Looks [in relationships]

[Fishforbreakfast]

How much do you think looks play a part in relationships? Are guys just looking for beauty? Whenever I get rejected I always put it down to my looks and feel like if I was a model looking I could act like anything and guys would want me regardless.

 

My ex bf was in mine and a lot of women's opinions a perfect 10 and I'm like a 3 (on a good day - seriously) the thing that he liked about me is my personality and we laughed all the time but he dumped me, I feel like now he will probably date someone in his own league but wonder will they have the same fun or would guys take less of a connection for better looks, what about when you get old and your looks fade?

 

It's a pretty sad world if you miss out on true love because you arnt attractive enough so someone would rather have a average relationship with someone more attractive. Honestly what would you ppl choose?

Edited August 31, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Paragraphs and move to GRD

[SevenCity]

Looks are important. If you find yourself as a 3 see what you can do to move up the scale. A nice body will get you far. Clothes, makeover, hair.

 

For me, I need to be attracted to a girl. However, looks only go so far and I've grown tired of several very attractive women due to their entitled attitude and selfishness (which I've often found go hand in hand with good looks).

 

My ex was not the best looking girl I ever dated but I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. There are some people which whom you create a connection so deep it can't be replaced just because someone is better looking.

 

Important thing is to be as good looking as you can and find someone who likes the person you are on the inside.

Edited August 31, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Redact full quote of starting post

[Gaeta]

You are not a 3 unless you are born with a single eye in the middle of your forehead. Women are all beautiful in their own way when they are well put together, no matter the weight, the height and the space between their ..2 eyes.

 

There are millions of men and they all like different types. Some like them skinny with big nose and some likes them bigger with huge bum. What we need is to find that someone that will love us as we are.

 

So yes, looks is important for men but they don't all like the same thing.

[Cookiesandough]

Agree with gaeta for the most part except that I disagree that a cyclops is only a 3

Edited August 31, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[Robratory]

How much do you think looks play a part in relationships?

 

It can't play that big a part since non-attractive people continue to be born, right?

 

According to the Ladder Theory, they count for 60% of what men look for and 40% for what women look for.

 

But wait, what does "looks" mean? I can instantly tell whether a woman is considered attractive in the society around me, but I rarely find such women personally attractive. The women I find attractive as partners are probably all 4s and 6s according to society's scale, but I can honestly say they are 10s for me, and not because I'm blind but because I'm using my own personal set of preferences.

 

That's how it is. Being out of someone's league is more a matter of career, age, and lifestyle than looks. If I'm the computer guy at a law firm, the female attorneys are out of my league. The paralegals aren't, but if I'm a couch-bound city boy, that cute paralegal who goes mountain climbing on the weekends is out of my league too.

[Robratory]

Get yourself a nice figure.

 

But what's a nice figure?

 

Some say this, and some say that. (Images are non-nude)

 

Exercising is always good advice, but for the purpose at hand, I think the effort pays off better invested (assuming it's needed) in grooming, fashion, personality, culture, etc.

[Versacehottie]

I agree with a lot of what has been said here. I think you will be selling yourself short if you think guys only care about looks for longevity of the relationship. Good looks will get you attention or in the door but not keep you there for a serious (and real relationship, maybe a very young one or a superficial one like a gold digger thing where one party trades something for another thing).

 

So first you have to change that mindset of yours. Look around. You can actually see that some really good looking guys have gf's that are just ok. And some average looking guys have bombshell gfs. Definitely looks play more importance for girls (than they do for guys).

 

Next you need to maximize what you show and your confidence level about yourself as a whole. I guarantee if you put more effort into your looks, body, the way you carry yourself and put yourself out there, you won't call yourself a 3, you will rate yourself higher for sure. I totally agree with enigma about the body being the place to start. If you need to lose weight, do that. If you need to tone, do that. If you need to show if off a bit more, do that. Probably all of the above. I've even seen girls that have great shapes but kinda don't really showcase it the best--going to be really hard to have a guy look at you if one does mousey when they have more.

 

BTW, guys have a variety of types so it doesn't mean you can't be something other than a typical Victoria's Secret model and make it work---it's just that on some level you've got to confidently own and express what you ARE. Just developing a body-mind connection and knowing that you are putting effort into your body will raise your confidence and ability to put yourself out there more.

 

I've seen lots of guys kinda get "fooled" by a good body and a so-so face so to maximize start there. Plus guys seem to have a lot of different preferences with regard to facial features and hair (are more flexible) but not as much flexibility when it comes to preferred body shapes.

 

And is a bit of a myth that the prettiest girls have it the easiest. I've said it on here before I have a huge group of girlfriends, most are very pretty, some are gorgeous, etc. Funny enough there have been moments in dating where the prettiest ones seem to have the worst luck or no guys approaching them. Also what I've noticed when we have gone out in groups is that some nights it's a certain girl's night for attention and other nights another girl's--which supports that guys have all sorts of types.

 

I truly believe it boils down to how one carries herself and confidence (a couple of the prettiest are more reserved, less outgoing). Also what age guys are you interested in? And what type? I think guys that care the most about looks tend to be on the young end and like more of a party girl. As they get serious about finding a girlfriend for real, or if that's the type of guy they are in general, they use a different and more well-rounded set of criteria. Like some of my most gorgeous girlfriends are more gf material, less party or just quick fleeting interest, so after college they actually had better success with guys than the other ones.

 

One of my gfs that is single now, gets tons of attention because she is the typical of what a lot of guys (and girls) want: tall, thin, blonde, gorgeous face, looks like an actress. She is cool and gf material. But still I can't even remember but probably the last 8 or so guys have been 2-4 dates. That's it. They come in hot because she is so gorgeous but then idk it fizzles (and I promise you she has a good personality and isn't clingy). The only thing I can think of that might be going on is that they build up all these expectations of a dream girl because she looks a certain way, such as meeting a threshold (and then surpassing it in her case) but the expectations once they are evaluating a personality aren't matching up (because they've over fantasized it or don't truly appreciate it).

 

Why am I telling you all this? because I think in a lot of cases for looks you just need to meet a threshold of "looks good to him"--basically if asked out on the date, you've met the threshold. *note: if OLD, then pix need to match what you look like in person. This same girl that I'm talking about had a bf for two years and they broke up about a year ago. Through our insta-stalking we have seen the girls he has dated since (4 or so?). None have come close to her looks even though he is a great looking guy who is a catch. I would say they are more "cute" or good looking but a little tacky. Recently one has become his gf. She is good looking but not nearly as pretty as my friend. I say that objectively. This guy seems really happy and I would guess it's very serious. So basically you can never predict the magic formula--you just need to maximize what you have and bring your best. And people can generally agree if someone is good looking or on the attractive end, looks are subjective anyway. Good luck

[thefooloftheyear]

For some, sure....Looks matter...I am that way myself...

 

I remember a short time ago, I was watching the news and they were interviewing a woman on the street..She had two little kids, and she was the most hideous looking human on the planet...Man or woman or creature.. ...I mean, sorry, no need to be mean, but she had absolutely zero appeal on any level...

 

But someone is having sex with her, and for all I know her guy thinks she is the best thing since electricity..

 

Point is, everyone has something to offer someone...Sure, some people are universally attractive, but that doesn't doom you if you aren't...Make the best of what you have been given..

 

TFY

Edited August 31, 2017 by thefooloftheyear

[Versacehottie]

There is something out there for everyone, but I think you will find that the vast majority of men out there who have a choice in the matter will greatly prefer option 2 over the first girl you showed. I am not even a picky guy, but I wouldn't date that first girl. I don't care what kind of personality she has.

 

The investment in diet and exercise is a far better one than fashion, culture, etc. Or, you can just keep on being a 3 and feeling bad about yourself. Your choice. There is a reason why people are congratulated for losing weight and working out and not for gaining it and being lazy.

 

I'm a realistic person and lying to anyone isn't going to help you. Yes the majority of guys are going to want the fitter girl, so looking closest to fit is going to up your chances. First of all it's biologically ingrained. Waist to hip ratio, etc. Secondly, it conveys something that would take a really long time to convey otherwise--that you invest in yourself and take care of yourself. Guys want that. It conveys that you have good self esteem and think well of yourself. No better way to say that you are a prize than show you think you are a prize. Guys are also very visual. Even if you are working "toward" looking better that will help.

 

With regard to fashion, ehhh.... I don't think that too many guys, except for in certain circles pay too much attention--they generally like fitted to the body, whether it's a tee shirt or a body con dress. So the style doesn't have to be the most current as long as it follows and accentuates the body (and maybe boobs, butt or legs). That said, if you ARE fashionable, guys like it a lot of the time & it will draw them in because again it shows you care and invest in yourself and will get you more attention from others which makes him look good to be with you. But i think if you see yourself as a 3, maybe this is advanced stuff and you should start with the basics (body, grooming, confidence, mindset).

 

Culture and interests are part of your personality so I'm assuming you have those or can develop and express them simultaneously. Actually part of the problem with a lot of pretty girls is that they overly focus on guys & things they do to maintain their looks and have no real interests. This eventually will be a stumbling block so if it applies to you, try to get more well rounded or more "invested" in YOU--things that interest you. It will provide a sense of self and less of a desperation for a relationship that a lot of girls have (at whatever rank on the scale), which will give you some edge over those types.

[Fishforbreakfast]

Thanks everyone for your good replies! General conscensouse is to work on my body, I'm slim and not overweight at all but I don't really dress to show my figure I kind of dress to hide it because I hate being looked at, it's weird. I don't care if everyone found me ugly but the one I want, just hard getting a foot through the door sometimes with so much competition and I can be super shy too which doesn't help the situation.

[TheFinalWord]

How much do you think looks play a part in relationships? Are guys just looking for beauty? Whenever I get rejected I always put it down to my looks and feel like if I was a model looking I could act like anything and guys would want me regardless. My ex bf was in mine and a lot of women's opinions a perfect 10 and I'm like a 3 (on a good day - seriously) the thing that he liked about me is my personality and we laughed all the time but he dumped me, I feel like now he will probably date someone in his own league but wonder will they have the same fun or would guys take less of a connection for better looks, what about when you get old and your looks fade? It's a pretty sad world if you miss out on true love because you arnt attractive enough so someone would rather have a average relationship with someone more attractive. Honestly what would you ppl choose?

 

Looks matter for attraction, but even if a woman is extremely physically attractive, but has a repulsive personality, men with self-esteem will not hang around long.

 

BTW, I respect your decision to not dress to show off your body. Most women leave little the imagination these days.

[Sunlight72]

I agree with a lot of the advice and thoughts here.

 

fishforbreakfast, if you're slim, then you have a relatively easy road to going from a 3 to a 7. Like two days, a couple hours each day.

 

And a lot of that is purpose and self care, I agree very much.

 

I want to mention that I think dressing well (not expensive, but purposeful and fits your body's over all shape), getting a good haircut, and simple styling - daily - will make a real impression on people. But - this does not need to mean 'sexy' like flashy or yoga pants. Classy, or just well thought out is more attractive.

 

Many of us men don't care much for make up - others do. If you like yourself with make up, use it. If you don't, don't change your over all approach much. Just take a little care to present yourself the way you feel on your best days.

 

I live in Colorado in a little mountain town, but have a friend I stay with often in Paris (I'm in Paris now, and seeing typical Parisian men and women around me). On my second visit here he gave me a little notice about getting ready to go out of the apartment - "when you walk out the door, you don't know who you will meet. Dress for them to be glad they met you".

 

Of course, it's more true in Paris, but also, it's quite true everywhere. It's a show. When you leave your house, you have the chance to be part of a show. Chose the role you'd like to play in your day; don't ignore it.

 

Best Wishes,

Sunlight

Edited August 31, 2017 by Sunlight72

[Fishforbreakfast]

I agree with a lot of the advice and thoughts here.

 

fishforbreakfast, if you're slim, then you have a relatively easy road to going from a 3 to a 7. Like two days, a couple hours each day.

 

And a lot of that is purpose and self care, I agree very much.

 

I want to mention that I think dressing well (not expensive, but purposeful and fits your body's over all shape), getting a good haircut, and simple styling - daily - will make a real impression on people. But - this does not need to mean 'sexy' like flashy or yoga pants. Classy, or just well thought out is more attractive.

 

Many of us men don't care much for make up - others do. If you like yourself with make up, use it. If you don't, don't change your over all approach much. Just take a little care to present yourself the way you feel on your best days.

 

I live in Colorado in a little mountain town, but have a friend I stay with often in Paris (I'm in Paris now, and seeing typical Parisian men and women around me). On my second visit here he gave me a little notice about getting ready to go out of the apartment - "when you walk out the door, you don't know who you will meet. Dress for them to be glad they met you".

 

Of course, it's more true in Paris, but also, it's quite true everywhere you go. It's a show. When you leave your house, you have the chance to be part of a show. Chose the role you'd like to play in your day; don't ignore it.

 

Best Wishes,

Sunlight

 

Good advice!! I dressed well when I was with my bf and when we broke up I must admit I started dressing like a bit of a hobo and everyone noticed when really that should of been a time I was dressing even better!

[Sara1989]

Girl you cannot be a 3 if you attracted an 10. He would keep you as a friend not an lover:laugh:

 

At the end of the day, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Not everyone going find you attractive, people have different tastes.

 

Looks can only go so far when you are dating, the personality needs to be there as well and the connection.

[jkeefer928]

I think it's obvious that looks are much more important for men than for women. At least this has been my experience. I know that most of my friends care much more about personality than looks when picking a long-term bf. My own bf is probably only a 3 or 4 in terms of looks, but he's a 10 when it comes to what's important, and that is why I love him.

 

It seems with guys, however, that you have to be at least a 6 or 7 in terms of physical beauty for them to be seriously interested in you. And my experience has been that they are much more likely to cheat if they have a physical attraction to a someone else. It's like they lose all their good sense when they see a beautiful woman and become capable of only thinking with their penis.

 

At least this is what I have experienced personally, almost as a rule. If I'm wearing something sexy and I flirt with a guy (which I often do, as I'm a total flirt, ), I've found that they will eventually proposition me, married or not. Every time. And seeing this has made me cynical, and is the reason why reliability, trust, and stability are the main qualities I look for in a man.

[caveman621]

Looks are short term. Personality is long term. If you find someone you are attracted to who has a great personality.....JACKPOT!!!!

 

I think for almost everyone looks are the first thing they notice about another person so that's often the first criteria for dating. There is something to be said for being physically attracted to someone, but, then personality keeps you around. So it might be difficult to get first dates but if you find compatibility it will last.

 

Remember "The Girls Next Door"? That show with the three busty blondes in the Playboy mansion living with Hugh Hefner? Me, being perpetually h***y and frustrated at the time, would watch it. But, I swear, after about ten minutes I just couldn't take it any more! The women were SO vapid and self-obsessed. It was ridiculous! Point being, from a physical standpoint they were stunning, but from a personality standpoint, no way! I think, even as a teen or early twenties guy, I would have loved to have had sex with any or all of them, but would probably run away screaming within a week!

[Reddice]

Is no-one picking up on the irony in OP's post? She dates men she considers a 10 in the looks category and wonders if men are shallow....

[d0nnivain]

Looks play a role in initial attraction. They play much less of a role in an LTR although problems develop when 1 partner let's themselves go . . . basic hygiene is still a must & you can't spend all your time in baggy sweats with no make-up.

 

Your issue isn't your looks; it's your low self esteem. You think you are a 3. Like gaeta, I'm sure you're not. You mistakenly think your life would be wonderful if you were a model. It wouldn't. You would just have different problems' models also don't look like the airbrushed finished product you see in the magazines & on TV. You said yourself you don't like being looked at. Hiding & not liking yourself are much bigger turn offs then physical appearance.

[stillafool]

Thanks everyone for your good replies! General conscensouse is to work on my body, I'm slim and not overweight at all but I don't really dress to show my figure I kind of dress to hide it because I hate being looked at, it's weird. I don't care if everyone found me ugly but the one I want, just hard getting a foot through the door sometimes with so much competition and I can be super shy too which doesn't help the situation.

 

You also have high standards as far as looks when it comes to picking a date. Your ex was a 10 and from what you posted above you too want the good looking guys. So as you can see looks do matter not only to men but obviously to you too.

[Fishforbreakfast]

You also have high standards as far as looks when it comes to picking a date. Your ex was a 10 and from what you posted above you too want the good looking guys. So as you can see looks do matter not only to men but obviously to you too.

 

I don't want the good looking ones I guess I just wanted my ex, my other bfs have been very good looking but I didn't find we laughed much so there looks in the end did nothing for me. I guess I just wonder if me not being his match in looks is what lead to the demise and if I was hot he would of seen me as the whole package.

[Fishforbreakfast]

Looks are short term. Personality is long term. If you find someone you are attracted to who has a great personality.....JACKPOT!!!!

 

I think for almost everyone looks are the first thing they notice about another person so that's often the first criteria for dating. There is something to be said for being physically attracted to someone, but, then personality keeps you around. So it might be difficult to get first dates but if you find compatibility it will last.

 

Remember "The Girls Next Door"? That show with the three busty blondes in the Playboy mansion living with Hugh Hefner? Me, being perpetually h***y and frustrated at the time, would watch it. But, I swear, after about ten minutes I just couldn't take it any more! The women were SO vapid and self-obsessed. It was ridiculous! Point being, from a physical standpoint they were stunning, but from a personality standpoint, no way! I think, even as a teen or early twenties guy, I would have loved to have had sex with any or all of them, but would probably run away screaming within a week!

 

Haha yes I can see what you are saying there! I've met guys who I work with etc at first I think are so attractive and are but I'm personally not atttacted to them because there personality isn't compatible with mine, I think I'm getting I better understanding of it now!

[Fishforbreakfast]

Girl you cannot be a 3 if you attracted an 10. He would keep you as a friend not an lover:laugh:

 

At the end of the day, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Not everyone going find you attractive, people have different tastes.

 

Looks can only go so far when you are dating, the personality needs to be there as well and the connection.

 

I don't know how it happened - I guess he saw my "inner" beauty!

[Reddice]

I don't want the good looking ones I guess I just wanted my ex, my other bfs have been very good looking but I didn't find we laughed much so there looks in the end did nothing for me. I guess I just wonder if me not being his match in looks is what lead to the demise and if I was hot he would of seen me as the whole package.

 

Oh please... Who are you trying to fool? You dated a 10 and now you're afraid that you might have to settle with an 8 or a 9, or perhaps even a 7. Your little ears just want to hear that you're perfect and that he's one losing out here. I'm sure he left because he got fed up with this shallow behaviour, I would bet my whole year income on it if I could.

[Fishforbreakfast]

Oh please... Who are you trying to fool? You dated a 10 and now you're afraid that you might have to settle with an 8 or a 9, or perhaps even a 7. Your little ears just want to hear that you're perfect and that he's one losing out here. I'm sure he left because he got fed up with this shallow behaviour, I would bet my whole year income on it if I could.

 

Lol I literally don't want to hear that! I was just literally wondering if guys that know they are good looking want someone on there own level and won't be satisfied until they get it. My ears are big also (not little) rendering me a 3 along with other features

[Reddice]

Lol I literally don't want to hear that! I was just literally wondering if guys that know they are good looking want someone on there own level and won't be satisfied until they get it. My ears are big also (not little) rendering me a 3 along with other features

 

Forgive me if I don't take you seriously. You come here with an extremely short story with no background information at all asking if you are attractive enough to date a 10. He obviously spend an x amount of time with you, so there you have your answer. So the question remains: Is the one that actually dated a 3 shallow or the one that can't seem to get over a 10, because he was the only 10 she ever dated? Sorry, but I'm not going to feed your ego. Others might fall for this story hook, line and sinker, but I'm not.