Springsummer Posted August 27, 2017 Share Posted August 27, 2017 So I am currently working closely with some newly graduated or about to graduated males. Apparently they seems to know I am single but no idea how old I am. When I said I am going to watch a movie, one will say "oh, she is going on a date". I don't really want to let them know my status, so I just said It's personal". (must be super embarrassing to be single at such age..) when I mentioned I graduated long long times ago, one will asked "when"? I said "secret". when I met one at the hall in the morning, he said "Miss xxxx, good morning" (holy, Miss? is there an age limit for Miss? English is my second language) Now, I am wondering, if they found out they are half my age, what will be their reactions??? and one of them is super attractive. but what can I do...sigh... what should I think and do in this kind of situation? Thanks. I feel like screaming deep down inside. Link to post Share on other sites
Lobouspo Posted August 27, 2017 Share Posted August 27, 2017 I'm not sure what the issue is here OP. You're an older woman pursuing a graduate degree with fellow students who are younger. Why are you self conscious about your age? It is what it is. It's never too late to pursue an education and better yourself, so congratulations on that. Are you interested in the "super attractive" guy you mentioned? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Springsummer Posted August 27, 2017 Author Share Posted August 27, 2017 I'm not sure what the issue is here OP. You're an older woman pursuing a graduate degree with fellow students who are younger. Why are you self conscious about your age? It is what it is. It's never too late to pursue an education and better yourself, so congratulations on that. Are you interested in the "super attractive" guy you mentioned? I said "working"... at an enviable company. It hires new grads and interns. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 27, 2017 Share Posted August 27, 2017 I don't understand why you have concerns about them knowing your age. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted August 28, 2017 Share Posted August 28, 2017 Not everyone is as obsessed with your age or relationship status as you are, y'know... Sometimes they're just making conversation! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 28, 2017 Share Posted August 28, 2017 when I met one at the hall in the morning, he said "Miss xxxx, good morning" (holy, Miss? is there an age limit for Miss? English is my second language) No, Miss is just a term for someone who is not married, so you could still be "Miss" at 100 years of age. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Snow_Queen Posted August 28, 2017 Share Posted August 28, 2017 Also a little confused here. Many of us older singles have not a care in the world about it regardless of others' reactions. In fact, some of us women get hit on by younger men. There are plenty out there looking to date older women. Maybe that's why they're wondering if you have a date. Perhaps they are hoping they could be your next date. Maybe try to look at it from a nonchalant prospective. Usually, we stop caring what others think the older we become. That's been my favorite part of aging. Well, that and wisdom from experience. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted August 28, 2017 Share Posted August 28, 2017 No, Miss is just a term for someone who is not married, so you could still be "Miss" at 100 years of age. or MS is a common term used for women who are older who have remained unmarried...i prefer miss myself....deb Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted August 28, 2017 Share Posted August 28, 2017 or MS is a common term used for women who are older who have remained unmarried... Since English is not the OP's first language, let's be clear-- Miss: used when a woman is single Mrs: used when a woman is married Ms: used when it's a woman...whether married or unmarried (It signifies gender and has absolutely nothing to do with one's age.) Mr: used when it's a man...whether married or unmarried Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 28, 2017 Share Posted August 28, 2017 Since English is not the OP's first language, let's be clear-- Miss: used when a woman is single Mrs: used when a woman is married Ms: used when it's a woman...whether married or unmarried (It signifies gender and has absolutely nothing to do with one's age.) Mr: used when it's a man...whether married or unmarried English is also my first language and you're missing common parlance. Miss is a generic term used for a female teacher no matter what their marital status. "Miss, can you help me with this question please" The use of the word Miss before a woman's name can also be a term of affection. If one of my friends greeted me with "Hello Miss Basil", I would put on a posh accent and greet them with "Why hello to you too Mr/Miss whatever" 2 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted August 28, 2017 Share Posted August 28, 2017 So....I am guessing you are in your mid/late 40's maybe early 50's and they are in their early 20's...Apologies if incorrect... If you were a guy you would be labeled a creep and a predator...I personally think it's kinda ridiculous, and most guys that age won't view you as anything more than a milf fetish. if that's your bag, then go for it I guess.. TFY Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted August 28, 2017 Share Posted August 28, 2017 I don't understand wht the issue is if they discover your age or your status. You work there and these are graduates, it's highly likely they will expect you to be older than them if you are in some sort of mentoring capacity (which it sounds like you are). Giving responses like 'it's personal' and 'secret' will only fuel gossip and speculation. Are you seeing a married man? Are you into younger men? You're a Mrs Robinson without the actual intimacy going on. Doesn't mean the imagination of intimacy won' be going on a little bit in their minds. These are young guys who are learning and practising banter/teasing and using their charm is all it is. Some may have a crush on you possibly - most young ones do with a close working not unattractive but personable opposite gender teacher/mentor - or even age 6 or 7 can 'fall in love' with say a teacher or a sports coach. I remember one locum teacher we had in Junior school for a few months - she was called Carina (I still remember her name and she was just lovely and good fun - and biy did we all love her!) and she was early twenties and no kidding she stole the hearts of even single little boy and girl in our class. I think we all shed tears when she left and we lined up for a hug and to give her cards or presents on her last day. She was my first kid/teacher crush (and I am a straight woman( but she treated me and others like a big sister would. It's a similar thing but just with students at an older age is all. Some may well fantasise about you - you are that older woman and a lot of young men and women can get crushes on an older mentor who works closely with them. You, on the other hand are the adult and therefore have a responsibility towards them to yes be friendly but not let anything get too far. The one you say is so attractive - yeah, this happens too but it is your old to keep a lid on that as you are in a position of trust so it's up to you to keep that to a professional level. Take anything a step too far with one particular lad and you could end up in true hot water and lose your job as treating him any differently will also lead to gossip and speculation. 'Miss' is a word. title they will have used from an early age to teachers and lecturers so is partly normal for them but also intended to flatter you as well. See above for learning charm. The term for a man is Sir - I still use this word on occasions - it's flattering and makes a man feel good. It's a little flirty also but it doesn't mean I would date him or jump in the sack with him. It's a just a way to make him feel good and as soon as I say 'how can I help you sir?' his facial expressions changes as he likes the use of the word - especially so when eg my boss in his 60's come up to me and I can see him thinking and wanting to ask me to do a special lone off report that he is aware will take me a lot of work and when he comes up I say with a deadpan face 'no' before he even asks me what he needs doing, His face drops, I laugh and and then right away I revert to 'yes, how can I help you Sir?' with a glowing smile and my whole attention focused on him thereon in. You ate older and a mentor of sorts so keeping it professional is your responsibility as you are also teaching them acceptable banter levels for future employment. I work with a lot of young apprentices half my age or younger so it's me who needs to gauge and help guide in what is acceptable in a workplace. Do I find any of them attractive - yes of course I do - but I wouldn't let them think that I had a crush on any of them even if I ever did. I may and have fleetingly thought - yeah, he would have been the kind of guy I would have picked when I was around his age) but it goes no further than that ever. I just see them (most of them) as good lads who have the ability (and I respect that they are learning it) to make someone age appropriate to them a good husband/partner one day but also to learn that in work banter is also important and helps lighten the day for all. These apprentices are in the main a lot more mature than I was at their age and I totally believe and have also seen them grow and do really well in their new working world. If I felt any more than the above I would pull back as due to my age I am the responsible one here. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted August 28, 2017 Share Posted August 28, 2017 (edited) It varies a lot based on region, setting, and the etiquette of the individual using the title. In the South, just about everyone gets called ma'am, even little girls. In a metropolitan area on the west coast, a person might not be called 'ma'am' until they appear passed mid. age. I think this particular situation is an ettiquete thing because I was always taught that you address teachers by "Miss _____". I don't think I've ever called a teacher "ma'am". I doubt it has anything to do with assumed age. Edited August 28, 2017 by Cookiesandough 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 28, 2017 Share Posted August 28, 2017 You have to keep your boundaries with them and just shut it down or ignore it. "Never ask a lady her age." If they ask about a boyfriend, say "What does that have to do with (the subject)?" Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted August 29, 2017 Share Posted August 29, 2017 Since English is not the OP's first language, let's be clear-- Miss: used when a woman is single Mrs: used when a woman is married Ms: used when it's a woman...whether married or unmarried (It signifies gender and has absolutely nothing to do with one's age.) Mr: used when it's a man...whether married or unmarried ms is also common terminolgy that can be used if you have remained unmarried......and are past teen years......deb 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted August 29, 2017 Share Posted August 29, 2017 I think a lot is being lost in translation here since a lot of us don't seem to be understanding the issue OP was trying to present in her original message. Hopefully she will come back and clarify! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Springsummer Posted September 1, 2017 Author Share Posted September 1, 2017 I think a lot is being lost in translation here since a lot of us don't seem to be understanding the issue OP was trying to present in her original message. Hopefully she will come back and clarify! sorry for the absent. Not good idea to come to this website at work. and I was moving, so no internet access. and I don't remember my password for this site, so cellphone won't work either. I guess what I am really trying to present is that what will their reactions be when they find out I am much older than they thought? I guess I just have too much free time to think too much! I don't have to tell them if I don't want to. Let's keep it a mystery. and I may not appear as young as I assume actually. A few years back, even a 19 young old hit on me thinking I was 25. people generally seem to think I was under 30. today, at the cosmetic counter, a sales guess my age more closely. so I may aged significantly in the last couple of years. Yes, must keep thing professionally. a youngster maybe an eye candy, but, mentally, we are in different universe, so I don't even have to ask what if. so issue solved. I just think and assume too much! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Springsummer Posted September 1, 2017 Author Share Posted September 1, 2017 btw, what's milf and an adult actually mean? strictly about age? but as for opposite sex experience go, they are the experienced adult, while I am still an infant. there you go, isn't this a bomb? who can believe? That's the biggest puzzle of my life. I don't exactly know why I am the way I am. I am physically normal I think and I don't have any huge childhood traumas(except if I have amnesia). I think I was just too picky, idealistic and self-centered and stupid when I was young. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Springsummer Posted September 1, 2017 Author Share Posted September 1, 2017 you know, I try Tinder and pof...nothing work. I just keep flip left in Tinder...I can hardly find anyone attractive. and I seems not a hot at all either. there seems to be more attractive women that men online in this city....and I am not gay though. don't know why now. too bad I missed all my chances when I was young. now, there is nothing... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Springsummer Posted September 1, 2017 Author Share Posted September 1, 2017 I think I have normal needs as anybody else. now, I am doomed...seems nothing I can do about it. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted September 1, 2017 Share Posted September 1, 2017 (edited) sorry for the absent. Not good idea to come to this website at work. and I was moving, so no internet access. and I don't remember my password for this site, so cellphone won't work either. I guess what I am really trying to present is that what will their reactions be when they find out I am much older than they thought? I guess I just have too much free time to think too much! I don't have to tell them if I don't want to. Let's keep it a mystery. and I may not appear as young as I assume actually. A few years back, even a 19 young old hit on me thinking I was 25. people generally seem to think I was under 30. today, at the cosmetic counter, a sales guess my age more closely. so I may aged significantly in the last couple of years. Yes, must keep thing professionally. a youngster maybe an eye candy, but, mentally, we are in different universe, so I don't even have to ask what if. so issue solved. I just think and assume too much! Practically every woman I know thinks they look much younger than they do...No shock there... (See bolded) Why do you even care?? And let's put this in perspective.....A "nightmare" this is not....It isn't even a mildly bad dream... TFY Edited September 1, 2017 by thefooloftheyear Link to post Share on other sites
Author Springsummer Posted September 1, 2017 Author Share Posted September 1, 2017 Practically every woman I know thinks they look much younger than they do...No shock there... TFY but, nobody has ever got my age right. not even people of my race and culture. I just asked a long time friend in the beauty industry, she got it wrong too...7 years off. some other people, 15 -20 years off. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts