Getting there but still miss her

[BG1]

Hi everyone,

 

It's been over 6 months since my ex-broke up with me and almost 6 months of NC (solid). Was a 2.5 years relationship, I was her first love and functional relationship, she had been in love before but I've never loved anyone more than her (we lived together most of this time). I'm still trying to come to terms with the idea that I won't see her ever again and that we won't be in touch. (we live in different continents)

 

It was a bit of a traumatic break up for me (she broke up with me via skype, if would have been over the phone if I didnt insist when talking to see each other, I had no idea she was going to break up). She was away working, we were LD for a few months and she was coming to town to see me 1 week after. I think there was someone else also she denied it, not that it makes a difference, what matter is how she treated me and how low point I was at that point because of her actions. She asked me to move with her to the USA few months before and talked about marriage twice. (actions over words mates).

 

Anyway, I'm doing way better as I'm investing in myself I exercising frequently, work wise I still need to work out my next move but I have 2 jobs and I'm making it work. I've been with some girls but nothing serious, with one she wanted it to be but I say it was better not to see each other, as I'm not ready yet.

 

It's going to be a year shortly since she left, and I was going thru my FB pictures, I couldnt see any from her pictures in which I was tagged. So either she has deleted them, she blocked me or she has deleted me. (I have search for her profile). All this was in my profile when trying to find an old picture of me.

 

What does that mean? Probably that she is trying to move on. (I deleted her from all my social media in the first weeks after the break up). I just notice this, but I find it bit weird that she is doing it now. That means she is trying to move on but that she still suffering. It's weird because I have some comfort in the idea that she deleted all the pictures, I mean everyone is free to do whatever they consider its best for themselves in this circumstance. We saw after the break up and in the goodbye, Oh good, I have never cried that much in my entire life... she was saying that she would be there if I wanted to contact her, that was her guilt speaking but I also have a feeling that she thinks I hate her and that's why she hasn't shown a sign of her existence. I won't deny that I still miss her, and think about her often. But I have already interiorize its over and I want something else from a relationship.

 

Now that I'm in a better place mentally it's time to make big decisions, like work, where I want to live and move forward with my life. I have already grown a lot and somehow I feel there is only a way up in some spheres of my life.

 

What about you guys? Were where you when you hit the 6 months mark.

[110Girl]

Im at 13 days of NC. Its like Im taking a trip through the pits of hell. I found myself taking some drowsy meds just to keep my nerves at bay. Its not pleasant. But im noticing slight improvements everyday.

 

Everyday i find myself distancing my mind from him. 1 week ago its like he was consuming me. But now its just the pain I have to deal with, but hes much more distant in my mind than a week ago. Im hoping once I get to 3 months... That im ready to find someone new.

 

Im actually so ready to move on.

[BG1]

So Sorry, there was some issue with the copy paste and actually, the message wasn't the one I amended. The meaning of it truly changes so here it goes Corrected:

 

Hi everyone,

 

It's been over 6 months since my ex-broked up with me and almost 6 months of NC (solid). Was a 2.5 years relationship, I was her first love and functional relationship, I have been in love before but I've never loved anyone more than her (we lived together most of this time). I'm still trying to come to terms with the idea that I won't see her ever again and that we won't be in touch. (we live in different continents)

 

It was a bit of a traumatic break up for me (she broke up with me via skype, if would have been over the phone if I didn't insist when talking to see each other, I had no idea she was going to break up). She was away working, we were LD for a few months and she was coming to town to see me 1 week a few day after she broke up. I think there was someone else altho she denied it, not that it makes a big difference, what matter is how she treated me and how low point I was at that point because of her actions. Not long time before that she asked me to move with her to the USA and talked about marriage twice to what I said it was still early for that. (actions over words mates).

 

Anyway, I'm doing way better as I'm investing in myself I exercising frequently, work wise I still need to figure out my next move but I have 2 jobs and I'm making it work. I've been with some girls but nothing serious. One of them wanted proper dating and was very into me but I said that I was not on the same page and better not to see each other as I haven't totally moved on. Also, she had a big red flag (low self esteem, I don't want to date again someone insecure).

 

Shortly, It's going to be a year since she left, and I was going thru my FB pictures, I couldn't see any from her pictures in which I was tagged. So either she has deleted them, she blocked me or she deleted her profile. (I haven't searched for her profile as I'm in complete NC, I don't know anything even thru common friends). So basically I could see that pictures were gone but from my own profile.

 

What does that mean? Probably that she is trying to move on, although I find weird that she will do this kind of late. Could be that she is starting to date someone and this person asked her about it. (I deleted her from all my social media in the first weeks after the break up). Could also mean that she is trying to move on but that she still suffering. It's weird because I have some comfort in the idea that she deleted all the pictures, I mean everyone is free to do whatever they consider its best for themselves in this circumstance. We saw after the break up and in the goodbye, Oh good, I have never cried that much in my entire life... she was saying that she would be there if I wanted to contact her, that was her guilt speaking but I also have a feeling that she thinks I hate her and that's why she hasn't shown a sign of her existence. I won't deny that I still miss her, and think about her often. But I have already interiorized that its over and I want something else from a relationship.

 

Now that I'm in a better place mentally it's time to make big decisions, like work, where I want to live and move forward with my life. I have already grown a lot and somehow I feel there is only a way up in some spheres of my life.

 

What about you guys? Where were you when you hit the 6 months mark? Anything in particular that set you back or knowing something about them even helped you to process things. I firmly believe in NC, but as a process to heal, once it's done. That may change, if there is a point of getting in touch, of course.

[BG1]

Im at 13 days of NC. Its like Im taking a trip through the pits of hell. I found myself taking some drowsy meds just to keep my nerves at bay. Its not pleasant. But im noticing slight improvements everyday.

 

Everyday i find myself distancing my mind from him. 1 week ago its like he was consuming me. But now its just the pain I have to deal with, but hes much more distant in my mind than a week ago. Im hoping once I get to 3 months... That im ready to find someone new.

 

Im actually so ready to move on.

 

Take your time as you will need it. It's better to deal with it than put buried and then emerging again. You are on the right track so well done and keep it up!