Any Multidating Tips???

[Dis]

Thanks so much guys!!! So sweet!

 

I've been making a concerted effort to work on my trust issues. Its really hard, its kind of like retraining my brain but I'm happy to say its starting to pay off

 

I feel more settled. I dont feel the need to pick everything apart. He's noticing that I feel better too.

 

Its def a process and I'm just starting but things feel so sturdy/steady with him I feel like I can slowly let go

[Shanex]

Good to hear this is still going well, its been a number of months already? Whos counting?

 

Multidating is discouraging, its good you have found him before sinking in an endless mess.

[Dis]

I am home, I am safe

 

He doesn't say much...but when he does...

 

My heart is with you

It never leaves

At night I watch you

I watch you while you sleep

When the sun comes up

My eyes still stay

I watch you always

I watch you everyday

-Dis

[greymatter]

I am home, I am safe

 

He doesn't say much...but when he does...

 

My heart is with you

It never leaves

At night I watch you

I watch you while you sleep

When the sun comes up

My eyes still stay

I watch you always

I watch you everyday

-Dis

 

I'm very happy for you!

[Kellens]

I'm really happy for you Dis! I know how great it feels to finally be with someone that you can trust, it's the best feeling ever. My relationship started around the holidays 2 years ago, I'm not sure if you're a holiday person, but it made everything that more special I also write little poems like you when I'm either really upset or just feeling a lot (love,longing lust) and I need to let it out. Anyway, I'll keep on wishing the best for you, I hope you're enjoying all of this!

[Dis]

I'm really happy for you Dis! I know how great it feels to finally be with someone that you can trust, it's the best feeling ever. My relationship started around the holidays 2 years ago, I'm not sure if you're a holiday person, but it made everything that more special I also write little poems like you when I'm either really upset or just feeling a lot (love,longing lust) and I need to let it out. Anyway, I'll keep on wishing the best for you, I hope you're enjoying all of this!

 

Kellens I always love seeing your posts! Thank you!

 

The past two holiday seasons were awful. Very sad and dreary but this one????

 

Amazingggggg!!! We got a Christmas tree and decorated it together. We're getting each other presents and giving hints about them. Its like the most gushy, happy, festive, lovey dovey holiday season ever

 

I'm spending Christmas with him and his family because I avoid my sister like the plague (thats a whole different story )

 

My house is so cozzy in the winter. Its in the country and theres snow on the ground so its really nice having someone to cuddle up with

 

I'm pretty psyched

[winny]

Thank you!

 

I found my guy before I had to resort to multidating, which was my initial strategy

 

Lucky me!

 

Was browsing randomly and found this... I am so happy for you!!!!

Congratulations I wish you so much happiness!!! <3

[fieldoflavender]

Sigh I keep getting myself into multi dating situations. And I hate it because it's never equal - sure no one is perfect. But I always end up ranking them. And then I feel guilt about the person who I feel like I don't want to let go (maybe they deserve another chance - and often they're nicer, more forward and chasing me and maybe I like the attention). Of course it's not a 100% no to the "back up" but I still feel like it's unfair.

 

Right now I have a longtime guy friend who I've liked since forever, and I feel like it's time to just get my closure and move on. We keep doing friend dates - and I know it doesn't go anywhere, but I can't help how I feel. And I feel it's holding me back from finding real love. But a part of me is sad to let go. It's been 6 years - and I just don't have the guts to do it. But I hope in the next 1-2 weeks, I will finally brave up and confess, let him give me closure, and we can stay friends.

 

There's a new guy I am kind of falling for with lots of physical attraction, but he can't make up his mind about what he wants - red flag galore. But I can't seem to let him go. But it's been 3 dates, and I can't just keep "dating" him forever. So I don't know.

 

And then there's this really nice guy - but I am not that physically attracted to him. This happened with my ex - and that relationship went into shambles. So I am hesitant to try to get myself to fall in love with someone who I was not that into in the very beginning.

 

I know it's supposed to be fun, but emotionally it gets challenging. I feel like I keep hoping something will happen with the first two, while not wanting to let go of the third but I guess since I've only been on one date with him, I can give him another chance, and there is still nothing, then let it go?

[Dis]

Sigh I keep getting myself into multi dating situations. And I hate it because it's never equal - sure no one is perfect. But I always end up ranking them. And then I feel guilt about the person who I feel like I don't want to let go (maybe they deserve another chance - and often they're nicer, more forward and chasing me and maybe I like the attention). Of course it's not a 100% no to the "back up" but I still feel like it's unfair.

 

Right now I have a longtime guy friend who I've liked since forever, and I feel like it's time to just get my closure and move on. We keep doing friend dates - and I know it doesn't go anywhere, but I can't help how I feel. And I feel it's holding me back from finding real love. But a part of me is sad to let go. It's been 6 years - and I just don't have the guts to do it. But I hope in the next 1-2 weeks, I will finally brave up and confess, let him give me closure, and we can stay friends.

 

There's a new guy I am kind of falling for with lots of physical attraction, but he can't make up his mind about what he wants - red flag galore. But I can't seem to let him go. But it's been 3 dates, and I can't just keep "dating" him forever. So I don't know.

 

And then there's this really nice guy - but I am not that physically attracted to him. This happened with my ex - and that relationship went into shambles. So I am hesitant to try to get myself to fall in love with someone who I was not that into in the very beginning.

 

I know it's supposed to be fun, but emotionally it gets challenging. I feel like I keep hoping something will happen with the first two, while not wanting to let go of the third but I guess since I've only been on one date with him, I can give him another chance, and there is still nothing, then let it go?

 

Hey girl! Lots of things to think about in that post

 

#1- Your long term guy friend. I always feel sad when I hear about people havent let someone go despite the fact that person is holding them back from finding someone who could be right for them. Maybe this guy friend is comfortable for you, because you've known him for so long...so its easier to hold onto him than it is to look for someone new. But while you're holding onto him, you're letting countless chances of finding someone new fly by you. Also, never look to this guy for closure. We give ourselves closure. Maybe it would be wise to tell him how you feel, not to move forward with him, but to let him go

 

#2- The guy that doesnt know what he wants. No, no, no. Walk away unless you want to get hurt. There are plenty of men out there who know what they want so dont waste time on this guy. You know what I'm saying.

 

#3- The nice guy. Dont waste time on him either. As you've said, if the attraction isnt there... theres nothing you can do about that. Its not your fault you're not attracted. Let him down kindly and promptly. Be fair to him.

 

So end point... No to all 3 of these guys. Start from scratch. Back to the drawing board.

 

I know dating takes such a toll on our emotions but when you find someone who is right for you, its well worth the pain and frustration! Keep going!

 

I wish you all the best FoL!

[fieldoflavender]

Hey girl! Lots of things to think about in that post

 

#1- Your long term guy friend. I always feel sad when I hear about people havent let someone go despite the fact that person is holding them back from finding someone who could be right for them. Maybe this guy friend is comfortable for you, because you've known him for so long...so its easier to hold onto him than it is to look for someone new. But while you're holding onto him, you're letting countless chances of finding someone new fly by you. Also, never look to this guy for closure. We give ourselves closure. Maybe it would be wise to tell him how you feel, not to move forward with him, but to let him go

 

#2- The guy that doesnt know what he wants. No, no, no. Walk away unless you want to get hurt. There are plenty of men out there who know what they want so dont waste time on this guy. You know what I'm saying.

 

#3- The nice guy. Dont waste time on him either. As you've said, if the attraction isnt there... theres nothing you can do about that. Its not your fault you're not attracted. Let him down kindly and promptly. Be fair to him.

 

So end point... No to all 3 of these guys. Start from scratch. Back to the drawing board.

 

I know dating takes such a toll on our emotions but when you find someone who is right for you, its well worth the pain and frustration! Keep going!

 

I wish you all the best FoL!

 

So I did get closure from the friend - it's a no go - I knew it all along, but at least I can move on. #2 is hard, but you are right, I think he needs an ultimatum because I need to move on. I'm already getting hurt by it. #3 is done deal and he didn't turn out to be that nice.

 

Oh wells, that is life. Thanks for the encouragement.