Southern Sun Posted September 2, 2017 Share Posted September 2, 2017 I am sorry you are in pain, OP. I understand, actually. When you are having an affair and are risking your M for this "star-crossed, soulmate" relationship, it seems like a huge betrayal when your AP "cheats" on you, too. Like, you are going to all these crazy lengths to be with one another, and you think you are special. You wouldn't do this unless it was to be with HIM and surely he wouldn't do this unless it was to be with YOU. But then...you discover he WOULD do this...for nearly anyone. And all the special is gone. And it hurts. It really freaking hurts. It hurts your ego. It hurts because your gave nearly everything to a person who didn't do the same. It hurts because you made sacrifices for someone you shouldn't have trusted. And it hurts because you did all of this while you were supposed to be doing it for the person you made a commitment to in the first place. It's pretty difficult to process. Maybe it gives you a very small taste of the pain your BH would feel if he knew. I hope you will take this opportunity to get out of the A for good. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted September 3, 2017 Share Posted September 3, 2017 (edited) It's a good way for him to deflect attention away from you and ensure nobody would suspect you were his AP. My friend did something similar. This MM clearly isn't bothered about his wife finding out, it he can cheat so blatantly with friends around. If he can disrespect her like that, you don't stand a chance. Edited September 3, 2017 by sandylee1 Typo Link to post Share on other sites
jenkins95 Posted September 4, 2017 Share Posted September 4, 2017 I am sorry you are in pain, OP. I understand, actually. When you are having an affair and are risking your M for this "star-crossed, soulmate" relationship, it seems like a huge betrayal when your AP "cheats" on you, too. Like, you are going to all these crazy lengths to be with one another, and you think you are special. You wouldn't do this unless it was to be with HIM and surely he wouldn't do this unless it was to be with YOU. But then...you discover he WOULD do this...for nearly anyone. And all the special is gone. And it hurts. It really freaking hurts. It hurts your ego. It hurts because your gave nearly everything to a person who didn't do the same. It hurts because you made sacrifices for someone you shouldn't have trusted. And it hurts because you did all of this while you were supposed to be doing it for the person you made a commitment to in the first place. It's pretty difficult to process. Maybe it gives you a very small taste of the pain your BH would feel if he knew. I hope you will take this opportunity to get out of the A for good. Hey ((SouthernSun)) It sounds like you are speaking from bitter experience here? Did a similar thing happen in your A? Link to post Share on other sites
Birdies Posted September 4, 2017 Share Posted September 4, 2017 This would have been a deal breaker for me. As convoluted as it may sound, I could look past the character flaw of my MM cheating on his wife to be with me, because their marriage was irreparably broken and he was in love with me. If he then "cheated on me" with some rando bar chick, it would destroy the entire logic that (semi)justified is being together. I agree with the others who are saying that this should be a wake up call. If he really loved you, he wouldn't sleep with someone else. Just like if he really loved his wife, he would t sleep with you. Obviously he mostly just loves himself. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Southern Sun Posted September 5, 2017 Share Posted September 5, 2017 Hey ((SouthernSun)) It sounds like you are speaking from bitter experience here? Did a similar thing happen in your A? Not exactly. My AP had other affairs, including one that essentially overlapped us. He dropped her to be with me and told me after we got involved. Then he went back to her while on a break with me. But he swore up and down that we were so different and that he was so in love with me, not like her. He really seemed to mean it. Link to post Share on other sites
Ahurtgirl Posted September 6, 2017 Share Posted September 6, 2017 My ex AP had other affairs going on also. I was hurt by it but now that time has passed, I'm thankful I found out who he really was. I just wish I wouldn't have wasted so much energy on his stupid a$$. His wife is living in ignorant bliss now, thinking he is reconciled with her and all he did was legally remove me from the picture only to continue on with his other APs. Not sure why, but now that I have been through what I have, I am so appalled by what I did and what I allowed him to do to me. You are better than this. Get out before you get a disease or destroy numerous lives. Please. Learn from the mistakes those of us made who put up with a serial cheater. Link to post Share on other sites
Ahurtgirl Posted September 6, 2017 Share Posted September 6, 2017 Not exactly. My AP had other affairs, including one that essentially overlapped us. He dropped her to be with me and told me after we got involved. Then he went back to her while on a break with me. But he swore up and down that we were so different and that he was so in love with me, not like her. He really seemed to mean it. He told her the same thing. That is what these types of men do. Took me four years to figure that out. They are so good at being charming to all the women in their lives. Link to post Share on other sites
ice3784 Posted September 7, 2017 Share Posted September 7, 2017 (edited) []My MM had a ONS when he and I were going through a very rough patch and had "broken up" but were still speaking on a regular basis. We got through it. It didn't mean anything. Now we are working on us and being a legitimate couple and preparing for him to file for divorce. If you genuinely want it to end, it will end. If he reaches out, you will refuse to see him and he will accept it. But I have a feeling that won't be the case. He may be giving you space right now and if I were you, I would take it. I am not married but you are. Use this time away from MM to figure YOU and your marriage out. This is a very complicated situation and it can't go on this way forever. I don't mean that to sound judgmental- just throwing in some truth. He isn't gone forever and a ONS can be forgiven and worked through but it should raise some serious red flags. I know it did for me. He's married, had me AND still banged another girl?? How could I ever forgive that? But I did. And I fully trust him b/c he has given me reason to trust him. He has forgiven me for my own acts of betrayal (I told his wife about our affair..twice, I lied to him about dating a mutual friend even though nothing physical happened) and we have both had to learn to trust each other for different reasons. If it's real, you will figure everything else out and you will get through this too. [] Good luck, OP! hi, means you both able to continue the affair and make it real ? i just blow up my affair to his wife and he didnt text or call me for 2 days now. i dont know what to do. his wife do threaten to divorce, they had 4 kids. i called his wife once, he does take me back, but this time i found he cheated on me, so i just want to blow things up, to hurt everyone perhaps. i dont know whats wrong with me but deep down inside i felt bad cos i hurt him.... Edited September 7, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Edit quote Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted September 7, 2017 Share Posted September 7, 2017 After a further minor cleanup and to save members the indignity of suspension for ignoring moderation directives for a one-post new member who hasn't been back since posting the starting post, I'll graciously thank those who adhered to the topic and posted respectfully and close this up. Link to post Share on other sites
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