Girlfriend maintained contact and more with guy she had sex with

[towch]

Hello guys,

 

I will try to be short. I started seeing my now Ex in late march. She had been see someone since February before me. I knew about this guy but didn't bring it up because we just starting seeing each other.

 

 

Fast forward this past Saturday (08/26/2017). a text from him pops up, I remembered the name. I was also aware they had sexual relations so to an extent that was a "no no" for me.

 

 

I decided to look through the text and I find out that they have been talking since June. I confronted her about it.

 

 

I wont go into details of how it played out but I will just state the facts.

She gave me half truths since I didn't tell her I knew everything in her phone.

 

I told her I know all and detail it to her, she proceeds to tell me a story including the new information I informed her I knew. Stating that she was scared that I would break up with her.

 

Details. She was seeing this guys and they had a fight one evening at which point they stopped talking to each other (her words)

 

In June (our relationship is 2.5 months old) he reaches out to her and they talked about what happened (SMS). They decide to talk some more over coffee (I am unaware of this).

 

Conversations continue over text (good mornings, good nights and all that). In June in 3 different scenario where he asks her what she doing, she tells him she is doing A,B and C with "a friend". This was me she was referring to as a friend. (SMS).

 

I also find out that she was at his place in June 28. the next day she texts him telling him that it would not be a good idea to hangout again since she is seeing some one. He replies "ok, cool....thanks for the heads up".

 

 

There was no conversation until August (she reached out to him). and then it starts up again. he talks about how he was thinking of her and what not. She claimed that he had been talking to her on snapchat. I didn't believe because if that was the case why would she text him "Hey stranger, where have you been".

 

 

Her Rebuttal.

1. She claimed she wanted to clear up the air that was the reason for the coffee meet.

 

 

2. She claimed she didn't know why she referred to me as a friend (I had to beat it out of her) before she said that she may have had lingering feeling (not sexual or emotional) because of how things ended.

After going back and fort about me not believing what happened at his place.

 

 

3. She tells me that the plan initially was not to go to his place but to get drinks. He said he needed to get something from his place and when they got there his roommates invited her to watch movies with them.

 

 

4. She claimed that he was flirtatious and that she told him while in his place that she was seeing someone. I called bull**** on that because I felt that firstly once that started she should have removed herself and secondly based off the text she sent, it sounded he was not appear at the time that she was seeing someone.

 

 

I told her that it wasn't making sense and I could not continue the relationship.

 

 

 

Yours thoughts please!

 

 

 

 

EDIT

We talked again, she has been very remorseful. She has indicated that she understands that it is not only a break in trust buts also disrespectful.

She admits her wrong doing and has promised to doing anything to gain my trust (She just needs to not do **** like this again).

I will give her a second chance.

 

 

*****This was posted before any replies*****

Edited August 30, 2017 by towch

[Darren Steez]

This is not about regaining trust because she's a liar, when confronted with the truth if she had put her hands up and gone yup I'm wrong I'm cutting off communications now then cool, but you literally had to drag the information out of her.

 

So to be clear she banged him. That's their relationship, they are not friends or colleagues they are f*ck buddies and they know when they invite each other over to "hang out" they know exactly what it might lead to.

 

Plus you were a rebound, she still clearly had feelings for this guy who's a lingerer he just had to wait around and when he feels horny he messages the girl and off she goes.

 

Well done for having the n*ts to end it there and then. Keep her as a FB but she's not girlfriend material.

[doyathinkso]

Darren's pretty much right except for the "Keep her as a FB" part.

 

BUT if you do please remember to wear a condom. She seems just a wee bit whiffy, if you know what I mean.

[road]

Keep her as a FB but she's not girlfriend material.

 

This is the only part I disagree with.

 

She cheated.

 

She needs to be gone.

[Poutrew]

I am sorry you decided to cave in at the last moment. Just remember, from this point on, you will be left cleaning up the mess the OM makes...

[MrMeh]

I think it's relatively easy to stop talking to a past fling if you truly like the person you're with. It was only 2.5 months.

 

I say you learn from the experience and move on towards another person that won't lie to you on a daily basis.

[smackie9]

If she was really into you, should wouldn't give a rat's a$$ about clearing the air or anything with this guy. This guy obviously still has meaning in her life or she would go to these lengths to hide it. If she learned her lesson, she can save it for the next guy. You are wasting your time trying to make this work. My advice would be different if you were married or have been together in a solid relationship for years, then it would be worth a second go. BUT you only have invested a couple of months, and this is how she treated your relationship. It's a fail.

[Chi townD]

Well dude, you choose what is best for you. But, I'm going to hit you with some things to think about.

 

You knew she was still talking to this guy because you found out through emails/ texts.....and she gave you lies and half truths. You are her boyfriend...and yet she referred to you as a "friend".

 

The one thing a cheater will always do is only admit to what you can prove. You have proof that she went over to his place alone. But, that's all you have. So! She tells you that nothing happened and they watched movies. Because you can't prove otherwise. And right now.....you have no reason to believe her.

 

Just food for thought.

[smackie9]

Dude she didn't have a realization that it was wrong, she kept it a secret by lying to the both of you, and knew it was wrong already. She got caught, that's the only reason why she will (maybe) stop. She is dating the both of you, weighing her options, that's what she was doing. Just because the messages stopped doesn't mean they weren't seeing each other behind your back. She could have easily deleted some of the messages or just called him. Yer crazy for taking her back I tell ya.

[ChatroomHero]

You basically just gave her a good heads up to hide things better.

 

 

Her ex will contact her again. She will delete the messages and hide the phone better. She will go covert.

 

 

Do you really think the act of you catching her will change her rationalization of communicating with him in secret and calling you a friend? That mindset didn't change just because you caught her and she had an epiphany.

 

 

Good luck finding her next trail, she'll be more diligent hiding her tracks. It might be one thing if she was saying she had a bf she loved and didn't see her ex in any way more than a friend, but that is not the case.

 

 

If I caught you stealing $20 from me and I had to fight out a confession, I MIGHT forgive you. If I found out you stole $400 over time and lied constantly to lessen the impact, I would never trust you again. I would always wonder what you were holding back from me in every situation that came up from there on out.

[lolablue17]

Any beginning of a relationship is a mutual test for eachother. Love and attraction are there, but you also judge her character before you open your heart completely.

 

In this period 2.5 month you got deception and misleading, lies and trickle truth, presenting you as a friend (so, she lied to him too), for an obvious reason (T|o keep him interested), and she also might had sex whith him (No proof, but she's a liar, adults usually don't play monopoly together late at night while lying to their bf where they are).

 

If these are her "qualities" after 2.5 months, I wonder what are your standards, if you have any...

[towch]

Thanks guys, I decided to keep it ended

[Space Ritual]

Thanks guys, I decided to keep it ended

 

Good for you. If I had a dollar for every time somebody came here and acted decisively the first go around and ended it I would be broke.

 

All you ever need to remember is to keep your Original Post handy in case you get an urge to contact her.

 

Her whole speil and excuse was about as original as a Foghat song.

[Popsicle]

So many men stay with their cheating wives or just break up temporarily. It's sad and pathetic. Be different, dump her and never go back.

[Cookiesandough]

Thanks guys, I decided to keep it ended

 

 

Good for you! A man with dignity. I know it's not easy but you did the right thing in the long run

[smackie9]

Thanks guys, I decided to keep it ended

Good for you! Letting go is hard, it's hard for anyone when you have been so invested, but when you look back on this you will be proud of your decision. Best of luck to you.

[BluesPower]

Good for you brother...

 

Finally a young guy with a set of balls. Glad to see it.

 

Of course you know by now that everything she told you was complete BS and almost 99% chance she was sleeping with him.

 

Even if she was not, very doubtful, she was out of line with all of it.

 

But you made the right decision in the end. You defiantly needed to dump her and never look back.

 

Now you can find a better women, and she can go back to her ex.

 

Kudos to you...

[BruceWayne21]

Thanks guys, I decided to keep it ended

 

You did the right thing. She wasn't going to stay faithful.

[Logo]

You made the right decision. Do not look back. Find yourself a nice woman who has self-respect and integrity.