How Did You Meet?

[RecentChange]

Recently I had the pleasure of meeting a really interesting guy that my husband befriended.

 

After some chit chat he asked “So how did you two meet”? Before I go into “our story” what I found fascinating is that he explained (after we told our tale) that its one of his favorite questions to ask, and that he learns a lot about a couple in the way they answer. He went on to say he has some theories about a couple’s longevity based on the reply, and that so far, his theories have been holding true.

 

We lit up when he asked. We give a tit for tat about the story, each finishing the other’s sentences. We talked about those first days from our own perspectives and how it all came together.

 

He glowed, and said he loved our story, and that the way we feel about each other comes through so clearly as we told it. He went on to describe some crazy reasons he has heard for getting married (and how unsurprisingly things did not last), or that some couples very unenthusiastically describe how they just fell into it, or that they met online and made it work. He said that in his experience (30 years married) that those couples often do not stand the test of time.

 

I think it’s an interesting conversation starter, and I plan to start using it.

 

Here is my story – what is yours?

 

A mutual acquaintance was throwing a Halloween party, and offered up his friend as a ride to the party. He seemed nice, but I didn’t know many people at the party, and decided to bail and go out with some gril friends. Told him where I was going in case he wanted to join us later. Well, we ended up party / bar hopping (college days) and he tried to find me all night but was always a step behind (I didn’t have a cell phone!). He has this story of searching all over town, and constantly getting “oh those girls just left!”

 

He hunted me down the next day and I agreed to a proper date. And on that first date, we were in a bar and some older man commented on us “being in love” – to that, my often funny husband crafted a tale. He introduced himself to the old man as “Mike” (not his name) and me as Suzanne (not my name!!) and how we were engaged to be married. My eyes got big and I stifled my laugh. We had a great time the rest of the night.

 

Who would have ever guessed it was foreshadowing. This Halloween will mark 16 years.

[Woggle]

I was taking my walk on a Jersey Shore boardwalk and she happened to sit down on a bench right next to me and struck up a conversation. At the time I had just come out of the marriage from hell so I had no intention of even getting serious with somebody but we hit it off from the minute we talked and I figured it would at least be a good fling. A few weeks later it was clear we were falling in love and by that summer she proposed and we have been happily together ever since.

[2.50 a gallon]

This will be a 2-parter

Like Woggle I had survived a rotten marriage, in my case I was determined to never fall in love again. In a dozen years I had lots of girl friends, but never came close to falling in love

It was very hot July night, still in the 100's when I got off from work approaching midnight. I stopped in a convenience store for a cold soda, and she was behind the counter. My first thought was there is a face I could kiss good morning to for the rest of my life. Then as I walked to the back to the freezer section, I also noticed she had great legs.

My thought pattern was "What can I say to make her notice and like me?" I was still drawing a blank when I approached the register and then taking out my old wallet, it fell apart, exploded, bills, notes, cards everywhere.

Before I even though about, I said, "I know you have been wondering what you could buy for Christmas! It looks as though I could use a new wallet"

That cracked her up, and 25 years later she still remembers the first thing I ever said to her

[2.50 a gallon]

I knew that any one that good looking was sure to have a boy friend and I was right, she was in love and had been living with a guy for several years. So I decided if I wanted to get into her pants, I would have to first become her friend, and wait for her boy friend to make a mistake.

Two years later, they were fighting over his use of drugs, and I almost talked her into taking a trip to Denver with me to look for work. She backed out at the last second. I went to Denver, got a great job offer, and when I returned, I found out she had finally left the guy and moved. To where I had one hint. I went looking for her but with no luck.

One year later, I am again on my way to Colorado to check up on the job I had passed up on. It was 9 at night when I hit the road, and realized one of my headlights was out and the other was failing, so I went back home.

Next night, I washed the dishes just before I left and my faucet broke, water everywhere. Had to stay at home and have that fixed.

The next day I discovered that my gas tank was leaking gas.

Two days later, I got my car back at rush hour traffic time. On the way to the gas station, I avoided the stop and go traffic on the freeway and took a side street.

By luck, there she was getting her mail, I did a U-turn and asked for a date and we have been together ever since. 1 minute earlier or later and I would never have seen her again.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Recently I had the pleasure of meeting a really interesting guy that my husband befriended.

 

After some chit chat he asked “So how did you two meet”? Before I go into “our story” what I found fascinating is that he explained (after we told our tale) that its one of his favorite questions to ask, and that he learns a lot about a couple in the way they answer. He went on to say he has some theories about a couple’s longevity based on the reply, and that so far, his theories have been holding true.

 

We lit up when he asked. We give a tit for tat about the story, each finishing the other’s sentences. We talked about those first days from our own perspectives and how it all came together.

 

He glowed, and said he loved our story, and that the way we feel about each other comes through so clearly as we told it. He went on to describe some crazy reasons he has heard for getting married (and how unsurprisingly things did not last), or that some couples very unenthusiastically describe how they just fell into it, or that they met online and made it work. He said that in his experience (30 years married) that those couples often do not stand the test of time.

 

I think it’s an interesting conversation starter, and I plan to start using it.

 

Here is my story – what is yours?

 

I generally disagree with that, especially with advent of OLD.

 

Me and one of my ex-girlfriends had a pretty good story of meeting. She was auditioning to be in a band I was in, and I immediately thought she was attractive, and I offered to drop her off at home in another part of the city. She asked me if I wanted to get a drink and one drink turned into a very long conversation at a romantic empty uptown little restaurant in Manhattan. I was gaga over her and spent a couple of weeks chasing after her and finally we hooked up in a car ride home some weeks later.

 

Well, were a bad couple and used to have horrible fights over everything.

 

My parents OTOH have an extremely unremarkable story of meeting. My father was over here as an international student and somehow knew my mom's sister (he's never even told us how). And my mother came over to visit her sister, met my dad, thought he was a good guy, and seemed like he had his crap together and was heading towards a decent career ... and somehow she came over here to marry him. They haven't even ever told me all the details, and they have been together almost 50 years.

 

You have a nice story though.

Edited September 1, 2017 by JuneJulySeptember

[2.50 a gallon]

One of my parents better friends. Shortly after World War 2, he was a vet who had just returned from fighting in Europe. He was working in jewelry store, in a large mid-western city. He usually parked his car across the street, but on this nice spring morning decided to park a block away near a park and listen to the birds sing. He had just put his change in the parking meter, when this young woman, caught her heel in a crack in the sidewalk and fell into his arms. He is gone now, but not until after their fifth grand child, and she has lived long enough to know several great grand babies and one great-great grandbaby

[Gaeta]

I don't believe because some people met a certain way it's indicative of their relationship longevity. I have plenty of couples around me that met online 10+ years ago and are happy couples and parents.

 

The thing that got my attention in your post is your guy saidhow they just fell into it, or that they met online and made it work. What a funny thing to say? I think no matter where you meet whether it's at a party or online or in a political event, if you have to make it work from when you meet, then the odds are against you.

 

I met my bf online almost 2 years ago and I never felt we had to make it work. It just unfolds smoothly and naturally. Now, I met my ex husband at a party with friends, the good old way of meeting a boyfriend, and we didn't have a good marriage and yes every day felt like I had to make it work.

[central]

We met online nearly 18 years ago. Best relationship we've ever had, and the best of anyone we know. It's not where/how it starts, it's attraction and compatibility. If you're happy with the relationship, the story you tell about meeting is going to have a rosy hue.

[Springsummer]

I generally disagree with that, especially with advent of OLD.

.

 

OLD? does this thing work? Never works for me. Not even a real date.

[RecentChange]

Not so much HOW they meet, but they way they described it.

 

"We met on OLD, went on few dates, discovered we were compatible and went from there"

 

Vs

 

"We met on OLD, and OMG, couldn't believe how much we have in common, I thought he was way too cute, he pipes in, she just seemed incredible from the first moment we started talking"

 

Again not so much HOW, but the passion and the luster the couple feels about that how.

[Gaeta]

Not so much HOW they meet, but they way they described it.

 

"We met on OLD, went on few dates, discovered we were compatible and went from there"

 

Vs

 

"We met on OLD, and OMG, couldn't believe how much we have in common, I thought he was way too cute, he pipes in, she just seemed incredible from the first moment we started talking"

 

Again not so much HOW, but the passion and the luster the couple feels about that how.

 

Ah ok, and up to him which one of those couples will last?

 

I tend to beleive the first couple, every day we have threads on here about people falling hard (second couple) and it leads nowhere.

[wmacbride]

I like happy threads like this.

 

We met in a bar ( how cliche )

 

I was at a bar with a friend of mine when we were in university, and we were siting in a booth. These two guys, who'd had one too many, sat down with us and wouldn't leave us alone.

 

A guy came up and asked me if he could ask me something about one of our classes. I didn't recognize him, but I agreed anyway. The two guys left and he sat down and we have been together ever since.

 

We had our 20th anniversary a few weeks ago, and once things settle down here a bit, we plan on going back to our university town for the night.

[GorillaTheater]

I was barely 18 years old, and working as a pipefitter's/welder's helper at a chemical plant in the Houston area. I worked with a guy who's dad rented a beach house in Galveston for a week or so, and he invited me there for the weekend. We get there kind of late and sacked out without seeing or talking to anyone.

 

 

The next morning I wake up and there's teenage girls everywhere! Holy ****! It seems that my friend's 16 year old sister had invited a crapload of her friends there as well. One of them was this gorgeous brunette who was wearing this skimpy little bikini. Holy **** again! We spent a lot of time together that weekend, started dating, broke up, started dating again, and here we are.

 

 

We met just over 37 years and 8 kids ago.

[JohnAdams]

We met in church. After church she came up and started talking to me. I was very proud of my car and told her all about it. She said you should bring it to church some evening and take me for a ride in it. I did. She was 16 and I was 18. We have been together ever since.

[RecentChange]

Ah ok, and up to him which one of those couples will last?

 

I tend to beleive the first couple, every day we have threads on here about people falling hard (second couple) and it leads nowhere.

 

His experience, is like my experience, and most of my married friends (all of us are 10+ deep into first marriages now) are in the fell hard club.

 

Me and the hubs were living together after 6 months.

 

My dad married my step mom after 6 months, just celebrated 27 years. Same goes for my brother and sister, fell hard club, 25 and 19 years married so far.

 

(And I could tell the cute how they met stories for all of them, horse show, rock concert, sorority mingler)

 

Fell hard, and still passionately tell how we met many years, often decades later.

[Cymbeline]

Not so much HOW they meet, but they way they described it.

 

"We met on OLD, went on few dates, discovered we were compatible and went from there"

 

Vs

 

"We met on OLD, and OMG, couldn't believe how much we have in common, I thought he was way too cute, he pipes in, she just seemed incredible from the first moment we started talking"

 

Again not so much HOW, but the passion and the luster the couple feels about that how.

 

 

This is a technique from one of the well known relationship researchers: i think it's John Gottman, and if not him, then Sue Johnson.

 

In any case, you are right - it isn't the circumstances, or the ease of the relationship that counts, but the delight the couple demonstrates in telling the story. If there is little or no joy, fixing the relationship is a difficult task as the couple has disconnected emotionally, even from their supposedly happiest memories. If they remember their meeting fondly, then the spark of affection and positivity remains and may be re lit.

[wmacbride]

His experience, is like my experience, and most of my married friends (all of us are 10+ deep into first marriages now) are in the fell hard club.

 

Me and the hubs were living together after 6 months.

 

My dad married my step mom after 6 months, just celebrated 27 years. Same goes for my brother and sister, fell hard club, 25 and 19 years married so far.

 

(And I could tell the cute how they met stories for all of them, horse show, rock concert, sorority mingler)

 

Fell hard, and still passionately tell how we met many years, often decades later.

 

I had the same experience. We were "engaged" a coupe of days after we met.

 

It's funny, as I really don't believe in "love at first sight", "soul mates" or anything like that, yet there are lots of stories like yours, mine and others that make be question that stance.

 

As you can see, I remain perpetually confused about the human condition:lmao:

[WaitingForBardot]

We met at a poker game; unusual for me, not so much for her, apparently. Actually it was more of a mass transfer of monies to her from everyone else, myself included.

 

Being the long-range, strategic thinking type, I formulated a plan right then and there to get my money back by wooing her. 30+ years down and with <30 to go, my dream of payback is soon to be a reality! MWAH HA HA HA HA... ..lol..

[rushed]

Not so much HOW they meet, but they way they described it.

 

"We met on OLD, went on few dates, discovered we were compatible and went from there"

 

Vs

 

"We met on OLD, and OMG, couldn't believe how much we have in common, I thought he was way too cute, he pipes in, she just seemed incredible from the first moment we started talking"

 

Again not so much HOW, but the passion and the luster the couple feels about that how.

 

Before I read this I was just going to reply with a simple, "We met through Tinder." I guess me and my guy are doomed.

 

I can see where your friend is going with this method. But I for one am not the type to share a mess of details when asked a simple question or go into an elaborate story. Also, like Gaeta mentioned, you get a ton of people here going into great detail about meeting someone only to find out a few days later how they were ghosted.

[gaius]

She made a thread here about how her friends had abandoned her after her husband died and it spoke to me like poetry or literature does sometimes. I related and connected without exactly knowing why. It drew me to her. After that I just waited for an excuse to talk to her, and when she mentioned she had lived for a few years in Boston, where I grew up, that was it. Before either of us knew it we were talking on the phone for hours every night.

 

I came down to see her in person for two days then moved to her area so we could date properly a week after that. She's the love of my life and we had our two year anniversary back in June.