Any Multidating Tips???

[Cookiesandough]

omgosh...sorry to be a buzzkill but I don't like it!!! I mean I love when guys take the piss/get sarcastic but I agree it's not witty.. he is just trying too hard/weird. Are you going on a date w him?!?

[Dis]

omgosh...sorry to be a buzzkill but I don't like it!!! I mean I love when guys take the piss/get sarcastic but I agree it's not witty.. he is just trying too hard/weird. Are you going on a date w him?!?

 

Nope! That turned me off

[Dis]

I have a date on Sunday but I really want to date other guys too

 

The problem is, I havent seen anyone on OLD who I'm interested in

 

I think I'm being way too picky

 

Like if the guy is under 5'9, I pass. I like the dark hair, dark eye look most of the time so that really narrows my options

 

I'm getting the usual amount of messages, matchs, likes but I havent seen anyone who I'd want to go out with execpt this one guy

 

I want to multidate, after all... thats why I made this thread

 

I'm just being too narrow minded and I dont know how to snap out of that

[Cookiesandough]

That's really hard. You like what you like. All the guys I've dated this passed month including my bf all had similar look. It's my type. Then you get personality clashes even within your physical type, I just got really lucky this time around. Sometimes it takes a lot of waiting to find the whole package, but it's worth the wait.

But if you really want to try to shoot to go outside of the box, how about not looking at the stats? Just looking at the thumbnail and seeing if he is attractive enough and seems to have a really good personality... attraction can be formed in many other ways once you meet face-to-face

[Mkn1010]

I have a date on Sunday but I really want to date other guys too

 

The problem is, I havent seen anyone on OLD who I'm interested in

 

I think I'm being way too picky

 

Like if the guy is under 5'9, I pass. I like the dark hair, dark eye look most of the time so that really narrows my options

 

I'm getting the usual amount of messages, matchs, likes but I havent seen anyone who I'd want to go out with execpt this one guy

 

I want to multidate, after all... thats why I made this thread

 

I'm just being too narrow minded and I dont know how to snap out of that

 

 

Honestly, I am only now dating a friend of mine who wants me to be his gf because I threw all the **** about my usual type right out the window! Seriously, what height or colour hair he has means nothing when it comes being an amazing human being! I feel like I finally learnt this at 30... what a waste of all those years where I was chasing the wrong things.

 

That being said, an attraction to them is essential! But how the F will you really know that from photos??

[Dis]

Honestly, I am only now dating a friend of mine who wants me to be his gf because I threw all the **** about my usual type right out the window! Seriously, what height or colour hair he has means nothing when it comes being an amazing human being! I feel like I finally learnt this at 30... what a waste of all those years where I was chasing the wrong things.

 

That being said, an attraction to them is essential! But how the F will you really know that from photos??

 

Yayyyy Mkn!!! So happy to hear that!

 

I've thought outside the box before. And I've had those dates where I wasnt sure if I was attracted to the guy but as time went on, attraction grew. I'm willing to give things a chance as long as there is a baseline attraction there

 

I think one of the things thats getting me is height. I have a really hard time dating guys shorter than 5'9

 

I'm not sure if I'm just being really picky, or if I'm honestly just not at all attracted to these guys in the past few days

[Dis]

That's really hard. You like what you like. All the guys I've dated this passed month including my bf all had similar look. It's my type. Then you get personality clashes even within your physical type, I just got really lucky this time around. Sometimes it takes a lot of waiting to find the whole package, but it's worth the wait.

But if you really want to try to shoot to go outside of the box, how about not looking at the stats? Just looking at the thumbnail and seeing if he is attractive enough and seems to have a really good personality... attraction can be formed in many other ways once you meet face-to-face

 

Just the thumbnail huh?

 

That might be a really good idea

 

But then, if he lives far away or if he's super short or he doesnt have a good job etc etc. Theres so many other things to consider

[No_Go]

Just the thumbnail huh?

 

That might be a really good idea

 

But then, if he lives far away or if he's super short or he doesnt have a good job etc etc. Theres so many other things to consider

 

I do the opposite: look only at the stats (age, height, body type, job, location) and only glimpse the pictures or only look at the profile one. That's how I'm minimally biased with looks.

 

For me the best gauge for potential is the way the profile is written - if it is my style, it trumps the stats.

[Cookiesandough]

Just the thumbnail huh?

 

That might be a really good idea

 

But then, if he lives far away or if he's super short or he doesnt have a good job etc etc. Theres so many other things to consider

 

Oh look at the profile!!! lol definitely look at the pro but not not the stats like height etc. Just look at thumbnail bc it gives you a general idea of look but you're not being too picky about who you are choosing to meet up with based on appearance. Look at the things that are absolute make/breaks but focus More on the conversation?

[Shining One]

I do the opposite: look only at the stats (age, height, body type, job, location) and only glimpse the pictures or only look at the profile one. That's how I'm minimally biased with looks.

This doesn't make sense. Height and body type are components of "looks".

[Shining One]

OP, if you have absolute deal-breakers as far as physical attributes are concerned, I wouldn't advise trying things out with men who possess those deal-breakers. Having been on the receiving side of that, it's not a pleasant feeling.

[No_Go]

This doesn't make sense. Height and body type are components of "looks".

 

They are - you're right- I should have worded it differently. All I was trying to say is I'm just looking for deal breakers in terms of looks, and stats usually give all the necessary information and help NOT to be overly picky.

[Dis]

OP, if you have absolute deal-breakers as far as physical attributes are concerned, I wouldn't advise trying things out with men who possess those deal-breakers. Having been on the receiving side of that, it's not a pleasant feeling.

 

Ya, see thats why I'm afraid to go too far outside my type

 

I did that with a guy I dated maybe a month ago and omgggg was it a mistake

 

But at the same time, I really feel like I'm being too picky seeing as I have not talked to ONE other guy that I would consider going on a date with and I get loads of messages, likes, matches

 

THAT is being wayyyy to picky. Or, I'm just genuinely not attracted to these guys so far...at all

[Dis]

Oh look at the profile!!! lol definitely look at the pro but not not the stats like height etc. Just look at thumbnail bc it gives you a general idea of look but you're not being too picky about who you are choosing to meet up with based on appearance. Look at the things that are absolute make/breaks but focus More on the conversation?

 

Great advice Cookies!

 

For example, I'm talking to one guy right now. But theres one problem, he's Puerto Rican and I dont date guys outside my race. Its just a preference.

 

He's seems really cool though. Good convo. Really eager to talk to me.... I just dont know.

[Lorenza]

Hi Dis, well the main drawback of OLD is that you can't get the whole picture by viewing someone's profile. It's really hard to get attracted to someone you can't hear, feel their presence or see their gestures. Remembering this helps me to be less picky. People are more than what they might seem on a piece of digital media. Sometimes a gorgeous voice and good energy makes up for the lack of the appearance you'd find ideal.

[Lorenza]

Besides, I never go for the obvious eye candies. If you find someone smoking hot so does other women which generates loads of options he's probably gonna take advantage of (unless he's really into settling down and finding the one, but what are the odds you're gonna come across someone like that on a dating site?)

[Dis]

Hi Dis, well the main drawback of OLD is that you can't get the whole picture by viewing someone's profile. It's really hard to get attracted to someone you can't hear, feel their presence or see their gestures. Remembering this helps me to be less picky. People are more than what they might seem on a piece of digital media. Sometimes a gorgeous voice and good energy makes up for the lack of the appearance you'd find ideal.

 

Besides, I never go for the obvious eye candies. If you find someone smoking hot so does other women which generates loads of options he's probably gonna take advantage of (unless he's really into settling down and finding the one, but what are the odds you're gonna come across someone like that on a dating site?)

 

Totally agree L!

 

Confidence, mannerisms, the way they carry themselves can really tack on the attraction points

 

I know that pictures dont tell you everything and I've dated outside my usual type so I know that I dont have to think the guy is goregous for me to go out with him. I just think the selection isnt that great right now

 

Your second point, I could agree more and I stay away from the super attractive guys, the guys with shirtless selfies I've dated far too many of those types to ever date one again

[rightondude]

coming from a guy, reading through this thread has been really enlightening as to the female POV in OLD. Since starting OLD this year, I have been freaked nasty/fell in love on the first date, then ghosted, nearly stabbed by a jealous ex, and been stalked by someone with clear mental issues. But, here I am, still swiping right hoping to find Miss Right or Miss Right now. So, if any of you really think you're gonna give up the thrill; I highly doubt it. For those of us too busy or not in a position to put ourselves out there, OLD is just too damn easy. It's the Amazon of shopping around for companionship.

 

All I can say is, if you find someone you think could be the one, quit the multi-dating. Focus on making that something special, not "well what if someone better is out there?" To me, that's the worst part of the advent of OLD ... everyone always thinks they shouldn't invest themselves too much because of what could be behind door #2.

Edited September 16, 2017 by rightondude

[Dis]

coming from a guy, reading through this thread has been really enlightening as to the female POV in OLD. Since starting OLD this year, I have been freaked nasty on the first date then ghosted, nearly stabbed by a jealous ex, and been stalked as a result. But, here I am, still swiping right hoping to find Miss Right or Miss Right now.

 

All I can say is, if you find someone you think could be the one, quit the multi-dating. Focus on making that something special, not "well what if someone better is out there?" To me, that's the worst part of the advent of OLD ... everyone always thinks they shouldn't invest themselves too much because of what could be behind door #2.

 

Lol, at least we can say OLD keeps things interesting, right?

 

The second paragraph, thats a really good point. I have a second date with a guy tomorrow but I'm so used to things going belly up with OLD, I refuse to focus soley in him so early on. Dont get me wrong, if he turns out to be bf material, I wont have a problem focusing on just him down the road. But OLD is full of flakes and disappointments... I'm not going to put all my eggs in one basket this time around. I'm going to be smart

 

I'm just having a hard time finding someone else to date. I'm not finding ANY of these other guys appealing at the moment

[Dis]

I have a date with a new guy this Saturday

 

Thought I was crazy for not being attracted to anyone else on OLD...then this new cutie came along

 

[Cookiesandough]

Yay!!!!!!! Go dis!!!!!

[Fair]

I honestly don't know if multi dating is the answer. More people than ever are single and I wonder if it's something to do with people now having too many choices for too many different types of relationships with too many people... If you multi date... they are also going to multi date, and the chances of any of you pairing off are slim to none in my opinion... that's why online dating is so frustrating. No one knows how to focus on just one, anymore.

 

I can only focus on one person at a time... have always been that way. I think the best bet for me is to find someone like minded... not to multi date. But if you want to try it, best of luck to you.

[Cookiesandough]

I have to agree with fair. Something really bothered me about dating others while I was seeing someone that I kind of liked a lot. I actually liked three of them to greater or less or extent. But spreading yourself out in that way I think ruins the romance and not only that just makes you feel kind of gross? It takes away your emotional capacity and energy for the relationship too.i'll probably go on several first dates but from now on the first time I really like someone I will stop seeing others 100%

[Shining One]

The idea isn't to keep multi-dating perpetually. Assuming your goal is a relationship, multi-dating is just the process for evaluating multiple prospects simultaneously. You eventually get down to just one person. In my experience, it worked something like this: 20 First Dates -> 7 Second Dates -> 3 Third Dates -> 2 Fourth Dates -> 1 Fifth Date

[Fair]

The idea isn't to keep multi-dating perpetually. Assuming your goal is a relationship, multi-dating is just the process for evaluating multiple prospects simultaneously. You eventually get down to just one person. In my experience, it worked something like this: 20 First Dates -> 7 Second Dates -> 3 Third Dates -> 2 Fourth Dates -> 1 Fifth Date

 

Sure, on your end. Problem is, your 5th date in which you've personally narrowed it down to one could be their 20th.. you can't vouch for what the other multi dater is doing...