Happier without OLD and can you be 'too unique'?

[NinjaTurtlesAreCool]

Well, I disabled my OKC account months ago (March) and have to say that I haven't missed it. In fact, I feel happier without it.

 

I think I had better luck than most (going by on here) - women messaged me on a few occasions and I was getting reponses more often than not when I messaged women. When I really went 'all out' on there I managed to get myself in a position where, at one stage, I was going out every evening. On a couple of occasions, I even had to book a day off to go on two dates in one day.

 

I got two relationships out of it that I guess could have been called serious but both turned out to be unpleasant and manipulative... but I did make some good friends - some of whom I'm still in touch with. I wouldn't want it to be any more than friends (I won't go into details) but I do think the majority of women I met were ok but I do have my fair share of 'stories' about some that I met.

 

I don't buy the stuff about the dating sites having some secret formula for matches. It never really worked for me. Most were pleasant enough but I could tell in a few minutes that they weren't going to be more than friends.

 

I think I've learnt a few things from the 3 or 4 years I tried it:

 

 

• I'm not unattractive - I never really got compliments in 'real life' before trying OLD so, at a young age, assumed I wasn't very good looking. I'd never really been told I wasn't (except by someone who I sort of accidentally rejected when I was in my teens - looking back on it now, I can see why they behaved the way they did but at the time it was a bit of knock). I remember being surprised (and a touch suspicious) when, on the first day I joined OKCupid, I got two messages from two different women. They weren't the only ones that messaged me first either, so I've learnt over the time that I at least appeal to some, so that was a pleasant little boost to the self esteem! And I did meet a number of them too - so yes, they were real!
  
• You can't really find a match via OLD via anything other than luck - it's just a continual case of random meets and hoping something more comes out of it at some point. I think that's the most tiring aspect for me. After about 3 years of continual meeting, I just got completely bored of the whole thing. There's only so many first dates you can do. I even got to the point where I was actually turning down even meeting, so I think I had gotten truly fed up with it by that point. I get the idea - there's millions of people on there and one of them must be a match! It doesn't factor in things like locality, etc. which then really reduces the number of potential matches dramatically.
  
• I'm too unique - yes, I know "there's someone for everyone" but I'm not really convinced. After all, is it "there's someone for everyone realistically nearby"? I'm not so sure. It's no good to me if my 'someone' is living with a remote tribe somewhere on the other side of the planet. I guess I'm something of an outgoing introvert - so not really suited for dating sites. People that know me probably wouldn't class me as introverted but I do get the weariness with socialising and wanting time on my own, etc. I think that's possibly why I've enjoyed not doing the dating sites for months now.
  

Then there's my interests and hobbies - not really common things so that whittles it down too. For example, I've spent the last motnh or so tracking down 1960s Japanese sci-fi movies, specifically the more obscure ones by a specific Japanese movie studio. I doubt there are many people on the planet that would have a passion for that kind of thing let alone a woman nearby... Not that she'd have to be the same but I couldn't imagine someone who loves spending all their time up a mountain (apparently this is a common thing, going by dating site profiles) being interested in that. I'm afraid it isn't the only obscure interest I have either! I'd love to believe there's some quirky and unique woman out there that would match me fantastically but the evidence for her existence simply hasn't materialised - I've held onto the belief that she's just around the corner for too long and, at 37 and having wanted my own family, I'm afraid it's getting to the point of being too late.

 

Supposedly, when you stop looking, the Universe drops someone out of the sky and into your lap... maybe it will, maybe it won't but I've yet to come across someone that I think really gets me, so, deep down, I know what I believe. Again, I know that apparently, if you don't believe, they won't appear. Like Santa, I guess! (I am joking about this, by the way!).

 

Oddly, I've been taken by surprise a couple of weeks ago by being chatted up by a woman much younger than me, at random, in a queue. I've no idea why that happened but she was far too young for me (she can't have been any older than 20) and I'm afraid it surprised me so much I couldn't really find much to say (the introvert in me again, I think). I'm not really looking for anything with a 15 year+ age gap though. Not that it wasn't nice but, if I am going to be randomly chatted up, I'd like it to be someone nearer my age please!

 

So it's not that I've decided I don't want to meet anyone ever... but I like who I am, I don't want to change to be someone I'm not just because I think it may tick the right boxes and make me more likely to match someone. I don't think true happiness would be found that way.

 

I don't generally see women in places that make me think "I simply must approach her", I get broed rigid at parties and want to leave and pubs don't feel like a great place to meet someone, for me.

 

I find I have to know someone before I can find someone interesting anyway - again, something dating site culture doesn't do. It's either instant attraction or goodbye. I don't really do instant attraction so I guess that's why I've friended or not met so many for second dates (don't get me wrong - I've had my fair share of 'not interesteds' too, that's just life - I don't expect everyone to love me!) and probably, thinking about it, another reason why I found it so tiring.

 

So my options outside of OLD are limited! I haven't found myself laying on the couch and sighing - I'm actually far too busy for that. I would be open to the right person, if the opportunity presented itself. I would love to meet my match but, it seems, I am without equal (in that respect)! How on Earth would two very unique souls meet anyway? Certainly not through OLD, in my experience!

 

Not really a question as such, more just things I'm throwing out there (and sorting in my own head). :-)

[d0nnivain]

I never had problems meeting people IRL. When I found myself single at 37 I decided to try OLD because "everyone" said "I had to."

 

 

It was demoralizing. I was only on there for 3 months. I met 3 guys. All were well educated & good on paper. I only went on 1 date each with them because they just weren't my type. They were nice enough but that je ne sais quoi was missing. I also hated getting rejected multiple times in a week. It was awful.

 

 

Then again I can barely shop OL. I should have known better than to try to date that way.