Did I do the right thing ?

[norudder]

I took a job in a different state from exmm to help with nc and moving on. Same employer though. I am in one hr dept in one part of the state and work.closely with colleagues in similar positions in other departments, specifically sexual harassment. exmm was under investigation after I left for harassment (inappropriate comments, hostile work environment). I heard his friend is trying to pull some favors to get him moved to the state Im in for a fresh slate. It came up with a colleague that she would want to know if there was a history with someone to watch for. (There won't be a record of the investigation if he moves to another state). So I mentioned in private what I knew. Part of me felt obligated (we take eradication of this behavior seriously), part of me felt disloyal, I didn't really feel vengeful or vindicated about it. Maybe part of it was preservation and not wanting him to be approved the transfer. I don't think it would come back to me since its not exactly a secret but Im not sure I can be objective about my motive. should i have not said anything or did i do the right thing about giving my colleague and friend and hr mgr the heads up?

[MidnightBlue1980]

All's fair in love and war. I can't recall your story but obviously you had an affair and are trying to keep NC from a not so good guy. Preserve your sanity above all else.

[LivingWaterPlease]

Your ex AP is having a affair with a new AP, I take it, and you exposed it when asked? If so, you did the right thing, has nothing to do with your past R with him.

[DKT3]

What would you have done with another man you didn't have sex with in the exact same situation? There is your answer

[Steve51]

When you insert yourself into other people's lives you are altering the course of the life and usually for the worst. You like to tell yourself you have a moral obligation or whatever your reason but what it is jealousy that someone is getting away with something that you cannot.

 

Case in point, my friend told me that my fiancé has sex with someone a few months before our marriage. I was stationed overseas for a year and we had a don't ask, don't tell policy. However once my friend let it be known all over my town, I had to break it off with her or look the fool. For me it worked out well as I met a wonderful woman whom I am married to for 45 years. For my ex fiancé, her promising future as the smartest girl in her school became a life of aimlessness, drug addiction which caused mental illness and a marriage so someone could get a greencard in return for paying for her son's by some stranger's, kid. Then she cheated on her husband and married a girl.

 

She called me up 40 years later to tell me how bad her life had been all because she was 17, lonely and fearful that every day may be the day that she was told I died in combat and entitled to no benefits since we were not married. Our plans for her to go to college to get a law degree never happened and without me in her life she wandered aimlessly from one guy to another just for a place to sleep the night. She turned to drugs due to her life not turning out like it was supposed to. She was very sorry for cheating on me and I actually could understand it. In fact, it was supposed to be a don't tell situation that a friend just had to tell me. If he kept his mouth shut, my exes life would not have been ruined as it was.

 

I can recant many stories where bitter or morally superior people have ruined the lives of others thinking that they were the moral police. What right does anyone have to ruin a life for a non criminal offense? Most just want to feel good about themselves by putting others down. The story I did not tell, involves the death of a good friend when some do gooder religious nut told his parents that he was gay. He was one year away from moving to another city and living on his own when he threw himself in front of moving train. I wonder if the person who told his folks felt good about the removal of another godless queer.

 

It is usually those who chose the high road who commit the bigger sin.

[norudder]

What would you have done with another man you didn't have sex with in the exact same situation? There is your answer

 

The same. Thanks.

[norudder]

When you insert yourself into other people's lives you are altering the course of the life and usually for the worst. You like to tell yourself you have a moral obligation or whatever your reason but what it is jealousy that someone is getting away with something that you cannot.

 

Case in point, my friend told me that my fiancé has sex with someone a few months before our marriage. I was stationed overseas for a year and we had a don't ask, don't tell policy. However once my friend let it be known all over my town, I had to break it off with her or look the fool. For me it worked out well as I met a wonderful woman whom I am married to for 45 years. For my ex fiancé, her promising future as the smartest girl in her school became a life of aimlessness, drug addiction which caused mental illness and a marriage so someone could get a greencard in return for paying for her son's by some stranger's, kid. Then she cheated on her husband and married a girl.

 

She called me up 40 years later to tell me how bad her life had been all because she was 17, lonely and fearful that every day may be the day that she was told I died in combat and entitled to no benefits since we were not married. Our plans for her to go to college to get a law degree never happened and without me in her life she wandered aimlessly from one guy to another just for a place to sleep the night. She turned to drugs due to her life not turning out like it was supposed to. She was very sorry for cheating on me and I actually could understand it. In fact, it was supposed to be a don't tell situation that a friend just had to tell me. If he kept his mouth shut, my exes life would not have been ruined as it was.

 

I can recant many stories where bitter or morally superior people have ruined the lives of others thinking that they were the moral police. What right does anyone have to ruin a life for a non criminal offense? Most just want to feel good about themselves by putting others down. The story I did not tell, involves the death of a good friend when some do gooder religious nut told his parents that he was gay. He was one year away from moving to another city and living on his own when he threw himself in front of moving train. I wonder if the person who told his folks felt good about the removal of another godless queer.

 

It is usually those who chose the high road who commit the bigger sin.

 

I understand what you are saying but disagree to certain points. Some if sounds like lack of personal accountability. You chose to break up. that is not your friends fault. the information influenced your decision but in the end it was your decision.

And sexual harassment is a criminal offense. That's not something I am in the least bit jealous of someone else getting away with.

[BTDT2012]

She called me up 40 years later to tell me how bad her life had been all because she was 17, lonely and fearful that every day may be the day that she was told I died in combat and entitled to no benefits since we were not married. Our plans for her to go to college to get a law degree never happened and without me in her life she wandered aimlessly from one guy to another just for a place to sleep the night. She turned to drugs due to her life not turning out like it was supposed to. She was very sorry for cheating on me and I actually could understand it. In fact, it was supposed to be a don't tell situation that a friend just had to tell me. If he kept his mouth shut, my exes life would not have been ruined as it was.

 

This was nothing more than an attempt to make you feel responsible for her bad choices.