Are American Men Threatened by Intelligent Women?

[Simple Logic]

My gal pals tell me that American men can't handle women that are intellectually superior to them; and that, foreign men welcome it. What do you think?

 

I think there are a lot of American men that are not attracted to women who are more successful than they are.

[Chilli]

People in general who talk about how superior they are usually aren't.

 

True , even a professor mate of mine says he can't believe how clueless some of the smartest people he knows are.

He told me that because one day l actually said to him how out there a lot of so called really smart people are and he said yeah he'd notice that himself.

l know l sure have.

[Chilli]

Funny , l've probably been around more extremely educated women than just about anyone.

Can start with my 6 sisters- all total pains in the ass. But funny ,my ex wife was a fairly simple girl yet she had more smarts in her little finger that the 6 sisters put together.

She could literally havem for breakfast without even raising a sweat truth be known.

Where as my 2 sister inlaws on the other hand, different story, great women , pleasure to be around and talk and joke with, they love a good laugh, and they have IQ's of the charts, another friend of mine, beautiful lady. , just to name a few.

 

All comes down to the personality which a lot of so called really smart women have big issues with but when they don't , no problemo,

[road]

I don't think it is these women's so-called intelligence that turns men off. It is more likely their arrogance and condescension.

 

We have a winner.

[CptInsano]

I think the term "intelligent" for the sake of this discussion is often used as a proxy for "career-minded". It can be very hard to combine two careers within a single relationship without one side making compromises. (Ironically, this combination can be very financially beneficial if it works out.)

 

If you have a career and wish to maintain and further it, you are making some implicit demands on a potential spouse. Some are okay with that, and others simply are not.

[elaine567]

People in general are always threatened by those who are in possession of specific "superior" traits or talents, or are generally superior due to genetics or advantages of birth, or who have excess wealth.

So it is hardly a surprise to find intelligent women have come across men how can't deal with their intelligence..

 

However, some people need to attach negative stereotypes to anyone, especially a woman who is "gifted" in some way.

 

She is beautiful, sexy and hot... Oh she must be a horrible person, full of herself...

She is clever and intelligent... Oh she must be arrogant and condescending...

She is very rich... Oh she must be a right, nasty piece of work...

 

That is actually the hallmark of those who DO feel threatened.

They feel the need to disparage, in order to even the score in their mind,

"I may not be a professor, but at least I am a nice person..."

[Shining One]

So it is hardly a surprise to find intelligent women have come across men how can't deal with their intelligence.

The question remains: How are you certain that her intelligence is the reason for her rejection? People are much more than a single attribute. Maybe she has bad breath. Maybe she has a defective vagina. Any reasons you give a mere speculation unless you get confirmation.

 

I've ended things with some intelligent, better educated women over the years. Intelligence had nothing to do with why I rejected any of them. I wonder if any of them assumed their intelligence was to blame.

[elaine567]

I've ended things with some intelligent, better educated women over the years. Intelligence had nothing to do with why I rejected any of them. I wonder if any of them assumed their intelligence was to blame.

 

I guess it depends on if they felt their intelligence was a bone of contention in the relationship.

If she felt you were putting her down a lot, refusing to consider her opinion, fighting her to the death to always be right, then she would be well within her rights to think that her intelligence was an issue for you.

I would guess that not many would say "I am dumping you as you are cleverer than me and I feel threatened", would they? but that doesn't mean she doesn't KNOW the real reason for the dumping.

[knabe]

The assumptions some make that men automatically denigrate a woman for her intelligence is telling. It displays a chip on the shoulder attitude, which I suspect many defensive women who think they are highly intelligent probably have.

 

It is likely the chip and not the intelligence that causes problems.

 

Just like I tell men who don't like women not to try to date them...

 

A woman who doesn't like men probably shouldn't try to date one.

[elaine567]

The assumptions some make that men automatically denigrate a woman for her intelligence is telling.

 

No-one said that men in general automatically denigrate women for their intelligence, but usually men who feel threatened by an woman's intelligence, tend to do so.

[Shanex]

Personally, I am aware that they are tons of more intelligent, qualified and career-oriented women than me.

 

I just try to choose women with similar interests, and of similar intelligence as mine.

 

I had an ex who liked to brag how so ''intelligent'' she was. As it was rightly said before, claiming your so-called intelligence interfere with your modesty and humility, which is real intelligence.

 

By the way, why the focus on American men OP?

[thefooloftheyear]

No-one said that men in general automatically denigrate women for their intelligence, but usually men who feel threatened by an woman's intelligence, tend to do so.

 

 

I know a lot of guys, and my age might suggest that I am nearing Pre-historic, but never in my entire life have I ever heard a guy state that he was either "scared" or felt "threatened" by their wives/gf's intelligence....As a matter of fact, most of the guys I know with sharp women often gush over them, heaping praise whenever they can, and even to the point of delegating responsibilities to those women, because they are just plain better at the task...

 

Now, I have heard plenty of other stuff like ..."Too fat, out of shape, pain in the ass, nasty/b!tchy, spending all my money", blah, blah.....but "too intelligent"??

 

Nope..

 

TFY

[elaine567]

I know a lot of guys, and my age might suggest that I am nearing Pre-historic, but never in my entire life have I ever heard a guy state that he was either "scared" or felt "threatened" by their wives/gf's intelligence....As a matter of fact, most of the guys I know with sharp women often gush over them, heaping praise whenever they can, and even to the point of delegating responsibilities to those women, because they are just plain better at the task...

 

Now, I have heard plenty of other stuff like ..."Too fat, out of shape, pain in the ass, nasty/b!tchy, spending all my money", blah, blah.....but "too intelligent"??

 

Nope..

 

TFY

 

OK because that is a topic that will bring comparison into the conversation, It is also not cool or PC for such a man to admit his partners intelligence is an issue to him.

Also men who have a problem with intelligent women usually do not get involved with such women, they avoid them like the plague.

[knabe]

OK because that is a topic that will bring comparison into the conversation, It is also not cool or PC for such a man to admit his partners intelligence is an issue to him.

Also men who have a problem with intelligent women usually do not get involved with such women, they avoid them like the plague.

 

Again, lots of assumptions. I don't like it when men think they understand women better than women do, and this seems like the reverse.

 

Where are you getting your assumptions? Are they based in provable fact or based in your view of men?

[BluEyeL]

There are a lot of generalizations and those are never accurate. Of course that not all men are threatened by intelligent women. Is not that simple. And it is true that I met women who just had an abrasive personality and then kept saying that men won't date them because they were smarter than them .

 

But indeed there is competition in some couples and ego is driving most people . A man draws more of his self esteem from career and money achievement because of the historical roles men played, while women don't feel the need to compete that way with their partners.

 

I actually got dumped by my ex -husband for being too smart and I know that for sure because he told me. He didn't straight dumped me, he cheated and took actions towards not repairing the marriage and also left us to find himself before we officially broke up. So anyway in those painful moments I asked him: "why are you doing this? What did I do? Was I not a good wife to you?" He told me two things: 1. I ruined this marriage because since I didn't get to have the career I wanted then why should you have the family you wanted ? And 2. When I married you I didn't know you were that smart and you'll be more successful than me. We are mismatched.

 

It's not necessarily about intelligence per say.its more about how the guy feels about himself and what he thinks success is. My current husband still tells me that I'm smarter than him (I don't think I am), but because he's more financially successful it doesn't matter to him. He says it but it's not a problem because what success means to him. My ex said that being with me is a constant reminder of his failure and there is nothing I can do to make that go away.

Edited August 25, 2017 by BluEyeL

[Larryville]

My gal pals tell me that American men can't handle women that are intellectually superior to them;

 

What does "intellectually superior" even mean? Did you mean the woman has an IQ score of 150 and the guy 100? Or the woman has an Ivy league Ph.D. and the guy an associate degree? Or the woman makes 250k and the guy 75k? I personally don't think you can define intellectual superiority this way, so it'd be helpful if you can be more concrete.

 

I think the term "intelligent" for the sake of this discussion is often used as a proxy for "career-minded".

 

How are you certain that her intelligence is the reason for her rejection?

 

People are much more than a single attribute.

 

Of course that not all men are threatened by intelligent women

 

Ok I’m late to this but I will come at a different angle. Men who blow off intelligent women do so mostly to protect their fragile masculine egos. But the term “intelligent woman” has far more to do with her overall, mental and emotional health and well-being than it does an IQ rating.

 

Men who grew up without a strong respectful male role model along with a strong together mother would indeed reject a more intellectually together woman because he either has not seen one, or knows how to deal with one.

 

Men like this see women as just a role player in his life and when she displays any traits that she is together and an all-around individual they conflict.

 

The balance I am talking about this “intelligent” woman you guys are talking about includes things like:

 

She tells it like it is, does not BS you.

 

She’s resourceful. She’s not afraid.

 

She’s resilient. She WANTS to succeed.

 

She doesn’t withdraw when things in a relationship get tough.

 

You can rely on her to get things done. She isn’t flaky.

 

She consistent regarding values and morals.

 

She doesn’t have separation anxiety. She’s outgrown the need to constantly keep tabs on you.

 

If she has chosen you, you know it, will not play games.

 

Smart enough and together enough to understands compromise.

 

She doesn’t allow you to be dependent on her. She doesn’t allow herself to be dependent on you.

 

She maintains her appearance and dresses, and does not dress to conform.

 

She gets upset for the right reasons, and you know it. She isn’t petty. If you’re in a disagreement with her, it’s because she’s defending what’s important to her not because she’s being childish. Exactly why it’s important to LISTEN to her, because you damn well believe she is listening to you.

 

Now does all of this equal to an IQ score not necessarily but intelligence is made up of experience, a little common sense and personal drive and self-confidence. She understands who she is and generally likes who she is.

 

its more about how the guy feels about himself

 

Exactly!

[JuneL]

I really think that, in your case, it's much more about your ex-husband's lack of success in career.

 

There are a lot of generalizations and those are never accurate. Of course that not all men are threatened by intelligent women. Is not that simple. And it is true that I met women who just had an abrasive personality and then kept saying that men won't date them because they were smarter than them .

 

But indeed there is competition in some couples and ego is driving most people . A man draws more of his self esteem from career and money achievement because of the historical roles men played, while women don't feel the need to compete that way with their partners.

 

I actually got dumped by my ex -husband for being too smart and I know that for sure because he told me. He didn't straight dumped me, he cheated and took actions towards not repairing the marriage and also left us to find himself before we officially broke up. So anyway in those painful moments I asked him: "why are you doing this? What did I do? Was I not a good wife to you?" He told me two things: 1. I ruined this marriage because since I didn't get to have the career I wanted then why should you have the family you wanted ? And 2. When I married you I didn't know you were that smart and you'll be more successful than me. We are mismatched.

 

It's not necessarily about intelligence per say.its more about how the guy feels about himself and what he thinks success is. My current husband still tells me that I'm smarter than him (I don't think I am), but because he's more financially successful it doesn't matter to him. He says it but it's not a problem because what success means to him. My ex said that being with me is a constant reminder of his failure and there is nothing I can do to make that go away.

[knabe]

Focusing on the American part of the phrase "American men," I think American men feel marginalized. And, IMO, they kind of have a right to feel that way.

 

Back when feminism started and it really WAS about the right to vote and have the jobs we deserved, etc. the focus was on the freedom for women to make choices and contribute.

 

More and more, starting with the bra-burning and fish/bicycle era of the 1970's, feminism has become more about misandry. It just has, and one has to be intellectually dishonest to deny it.

 

And just like women have experienced historical discrimination in some areas, so have men in others. It used to be that if there was a divorce, the woman WAS going to get primary custody. Honestly, in the majority of areas it is still that way. A man is lucky to get 50/50, and primary? She practically has to be a drunken serial killer with violent schizophrenia for that to happen. And all an angry ex-wife has to do is say the word "abuse," and the man is toast. I've seen it happen.

 

So you have men who are afraid of losing their kids and afraid of losing their livelihoods and afraid to touch a woman without consent witnessed by a notary public. And then the woman they are on a date with degree-drops all through dinner and yells at him for opening the door for her....

 

Okay, I am being a bit facetious, of course, but if I were a man I would probably struggle not to be gun-shy and wary.

 

99% of the time when I have heard a woman proclaim that someone dumped her because "he was intimidated by me," it was really just because she's a b.....

[BluEyeL]

Forgot to add that ex and I are both from Eastern Europe. Immigrants into the US, came about 20 years ago to build lives and careers and mine worked better, I guess better luck. New husband is American. Definitely nothing to do with being American.

[alphamale]

My gal pals tell me that American men can't handle women that are intellectually superior to them; and that, foreign men welcome it. What do you think?

almost every one of the women I dated/banged had a college degree

[Timshel]

Focusing on the American part of the phrase "American men," I think American men feel marginalized. And, IMO, they kind of have a right to feel that way.

 

OK.

 

Back when feminism started and it really WAS about the right to vote and have the jobs we deserved, etc. the focus was on the freedom for women to make choices and contribute.

 

OK.

 

More and more, starting with the bra-burning and fish/bicycle era of the 1970's, feminism has become more about misandry. It just has, and one has to be intellectually dishonest to deny it.

OK.

 

And just like women have experienced historical discrimination in some areas, so have men in others. It used to be that if there was a divorce, the woman WAS going to get primary custody. Honestly, in the majority of areas it is still that way. A man is lucky to get 50/50, and primary? She practically has to be a drunken serial killer with violent schizophrenia for that to happen. And all an angry ex-wife has to do is say the word "abuse," and the man is toast. I've seen it happen.

It wasn't long ago that a man could have his wife institutionalized/lobotomized.

While I have your point, historically, women retained custody because the men were not the primary caretakers of the children.

 

So you have men who are afraid of losing their kids and afraid of losing their livelihoods and afraid to touch a woman without consent witnessed by a notary public. And then the woman they are on a date with degree-drops all through dinner and yells at him for opening the door for her....

 

If you say so. You are being facetious...

 

Okay, I am being a bit facetious, of course, but if I were a man I would probably struggle not to be gun-shy and wary.

 

99% of the time when I have heard a woman proclaim that someone dumped her because "he was intimidated by me," it was really just because she's a b.....

 

People end relationships because, spoiler, they do not get along...see eye to eye...do not respect each other.

It is never about she's smarter or that he's a twit.

More, it's can't seem to accomplish a task together without being angry with each other.

They don't mesh.

Edited August 25, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Fix formatting

[sccurious75]

People are so different, there's no blanket answer for any gender or nationality. I personally am not at all intimidated by intellectual women. I would prefer one. However, intellectual women also need to remember the don't know everything, and acting superior to their man, or other people in general is just a turn off.

[Sweetfish]

OK.

 

 

 

OK.

 

 

OK.

 

 

It wasn't long ago that a man could have his wife institutionalized/lobotomized.

While I have your point, historically, women retained custody because the men were not the primary caretakers of the children.

 

 

 

If you say so. You are being facetious...

 

 

 

People end relationships because, spoiler, they do not get along...see eye to eye...do not respect each other.

It is never about she's smarter or that he's a twit.

More, it's can't seem to accomplish a task together without being angry with each other.

They don't mesh.

 

It wasnt long ago that blacks could be sent to jail, whipped, or punished for just looking at a white person... doesn't mean in 2017 the pendulum should swing to the complete opposite.

 

Also, what does the OP mean by intelligence in the context of this thread? Intelligent and bread winner or just her IQ because its a huge difference.

 

If a woman has a new car, college degree, and high paying job and the guy doesnt... most often these relationships have a higher rate of failing... actually the divorce rate is higher.

 

http://www.npr.org/2015/02/08/384695833/what-happens-when-wives-earn-more-than-husbands

Edited August 27, 2017 by Sweetfish

[shellybing]

I have found that it is not my intelligence that threatens men.

 

It is independence for me.

[darkmoon]

if I was a man, I would be so pissed at this question

 

what right has anybody got to generalise?