My Ex Wants Me Back

[BigNoe20]

So my ex and I had been together 5 years, we dated on and off through college most of that was her changing feelings saying she wanted to be single and to be with other people and somehow we just always ended up reconnecting. There was unfaithfulness towards the latter half of our relationship, alot of frustration, insecurity (pit in stomachs) when she would hang with her guy friends or go out, bad decisions on her part that ended up hurting me. I confronted her about the last incident and ultimately based on her reaction and her trying to cover up the truth, I ended up breaking it off which was really hard to do.

 

So from that point I blocked her on social media and went into NC for the last two months and things were getting better day by day.

 

But two days ago I was dropping off her stuff at her house and we ended up sitting on her porch for 7 hours (so long I know) catching up. I dont know why I stayed, I could have left, but I didn't and it was very late at night, I hugged her goodbye and when we hugged everything just came flowing back and it was the best I had felt since the breakup like something had been filled, and we ended up making out for a while.

 

She said I'm the guy she wants to be with, that she doesnt want to date anyone else. I told her that we should just continue the NC and just work on ourselves because I feel like we shouldn't fall back into the same break up and get back together habit we had been on and that if we were to get back together, that we would have to be in a place where she has changed and I have healed. She said she understood and that was that.

 

Ever since then I feel this pit in my stomach and I dont know why

 

I dont know what to do or how to feel. Any advice is appreciated

[bummer]

I told her that we should just continue the NC and just work on ourselves because I feel like we shouldn't fall back into the same break up and get back together habit we had been on and that if we were to get back together, that we would have to be in a place where she has changed and I have healed. She said she understood and that was that.

 

Let that be that and stay NC. Unless she comes back full steam apology/reconciliation, it's just another make out session/ breadcrumb feast. The pit is the confusion you were working through when you were solidly NC. It will pass. Think specifically of the words and actions she conveyed during your 7 hour porch marathon. Was she honest? Was she remorseful? Did you genuinely apologize and want to know how you were? Or was she there for herself, to make herself feel better?

[sandylee1]

Don't go back as the cycle will only repeat itself.

[Sweetfish]

This is a clear sign that she cannot find better... most likely she tried to play hard ball with the more exciting guys and found out she cannot keep them or maintain them. So now water seeks its own level. You've just witness that when something better comes around your gone.. if you think making out and talking for 7hr is a clean shot to a healthy relationship good luck

[Reddice]

I don't think she really wants to reconcile. Many of us have heard similar words from our exes, but 9 out of 10 times it's the typical breadcrumbs. After reading your story, I expect she'll be in a new relationship within 2 months time with the new love of her live. Maybe I'm wrong, but I expect this to follow a similar pattern as many of us.

[Been]

Its hard to answer. You want to believe that your time away from her maybe opened her eyes up to a life without you in it and that's why she all the sudden wants you back.....but then you have to really ask yourself of maybe she tried to replace you and was unsuccessful and your her safety net.

Based on reading what you posted I have to point out to you how does your girlfriend claimed to have loved you and yet CHEATED on you? And believe me I've been where you are. And what I myself came up with after MONTHS of thinking about it were 4 things:

1. She didn't really love me like I or she thought she did because when you really love someone truly you don't do things that would cause them hurt.

2.She was able to lie to my face about cheating and it didn't seem to bother her to do it.

3. When we would get back together the relationship would follow the EXACT script: she would shower me with attention for a couple of months.

Then somewhere around the 3rd month it would taper off and she would start acting distant.

4. And this one I didn't really realize until much latter and it is the most important one- what we had or what I would like to think what we had was NEVER going to be the same again no matter who did what- and that's important to know because no matter what she did I was never going to FULLY trust her again.