Any Multidating Tips???

[Cookiesandough]

Oh my goSH..What is wrong with me....I had a kiss with a guy...and I had a date planned tonight and I feel guilty as hell for going on it because I kissed that guy. It seriously feels like cheating. the guy is texting me to make matters worse like "What are you doing with the rest of your night?" and pics and s%$#. I mean sure we're not together and he's probably banging other girls but I feel like a THOT. What is wrong with me?!?!?!?! This is what multi-dating is about right.

Edited September 6, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[Dis]

Oh my goSH..What is wrong with me....I had a kiss with a guy...and I had a date planned tonight and I feel guilty as hell for going on it because I kissed that guy. It seriously feels like cheating. the guy is texting me to make matters worse like "What are you doing with the rest of your night?" and pics and s%$#. I mean sure we're not together and he's probably banging other girls but I feel like a THOT. What is wrong with me?!?!?!?! This is what multi-dating is about right.

 

Yup!

 

But in your case, because of issues you've talked about here

 

I would def focus on just one guy at a time or you're going to be running in all different directions. You won't know up from down girl lol!

 

Focus, breathe and take it one guy at a time

[ugh123]

Oh my goSH..What is wrong with me....I had a kiss with a guy...and I had a date planned tonight and I feel guilty as hell for going on it because I kissed that guy. It seriously feels like cheating. the guy is texting me to make matters worse like "What are you doing with the rest of your night?" and pics and s%$#. I mean sure we're not together and he's probably banging other girls but I feel like a THOT. What is wrong with me?!?!?!?! This is what multi-dating is about right.

 

girl screw:love: him.

 

you kiss multiple boys and don't let them know.

 

cuz if you don't they'll break your heart.

[Dis]

I have a date tomorrow night

 

I won't go into anything about how he seems like he is xy and z because I dont know him and I have no idea what will happen

 

All I can say is he seems like he has his life together, home owner, good job so at least he doesnt seem like a hot mess

 

I'm getting less and less excited with each failed date

[Shining One]

I'm getting less and less excited with each failed date

Interesting. You start off excited and it gradually decreases with failure. When I'm multi-dating, I start off apathetic and gradually get excited as I see potential.

[Dis]

Interesting. You start off excited and it gradually decreases with failure. When I'm multi-dating, I start off apathetic and gradually get excited as I see potential.

 

Ya I can understand your mindset

 

Honestly, I'm just burnt out from dating for the past 2 years with little success

 

So I think my apathy is attributed to a culmination of my dating failures

Edited September 6, 2017 by Disillusionment373

[Cookiesandough]

girl screw:love: him.

 

you kiss multiple boys and don't let them know.

 

cuz if you don't they'll break your heart.

 

Kissed that guy too. Guess that settles it. I'm a h**

[Cookiesandough]

I have a date tomorrow night

 

I won't go into anything about how he seems like he is xy and z because I dont know him and I have no idea what will happen

 

All I can say is he seems like he has his life together, home owner, good job so at least he doesnt seem like a hot mess

 

I'm getting less and less excited with each failed date

 

Aww, it just takes 1 special person(or in my case, a couple) to liven it up again. Have fun on your date!!!

[Cookiesandough]

K now that the initial gross feeling wore off, I'm back on Tinder setting up new dates, Multidating is actually really fun!!! I'd say the only thing stopping it from being fun initially is this weird immorality of it which actually wears off once you do it. And I say weird because I can't rationalize why it's wrong.

Edited September 7, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[No_Go]

K now that the initial gross feeling wore off, I'm back on Tinder setting up new dates, Multidating is actually really fun!!! I'd say the only thing stopping it from being fun initially is this weird immorality of it which actually wears off once you do it. And I say weird because I can't rationalize why it's wrong.

 

Aiii sorry Cookies but this is terrifying. Can't see the fun aspect... No way on this planet I'll kiss two guys within one month let alone week. I'm not sure I'd ever be able to kiss a guy again thinking he kissed another date within the day/week before meeting me. It makes my head explode thinking about it

 

I'm contemplating to get active in OLD again around the middle of the month. But the last guy set the bar so high practically no one measures up. I'm thinking to set my parameters very strict and do selective prescreen for at least a week per man. If it takes ages this way - so be it. I'm just so terrified from the whole multidating concept that i wonder if it's even worth going on dates (I mean no way to know if my dates are multidating... I always prescreen if they have been single for at least 6 months but for dating... no way to know)... Or maybe it is that I just can't get over this last guy, at all

[Dis]

So tonight was a first for me,

 

Tonight's date was the first date I've been on where I really didnt have any expectations. I was actually thinking it would go horribly like my last 2 dates did. I'm really happy with myself about this. I'm really starting to take things in stride and be realistic

 

The guy was nice, good conversationalist, told me I looked stunning and all that good stuff. He seemed like a good guy.

 

I just didnt feel a pull towards him. Its weird but usually right when I see the guy, like within the first 2 seconds I can tell if I'm into him or not. Then once conversations gets going, I get a better idea. Right when I saw him I knew I wasnt feeling it too much which was too bad because he seemed to really like me. When I'm on a date and I'm wondering if I'm into the guy, I think, can I picture kissing him? And if I cant (which I couldnt with this guy) the its a no.

 

I will say though that this is progress, at least on this date I didnt feel an urge to book it out of there like I did with the past 2 dates. I made up an excuse to take off, I'm far too burnt out from dating to sit there for hours with someone I'm not interested in. The whole date lasted for about an hour. I dont want to be rude either.

 

I dont feel disappointed, I feel good. Probably because I've grown so much in regards to dating and I know the right guy is out there. I'm a little proud of myself... feel kinda grown up

[Cookiesandough]

Aiii sorry Cookies but this is terrifying. Can't see the fun aspect... No way on this planet I'll kiss two guys within one month let alone week. I'm not sure I'd ever be able to kiss a guy again thinking he kissed another date within the day/week before meeting me. It makes my head explode thinking about it

 

I'm contemplating to get active in OLD again around the middle of the month. But the last guy set the bar so high practically no one measures up. I'm thinking to set my parameters very strict and do selective prescreen for at least a week per man. If it takes ages this way - so be it. I'm just so terrified from the whole multidating concept that i wonder if it's even worth going on dates (I mean no way to know if my dates are multidating... I always prescreen if they have been single for at least 6 months but for dating... no way to know)... Or maybe it is that I just can't get over this last guy, at all

I totally understand, no_go. But how will you prescreen for that online? One guy I was multi dating I met on tender and the other on OK Cupid. I feel like with the kid in a candy store concept that online dating is, the chances that they are not a multi dating is very very very very small. And if they get dates and have chemistry with the person I wouldn't be surprised if more than kissing happens. I mean I've had 2 partners in my life beyond kidding (only one beyond 3rd base) and that is very very low so I am like a prude comparatively to what people get up to if they really feel each other on a second or third date lol

 

I wouldn't tell anyone if I plan to see others if I would or wouldn't and think it'd be a little strange to be asked. Otherwise you have to kind of go by other cues. You have to be sure he's so into you by the end of the first date that(or earlier) that he doesn't want to potentially mess anything up in your future by seeing/talking? to any other woman. That's hard OLD....

 

So he has to seem really eager to see you, wanna make plans, communicate promptly etc... Even then you can't be sure, but it's a start. A guy online who doesn't make surefire plans for like a week or more has probably seeing at least someone else. Even with texts. We've all heard the stories of the guy texting "missing you" while he's on a date with another or telling a girl he'll wait for sex for months and she's like ohhh he's such a patient boy, but he's having several ONS's in the meantime bahaha

 

 

Not trying to make you paranoid. Just saying I wouldn't think too much about that. When you guys begin to get serious you'll know it. I'm glad you are beginning to consider getting back in the game. I know the last one you really liked, so it's hard. I think you were even still considering when he gets back so maybe you haven't completely given up on him & that's dampening you enthusiasm too. There's a great, non-multidating guy out there for ya!!!

[Cookiesandough]

Sorry there was no click, but glad you had a nice time regardless:)

[Dis]

Sorry there was no click, but glad you had a nice time regardless:)

 

Didnt really have a good time...it was just... meh

 

It was just nice to finally look at the 1st date for what it really is. A meet up to see if I like the person. Nothing more.

 

It takes much less energy that way

[No_Go]

Cookies you're right - the chance of him getting back definitely dampens my enthusiasm. I feel like cheating on him if I go on a date even if he never comes back. I know it's irrational.

 

Ugh my own pattern has always been go on a date - kiss 1st/2nd date, sex 3rd/4th date, LTR. I've been on like 12 first dates in my lifetime. Went on more than one date with maybe 6 of them. Kissed 4 of them. Slept with 3 of them (and all 3 turned into 6 months - 2 years of RL). So for me a kiss equals a relationship (only the 4th guy that I kissed didn't turn into one). And therefore the repulsion to multidating. Maybe because it is completely incompatible with my experiences so far.

 

My ex was online even after we're living together for 1 year and he wanted to propose (or was saying so at least, saying so daily). That makes me double paranoid.

 

Are you going on 2nd dates with your guys?

 

I totally understand, no_go. But how will you prescreen for that online? One guy I was multi dating I met on tender and the other on OK Cupid. I feel like with the kid in a candy store concept that online dating is, the chances that they are not a multi dating is very very very very small. And if they get dates and have chemistry with the person I wouldn't be surprised if more than kissing happens. I mean I've had 2 partners in my life beyond kidding (only one beyond 3rd base) and that is very very low so I am like a prude comparatively to what people get up to if they really feel each other on a second or third date lol

 

I wouldn't tell anyone if I plan to see others if I would or wouldn't and think it'd be a little strange to be asked. Otherwise you have to kind of go by other cues. You have to be sure he's so into you by the end of the first date that(or earlier) that he doesn't want to potentially mess anything up in your future by seeing/talking? to any other woman. That's hard OLD....

 

So he has to seem really eager to see you, wanna make plans, communicate promptly etc... Even then you can't be sure, but it's a start. A guy online who doesn't make surefire plans for like a week or more has probably seeing at least someone else. Even with texts. We've all heard the stories of the guy texting "missing you" while he's on a date with another or telling a girl he'll wait for sex for months and she's like ohhh he's such a patient boy, but he's having several ONS's in the meantime bahaha

 

 

Not trying to make you paranoid. Just saying I wouldn't think too much about that. When you guys begin to get serious you'll know it. I'm glad you are beginning to consider getting back in the game. I know the last one you really liked, so it's hard. I think you were even still considering when he gets back so maybe you haven't completely given up on him & that's dampening you enthusiasm too. There's a great, non-multidating guy out there for ya!!!

[Dis]

Well this is annoying

[Cookiesandough]

What's up dis?

 

NG, it may sound strange to some people but it's different when it comes to our feelings for someone. Are you guys still in contact? That probably makes it harder. I wish they wouldn't linger. I see now why you might be hesitant about multi dating. I think a lot of people feel icky about it. It bothered me until I tried it. So I just thought I would share that the "icky" feel wore off for me. I prefer not to think about what my partner did before we were "together". It's don't ask don't tell to me. I am 2nd dating both guys. One Sunday and one Monday. Maybe working another guy in rotation who asked me to a show Saturday lol.

[Dis]

What's up dis?

 

I'm in a mood and I feel like this thread might be getting side tracked a bit

[Cookiesandough]

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Edited September 8, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[Dis]

Cookies,

 

Np, I'm just emotional. Hormones.

 

I always meet my dates for drinks so not problem there

 

Yes, I need to start doing pre-date phone calls again

 

Forgot the other thing you mentioned?

[No_Go]

Well this is annoying

 

Sorry for diluting, just didn't want to open a new thread and the different perspectives on multidating are interesting to discuss.

 

In any case, it looks promising that your last date was not bad! It is getting there.

[Dis]

Sorry for diluting, just didn't want to open a new thread and the different perspectives on multidating are interesting to discuss.

 

In any case, it looks promising that your last date was not bad! It is getting there.

 

No worries

 

I'm open to different perspectives too, they've been helpful

 

I just have a feeling once I meet a guy I actually like, it'll be tough to date others

[Dis]

Men on OLD are super thirsty

 

I've been responding to guys I'm not interested in just to increase my activity on the sites = more new guys messaging

 

I answer with one word, maybe two. And they're all over that like white on rice.

 

When I'm actually interested in a guy, I'm engaging and I certainly dont respond with one word replies

 

OLD must not be easy for guys. Its not a walk in the park for me either though but I wouldnt entertain a guy that was barely conversing with me

[Dis]

The guy I went on a date with just sent me a message,

 

"Hi *my name*, I could tell you weren't interested (by the sudden departure) but can you tell me if it was something I did or said aka constructive critisism? I hope you meet somebody awesome, you have a lot to offer "

 

The last few guys I went out with asked me the same thing. The 2 dates before the last one, the guys did so much wrong I wouldnt even know where to start. From signing me, Bruno Mars "Just The Way You Are" on the car ride home to calling women "sl*ts"... I'm not a miracle worker. I think some of these guys are lost causes as some women are. Jbh.

 

This guy wasnt too bad though. He was just boring, I didnt feel a pull towards him, and he wore a sports jersey to the date..

 

I heard from someone that some people cant handle constructive critisism. I would be really nice about it but I dont want the guy to get defensive and angry when I'm just trying to help

 

I usually pass on assuming the role of what to do, what not to do with a guy I just rejected

[greymatter]

The guy I went on a date with just sent me a message,

 

"Hi *my name*, I could tell you weren't interested (by the sudden departure) but can you tell me if it was something I did or said aka constructive critisism? I hope you meet somebody awesome, you have a lot to offer "

 

The last few guys I went out with asked me the same thing. The 2 dates before the last one, the guys did so much wrong I wouldnt even know where to start. From signing me, Bruno Mars "Just The Way You Are" on the car ride home to calling women "sl*ts"... I'm not a miracle worker. I think some of these guys are lost causes as some women are. Jbh.

 

This guy wasnt too bad though. He was just boring, I didnt feel a pull towards him, and he wore a sports jersey to the date..

 

I heard from someone that some people cant handle constructive critisism. I would be really nice about it but I dont want the guy to get defensive and angry when I'm just trying to help

 

I usually pass on assuming the role of what to do, what not to do with a guy I just rejected

 

If it were me, I would just say "It was nice to meet you and I wish you all the best" and wouldn't get into providing any additional feedback. You don't owe him that and he shouldn't ask it of you, you are not his dating coach.