darkmoon Posted August 30, 2017 Share Posted August 30, 2017 Has anybody managed to do this without the person that they are rejecting becoming offended? It is a skill that I need against narcissists, only I did not know I needed the skill til now for the next narcissist I meet. Inevitable. Link to post Share on other sites
CptInsano Posted August 30, 2017 Share Posted August 30, 2017 Why do you care if that person becomes offended? Offending the person with what you're saying may just disambiguate the message enough to convey that you're really not interested. Link to post Share on other sites
normal person Posted August 30, 2017 Share Posted August 30, 2017 Magic words: "I just don't think you're my type, to be honest. Best of luck!" If they can't handle that, that's their problem, not yours. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
knabe Posted August 30, 2017 Share Posted August 30, 2017 There is an ever increasing population of people who choose not to take the hint, get offended, and rant about the opposite gender every time they get rejected. Honestly, I wouldn't worry about offending them. But then again I'm mean. Just tell them that your lawful good doesn't jive with their chaotic neutral lol 3 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 30, 2017 Share Posted August 30, 2017 Are you hinting at this rejection or are you being clear? Most people aren't offended at rejection; they are hurt. Be clear. It's cruel to be kind & give somebody false hope. If you have been clear & they still don't back off, I once had to resort to putting it in writing. I literally sent the guy a certified letter that said something like this: At the conclusion of our 1st & only date I told you that I had no interest in dating you. Instead of respecting that, you sent me flowers. I sent you an email reiterating that I had no interest in you. You have continued to call, text & e-mail. My answer has not changed. It has always been No. However if you continue to harass me, my answer will change from what I have tried to maintain as a polite no to the issuance of a restraining order. So we are clear: Go Away. Never contact me again. If I hear from you again I will institute legal action. He finally got the message. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted August 30, 2017 Share Posted August 30, 2017 Are you hinting at this rejection or are you being clear? Most people aren't offended at rejection; they are hurt. Be clear. It's cruel to be kind & give somebody false hope. If you have been clear & they still don't back off, I once had to resort to putting it in writing. I literally sent the guy a certified letter that said something like this: At the conclusion of our 1st & only date I told you that I had no interest in dating you. Instead of respecting that, you sent me flowers. I sent you an email reiterating that I had no interest in you. You have continued to call, text & e-mail. My answer has not changed. It has always been No. However if you continue to harass me, my answer will change from what I have tried to maintain as a polite no to the issuance of a restraining order. So we are clear: Go Away. Never contact me again. If I hear from you again I will institute legal action. He finally got the message. Wow. Op- I think women have this problem more than guys. Part of it has to do with society and movies telling us you just need to "win her over". At the point I hear no thanks, I don't get upset, hell I really don't care (with new RLs). A lot of guys can't take a hint or feel if they just try harder they will get you. Women often don't want to hurt a guys feelings so they use "women speak" instead of being direct. Things like "I'm not sure", "I'm not ready for a relationship right now", "It's bad timing", giving fake numbers, etc. I recommend you be direct as guys respond to that much better: "I do not want to continue seeing you". Don't say anything that could imply a chance in the future or improvements they can make to change your mind. Most guys will take it and likely be upset but usually not get mad. Some will though. If that doesn't work, it's their problem not yours. Link to post Share on other sites
Author darkmoon Posted August 30, 2017 Author Share Posted August 30, 2017 I refer to narcissists not lovers same-sex narcissists as crap friends who you/me do not want 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 30, 2017 Share Posted August 30, 2017 Then just ignore them; eventually they will go away. Anything including a relationship eventually dies from neglect. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 30, 2017 Share Posted August 30, 2017 A hanger on will interpret ANY interaction as a relationship, so don't give them anything if it comes to that point, and do what Donnivain said to say and do or write. If you are unfortunate enough to ever encounter a truly deluded stalker as I have, even no contact will not convince them you do not have interaction. Because the whole thing is a figment of their imagination anyway. Lots of celebrities deal with those types. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
The Urbanyst Posted August 31, 2017 Share Posted August 31, 2017 Has anybody managed to do this without the person that they are rejecting becoming offended? It is a skill that I need against narcissists, only I did not know I needed the skill til now for the next narcissist I meet. Inevitable. There is no way to rejection someone without offending them. Unless you want to lie and say you are seeing someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
maxi105 Posted September 3, 2017 Share Posted September 3, 2017 you can let people know where you stand without having to be unkind or excessively blunt or immature about it all. and as already mentioned...honesty even if you have to say it a few times is crucial. if they haven't got the message then maybe they are not getting the message in the way you think, or in a way that they can absorb (we all process things differently and for different things sometimes). are you guilty of assuming because you sent the message, you know your feelings and you understand the meaning behind what you said easily that this other person should also get these messages as clearly and as easily as you do? if so...isnt that a little narcissistic in its own well meaning but blinkered way? the problem with mixed messages or failed messages is that there is also the real danger of not only emotions coming into it (and you sound fed up with all of this),is if labels also start getting added to a persons character (who for all we may know may just not be getting a message) and that isn't fair...especially if others are joining in to label someone in your social group. what do they do that makes them that way, how long have you been friends or more? if you've suffered these types of people a lot, is there something in your personal i.d. that gives them a link into you? are you allowing this behaviour from them then bottling this up and then kicking out? there are billions of questions, but without knowing its not as easy to say on this post. that's not an accusation, its a question....I don't know you or them so I'm wondering out loud as usual. if it might be the case that they genuinely don't get the picture then try adjusting what you say and communicate face to face with them and you may both learn where you are both going wrong in this. talking face to face is a good way to get a message across. a letter sounds good, but only if you go into the full details of why and how etc, and maybe give them the fair chance to reply if they don't agree; but really face to face is the best way, you will be able to know more about the problem and deal with it there and then, rather than guessing what something might mean (in a written message). that itself can create additional problems and make something innocent turn bad. having said all of that, if this person is a genuine narcasist, then look back to your actions with them and ask yourself honestly if there was anything you did or said to encourage or lead them on? if you didn't, then talk to them and put your case to them. if they are mature people they will take the opportunity to talk to you. opinions can change and messages become more negative or bitter if we don't talk about things with others to clear them up properly. who knows, you might be seen by others around this person as someone a little bit stubborn, cold, immature or selfish ironically, just for not getting a message across or being maybe afraid to talk with them. I'm not saying you are this or they are that as I don't know you or them, what I am saying is talk to them in a calm open environment, and treat them to a fair and honest hearing where you both put your points across and you stand more to gain in terms of respect and proper answers than continuing to feel the frustrations you feel right now. if you rant you'll feel better, if you realise you were partly wrong in the situation you'll be able to see things from another point of view, if you both agree that you are no good for each other at least you can both come to that decision, not just one person with an agenda that conflicts with the others emotional disfunctions. if you want to sort this out you'll have to talk to them, if they are not listening then they will get a taste of their own medicine sooner or later! if you keep dishing it out it'll come back to you; the same goes with getting into deeper problems than are nessesary; because you cant talk about things to people... its about honesty and respect and willingness to communicate. at some point you were friends? so I cant think anyone would willingly befriend someone so selfish would they? and even if so, its the better thing to talk to them about it all openly and honestly like mature individuals: before you move on. good luck, I'm sure you'll find your solution to this. Link to post Share on other sites
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