Is it really over? Or is there still a chance

[Kristinae1979]

I am writing here because I don't really don't know what else to do and I need some kind of realistic advice.

 

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about four months. Our feelings for each other grew rather quickly and we had an instant connection. We are both out of failed marriages his the more recent of the two. We both have kids the youngest is 9 his girl. When we started dating we always kept it cool in front of the kids. We got along really well and lived more than twenty miles apart so seeing each other was a little more difficult. We managed to see each other almost every day still. He was sending me songs saying how much he loved me and he has feelings for me. We even had a few major life moments together which made us even closer than we had become. To make the relationship part short everything about us was great we were getting along more than great. I myself had began to think I had found the one. Like the serious one.

 

This part is very crazy and is going to be drawn out so I apologize now before. So when we first started dating he warned me that he had this obnoxious girl who would sleep on his couch every once in a while because she had nowhere to go and he couldn't make her sleep out in her car. It was a girl he had messed around with and it didn't work out but they remained friends. He said it was a while ago which I later found out was just a few months before we started taking. Actually it was right around when we started texting. Anyway sorry to get off track. So once we decided we were going to see each other he let me know this issue he had. She had moved from California to be with some guy and it didn't work out so she basically would hook up with dudes stay with them then when it didn't work out she would come sleep on his couch.

 

Once we started dating he told me and I delt with it. He truly is a nice guy and just wanted to make sure she was ok. He was raised on a farm and calls everyone ma'am and sir. He is a country boy for sure. So this girl was just about to get her own place after a couple of months of having her there off and on. Now please know that she would literally just come late at night shower sleep and be gone by six. Well at least when I was there. I never felt like he was cheating on me or lying to me about him being interested in this girl. He even told me about how sometimes he would wake up and she would just be laying

On his bed. He called her crazy.

 

So my son is 14 almost 15 and one day a little over a month ago him and I were at a park walking the pup. He asked me about this girl and why clint had an ex staying there and he just didn't understand how I was ok with this. Well once he realized I already knew . See he hadn't known about this girl she had never come over before when he had been with us and since she comes so late she came one time and we didn't know it while we were sleeping.

 

So to make a long story short I ended up texting him and letting him know what my son had said. Then a few hours later after being bugged by my son about it some more and being very emotional about the situation because this is normally something I wouldn't approve of but because I fully trusted him I was ok with it. Which believe me I am the most suspicious person in the world so when I say trust it is unusual. So my first mistake was texting him. Ugh I wasn't going to be able to talk to him for a few days cause he was going camping so I for some stupid reason had to get it out. Anyway I just kept thinking I needed to step back and not have my son there until she got her own place and was gone.

He took this as a break up text and got very upset. He said he was crying and he felt terrible and wished this wasn't happening. I tried to explain that isn't what I meant and so I started texting him explaining and then calling. Then the bad behavior goes on from there.

 

I text him so many times begging him to just talk to me. I even went to his house. Now this is more drama. The girl is obsessed with him but he doesn't really know it. And I have seen her Facebook page she posts things just for him and things that apply to him I know it I am a girl but I can't really say hey I'm stalking her page lol. Ugh

 

Anyway I one night a few days after I text him that went to his house after he got back from camping and walked in and the girl was laying on his bed fully clothed. He had texted me earlier and I had missed it due to taking a nap and so I knew he had been drinking and had just passed out. So I woke him up and asked him what the heck he said oh it's just so and so the girl. I did the most immature thing possible and grabbed her by her hair and got her off the bed. The next day o saw that she had posted on Facebook fifteen minutes before I got there. Anyway he told me that she had asked to go to sleep up there because it was early and everyone was still up downstairs and he said ok. He had went to bed and just didn't even care cause he was so drunk and just went to sleep. He has never lied to me and I know it sounds like a cover up but I ho early believe he is telling the truth. Anyway we talked for a minute nothing productive then he asked me to go home and he needed to just think and breathe well he didn't really say those words. So I kept texting and calling him then I decided to give it a break for a minute he text me and we had break up sex. I drove to his house and we didn't talk but had sex. Then I went to the bathroom and saw the girls pantries on floor so I just left. Took a picture and sent it to him and one text that said why didn't he just call her. Ugh. Now thinking about it really she probably just put them there so whatever I left. He has now unfriended me on Facebook and I'm deviated. I text him a few times and he replied but acted like he really didn't want to. He told me he didn't know what he wanted to do. That he cared but that he thought I'd just throw him away from my actions of taking a step back. And now I'm drama because of my reactions to our break up. See he never said we were over at first. It was him thinking and we never talked. All of our communication except the times I've put in here have been through text message.

After a few days of no contact he text me about getting my stuff and then it started again. He said he would just bring by my stuff I said why didn't he care and he said he did care that he really cared. This is hard on him too. We had really had a great close relationship before this incident. So now I'm trying the no contact for real this time. It has been 13 days today and I haven't heard from him. I have a set of his rims so I know he wants those back and he has a few of my personal things he knows I'm going to want back like jewelry from my brother. But he hasn't brought my things by like he said he was going to. He has blocked my phone number so I cannot call him. I know that if I need to I can block my call and it goes through I did that a few times already. I am thankful I stopped my bad bad carrying on and constant calling and texting. It's just things with him we're so great and so this is so sad. I have really no experience with this as I have never acted like this with a man before usually if we break I'm just like bye Felicia. I have never had fear of loss when it comes to a man. I care so much and am afraid no contact won't work please any advice will help.

[FilterCoffee]

Hi Kristinae1979,

 

I have no idea if no contact is going to work or not but I think it's definitely going to help. Whenever you do speak to him though, DO NOT BEG HIM TO TAKE YOU BACK. I do think it's weird that he had this woman crashing at his place but I also do think that he was being faithful to you. Your insecurities did make you a little crazy the last few weeks and I guess that's why he wanted some space to re-evaluate everything. I think if you just give him a little more time and calm yourself down, you'll have a shot at getting him back.

 

Take Care!

[springy]

I think your son saw what you refused to see - that something wasn't quite right with the whole story/situation with the "crazy" ex sleeping over. I think you really weren't comfortable with it, or you wouldn't have freaked out when your son brought it up.

 

Sorry you are hurting, but it's definitely time to stop trying to contact him. Too much mess has happened for this relationship to be viable. As for your things unfortunately you may have to kiss those goodbye since he has blocked you from communicating with him. I would contact your local PD to see what you can legally do with the rims he left at your place. I'm thinking you have the right to dispose of them however you see fit since by all appearances he has abandoned them but you should confirm that before proceeding.

[ItStartsFromWithin]

So when we first started dating he warmed me he had this obnoxious girl who would sleep on his couch . It was a girl he had messed around with and it didn't work out but they remained friends.

 

Now normally, I would say to trust that your boyfriend isn't doing anything behind your back, until, of course, he gives you a reason not to trust him, but, unfortunately, it seems that he had already broken that trust by lying to you regarding this woman:

 

He said it was a while ago which I later found out was just a few months before we started taking.

 

So, because he didn't tell you the full truth up front; & you had to find out by yourself, later as the relationship progressed, it makes certain things

--that could have been, perhaps, easily explained away-- & now turns them into, potential red flags. Therefore, it was a wise decision to confront him about the true nature of the relationship between your boyfriend and the woman sleeping on his couch.

 

Since you and the woman have met each other, its obvious, that they are not, in a serious monogamous relationship, however, its possible they could be in a FWB situation on the down low. Not only because even though they hooked up, dated, then ended things, but because as you stated:

 

The girl is obsessed with him. Her Facebook page she posts things just for him and things that apply to him".

 

 

------------------**Added to this**--------------------

 

 

Sometimes he would wake up and she would just be laying On his bed. He called her crazy.

 

 

****Yet, he must not think she's too crazy because:****

 

he told me that she had asked to go to sleep up there because it was early and everyone was still up downstairs and he said ok

 

This seems to be an ongoing theme, with this woman, always ending up in this man's bed. Yet, what's concerning is, the fact that you made

A SURPRISE, unannounced visit (knowing he'd be passed out sleeping from drinking took much) & found her there. Which means, had they known you were coming over; I doubt you would have witnessed that.

 

What puzzles me, is that this is HIS home, where she is a guest. Which means he can easily put his foot down in not allowing her to EVER be in his bed. But, not only, does he allow her to, he tells her its OK. And I just cannot grasp why he would allow a, "crazy" {his words} and "obsessed" woman that he previously had a relationship with, sleep next to him, in his bed, with him, WHILE he's DRUNK! Thats just asking for trouble!

 

My advice: its only been four months & you two are already breaking up, when you should still be in the, 'honeymoon phase'. The relationship has now become toxic, by breaking up, then hooking up, to blocking your calls & refusing to see you. There is some serious issues between him, this woman, & yourself, that he initiated your relationship with, by lying to you. I'd say, continue on with NC, as you have been doing, and don't try to mask your phone number, in order to get past his number block:

 

He has blocked my phone number so I cannot call him I know that if I need to, I can block my call and it goes through I did that a few times already.

 

Just focus on you and perhaps, reevaluate, the relationship between you two and take in all of the advice that you read here by other posters. Don't dwell on just the good things of the relationship, but weigh in, on the bad things as well, to get a good overall perspective.

 

And I know that you trust him and believe him, (that nothing was going on between him & this woman while you two were dating) but remember, just as easy as it was for him and you to have: "break up sex" "{he text me and we had break up sex. I drove to his house and we didn't talk but had sex."} after the relationship ended, its possible that, that is also what those two were engaging in, as well. Just something to ponder.

 

God luck and take care.

[sandylee1]

He refuses to do the right thing and tell her he has a GF so she can't stay over.

 

Cut your loses, return his rims and get your stuff back. Move on and find a guy who doesn't have an Ex lurking around who still fancies him.