Any Multidating Tips???

[Dis]

If it were me, I would just say "It was nice to meet you and I wish you all the best" and wouldn't get into providing any additional feedback. You don't owe him that and he shouldn't ask it of you, you are not his dating coach.

 

I feel the same way

 

Plus, it kind of puts me in an awkward position. Feels a little imposing

 

I dont know, I feel bad at the same... like if I'm going to reject him, I should at least let him know why?

[Cookiesandough]

Yea the thing also a chance criticism might do more harm to than good. Not only to their ego, but . I mean some woman might think he looks sexy as hell in that jersey. Some guys may want to change but most who ask that are just trying to rationalize the rejection. I'd tell them you weren't a match and leave it there. It's the truth!!

[greymatter]

I feel the same way

 

Plus, it kind of puts me in an awkward position. Feels a little imposing

 

I dont know, I feel bad at the same... like if I'm going to reject him, I should at least let him know why?

 

You don't have to let him know why. But if you really want to, you could say you didn't feel the two of you are a romantic match. But I wouldn't even say that. You can just wish him all the best and you shouldn't feel bad about not feeling with him.

[Dis]

Yea the thing also a chance criticism might do more harm to than good. Not only to their ego, but . I mean some woman might think he looks sexy as hell in that jersey. Some guys may want to change but most who ask that are just trying to rationalize the rejection. I'd tell them you weren't a match and leave it there. It's the truth!!

 

The bold! I've had guys do that so many times

 

Ya, I think I'll just say I didnt feel a connection and leave it at that

 

He did look cute in the jersey, it def didnt make or break or the date

 

I just didnt feel anything with him. He did though. I wore an off the shoulder crop top and when I went to hug him goodbye he grabbed my waist (bare skin) and kissed me on the cheek

 

Ahhh, crop tops and men

[Dis]

I have a date tonight

 

I dont have high hopes, I just want to keep plugging along until someone surprises me

 

Thanks for all your support guys! I'll post an update once the date is over! Xoxo

[Dis]

Thus guy I have a date with tonight said in his profile,

 

"Hoping to find friendship and someone to go on adventures with, and if that goes well, maybe something more."

 

I dont like that kind of blase attitude. I'm much more goal oriented when it comes to dating. I'm all in or I'm all out.

 

I'm not holding my breath with this one

[Cookiesandough]

Which site or app is this guy from? Could be a healthy attitude/not desperate for but open to a relationship or a way to dress up commitment issues xD

 

Only one way to find out I guess. Hope you enjoy your date tonight. Let us know how goes

Edited September 9, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[Cookiesandough]

I also want to say that a lot of times you have to be careful when a guy puts that in his profile because they are the types that are so clingy that they don't want to come off clingy. They try to play it off in their profile. I had one of these asked me to be his GF on the second date. He had something similar in his profile like "looking to take it slow but open to anything"

[Shanex]

Thus guy I have a date with tonight said in his profile,

 

"Hoping to find friendship and someone to go on adventures with, and if that goes well, maybe something more."

 

I dont like that kind of blase attitude. I'm much more goal oriented when it comes to dating. I'm all in or I'm all out.

 

I'm not holding my breath with this one

 

Are you sure it ain't me, Dis? I am a guy like that, kinda blaze as you put it eventhough I would have phrased it differently. When I am single and scouring an OLD site, I am usually a bit vague because if I express strong beliefs, I may be turned down wayy too often. It helps filters of course but that's not something a man can afford online, when women obviously can.

 

So maybe behind his vague profile introduction there's a serious and genuine guy, what matters is whether you want to see him again or not. Have a good date.

[Cookiesandough]

Oh yes and crop tops are my jam. They are to men what a hot knife is to butter. Wore one on my last 2 dates. It's getting chilly and fall out now though... not that I'm complaining. Fall

[Dis]

Which site or app is this guy from? Could be a healthy attitude/not desperate for but open to a relationship or a way to dress up commitment issues xD

 

Only one way to find out I guess. Hope you enjoy your date tonight. Let us know how goes

 

I also want to say that a lot of times you have to be careful when a guy puts that in his profile because they are the types that are so clingy that they don't want to come off clingy. They try to play it off in their profile. I had one of these asked me to be his GF on the second date. He had something similar in his profile like "looking to take it slow but open to anything"

 

Very valid points Cookies. Good insight

 

He doesnt seem clingy at all. I like to meet up after the first few messages assuming everything checks out.... I've noticed a lot of guys on OLD arent used to meeting up so soon so I take the initiative to set up a date.

 

He told me if I ever wanted to get together to grab a cup of coffee or a drink to let him know. At that point I told him when I was free, he agreed but wasnt being super proactive so I kind of left things hanging. He mesaged me today asking if we were still on for tonight, I liked that he was taking charge so I agreed to go out.

 

As for your first point, I agree with it 100%. It could go either way, either he's ready for a relationship and wants it to develop at a healthy pace, or he's one of those guys thats not ready for something serious

[Dis]

Are you sure it ain't me, Dis? I am a guy like that, kinda blaze as you put it eventhough I would have phrased it differently. When I am single and scouring an OLD site, I am usually a bit vague because if I express strong beliefs, I may be turned down wayy too often. It helps filters of course but that's not something a man can afford online, when women obviously can.

 

So maybe behind his vague profile introduction there's a serious and genuine guy, what matters is whether you want to see him again or not. Have a good date.

 

Ohhh wow, Shanex! I didnt think of it like that at all. Interesting perspective to keep in mind

 

The last 3 dates I've had I wasnt interested in seeing the guy again so I'm taking things in stride for sure

 

We shall see! Thanks for chiming in!

[joseb]

Thus guy I have a date with tonight said in his profile,

 

"Hoping to find friendship and someone to go on adventures with, and if that goes well, maybe something more."

 

I dont like that kind of blase attitude. I'm much more goal oriented when it comes to dating. I'm all in or I'm all out.

 

I'm not holding my breath with this one

 

I've seen the same thing, pretty much word for word on scores of women's profiles. I reckon he had too, and is just trying to match more by mirroring.

[Dis]

Finally, a very, very good first date

 

He was not at all what I expected. Not indifferent or blase as I previously assumed. He was genuine, honest, deep and seemed interested

 

I'm not going to psychoanalyze him or what I think will happen. For the first time, I'm walking away from a date without banking on a text, or second date or anything else

 

This feels really good

 

I was driving home tonight on a long country road leading to my house and the moon was shining above the road the entire way home... it was beautiful. I dont know why but I feel like I'm coming to a clearing and good things are ahead

[Shanex]

Glad to hear that I was right.

[Cookiesandough]

So glad to hear that, dis!!! Have fun on your second date:)

[Dis]

Thanks guys!

 

Today he asked me out on a second date to go to a big fair thats held annually in our state

 

He asked me what day worked for me, I said next Sunday because the fair will be absolutely packed on Friday and Saturday nights and it starts on the 15th

 

So, he's not much of a texter. I noticed this even before we met up. He's talkative and engaing in person but over text.... not much going on there. I don't need a ton of texting but unless I hear from him from time to time...I dont think his communication style will match mine. I'm kind of afraid I'll lose interest with so little communication and the date being a week away

 

I'm also going to actively date other people once someone catches my eye on OLD which means my interest level could wane more quickly than usual

 

I guess there's not a lot you can do about communication styles though

[greymatter]

Thanks guys!

 

Today he asked me out on a second date to go to a big fair thats held annually in our state

 

He asked me what day worked for me, I said next Sunday because the fair will be absolutely packed on Friday and Saturday nights and it starts on the 15th

 

So, he's not much of a texter. I noticed this even before we met up. He's talkative and engaing in person but over text.... not much going on there. I don't need a ton of texting but unless I hear from him from time to time...I dont think his communication style will match mine. I'm kind of afraid I'll lose interest with so little communication and the date being a week away

 

I'm also going to actively date other people once someone catches my eye on OLD which means my interest level could wane more quickly than usual

 

I guess there's not a lot you can do about communication styles though

 

So you already found a reason why he won't work for you, even though he's great in person and already asked you for a second date with concrete plans...because he is not a big texter? If he texted too much it would scare you off. Texting should be reserved for setting up dates and brief exchanges, not as an overall sign of interest and it is so early on to be saying this.

 

Is there really something else about him that you didn't like, because that is what it sounds like to me. If you are truly interested in someone, how can you lose interest in them over not receiving enough texts (in your view) over the span of a week until your next date? I just don't get it. If your interest is lost that easily, it doesn't sound like you are emotionally available for anything more than a date or two, and nothing deeper.

[Dis]

So you already found a reason why he won't work for you, even though he's great in person and already asked you for a second date with concrete plans...because he is not a big texter? If he texted too much it would scare you off. Texting should be reserved for setting up dates and brief exchanges, not as an overall sign of interest and it is so early on to be saying this.

 

Is there really something else about him that you didn't like, because that is what it sounds like to me. If you are truly interested in someone, how can you lose interest in them over not receiving enough texts (in your view) over the span of a week until your next date? I just don't get it. If your interest is lost that easily, it doesn't sound like you are emotionally available for anything more than a date or two, and nothing deeper.

 

Well this is a great point greymatter...and after hearing it.. I have to agree

 

I was just thinking, with my last LTR, we never texted much in the beginning and I ended up being with him for 2.5 years

 

I think I'm just used to a lot of texting in the beginning with the last few guys I've dated. But now that I look back on it, those STRs werent sustainable. Things burnt out really quickly. So maybe by starting things off slowly (like he mentioned he prefers to do) this might have a shot long term if thats what we both want

 

I think I've come to the point where I dont need to be in communication with the person I'm dating nearly as much back when I was an anxious dater. I do like some communication though, to stay in touch. I dont know, maybe now that I'm starting fresh and have become more realistic, more mature.... maybe I'm ready to think outside the box

 

Thanks so much for your perspective. Its much appreciated

[Logo]

Hi guys!

 

So after 5 months of being off OLD and swearing on all that is holy I'd never use OLD again... I'm back on!

 

I've always been a serial monogamist even in the very early stages of dating. Once I get to chatting with someone, my mind hyperfocuses on that one person and I cant seem to look elsewhere. Yes, its great to focus on one person at a time and give that person a chance. But on the other side of the coin, I've had a lot of problems with worrying, obsessing and creating fanatsies because I focused TOO much on that one person

 

I've come to the conclusion that because I'm such a severe overthinker I need to multidate! I feel like it will alleviate some of that pressure and stress.

 

Dilemma, I dont know how to not get carried away (in my mind) with one person. I need to learn how to branch out, be more realistic and focus on a few guys at a time. Its like I become too attached right off the bat and have no interest in thinking about anyone. As you can imagine, that thought process creates a lot of problems when things go south and all my hopes fall to the wayside

 

I'm currently talking to a few guys so I need to get this sorted out

 

Any tips would be greatly appreciated! Thanks guys!

 

 

Yeah. Don't do it. Men are not a piece of meat or clothes you try on and then toss away if you don't like them.

 

Is it the end of the world tomorrow that you have to date in bulk to find the one? What if you end up liking 2 or 3? Are you going to string them along longer until you make up your mind?

[No_Go]

I think you can try something: initiate communication (texts etc) and see if he reciprocates. If he tries matching your style: he's likely interested but bad

If he ignores - he's likely not interested enough to make an effort.

Not saying to overload him, just test him here and there.

 

Thanks guys!

 

Today he asked me out on a second date to go to a big fair thats held annually in our state

 

He asked me what day worked for me, I said next Sunday because the fair will be absolutely packed on Friday and Saturday nights and it starts on the 15th

 

So, he's not much of a texter. I noticed this even before we met up. He's talkative and engaing in person but over text.... not much going on there. I don't need a ton of texting but unless I hear from him from time to time...I dont think his communication style will match mine. I'm kind of afraid I'll lose interest with so little communication and the date being a week away

 

I'm also going to actively date other people once someone catches my eye on OLD which means my interest level could wane more quickly than usual

 

I guess there's not a lot you can do about communication styles though

[Dis]

I think you can try something: initiate communication (texts etc) and see if he reciprocates. If he tries matching your style: he's likely interested but bad

If he ignores - he's likely not interested enough to make an effort.

Not saying to overload him, just test him here and there.

 

I think I'm just going to go with it

 

I dont feel a need to talk to him... maybe I will in a few days

 

I just dont feel that need I always felt to hang over the guy and text and blah blah. That needless chit chat means nothing as evidenced by my last STR that didnt work out

 

I'm not saying his lack of communication wont bother me later... but for now. I dont really care about it

 

I liked him in person, the date went really well, he set up another date the day after the first date

 

I'm good

[Dis]

I've been super busy getting ready for a new semester but today I found myself randomly thinking about this communication thing a little. I've only heard from him the day after our 1st date when he asked me on a second date. Thats it.

 

I dont know if I have a problem with it or not

 

In the very early stages of dating, is it normal for a guy (32 years old) only text to set up plans??? Or does it mean he's not making an effort/not that interested/etc etc???

 

Very open to hearing all perspectives!

 

Thanks!

[No_Go]

IME this style of communication is adopted by guys that like to date by the book - dating coaches etc give that advice and many guys follow so they don't appear overeager. For me personally this is a turn off (as any other game playing), but all in all, I don't think it says much about the guy besides the above.

 

 

I've been super busy getting ready for a new semester but today I found myself randomly thinking about this communication thing a little. I've only heard from him the day after our 1st date when he asked me on a second date. Thats it.

 

I dont know if I have a problem with it or not

 

In the very early stages of dating, is it normal for a guy (32 years old) only text to set up plans??? Or does it mean he's not making an effort/not that interested/etc etc???

 

Very open to hearing all perspectives!

 

Thanks!

[Dis]

IME this style of communication is adopted by guys that like to date by the book - dating coaches etc give that advice and many guys follow so they don't appear overeager. For me personally this is a turn off (as any other game playing), but all in all, I don't think it says much about the guy besides the above.

 

Very level headed opinion. I agree.

 

He's only been on OLD for about 6 days so I dont know that he's gotten to the point where he'd resort to googling Corey Wayne just yet

 

This is just very different from what I'm used to and different always freaks me out

 

And if by some chance got into a relationship with each other, I wouldnt be happy with such sporadic communication. But thats just me putting the cart before the horse