amers53 Posted August 25, 2017 Share Posted August 25, 2017 I went for my first consultation with a lawyer today. I liked her, I think I could click well with her and feel comfortable having her handle my case, and I found out that her retainer is $3000, which to me seems pretty average from what I have heard. I am leaning towards just going with her, but people have pointed out that it is good to take advantage of free consultations and meet with a few others, if nothing else to get good tips and advice. The one today answered all the questions I have for now, so aside from finding out what their retainer is, what would I even ask. Does anyone have any good questions I can toss out to them? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 25, 2017 Share Posted August 25, 2017 One thing you should do is look her up on the state Bar website and just see what you can find about her. I would ask her approximately how many cases she's handled and what a likely outcome would be. Maybe ask her best-case and worst-case scenario. If it were me I want to see a transcript of a deposition on a case that might be comparable to yours just so I know what to expect. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 25, 2017 Share Posted August 25, 2017 One consideration in seeking further interviews is that, if you interview those lawyers, your spouse can't retain them I'd focus on style and fit as primary and cost as secondary. For example, if you're looking for an amicable settlement and the lawyer has the rep as a shark, that could be a bad fit. In the cost area, how things end up going, not necessarily the hourly rate. As example, someone who seems cheap by the hour could drag things on and on, ending up with a substantially higher ending cost. Are minor children involved? That can be a separate dynamic worthy of a lawyer who specializes in divorces with children. IMO, if this lawyer didn't come well-referred by trusted associates of yours, I'd do a bit more comparing before plunking down a big chunk of change and trusting my life's work to them. They're used to it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted August 25, 2017 Share Posted August 25, 2017 The questions you should ask will depend on what you need a lawyer for. Link to post Share on other sites
Author amers53 Posted August 25, 2017 Author Share Posted August 25, 2017 One consideration in seeking further interviews is that, if you interview those lawyers, your spouse can't retain them I'd focus on style and fit as primary and cost as secondary. For example, if you're looking for an amicable settlement and the lawyer has the rep as a shark, that could be a bad fit. In the cost area, how things end up going, not necessarily the hourly rate. As example, someone who seems cheap by the hour could drag things on and on, ending up with a substantially higher ending cost. Are minor children involved? That can be a separate dynamic worthy of a lawyer who specializes in divorces with children. IMO, if this lawyer didn't come well-referred by trusted associates of yours, I'd do a bit more comparing before plunking down a big chunk of change and trusting my life's work to them. They're used to it. Ah yes, I remember that from The Sopranos, Tony made sure virtually no lawyer could represent Carmella. That likely won't apply to us though since I think I would be most comfortable with a woman, and I really don't see my husband seeking out female attorney's. Unless that rule applies to the entire firm, then it could help. As far as coming recommended, I really do not have any close friends or family (at least in the area) that have gone through a divorce that I could ask. However she did have glowing Yelp reviews, and so far I feel like she fits with what I want...I want what is mine, but I have no interest in "taking him for all he's got" or punishing him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author amers53 Posted August 25, 2017 Author Share Posted August 25, 2017 The questions you should ask will depend on what you need a lawyer for. I figured it was obvious since we're on the separation and divorce board but anyway, I'm interviewing divorce lawyers. Link to post Share on other sites
Author amers53 Posted August 25, 2017 Author Share Posted August 25, 2017 One thing you should do is look her up on the state Bar website and just see what you can find about her. I would ask her approximately how many cases she's handled and what a likely outcome would be. Maybe ask her best-case and worst-case scenario. If it were me I want to see a transcript of a deposition on a case that might be comparable to yours just so I know what to expect. Thanks! I'll do that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author amers53 Posted August 25, 2017 Author Share Posted August 25, 2017 One consideration in seeking further interviews is that, if you interview those lawyers, your spouse can't retain them Are minor children involved? That can be a separate dynamic worthy of a lawyer who specializes in divorces with children. Yes, we do have a minor child. I believe she does, but I will double check. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted August 25, 2017 Share Posted August 25, 2017 I figured it was obvious since we're on the separation and divorce board but anyway, I'm interviewing divorce lawyers. Yea I noticed that after I posted it...it's been a long time since I filed for my divorce but I think everyone is different. What are going to be your chief concerns are probably much different than my own were at the time because every marriage is different. But you should have a good idea of what you want to have coming out, what you're willing to negotiate on and what you'd be willing to give up completely. This way you don't waste a lot of time and money fighting over something that never really mattered much in the first place. As far as meeting with multiple lawyers, I don't really see the point in doing that. You've found one that you think is a good fit so why waste time when you can get the ball rolling? Unless you have unlimited time to waste but that I don't know. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted August 25, 2017 Share Posted August 25, 2017 The one today answered all the questions I have for now, so aside from finding out what their retainer is, what would I even ask. Well, the most important thing to ask is, what kind of outcome do you think you could get for me? And can you explain how you reach those figures? Especially when it comes to things like property and children. I really don't see my husband seeking out female attorney's. Unless that rule applies to the entire firm Yes, it does apply to the entire firm. Actually some men prefer a female lawyer because they feel their wife will be more intimidated by another female. In reality it's fairly irrelevant though, since most communication will be done lawyer to lawyer. I want what is mine, but I have no interest in "taking him for all he's got" or punishing him. Well, what is "yours" may differ according to different lawyers... and I'm sure your husband has a very different definition than you. It's always worth over-shooting initially. A bit like selling a house. If you want to get $300k then you set the asking price at $350k, because you know no-one pays asking price. You start a bit higher, so you have room to compromise and walk away with what you originally wanted. Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted August 25, 2017 Share Posted August 25, 2017 (edited) If one of you have already filed, then you may already have a judge assigned to the suit. A lot of times the value in an attorney is their knowledge of the judge. If you're still shopping around, I'd be asking about how your judge tends to handle cases. Some lean towards protecting women, some always split the kids 50/50, some lean towards sole custody... Having a lawyer that knows the judge helps. Edited August 25, 2017 by BetrayedH 2 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted August 25, 2017 Share Posted August 25, 2017 Having a lawyer that knows the judge helps. That's only if it goes to a court case, of course. The vast majority of divorces are handled by mutual consent, either with or without the help of lawyers. Link to post Share on other sites
Rockdad Posted August 25, 2017 Share Posted August 25, 2017 If one of you have already filed, then you may already have a judge assigned to the suit. A lot of times the value in an attorney is their knowledge of the judge. If you're still shopping around, I'd be asking about how your judge tends to handle cases. Some lean towards protecting women, some always split the kids 50/50, some lean towards sole custody... Having a lawyer that knows the judge helps. This is one big truth of the court system in my experience. I have been around the court system quite a bit and served a circuit court judge for a number of years. There are Lawyers that have favor with judges and some that are viewed as a pain in their neck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 25, 2017 Share Posted August 25, 2017 OP, on the question thing, how does your lawyer feel about mediation? You? Does it match up? Mediation can lower costs and keep the court time to a minimum or avoid it altogether. If spouses are amicable, mediation can get an agreement pounded out in a couple sessions (in our case one) and speed things along. Since you mentioned "I have no interest in "taking him for all he's got" or punishing him." it sounds like you might be a candidate for mediation if he feels the same way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted August 25, 2017 Share Posted August 25, 2017 That's only if it goes to a court case, of course. The vast majority of divorces are handled by mutual consent, either with or without the help of lawyers. Depends on the jurisdiction. In my state, a judge was assigned immediately so, although I settled outside of court, it helped that my attorney knew how our judge would view certain arguments and positions. Because my attorney knew the judge well, he knew what I might win & what I might lose if it came to court which helped tremendously in deciding how hard to fight for something in mediation. I didn't overplay my position if I might likely lose that argument but I also stuck to my guns if I knew the judge leaned in my direction. I was able to successfully threaten to quit mediating and go to court more than once and my STBXW was wise to back down. When fighting for 50/50 custody of my kids, knowledge was power. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Bufo Posted August 27, 2017 Share Posted August 27, 2017 BH that post is worthy of being made required reading for the vengeful, the pissed off, the dreamers who believe the court will always rule their way. And you deserve a clap out for LISTENING to your lawyer. And the lawyer for working in your best interest even though you may have paid for what would be a losing point in a court fight. Others can learn it's smarter and cheaper to pick the battles you fight Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted August 27, 2017 Share Posted August 27, 2017 Hi amer, so you are in the final stages of terminating your marriage. I guess you have been given a lot of valuable advice from folks who have been down that path. I wanted to ask you if you posted your story on this sub forum or the infidelity one, depending of course, on what your reason for divorce is? If you have then could you please give a link to it? Thanks and wish you the best going forward. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 27, 2017 Share Posted August 27, 2017 Backstory It appears the OP has put a lot of thought into this.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author amers53 Posted August 29, 2017 Author Share Posted August 29, 2017 Well, the most important thing to ask is, what kind of outcome do you think you could get for me? And can you explain how you reach those figures? Especially when it comes to things like property and children. Well, what is "yours" may differ according to different lawyers... and I'm sure your husband has a very different definition than you. . Good point. I've decided that if I meet with any more, I will just ask the same questions (and maybe new if I think of any) and see how their answers differ at all from the first lawyer. I did go to a seminar a year ago, and the question I had about our shares of the house was different from what this lawyer told me. So that's probably important. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Author amers53 Posted August 29, 2017 Author Share Posted August 29, 2017 As far as meeting with multiple lawyers, I don't really see the point in doing that. You've found one that you think is a good fit so why waste time when you can get the ball rolling? Unless you have unlimited time to waste but that I don't know. Not unlimited, but for certain reasons, I do not plan on filing until November-ish. So I suppose it doesn't hurt to meet with one or two more in that time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author amers53 Posted August 29, 2017 Author Share Posted August 29, 2017 OP, on the question thing, how does your lawyer feel about mediation? You? Does it match up? Mediation can lower costs and keep the court time to a minimum or avoid it altogether. If spouses are amicable, mediation can get an agreement pounded out in a couple sessions (in our case one) and speed things along. Since you mentioned "I have no interest in "taking him for all he's got" or punishing him." it sounds like you might be a candidate for mediation if he feels the same way. She said that the vast majority of her cases are solved in mediation. I am all for that. The simpler and easier the better. I do not hate him and we have our daughter to worry about. I really hope this doesn't get ugly and that we can resolve this as painlessly as possible. But my husband does NOT want a divorce and may get ugly just to spite me. He has in the past threatened that he will fight me for every single thing if I leave...but I also know when he calms down and thinks rationally, he could possibly see that this isn't about us anymore and we have to do what we can to make this easiest on our daughter. The problem is, his take on it all could actually change from day to day and minute to minute. Link to post Share on other sites
Author amers53 Posted August 29, 2017 Author Share Posted August 29, 2017 Hi amer, so you are in the final stages of terminating your marriage. I guess you have been given a lot of valuable advice from folks who have been down that path. I wanted to ask you if you posted your story on this sub forum or the infidelity one, depending of course, on what your reason for divorce is? If you have then could you please give a link to it? Thanks and wish you the best going forward. Yes, I guess you would say I am in the final stages. Right now I plan to file in November. My intro story is here. Thank you! http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/630808-how-act#post7372930 Link to post Share on other sites
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