Can you post stories of family members who destroyed their lives so I'm not the only1

[health]

Can you post stories of family members who destroyed their lives so I'm not the only one?

 

I recently found out my father has bad credit. This is the crowning point.

 

This man had a great career. Beat my mother physically for years, emotionally abused everyone.

Inherited a lot of land. Never paid a dime of child support in the 80s. Retired. Got a new girlfriend. Sold a chunk of the land for hundreds of thousands of dollars. Travelled the world literally - went to Europe, South America and even Antarctica!

 

Now he lives in a basement apartment. No one calls him, he doesn't call anyone and basically wants to be left alone.

 

My Mom raised three kids by herself and never got with another guy since him - again which was back in the 80s - she put everything into her kids.

 

I forgave him and have love for him. But for over a year when I tried to contact him, he just never responded or gave a care.

 

I graduated College, work a full time job, save $1000 a month after all bills are paid, quit alcohol and cigarettes and am going for my goals.

 

Anyone else have a family member who completely wrecked their lives?

[ayoung73]

Prior to my father’s death he started drinking again after 15 years sober and a lifetime of physical and mental abuse to his entire family. All of my childhood he drank and beat us, drove up his debt and did everything he could to leave us, jobs out of town/state, and all for Jim Beam whiskey. If I wanted any relationship with him I had to call or make the effort, this was when he was sober, and what I found out later on was this; he was embarrassed and ashamed! He didn’t want to interact with any of us, even though I forgave him and told him it doesn’t matter, things got a bit better, but he never got better and is why he started drinking again.

 

My point, your father may be feeling the same thing, he doesn’t want contact because it reminds him of how poorly he treated everyone and his current situation doesn’t help much either. Some might say he’s receiving his ‘just deserts’ for his behavior and maybe he believes you all might rub his face in it etc.

 

It sounds like you’re doing everything right though. I would suggest writing him letters, if he won’t take your calls etc., write him letters telling him about your life and what’s going on with you. Great job with your finances and putting aside your vices, just a bit of caution, since he is ‘down and out,’ refrain from mentioning money and don’t allow him to steer you away from your goals. Help, but not at the expense of your future and your goals. I’m sorry to sound so cruel, but my father tried to do the same thing and I helped a bit, but it was never ending. I had to say no. A thousand dollars a month is a lot, keep true to your goals.

[jammartinez760]

You are awesome Health, reading your story I understand how strong man you are