Looks [in relationships]

[Fishforbreakfast]

Being healthy and taking care of yourself is important. Not because of what men like, but because of you. You feel better about yourself.

 

I am not a perfect 10 either. None of us are

 

I am thin, slightly active, with some tone to my body. I try to eat healthy and be as healthy as possible, but I still have some bad habits I am trying to get through.

 

I cover my face in age-less creams and gels every night before I go to sleep, put on make up every day. I have a caddy in the corner of my bathroom that carries the 90+ compacts, liners, and foundations. Though, I try not to over do it, I like to have a good selection. I place chamomile tea bags on my eyes at night, do those weird face peels, I grind the extra skin off my feet every day, and scrub my face with a washrag, sometimes until it is red, in exfoliation. I color my hair every few months. My brows do need some work, but I find it painful to pluck and wax, so I don't.

 

I take care of my body as much as I possibly can, though I still love eating pizza and cheesecake. I have an exercise machine I work out on twice a week with. I have made "Exercise Sunday" a thing in my house. Do stretches, run on the treadmill, do home exercise and strength training.

 

I am still not buff. I don't have flat abs because I loathe situps.

 

I'm in my mid-thirties, with 2 children and feel like I am doing "enough"

Even despite my best efforts though -

 

I can tell you also that every relationship I have been in, has been based on looks and sex.

 

I can tell you that someone who loves you - will never worry about how you look, but about how you feel.

 

 

I once lay in a man's bed, it was early am, and he was leaving for his job. I stayed asleep and wanted to sneak out just after he left. I had only been dating him for a while. He told me the night before that "he would be there for all of the happy stuff" then, kissed me on the cheek sweetly the next morning and as he walked away said "I'm going to buy you someday."

 

I once confided in a man about financial issue - seeking advice, support, not money - who subsequently asked me "what I was going to do next, sell my ass on the street."

 

Another time I confided in someone about a death in the family, and he asked me if I was on drugs.

 

Again, I asked a man living with me to contribute and he thought I was crazy.

 

So - - no sweetheart, it is not about your looks.

 

 

Do not put labels on yourself. Be yourself. There is beauty in everything, even in you, if you take the time to see what you have and not what you don't.

 

What are your strengths?

 

What do you like best about yourself?

 

What do you do well?

 

If you think you could be healthier, what can you do for yourself that will help that? Maybe have a friend teach you a make up demo? get your hair done? get a facial? Start working on inner health so that your outter health will start to shine through?

 

Thanks for your feedback, I like the exfoliating tip I think I will try that tonight. What do you mean every relationship you have been is based on looks and sex? Never love?

My strength are probably my kindness and as far as looks maybe that I'm not obese and that I'm healthy. I'm really into my health and nutrition and am always interested in learning more, I guess I have a a very inquisitive nature I'm not sure if this is a strength or not though I like to ask a lot of questions to really get to know someone. That's what I also liked about my ex we use to just talk all night where as other guys I date don't seem too interested in conversation besides the general chit chat, if I'm interested in someone I want to know everything about them. Off on a tangent there back to the questions I guess I do well at trying new things but don't know how to market these things into making myself more attractive to the opposite sex.

[shellybing]

Thanks for your feedback, I like the exfoliating tip I think I will try that tonight. What do you mean every relationship you have been is based on looks and sex? Never love?

My strength are probably my kindness and as far as looks maybe that I'm not obese and that I'm healthy. I'm really into my health and nutrition and am always interested in learning more, I guess I have a a very inquisitive nature I'm not sure if this is a strength or not though I like to ask a lot of questions to really get to know someone. That's what I also liked about my ex we use to just talk all night where as other guys I date don't seem too interested in conversation besides the general chit chat, if I'm interested in someone I want to know everything about them. Off on a tangent there back to the questions I guess I do well at trying new things but don't know how to market these things into making myself more attractive to the opposite sex.

 

I'm not really exaggerating on the exfoliation. I mean, it takes alot of work (imo) to look decent. But then again, I am human and try to lvie up to what the mags tell me I should look like. though, I know I shouldn't. It gets so tiring sometimes.

 

From the other partner. I guess, I could say my ex-husband loved me at one point, but not really. I have been in love before, but the men in my life are only in love with my looks, until they are tired of dealing wth my human-ness.

 

That was the point. You can do whatever you want and they will still find a problem with you - if you are not the right one for them. It all comes down to what someone is looking for, and if you are not "it" then you are not.

 

I hte scrubbing, I get blackheads and I have to scrub to keep them at bay.

Nutrition is a big deal for me. I like food. I also like being thin. I have problems with chocolate and wine lol.

 

It doesn't matter what you look like -if someone loves you - they will be there for you. That is truth. That is the message.

 

 

Someone who loves you will offer up "everything" you need to know when they are ready to. If they never offer it, or do not offer it up in a timely manner, then how do you know a person well enough to know you are in love? And, also if it seems one sided, then why do you stay?

 

Sometimes people do not want to give too much away at once, they like to take it slowly. Jumping into a relationship with the snap of a finger is not always good, or fun. Sometimes people like to take their time and get to know you before they jump into a relationship.

Edited September 2, 2017 by shellybing
adding

[Cookiesandough]

they have those peels that basically burn the top layer of your skin off...OMG that stuff triggers me so bad because I'm terrified of burns (was the worst part of clinicals, still phobic) Also a laser that burns your skin off then it scabs and peels off an new skin/collagen (or something like that) That seems very damaging long term, but could be wrong. I wouldn't do it. I do like AHA but that's just like rubbing a lemon on my face. Feels good man. Anyway, better to learn to love your body, you're stuck in it anyway!

Edited September 2, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[Fishforbreakfast]

I'm not really exaggerating on the exfoliation. I mean, it takes alot of work (imo) to look decent. But then again, I am human and try to lvie up to what the mags tell me I should look like. though, I know I shouldn't. It gets so tiring sometimes.

 

From the other partner. I guess, I could say my ex-husband loved me at one point, but not really. I have been in love before, but the men in my life are only in love with my looks, until they are tired of dealing wth my human-ness.

 

That was the point. You can do whatever you want and they will still find a problem with you - if you are not the right one for them. It all comes down to what someone is looking for, and if you are not "it" then you are not.

 

I hte scrubbing, I get blackheads and I have to scrub to keep them at bay.

Nutrition is a big deal for me. I like food. I also like being thin. I have problems with chocolate and wine lol.

 

It doesn't matter what you look like -if someone loves you - they will be there for you. That is truth. That is the message.

 

 

Someone who loves you will offer up "everything" you need to know when they are ready to. If they never offer it, or do not offer it up in a timely manner, then how do you know a person well enough to know you are in love? And, also if it seems one sided, then why do you stay?

 

Sometimes people do not want to give too much away at once, they like to take it slowly. Jumping into a relationship with the snap of a finger is not always good, or fun. Sometimes people like to take their time and get to know you before they jump into a relationship.

 

Ohhh I absolutely get it now what your saying even looks won't keep them if it's not love. That for some reason is reassuring to hear I guess if you make it past the initial dating stage everything comes into play just not your looks anymore? Haha yes I am the same have a massive sweet tooth but don't let it reflect in my body shape. It must be hard men only being interested with you for your looks when you are looking for a deeper connection would be so much harder to filter out the ones who arnt genuine where as I guess I'm lucky in thy way of not being very attractive if a guy likes me it's usually because he likes my personality and isn't after sex or a trophy girlfriend, so that's a positive for me lol

[shellybing]

Ohhh I absolutely get it now what your saying even looks won't keep them if it's not love. That for some reason is reassuring to hear I guess if you make it past the initial dating stage everything comes into play just not your looks anymore? Haha yes I am the same have a massive sweet tooth but don't let it reflect in my body shape. It must be hard men only being interested with you for your looks when you are looking for a deeper connection would be so much harder to filter out the ones who arnt genuine where as I guess I'm lucky in thy way of not being very attractive if a guy likes me it's usually because he likes my personality and isn't after sex or a trophy girlfriend, so that's a positive for me lol

 

you will need to learn to first find yourself attractive.

Confidence in yourself and your abilities (as well as your looks and health) play a factor in becoming the person you are supposed to be.

 

Im not some super model, i just take care of myself. I am a normal person.

 

I am sure that if you built your confidence and worked harder at loving yourself that you would have better luck finding someone who fits - and if you don't find that someone - then who cares, because you love who you are anyway.

 

I love who I am. Who I was, and who I am going to become. I feel that I have a place in this world, and regardless of romance and love connections, I am here because I belong here.

 

I was built to do the things I love. And I do them. Without guilt. Without remorse. Because that is who I am.

 

I think you need to start working on yourself. Find a hobby you like, finish something you've always wanted to finish. Go to therapy. Do something that benefits only yourself.

[Fishforbreakfast]

you will need to learn to first find yourself attractive.

Confidence in yourself and your abilities (as well as your looks and health) play a factor in becoming the person you are supposed to be.

 

Im not some super model, i just take care of myself. I am a normal person.

 

I am sure that if you built your confidence and worked harder at loving yourself that you would have better luck finding someone who fits - and if you don't find that someone - then who cares, because you love who you are anyway.

 

I love who I am. Who I was, and who I am going to become. I feel that I have a place in this world, and regardless of romance and love connections, I am here because I belong here.

 

I was built to do the things I love. And I do them. Without guilt. Without remorse. Because that is who I am.

 

I think you need to start working on yourself. Find a hobby you like, finish something you've always wanted to finish. Go to therapy. Do something that benefits only yourself.

 

I love your attitude your a strong independent women!! I can now see how that is a lot more attractive then someone who thinks poorly of themselves and is self critiquing, I would rather be around that positive energy it really inspires me to make me own !! Thankyou just what I needed to read!!

[spiderowl]

Looks are what attract at first glance because that is all you have to go on at that point, but very soon afterwards personality starts to matter. Being warm and engaging makes a difference. If a guy is enjoying your company, he is going to be drawn to you. If he leaves because of someone better looking, then he is going to lose out and will realise eventually. It is part of maturing to understand that there has to be more than looks for a lasting relationship.

 

You and your ex may have been compatible for a while, then one or the other drifted away. It happens even when both partners are equally matched in terms of looks. I would not put it down to looks (though both sexes can be equally shallow in that respect). If you have a lovely nature, people will be drawn to you regardless. They know that is not easy to find. Have confidence in the power of that and forget about looks.

[Fishforbreakfast]

Looks are what attract at first glance because that is all you have to go on at that point, but very soon afterwards personality starts to matter. Being warm and engaging makes a difference. If a guy is enjoying your company, he is going to be drawn to you. If he leaves because of someone better looking, then he is going to lose out and will realise eventually. It is part of maturing to understand that there has to be more than looks for a lasting relationship.

 

You and your ex may have been compatible for a while, then one or the other drifted away. It happens even when both partners are equally matched in terms of looks. I would not put it down to looks (though both sexes can be equally shallow in that respect). If you have a lovely nature, people will be drawn to you regardless. They know that is not easy to find. Have confidence in the power of that and forget about looks.

 

I guess what your saying is true, i just felt like personality wise we got on so well and he used to say it to that it was the happiest he'd been is his life that the main thing I could put it down to was my looks weren't enough for him (though he didn't seem shallow I just thought that because he had so many women letting him know they were available in not so subtle ways that eventually he'd realise he could maybe get the looks and personality) but I guess if that's why it did happen it is his loss in the end but it still feels like mine too. All these replies have helped alot and made me realise usually someone you have been going out with isn't going to wake up and decide your ugly and dump you unless there is a lot else wrong with the relationship in the first place.

[Els]

All these replies have helped alot and made me realise usually someone you have been going out with isn't going to wake up and decide your ugly and dump you unless there is a lot else wrong with the relationship in the first place.

 

Absolutely.

 

It's interesting how you make a thread about this but mention immediately that the guy was stereotypically considered a "perfect 10", though. I think like attracts like in many ways. If you're going around "keeping score" and "rating" men with numbers, it's not terribly surprising that you will attract a man who is equally preoccupied with said numbers. As you can see, those numbers do not a relationship make.

[Fishforbreakfast]

Absolutely.

 

It's interesting how you make a thread about this but mention immediately that the guy was stereotypically considered a "perfect 10", though. I think like attracts like in many ways. If you're going around "keeping score" and "rating" men with numbers, it's not terribly surprising that you will attract a man who is equally preoccupied with said numbers. As you can see, those numbers do not a relationship make.

 

I don't go around scoring men at all lol. I was just trying to say in a way everyone could relate how good looking his was - which is not the sole reason I liked him, of course that was a bonus but his character was what I fell in love with. But overall these replies have made me view things alot differently and in a more positive optimistic way.