Ex-wife harassing for added extras after $1,500 a month child support has been paid

[Werty79]

State of Texas. My husband's ex-wife is the custodial parent, she has the children 54% of the time, my husband and I have them the rest of the time. She gets $1,500 child support every month, the payment has never been missed/never been late. That amount was set down by my husband's divorce lawyer which the judge agreed was right, based on my husband's high earnings.

 

She is making a frequent habit of doing things like texting us at 1am, harassing us and nagging about how she thinks we should be paying her more, for added stuff she says the kids suddenly need. Never a hello, a please, or a thank you, just rude, bossy demands.

 

Where do we stand legally with trying to stop this? She seems to have it in her head that she can tap us for as much extra money as she fancies, when she fancies it, and that we are the unreasonable and neglectful ones for not just handing it over.

 

We also got some moronic, abusive texts from her new boyfriend in the middle of the night telling us that ''$1,500 a month is not enough''. Apparently they are not in love and do not share a bedroom, he is just some kind of roomate that has moved into the old marital home to help her with her rent. She works a minimum wage type job yet lives in a 4 bedroom house.

 

Any advice on how we should try to nip this in the bud? Or some piece of info/law about why this is wrong and needs to stop? Thank you.

[minimariah]

OK... so the divorce - i assume - was not amicable. there are obviously a lot of tensions & the wife obviously wants to mantain the high living standard she had while married so... she's struggling.

 

my advice, simple - tell her no, turn of the phone over the night and go back to sleep. sit down with her and tell her that you will not give her extra money unless there is REAL emergency going on. in my experience... the ignoring way does work out after some time and people do get the message.

 

you don't have to give her a thing - you can literally just ignore her and that should be the end of the story. tehnically... you can't legally stop her from asking money, help or anything else... unless you file a harrassment report against her but i don't think you have grounds for that in this case.

 

you can also adapt your custodial agreement and define the contact with the mother - meaning... you can put in a NO to her late, harrassing messages. you can put in how often and about can she message you and vice verse... that is something that you should discuss with a professional because every state (country) has specific laws.

 

i would just try ignoring her and sitting her down, telling her that she will get a lawsuit for harrassment if she does not stop. basically - threaten her. i believe it works out in most cases and i think she'll calm it down after a while. suggest selling the home and finding a better place to stay - try to be as amicable and reasonable as you can be and offer help. this is one of those situations where you need to be the mature and grown up one - since she obviously is not ready to be. don't try to be as petty and don't try to get some kind of revenge - be very careful because she will be around for some time so you want to reach the position where you'll control the tensions.

 

so... right now - sit down with her, tell her there will be consequences if she does not stop and ignore. if that does not work out - contact a lawyer and see if you can define the contact (how many times per day and what about) in a custodial arrangement.

Edited August 30, 2017 by minimariah

[d0nnivain]

Is your Q coming from your husband & you are just posting it or is more of the issue yours?

 

If it's you who are bothered, just stay out of it. Nothing will change until your husband wants it to.

 

Do not respond to late night texts. Have the lawyers work out the terms.

 

Most time I suggest being generous to the kids & fair to the EX. IF whatever it is that the kids need / want if it's reasonable & you can afford it buy it for them directly rather than letting mom handle it. Otherwise just ignore her.

[somanymistakes]

If she's waking you up at night block her phone and tell her she must now communicate with you only via email.

 

As for her demands, if it's not in the custody order agreement, you don't have to pay it.

[elaine567]

Ask her to put it all in writing with an expense sheet and if she really is struggling with the kids, then your husband needs to step up as after all they are his kids. How many kids does he actually have here?

 

Yes, it is all drawn up legally and she may indeed just be being a pain, but if she is the one who is really always providing for them ie buying all their stuff or the majority of their stuff, then she may indeed be finding it difficult as she has no extra funds to help her out here.

 

It is all very well getting on your high horse to beat the ex wife about the head, but he is responsible for those kids and he needs to make sure they are being looked after as well as possible.

[standtall]

Legally she has an uphill battle...one that will cost her and your husband money in court. I would do as the OP's say and utterly ignore all monetary requests and be prepared to deal with the passive aggressive consequences. If she takes him to court for more money you have to weigh out the costs of fighting it or paying more. This would have a lot to do with the age of the children...which you have not stated.

[grays]

All you gotta do is say no.

[BaileyB]

Put your phone on do not disturb... Don't respond to the texts asking for money.

 

That is a healthy amount of child support. If the kids are in need of something above and beyond daily care, he can provide what they need without involving he ex-wife. Example, if they need New clothing, an iPad for school, or money for a field trip.

 

And talk to your lawyer if the behavior continues. It's unacceptable.

Edited August 31, 2017 by BaileyB

[basil67]

I've known divorced couples where the child maintenance is paid on a monthly basis, but expenses outside the ordinary, eg: braces, unexpected medical costs, expensive school trips are sorted out between the couple as extra stuff.

 

Anyway, your question consists of two parts:

 

What calculations were used to figure the $1,500? Is this day to day living only or was it also supposed to cover the type of extra costs I mentioned above? The answer to this will give an indication as to what extra expenses may pop up from time to time.

 

Then there's the unreasonable hours of contact. Ideally you'd want to leave her able to call you in case of a true emergency relating to the kids - so blocking her or turning off your phone would be a last resort. What conversations has your husband had with her about this? Does she know that he may well have to block her if the late night calls continue?

 

Oh, and just block all calls from her "boyfriend"

[amaysngrace]

How many children are there because $1500 a month in support isn't all that much?

 

Also is your salary taken into consideration now since you two are married? I'm unfamiliar with Texas law. Can she take you back to court and ask for more?

[PegNosePete]

She is making a frequent habit of doing things like texting us at 1am

Put phone on silent at night. Ignore such requests, or if you have to reply, make it a strong but polite no. Don't say anything that you don't want to be read out in court one day.

 

We also got some moronic, abusive texts from her new boyfriend

Block his number.

 

Where do we stand legally with trying to stop this?

If the above 2 steps don't help then you should ask a lawyer what can be done. Many will do a free initial consultation so it won't even cost you anything. In the meantime keep all texts, emails etc, both received and sent, as a record.

[anika99]

I'm also curious how many kids there are. $1500 a month sound like a lot for 1 child but not so much if there are 3 or 4 kids. Also if there are a bunch of kids and some are young that is obviously going to impact her ability to work and earn money.

 

Just because someone is texting in the middle of the night doesn't mean you have to let it disturb you. Put your phone on silent in the evening. I'm not sure there is any law that states the mom can't ask the other parent for money to cover extra unforeseen expenses. Child support is meant to cover the regular needs of the children but doesn't necessarily take into account other expenses that might come up, such as a child needing dental work or money for a school trip.

[Rockdad]

Werty welcome to the wonderful world of divorce! Your experiencing the same scenario oh so many of us did and do. Mine happened to go on 17 yrs after the divorce. I thought when I divorced my ex that meant I didn't have to put up with her BS logic and mouth. I was wildly mistaken.

 

She had legal custody, got paid maintenance as your husband pays, she lived part time with her BF in a different city and we raised the kids. We got the incessant phone calls, asking for more $ and extra things she thought I should pay for as well.

 

Example she accidentally broke our sons eye glasses. She went off the rails when I declined her wishes for me to pay for them and buy an extra pair. She just couldn't get her head around my reply of you broke them you pay for them.

 

I never did block her phone when the kids were little when she had them with her in case of an emergency. She sucked at making decisions. When the kids were old enough I supplied them with phones of their own and blocked her from any contact with me. No she didn't comply with that very well either.

 

When she went into one of her rants or additional request I told her each and everytime to have her atty talk to my atty. That gained me a some peace as she did not want to pay for an atty.

[minimariah]

When the kids were old enough I supplied them with phones of their own and blocked her from any contact with me.

 

you can thank your lucky stars that this didn't backfire on you - divorced parents who do not speak to each other raise the most manipulative and spoiled kids. you can't tell if your kid is lying to you if you can't verify a THING with another parent. also - a child of age, let's say... 15 is old enough to own a phone... however, that child still requires joint decision making over countless of things... starting from actually raising and setting up rules to agreeing who will pay for what trip.

 

so i would not suggest blocking permanently a number until the children are 18, that is a really poor decision. in fact, in my country, an act like that would leave you without a custody and once a month visitations, that's outrageous.

 

so, OP. careful.

Edited September 1, 2017 by minimariah

[William]

So no one else gets booted over a one-post wonder new member, I'll close this up and request a more complete review.

 

ETA: After review and deletion of some disruptive posting I'm going to leave this one closed until the OP returns. Werty79 you can request this thread reopened for update by alerting on this post. ~T

Edited September 1, 2017 by William