huge blessing! I presently don't know whether I even have the capacity to feel again for someone that way after too many disappointments. My therapist says I fear happiness....but I digress!

 

 

What you are doing in showing him your fears is incredibly brave, particularly given what you've been though. And honestly, I believe that people love you more when they see your vulnerabilities and that pain within. There is an awesome author, Brene Brown, who writes about the power of vulnerability. Her book, "The Gifts of Imperfection", is pretty helpful. It talks about how people with a decent self-worth are actually those who show their true selves to others, including all their flaws because they innately know that they ARE ENOUGH!

 

 

Please don't feel that you're crazy or defective, you'll get past this and I'm sure he will love you even more for being so real! Your story actually gives a tiny piece of hope to my burdened soul!

[Dis]

Dis, it is great that things are going so well! It is painful to read how much your nasty exes affected you though

 

I guess the you'd get advice for therapy, CBT and all the jazz, so I'd refrain from iterating on that. IME the only thing that calms the mind is repeatedly seeing the worry is not grounded - this happens only by observing the behavior of the person in time. As months pass by, your worries will naturally lessen if his behavior is consistently proving he's faithful. For the time being: focus on the moment, keep yourself as busy as possible, and in the times you're together - always bring your best foot forward (which does not mean that you shouldn't be vulnerable - I think it it awesome you're able to communicate your fears with him, just don't make this a sole focus of your time together)>

 

Thats such great advice No_Go

 

I think as time passes, and I keep seeing I'm safe... I'll be able to draw some deep breaths

 

I do talk about it with him a fair amount, not all the time but you're right... I dont want to make that the sole focus of our time together. Most of the time we're playing and laughing, going fishing at 9pm, going for hikes, snuggling on the couch. We love spending time together. It feel like I'm home when I'm with him.

 

I just need to remember to breathe. Time heals all, right?

[Dis]

Thanks, dis!!! Yes He is a mini rex. Im sorry you lost your baby. I hope my lives 12 years though! That is a very long life. Was she spayed?

 

Give him a kiss for me! What a little prince!

 

Yes she was spayed and was the most spoiled little bun on the planet!

 

Lots of greens, veggies and exercise time. She was also an indoor bunny which tacks on a lot of years

 

My current bunny is just as spoiled. He's my little prince. He is neutered. He's a mix of a mini rex and a netherland dwarf (I think). I adopted him so I'm not sure. He almost ended up as a pair of mittens thanks to his previous, horrible owners

[No_Go]

Thats such great advice No_Go

 

I think as time passes, and I keep seeing I'm safe... I'll be able to draw some deep breaths

 

I do talk about it with him a fair amount, not all the time but you're right... I dont want to make that the sole focus of our time together. Most of the time we're playing and laughing, going fishing at 9pm, going for hikes, snuggling on the couch. We love spending time together. It feel like I'm home when I'm with him.

 

I just need to remember to breathe. Time heals all, right?

 

It sounds great, natural and not forced. Breathe Life is good.

And yes - time heals all. I guarantee from first hand experience:)

[Dis]

Hey Dis, thank you for updating! It's so nice to hear that you're legit in love I just wanted to tell you that I relate so much with your past, the walking in on my ex cheating happened to me too! And I wanted to tell you that you are doing REMARKABLY well with this new man in being so open, honest and transparent! And the fact that you CAN love, is a huge blessing! I presently don't know whether I even have the capacity to feel again for someone that way after too many disappointments. My therapist says I fear happiness....but I digress!

 

 

What you are doing in showing him your fears is incredibly brave, particularly given what you've been though. And honestly, I believe that people love you more when they see your vulnerabilities and that pain within. There is an awesome author, Brene Brown, who writes about the power of vulnerability. Her book, "The Gifts of Imperfection", is pretty helpful. It talks about how people with a decent self-worth are actually those who show their true selves to others, including all their flaws because they innately know that they ARE ENOUGH!

 

 

Please don't feel that you're crazy or defective, you'll get past this and I'm sure he will love you even more for being so real! Your story actually gives a tiny piece of hope to my burdened soul!

 

Awww I'm going to cry. This is so sweet girly

 

I think I underestimated my trust issues before I found my guy. I just wanted to believe I could love again and that I could find an honest guy so I pushed myself to do just that. Its not easy. Its unsettling at times.

 

Sometimes I think, if this doesnt work, if he ends up hurting me, I'll honestly prefer to be alone for the rest of my life. Betrayl takes a toll. But I guess, I want a family and a husband and happiness soooo badly, I'm willing to take risk.

 

Its funny you said he'd love me more for my imperfections because whenever I get in a mood or less than happy go lucky, he laughs and pulls me into his arms and tells me I'm adorable. I'm not just 'sexy' or 'hot' or 'pretty' to him. I'm human. That makes us closer on a deeper level.

 

I'll look up that book, sounds perfect for me

 

I didnt know you had similar experiences to me Mkn. Its awful, huh? My advice to you is, whatever it is you picture your ideal life to be in 10 years, look for that now and dont be afraid of being afraid. I'm scared, but that dream I have keeps me going. Let your dream keep you moving

[Mkn1010]

Awww I'm going to cry. This is so sweet girly

 

I think I underestimated my trust issues before I found my guy. I just wanted to believe I could love again and that I could find an honest guy so I pushed myself to do just that. Its not easy. Its unsettling at times.

 

Sometimes I think, if this doesnt work, if he ends up hurting me, I'll honestly prefer to be alone for the rest of my life. Betrayl takes a toll. But I guess, I want a family and a husband and happiness soooo badly, I'm willing to take risk.

 

Its funny you said he'd love me more for my imperfections because whenever I get in a mood or less than happy go lucky, he laughs and pulls me into his arms and tells me I'm adorable. I'm not just 'sexy' or 'hot' or 'pretty' to him. I'm human. That makes us closer on a deeper level.

 

I'll look up that book, sounds perfect for me

 

I didnt know you had similar experiences to me Mkn. Its awful, huh? My advice to you is, whatever it is you picture your ideal life to be in 10 years, look for that now and dont be afraid of being afraid. I'm scared, but that dream I have keeps me going. Let your dream keep you moving

 

 

 

 

Just remember that you've lived through the worst, so even if this ends, you'll get through it too! But I'm rooting for you that it doesn't! He sounds amazing! Definitely a rare find!

 

 

Yeah it's gut wrenching, I think I even had PTSD after the fact and I still remember that horrible day that I walked in and the world just lost it's colors for me, it was a really dark time!

 

 

Thank you for the heartfelt suggestion... it's just that I honestly don't know where to look... and I haven't been doing OLD in quite a while as it's just soul crushing going on crap date after crap date, finally meeting someone you click with but then they turn out to be emotionally unavailable/have sever issues or vanish in the blink of an eye! I don't know how you did it!

[Dis]

Just remember that you've lived through the worst, so even if this ends, you'll get through it too! But I'm rooting for you that it doesn't! He sounds amazing! Definitely a rare find!

 

 

Yeah it's gut wrenching, I think I even had PTSD after the fact and I still remember that horrible day that I walked in and the world just lost it's colors for me, it was a really dark time!

 

 

Thank you for the heartfelt suggestion... it's just that I honestly don't know where to look... and I haven't been doing OLD in quite a while as it's just soul crushing going on crap date after crap date, finally meeting someone you click with but then they turn out to be emotionally unavailable/have sever issues or vanish in the blink of an eye! I don't know how you did it!

 

I have no idea either! I mean, there is no guarantee this will work. I think for the 2 years I was on OLD, even the times when I felt I lost myself and my soul and the light inside me, I just kept pushing. There is no guarantee I wont have to do that again. I guess hope is what keeps me going and what kept me going on OLD.

 

Also, thickening my skin up while using OLD helped too. I assumed every date I went on would lead to nothing (which is often the case). That way I wasnt disappointed. I think fortune favors the bold so get back out there. The squeeky wheel gets the grease

 

Yes dating sucks and yes its painful and yes its draining. But there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. Follow that light, however dim it may seem

[NuevoYorko]

Hello, I just checked in here. I have not read this thread at all - but evidently the multi-dating approach ended up getting you just where you wanted to be. That's very encouraging! Enjoy.

[Miss Spider]

Dis never multidated despite the thread being about that. xD

 

Give him a kiss for me! What a little prince!

 

Yes she was spayed and was the most spoiled little bun on the planet!

 

Lots of greens, veggies and exercise time. She was also an indoor bunny which tacks on a lot of years

 

My current bunny is just as spoiled. He's my little prince. He is neutered. He's a mix of a mini rex and a netherland dwarf (I think). I adopted him so I'm not sure. He almost ended up as a pair of mittens thanks to his previous, horrible owners

 

That sounds so cute!!!!! It's so cool to meet fellow bunny owners . They're an unconventional pet for adults but theyre so awesome. I will be getting him neutered when he gets old enough. he likes to be held which is weird for a bun. Held like a baby!!! and kisses

Edited November 6, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[Dis]

Hello, I just checked in here. I have not read this thread at all - but evidently the multi-dating approach ended up getting you just where you wanted to be. That's very encouraging! Enjoy.

 

Thank you!

 

I found my guy before I had to resort to multidating, which was my initial strategy

 

Lucky me!

[Imajerk17]

I am thrilled to hear things between you and your boyfriend are working out so well, Dis! You seem like a really sweet gal w a great head on your shoulders, and you deserve a Happy Ending...

 

And I also am glad that you didn't really have to resort to multidating after all

Edited November 6, 2017 by Imajerk17

[divegrl]

Hi!!!

 

I just got caught up on your thread and I’m so excited for you!!! You’ve been thru so much; you deserve a great relationship.

 

Hope things continue to go well. Good luck my friend!