Afraid?

[JustSomeGuy001]

I'm 27 and I've never been in a serious relationship.

I don't know what happens. I like a girl, sometimes I even feel butterflies in my stomach. Until I get the chance to ask her out.

Then I feel afraid. Or I don't know how to call it. I feel a great pressure in my chest. All the butterflies gone.

And even if I manage to ask the girl out, either I have a weird voice or , when I'm lucky and I ask her in write so it feels ok for her, when we get out I act very tense.

Is it normal? Probably not. What should I do? Any advice appreciated.

[preraph]

Well, usually people get over that by your age if they're going to. It's certainly not rare. Plenty of people on Loveshack with this issue. But it is dysfunctional and sounds like anxiety. So sounds like you've at least tried to ask women out, and that's good. I mean, it's always that fear of rejection that will make every single man and woman nervous about asking someone out. So that part is normal. And most people are probably nervous on a first date. Remember the girl is too. Sometimes just admitting you're nervous will break the ice and cut the tension. And glad you at least do try. But if you continue finding it kind of debilitating or unable to relax once you do get a date, then you might see a psychologist to treat some anxiety.

[ayoung73]

Believe me, it IS NORMAL. Asking a woman out, putting yourself on the line, throwing yourself out there all at once is nerve-wracking and heart stopping at times!!! Waiting for her answer, hoping, the butterflies, all of it normal. I do agree with another poster though, I think your anxiety is driving some of the other behaviors like voice inflections, and your fear is paralyzing your ability to socialize effectively.

 

But there is hope, if you’re working look into your benefits and see if you have an employee assistance program that includes counseling. I don’t think you’re crazy or anything, but you need more advice or more to the point, effective strategies to overcome some of this anxiety in a more productive manner. Don’t worry, you’re fine, I’ve been to counseling, even couples therapy when my marriage hit a few snags-as men we don’t want anyone to know we’re weak or need help, but there’s no shame in it…we all fall, it’s how we pick ourselves up that makes all the difference in the world. Continue to use this momentum and seek out some alternative help, a counselor who can give you the attention you deserve. What do you think? Too out there or what?

[JustSomeGuy001]

Thanks so much for both answers.

I was asking because yesterday I had a date. For the first it seems to have been better. I acted more relaxed and we still talk to each other as much, so maybe I could be with this girl (maybe in the next time we date).

 

What I'm going to say will probably change your opinion about me.

 

The fact is I've had this crush on a work colleague for as long as I've known her. Yes, I posted about how she doesn't like me and I can't get over the fact (I actually got to talk to her after the last time I posted about her and she said I completely misunderstood). The truth is I'm actually 50/50 if she likes me or not. To say I like her is an understatement I guess - I feel like all my anxieties would go away if I ever got the chance to be with her. Everybody in the office makes jokes about us being together, but still she spends a lot of time with me and seems to like it. I recently told her that we could go in a circuit abroad together and she said 'it'd be a good idea'.

 

The girl that I dated yesterday is a good girl and I really like her. It was easy to ask her out - we don't work together. But I can't stop thinking about this crush I have at work. Is it the same anxiety (I choose the girl that is harder to get)? I don't know what to do. I'm at the point where I want to go to work and simply ask this colleague out, at least to know if I have a chance with her. But then if I have these thoughts, no matter if my office colleague likes me or not, is it ok to continue with the girl I dated yesterday? I believe when you enter a relationship you should be sure about it.

 

Any fast advice really appreciated.