Looks [in relationships]

[Lorenza]

I have similar thoughts sometimes, when I'm feeling down - my looks aren't enough, my life would be much easier if my nose was smaller, teeth more straight, bigger breasts and brighter skin. Oh, if I had those, finding love would be effortless!

 

But then I try to remind myself of these:

 

- We all know seemingly average looking but extremely confident women who have no problem attracting guys. It's all about their attitude. And we also know the ones who are breathtakingly beautiful with no luck in love. They go from one man to another wondering if beauty is the only thing that draws those men to them.

 

- Looks are only a part of attractiveness. There's also the way we talk, gesticulate, laugh, smell that adds to the overall picture. There's a lot we can work on to improve it, like learning to be more confident and graceful in our movements (dancing helps), talking more clearly and slowly, taking care of ourselves in general.

 

- The hottest women are usually average women with above average maintenance. Nowadays everyone can look more attractive than they really are with help of gym, makeup, affordable beauty procedures like teeth whitening and lash extensions. Though all this is not necessary, I feel like people are starting to get tired of perfected looks.

 

- Another important part is what we do in life. Busy people with goals and ambitions (or simply a lot of fun hobbies) are usually perceived as more desirable. You could be a natural beauty but I doubt a guy won't lose his interest if you're a bore who has no real passions in life.

[No_Go]

I never understood the look stuff.

 

For a new date I hardly notice their features. Mainly the overall characteristics: body type, height, age/health and if look veeerry carefully: eyes/teeth . I can't tell if a dude is 6 or 8 to save my life, and tbh I really don't care.

 

For myself: I like how I look and I assume people that date me like it as well. Again how they rate me is irrelevant. If I don't like something I change it (I wore braces as an adult and dated throughout haha). If they don't like it - it is foolish of them to date me

 

I'm not really sure I'd have had better dating life if I was more/less of something. Above a certain threshold is just vanity.

[Fishforbreakfast]

Forgive me if I don't take you seriously. You come here with an extremely short story with no background information at all asking if you are attractive enough to date a 10. He obviously spend an x amount of time with you, so there you have your answer. So the question remains: Is the one that actually dated a 3 shallow or the one that can't seem to get over a 10, because he was the only 10 she ever dated? Sorry, but I'm not going to feed your ego. Others might fall for this story hook, line and sinker, but I'm not.

 

That's ok I'm not here for my ego. Honestly it wasn't about the looks solely this is hard to explain but I used to wish he wouldn't go to the gym and wanted him to go bald a bit so I feel like he was more normal because yes his looks drew me to him but his personality is what I loved the most because we were just laughing all of the time which I've never had with anyone before. So him being a 10 wasn't good and I wished on the outside he was a 5 because then he'd be more attainable (maybe) because he wouldn't have as many options - crazy but true - go ahead your turn...

[knabe]

Is no-one picking up on the irony in OP's post? She dates men she considers a 10 in the looks category and wonders if men are shallow....

 

She didn't ask anywhere if men are shallow. All she asked about was how important looks are to men. She's even talked about trying to improve HERSELF to be more attractive to a man.

 

So no irony here. But enjoy that Red Pill

[Reddice]

She didn't ask anywhere if men are shallow. All she asked about was how important looks are to men. She's even talked about trying to improve HERSELF to be more attractive to a man.

 

So no irony here. But enjoy that Red Pill

 

It's the same, just not with that specific word. Anyway, I'm not here to discuss semantics. Thanks, and you enjoy the Blue one!

[d0nnivain]

That's ok I'm not here for my ego. Honestly it wasn't about the looks solely this is hard to explain but I used to wish he wouldn't go to the gym and wanted him to go bald a bit so I feel like he was more normal because yes his looks drew me to him but his personality is what I loved the most because we were just laughing all of the time which I've never had with anyone before. So him being a 10 wasn't good and I wished on the outside he was a 5 because then he'd be more attainable (maybe) because he wouldn't have as many options - crazy but true - go ahead your turn...

 

 

That just seems so wrong on so many levels. You attracted this guy who you think is a 10. Good for you! Yet you remain insecure about your own looks & ability to keep him. You need to bolster your self esteem. Believing in yourself will solve most of your anxiety.

[lovephule]

That's ok I'm not here for my ego. Honestly it wasn't about the looks solely this is hard to explain but I used to wish he wouldn't go to the gym and wanted him to go bald a bit so I feel like he was more normal because yes his looks drew me to him but his personality is what I loved the most because we were just laughing all of the time which I've never had with anyone before. So him being a 10 wasn't good and I wished on the outside he was a 5 because then he'd be more attainable (maybe) because he wouldn't have as many options - crazy but true - go ahead your turn...

You're explaining yourself perfectly. Easy to understand for people not coming in with their own agenda to derail your thread. That said, I'm wondering if these desires of yours didn't manifest themselves in your relationship through your actions. Were you at least outwardly supportive of his efforts to maintain and improve his health and appearance?

 

Also wondering what his own impression of your looks was. Not in the sense of a numerical rating, but how much attraction to you did he express, verbally and otherwise?

[Versacehottie]

That's ok I'm not here for my ego. Honestly it wasn't about the looks solely this is hard to explain but I used to wish he wouldn't go to the gym and wanted him to go bald a bit so I feel like he was more normal because yes his looks drew me to him but his personality is what I loved the most because we were just laughing all of the time which I've never had with anyone before. So him being a 10 wasn't good and I wished on the outside he was a 5 because then he'd be more attainable (maybe) because he wouldn't have as many options - crazy but true - go ahead your turn...

 

Well to be honest, it really sounds like the main problem you have is with self esteem or self worth. You would rather he get dragged down to your self-perceived lower looks level because you believe it will make him less likely to leave. That's not really a safe or secure way to feel. You need to do things that will make yourself feel better so you feel comfortable rising to his level (or a new guy's obviously) or that you have reached or can feel yourself on a new level.

 

So I noticed you said you are not overweight but kinda (my words) hide yourself by not putting effort into your dressing or grooming. That's good because it will be a quicker fix for you for what you "can" show on the outside. I think the "inside" what you think about yourself and your worth will take longer (but that is ok). You can fake it til you make it and some of the feedback you are getting along the way will actually have self-worth benefits. I will tell you that PUTTING EFFORT IN is the biggest help to improving your self worth. Whatever type of effort that you think will have you living your best life and showing your best self. Part of the reason people start to feel bad is because they don't put in effort--and so it works in reverse too--put in effort and you will feel better.

 

I still recommend working out because a lot of the time girls who are not overweight don't maximize their shape, like they are just granola skinny There is more of a sexiness once you are "in" your body. You can do it by playing a sport instead or too. What i think is important is that body-mind connection.

 

I know when you are thinking you need to step it up it might be to kind of an idolized typical version (like victoria's secret model) but if you look around or follow fashion, instagram, blogs, magazines or celebrities you can find someone with a look that is down your pathway but amped up from what you usually do. It isn't all about baring skin. Fitted and groomed will go a long way. I've said this on here before (mainly because I like to do mental makeovers on people in line at starbucks or the store or wherever), just putting effort in & looking appropriate for wherever you but a touch better, a touch sexier will do wonders. Look around next time you are waiting in line somewhere. You will see that tight yoga pants rather than a sloppy tee shirt would make you stand out. I could really keep giving examples forever because I love this stuff but start paying attention to which way you would want your look to go. Make little changes so it becomes a habit.

 

I don't know if this is your problem but I will say that you never know when your "opportunity" to catch someone's eye or meet someone will be so that's why you want to make it more of your regular thing. And "hiding" a very infrequent occurrence. Another reason this is important is because I think that girls who only dress up or do themselves up for important nights out or a weekend night don't inhibit their personal space like they look like that all the time. They wear their good look like it's a costume and still kinda hide or are stiff, if that makes sense.

 

Ok hopefully you keep posting and we can help you maximize

[Fishforbreakfast]

You're explaining yourself perfectly. Easy to understand for people not coming in with their own agenda to derail your thread. That said, I'm wondering if these desires of yours didn't manifest themselves in your relationship through your actions. Were you at least outwardly supportive of his efforts to maintain and improve his health and appearance?

 

Also wondering what his own impression of your looks was. Not in the sense of a numerical rating, but how much attraction to you did he express, verbally and otherwise?

Thanks for the support ?

I was supportive of him, I used to tell him I'd love him no matter what he looked like - And to me it was his whole character and personality that was sexiest to me (because looks without that would not be enough to sustain the attraction very long)

I never use to openly say I was a 3 or anything to him (just thought it) and he displayed a normal ? amount of attraction he use to hold my hand whenever we were in public or put his arm around me (we wasn't embarrassed to be associated with me) and was very affectionate all the time I guess most of his attraction to me showed in his actions not his words

[SwordofFlame]

I don't think most guys have the thought process of "can I get someone hotter"? But instead have a binary decision making process. "Do I find her physically attractive or not?" However, men can wonder if the sexual compatibility with another woman might be better (especially if sex is important to the guy). This may not necessarily have anything to do with looks though.

[preraph]

Sadly, looks play probably the biggest role in people choosing who they want to date and be with. Men prioritize sex, so for a lot of men, especially the younger they are, looks is most important to them. Women are similar but not quite as extreme. Men seem to expect all women to have a slim build and boobs at a bare minimum. I will add that nearly any woman with big boobs will have men after her, though they may not be who she wants. Every time I see someone unattractive with a better looking man, I think, how did that happen and then I see her chest. Not all guys like huge ones, but a big enough portion do to keep them in business. The problem with men marrying for looks is that looks don't last, so you know they're not in it for the long haul. They'll be ponying up child support in a few years and trying desperately to attract another 23 year old.

 

There are a few exceptions out there and you will find them in person, not online because online is only about looks. But if you have a great personality, male or female, someone you are around in your activities or a neighbor or a classmate or work mate will get to know you and love you. So don't give up.

Edited August 31, 2017 by preraph

[Fishforbreakfast]

Well to be honest, it really sounds like the main problem you have is with self esteem or self worth. You would rather he get dragged down to your self-perceived lower looks level because you believe it will make him less likely to leave. That's not really a safe or secure way to feel. You need to do things that will make yourself feel better so you feel comfortable rising to his level (or a new guy's obviously) or that you have reached or can feel yourself on a new level.

 

So I noticed you said you are not overweight but kinda (my words) hide yourself by not putting effort into your dressing or grooming. That's good because it will be a quicker fix for you for what you "can" show on the outside. I think the "inside" what you think about yourself and your worth will take longer (but that is ok). You can fake it til you make it and some of the feedback you are getting along the way will actually have self-worth benefits. I will tell you that PUTTING EFFORT IN is the biggest help to improving your self worth. Whatever type of effort that you think will have you living your best life and showing your best self. Part of the reason people start to feel bad is because they don't put in effort--and so it works in reverse too--put in effort and you will feel better.

 

I still recommend working out because a lot of the time girls who are not overweight don't maximize their shape, like they are just granola skinny There is more of a sexiness once you are "in" your body. You can do it by playing a sport instead or too. What i think is important is that body-mind connection.

 

I know when you are thinking you need to step it up it might be to kind of an idolized typical version (like victoria's secret model) but if you look around or follow fashion, instagram, blogs, magazines or celebrities you can find someone with a look that is down your pathway but amped up from what you usually do. It isn't all about baring skin. Fitted and groomed will go a long way. I've said this on here before (mainly because I like to do mental makeovers on people in line at starbucks or the store or wherever), just putting effort in & looking appropriate for wherever you but a touch better, a touch sexier will do wonders. Look around next time you are waiting in line somewhere. You will see that tight yoga pants rather than a sloppy tee shirt would make you stand out. I could really keep giving examples forever because I love this stuff but start paying attention to which way you would want your look to go. Make little changes so it becomes a habit.

 

I don't know if this is your problem but I will say that you never know when your "opportunity" to catch someone's eye or meet someone will be so that's why you want to make it more of your regular thing. And "hiding" a very infrequent occurrence. Another reason this is important is because I think that girls who only dress up or do themselves up for important nights out or a weekend night don't inhibit their personal space like they look like that all the time. They wear their good look like it's a costume and still kinda hide or are stiff, if that makes sense.

 

Ok hopefully you keep posting and we can help you maximize

 

Hi I was cringing as I wrote that about dragging him down to my level - worst thing to do ever but was trying to explain myself i would have never encouraged him to let go of himself I used to love how he ate healthy and took care of himself so well!

You have some really valid points, i can't blame someone for not be interested in someone that looks like a dag, being proud in your appearance really does count for a lot it seems. I'm pretty active as in I go for an hours walk every day and practice yoga have started learning to surf but I guess I'm not toned really at all so that could be something to work on I'm more just skinny. I think I heard too comfortable in my daggy clothes and it goes from wearing them at home to wearing them to the shops to wearing them out for coffee to basically wearing them 24/7. ?

[Versacehottie]

Hi I was cringing as I wrote that about dragging him down to my level - worst thing to do ever but was trying to explain myself i would have never encouraged him to let go of himself I used to love how he ate healthy and took care of himself so well!

You have some really valid points, i can't blame someone for not be interested in someone that looks like a dag, being proud in your appearance really does count for a lot it seems. I'm pretty active as in I go for an hours walk every day and practice yoga have started learning to surf but I guess I'm not toned really at all so that could be something to work on I'm more just skinny. I think I heard too comfortable in my daggy clothes and it goes from wearing them at home to wearing them to the shops to wearing them out for coffee to basically wearing them 24/7. ?

 

Well i don't think it's bad that you wrote it. It's the truth and how can you be expected to fix the "problem" if you don't address the truth, i.e. what goes on in your head.

 

The active stuff is great--shows you have interests and guys generally like that, especially if they are outdoor.

 

So yeah try to get really into some active yoga or maybe some weights so your body has the appearance of the magic ratio (hip to waist--think it's .70 but you can google it easily). If you are a straight up and down toothpick shape, some tone in muscles and shoulders will make it look like your waist is smaller proportionally. And tone the booty so that it doesn't look flat. Gonna guess you have nice legs since you said skinny so dress for that more often, showing them off. Major advantage over lots of girls right there.

 

I can deduce the meaning of daggy--and was thinking that was a trap you had probably fallen into. That's just because you don't feel great about yourself, don't want to be on display in any way, which actually makes you feel worse about yourself because you realize you've given up (for these moments)--so the problem keeps perpetuating itself. Listen in your way, you have to step it up--for yourself and everything else will follow. Even a colorful button down (or edgy sleek one in black) expresses to others--and most importantly to yourself that you give a sh*t. That's the beginning and then you build traction onto that. I can see not embracing putting effort into looks if you fear being one of "those girls". It doesn't mean you are superficial--because you don't have to do it like that. I can redo just about every type of girl to something more attractive you just have to decide which type of you to do and put effort in.

[Imajerk17]

But, what is good-looking is so subjective. I have a friend who loves nerdy petite women of Asian ethnicity. Another who likes tall slender women. I myself tend to prefer shorter curvier women. There are a lot of "really attractive" women who don't do a thing for me looks-wise, and more average-looking women who do. From how you describe yourself--surfer, into yoga, I think you'd be many a guy's type, "toned" or not (whatever that means).

 

And last but definitely not least, it is hugely problematic that you describe yourself as a "3". THAT is what is holding you back, I think. Confidence in how you look is extremely sexy.

Edited August 31, 2017 by Imajerk17

[nospam99]

IMHO:

- looks are important (to us guys)

- "slim is in"

- large boobs are optional. It's the overall body proportion that matters. Waist to hip ratio is a biggee. Remember us guys probably don't consciously think about it but are wired to respond to whether a female looks like she can bear children. This is supposedly all about appearing to be physically strong and healthy.

- AND THE LOOKS FACTOR I DIDN'T SEE MENTIONED on my quick read of the thread: pretty hair. My personal preference is at least shoulder length. Again, it's a visual health cue and something an individual has quite a bit of control over in terms of how they present themselves.

[Versacehottie]

But, what is good-looking is so subjective. I have a friend who loves nerdy petite women of Asian ethnicity. Another who likes tall slender women. I myself tend to prefer shorter curvier women. There are a lot of "really attractive" women who don't do a thing for me looks-wise, and more average-looking women who do. From how you describe yourself--surfer, into yoga, I think you'd be many a guy's type, "toned" or not (whatever that means).

 

And last but definitely not least, it is hugely problematic that you describe yourself as a "3". THAT is what is holding you back, I think. Confidence in how you look is extremely sexy.

 

Agree with the bolded. That is the biggest area that she can improve!!!

 

Subjective opinions toward looks is fine/true. But if she is throwing away putting effort into what she looks like/how she carries herself she will struggle, internally and externally (against the competition of girls who do put effort in). Basically, you can't phone it in or be sloppy, because it projects low self confidence. In any lane she wants to be in surfer girl, yoga, quirky whatever she can be her best of that type--this will improve her results with guys and at same time, her confidence, which in turn will impact and improve her results with guys.

[DKT3]

I'm guessing you are a pretty good looking woman...I mean good looking men don't generally go for less attractive women period. Men are visual creatures and need that physical attraction to maintain the relationship.

 

Secondly, judging from what you've wrote, I wonder if your self image sabotaged the relationship?? Thinking he is a 10 and out of your league had to be a mind trap whenever you were in public. The proof of this is you working harder on your appearance while dating him.

 

I think you are thinking too much, I'm sure plenty of men will find you attractive at your most comfortable without feeling like you're putting yourself on display.

[Fishforbreakfast]

Well i don't think it's bad that you wrote it. It's the truth and how can you be expected to fix the "problem" if you don't address the truth, i.e. what goes on in your head.

 

The active stuff is great--shows you have interests and guys generally like that, especially if they are outdoor.

 

So yeah try to get really into some active yoga or maybe some weights so your body has the appearance of the magic ratio (hip to waist--think it's .70 but you can google it easily). If you are a straight up and down toothpick shape, some tone in muscles and shoulders will make it look like your waist is smaller proportionally. And tone the booty so that it doesn't look flat. Gonna guess you have nice legs since you said skinny so dress for that more often, showing them off. Major advantage over lots of girls right there.

 

I can deduce the meaning of daggy--and was thinking that was a trap you had probably fallen into. That's just because you don't feel great about yourself, don't want to be on display in any way, which actually makes you feel worse about yourself because you realize you've given up (for these moments)--so the problem keeps perpetuating itself. Listen in your way, you have to step it up--for yourself and everything else will follow. Even a colorful button down (or edgy sleek one in black) expresses to others--and most importantly to yourself that you give a sh*t. That's the beginning and then you build traction onto that. I can see not embracing putting effort into looks if you fear being one of "those girls". It doesn't mean you are superficial--because you don't have to do it like that. I can redo just about every type of girl to something more attractive you just have to decide which type of you to do and put effort in.

 

I have never heard of that ratio thing in my life but everyone is mentioning it so it must hold true, (will google!). Def fallen into the daggy trap but all your responses have really made me feel like picking myself up and trying the best I can, at least that way at least I know I'm putting in effort and as you said that is attractive in itself!

[Fishforbreakfast]

Well i don't think it's bad that you wrote it. It's the truth and how can you be expected to fix the "problem" if you don't address the truth, i.e. what goes on in your head.

 

The active stuff is great--shows you have interests and guys generally like that, especially if they are outdoor.

 

So yeah try to get really into some active yoga or maybe some weights so your body has the appearance of the magic ratio (hip to waist--think it's .70 but you can google it easily). If you are a straight up and down toothpick shape, some tone in muscles and shoulders will make it look like your waist is smaller proportionally. And tone the booty so that it doesn't look flat. Gonna guess you have nice legs since you said skinny so dress for that more often, showing them off. Major advantage over lots of girls right there.

 

I can deduce the meaning of daggy--and was thinking that was a trap you had probably fallen into. That's just because you don't feel great about yourself, don't want to be on display in any way, which actually makes you feel worse about yourself because you realize you've given up (for these moments)--so the problem keeps perpetuating itself. Listen in your way, you have to step it up--for yourself and everything else will follow. Even a colorful button down (or edgy sleek one in black) expresses to others--and most importantly to yourself that you give a sh*t. That's the beginning and then you build traction onto that. I can see not embracing putting effort into looks if you fear being one of "those girls". It doesn't mean you are superficial--because you don't have to do it like that. I can redo just about every type of girl to something more attractive you just have to decide which type of you to do and put effort in.

 

Sadly, looks play probably the biggest role in people choosing who they want to date and be with. Men prioritize sex, so for a lot of men, especially the younger they are, looks is most important to them. Women are similar but not quite as extreme. Men seem to expect all women to have a slim build and boobs at a bare minimum. I will add that nearly any woman with big boobs will have men after her, though they may not be who she wants. Every time I see someone unattractive with a better looking man, I think, how did that happen and then I see her chest. Not all guys like huge ones, but a big enough portion do to keep them in business. The problem with men marrying for looks is that looks don't last, so you know they're not in it for the long haul. They'll be ponying up child support in a few years and trying desperately to attract another 23 year old.

 

There are a few exceptions out there and you will find them in person, not online because online is only about looks. But if you have a great personality, male or female, someone you are around in your activities or a neighbor or a classmate or work mate will get to know you and love you. So don't give up.

 

Interesting I have zero boobs like absolutely flat chested as they come so maybe it appears this doesn't help either, I guess I will have to focus a lot on my other areas to try and compensate for this (boob job not an option I hate surgery)

[Fishforbreakfast]

I'm guessing you are a pretty good looking woman...I mean good looking men don't generally go for less attractive women period. Men are visual creatures and need that physical attraction to maintain the relationship.

 

Secondly, judging from what you've wrote, I wonder if your self image sabotaged the relationship?? Thinking he is a 10 and out of your league had to be a mind trap whenever you were in public. The proof of this is you working harder on your appearance while dating him.

 

I think you are thinking too much, I'm sure plenty of men will find you attractive at your most comfortable without feeling like you're putting yourself on display.

 

No I'm pretty sure he liked me because of my personality and we were both as weird as each other (which is hard to find someone with that type of mental connection) so he prob let my looks slide more and I do have two eyes (not a cyclops like someone else mentioned) i don't know if I sabotaged it, I did question him alot about his exes and other women who were obviously interested in him and he use to reassure me "I was his girlfriend" and not to worry then eventually he said how annoying it was always being questioned about it so I stopped like straight away, but maybe the damage had been done, he said my paranoia about him made him think I had something to hide... hmm maybe I did self sabotage after reading my response

[shellybing]

How much do you think looks play a part in relationships? Are guys just looking for beauty? Whenever I get rejected I always put it down to my looks and feel like if I was a model looking I could act like anything and guys would want me regardless.

 

My ex bf was in mine and a lot of women's opinions a perfect 10 and I'm like a 3 (on a good day - seriously) the thing that he liked about me is my personality and we laughed all the time but he dumped me, I feel like now he will probably date someone in his own league but wonder will they have the same fun or would guys take less of a connection for better looks, what about when you get old and your looks fade?

 

It's a pretty sad world if you miss out on true love because you arnt attractive enough so someone would rather have a average relationship with someone more attractive. Honestly what would you ppl choose?

 

Being healthy and taking care of yourself is important. Not because of what men like, but because of you. You feel better about yourself.

 

I am not a perfect 10 either. None of us are

 

I am thin, slightly active, with some tone to my body. I try to eat healthy and be as healthy as possible, but I still have some bad habits I am trying to get through.

 

I cover my face in age-less creams and gels every night before I go to sleep, put on make up every day. I have a caddy in the corner of my bathroom that carries the 90+ compacts, liners, and foundations. Though, I try not to over do it, I like to have a good selection. I place chamomile tea bags on my eyes at night, do those weird face peels, I grind the extra skin off my feet every day, and scrub my face with a washrag, sometimes until it is red, in exfoliation. I color my hair every few months. My brows do need some work, but I find it painful to pluck and wax, so I don't.

 

I take care of my body as much as I possibly can, though I still love eating pizza and cheesecake. I have an exercise machine I work out on twice a week with. I have made "Exercise Sunday" a thing in my house. Do stretches, run on the treadmill, do home exercise and strength training.

 

I am still not buff. I don't have flat abs because I loathe situps.

 

I'm in my mid-thirties, with 2 children and feel like I am doing "enough"

Even despite my best efforts though -

 

I can tell you also that every relationship I have been in, has been based on looks and sex.

 

I can tell you that someone who loves you - will never worry about how you look, but about how you feel.

 

 

I once lay in a man's bed, it was early am, and he was leaving for his job. I stayed asleep and wanted to sneak out just after he left. I had only been dating him for a while. He told me the night before that "he would be there for all of the happy stuff" then, kissed me on the cheek sweetly the next morning and as he walked away said "I'm going to buy you someday."

 

I once confided in a man about financial issue - seeking advice, support, not money - who subsequently asked me "what I was going to do next, sell my ass on the street."

 

Another time I confided in someone about a death in the family, and he asked me if I was on drugs.

 

Again, I asked a man living with me to contribute and he thought I was crazy.

 

So - - no sweetheart, it is not about your looks.

 

 

Do not put labels on yourself. Be yourself. There is beauty in everything, even in you, if you take the time to see what you have and not what you don't.

 

What are your strengths?

 

What do you like best about yourself?

 

What do you do well?

 

If you think you could be healthier, what can you do for yourself that will help that? Maybe have a friend teach you a make up demo? get your hair done? get a facial? Start working on inner health so that your outter health will start to shine through?

[d0nnivain]

No I'm pretty sure he liked me because of my personality and we were both as weird as each other (which is hard to find someone with that type of mental connection) so he prob let my looks slide more and I do have two eyes (not a cyclops like someone else mentioned) i don't know if I sabotaged it, I did question him alot about his exes and other women who were obviously interested in him and he use to reassure me "I was his girlfriend" and not to worry then eventually he said how annoying it was always being questioned about it so I stopped like straight away, but maybe the damage had been done, he said my paranoia about him made him think I had something to hide... hmm maybe I did self sabotage after reading my response

 

 

It seems like the lights are coming on. It was about your personality. He thought you were beautiful, funny & fun to be around. You did sabotage this a bit but since you now recognize this behavior you can avoid it in the future.

 

Don't focus on your breast size. Do not get augmentation surgery to please someone else. Dress for your body type & try to remember all the good things you bring to a relationship

[nospam99]

Interesting I have zero boobs like absolutely flat chested as they come so maybe it appears this doesn't help either, I guess I will have to focus a lot on my other areas to try and compensate for this (boob job not an option I hate surgery)

In my life, the "big one that got away" was flat chested. (Great personality, face, hair, legs, and ass though ) She had no need to compensate. Consider that you might not either. Just sayin'

[CptInsano]

In my life, the "big one that got away" was flat chested. (Great personality, face, hair, legs, and ass though ) She had no need to compensate. Consider that you might not either. Just sayin'

 

Agreed. It's the overall package that counts. Used to date a woman with no chest and a buzz cut. Her face was beautiful with big eyes, and she designed and made her own clothes. She perplexed people a little, but she was stunning.

 

What I'm trying to say to the OP: You can wonder about individual aspects of what or who you are, but unless you analyze the relationship as a whole you won't get any meaningful answers.

[Versacehottie]

Interesting I have zero boobs like absolutely flat chested as they come so maybe it appears this doesn't help either, I guess I will have to focus a lot on my other areas to try and compensate for this (boob job not an option I hate surgery)

 

That is ok. (i think! let the guys chime in). A lot of guys are more into butt or legs so just show those off if they are your better assets. Like I said once you meet a threshold of they think you are good looking to them, you are in the door so to speak. Then they will consider your personality weighted heavier because a connection will develop. Some of my friends are on the smaller side and it hasn't stopped them from getting a boyfriend.