fred123 Posted September 1, 2017 Share Posted September 1, 2017 A girl who you have been on a few dates says she dont want anything serious./dont want commitmenr / no relationship etc. But th3n the new few months continue to talk about her work and her problems and cry in front of me and complain about everything in her life. Im not her boyfriend. So what is the right thing to do. Are u mewnt to as a guy who dates a girl listen and be supportive? Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted September 1, 2017 Share Posted September 1, 2017 How do YOU feel you should act in this situation? What is your gut reaction? Link to post Share on other sites
Author fred123 Posted September 1, 2017 Author Share Posted September 1, 2017 Hey michelle. Problem with me is im a bit stupid when it comes to women if you have read my previous threads. Hence why im asking all u lot lol. My gut is confused atm with women now in general. In this situation i being the guy i am and the way iv been brought up is to care for the girl and be there for her and i assume that is part of dating right? But my other side says well if the girl doesnt want anything serious then why she acting like this and what should i do? Tell them " hey im sorry this is too much and not part of the deal". Maybe you can shed some light into why a girl does this? Because of previous experiences im a bit of doormat so maybe i shouldnt allow this behaviour of hers 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted September 1, 2017 Share Posted September 1, 2017 Hey michelle. Problem with me is im a bit stupid when it comes to women if you have read my previous threads. Hence why im asking all u lot lol. My gut is confused atm with women now in general. In this situation i being the guy i am and the way iv been brought up is to care for the girl and be there for her and i assume that is part of dating right? But my other side says well if the girl doesnt want anything serious then why she acting like this and what should i do? Tell them " hey im sorry this is too much and not part of the deal". Maybe you can shed some light into why a girl does this? Because of previous experiences im a bit of doormat so maybe i shouldnt allow this behaviour of hers Fair enough. She sounds like a bit of a hot mess. So the fact that she says she doesn't want anything serious might actually be a blessing. I can't speak with any certainty why she's behaving the way she is except perhaps she's friendzoned you without you realizing it and now sees you as someone she can vent to whenever she feels the need. I agree, although you don't want to appear unsympathetic to a 'friends' problems, they aren't YOUR problems to worry about particularly since you're not official or exclusive. You have to be careful not to get sucked into her drama and negativity and waste too much time with someone who isn't an option for you in terms of a relationship. At this point, I'd let her know that although you want to be there for her, she needs to think about talking stuff out with a girlfriend rather than with you and remind her of that each and every time she starts up again. She keeps coming to you and venting to you because you've allowed it, which is fine, but now you need to redirect her and get on with your own life. Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CptInsano Posted September 1, 2017 Share Posted September 1, 2017 Discussing problems with you is not a sign of intimacy, and it is certainly not a path towards becoming her boyfriend. You are a shoulder to cry on from my perspective. Most people will show off their best side if they are interested in somebody,,and this does not seem to be the case here. If you want to be more than a friend chances are that you are wasting your time. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted September 1, 2017 Share Posted September 1, 2017 A girl who you have been on a few dates says she dont want anything serious./dont want commitmenr / no relationship etc. But th3n the new few months continue to talk about her work and her problems and cry in front of me and complain about everything in her life. Im not her boyfriend. So what is the right thing to do. Are u mewnt to as a guy who dates a girl listen and be supportive? You are her emotional tampon. You don't have to be. Tell her you are looking for a relationship for yourself and she doesn't, therefore, since the two of you are not on the same page in terms of dating goals, you are moving on and wish her well. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted September 1, 2017 Share Posted September 1, 2017 My gut is confused atm with women now in general. In this situation i being the guy i am and the way iv been brought up is to care for the girl and be there for her and i assume that is part of dating right? But you are not dating. This is someone you've been on a couple of dates with, at that point she's a stranger - no more. She told you she is not looking for a relationship and you are so there is no reasons to pursue anything further with her. Say good luck and good bye. You care for women and be there for them when they are in your life already like your mom, your sister, a long time friend, a colleague in need. No you don't take care and be there for every single woman you met on the net and had 2-3 dates with. You probably thought being there and being a shoulder for her to cry on would change her mind and she'd fall for you eventually. It doesn't work that way, never does. Women that like a man for a romance won't use them as a box of kleenex. They will always want to appear their best to impress the man. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Springsummer Posted September 1, 2017 Share Posted September 1, 2017 You are her emotional tampon. You don't have to be. Tell her you are looking for a relationship for yourself and she doesn't, therefore, since the two of you are not on the same page in terms of dating goals, you are moving on and wish her well. nailed it. emotional tampon... Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 1, 2017 Share Posted September 1, 2017 Are we still talking about your EX here, Fred123? To some extent I agree with the emotional tampon people. A woman who says she doesn't want "anything serious" but who emotionally opens up to you & cries on your shoulder, has already firmly parked you in the friendzone. The conversations she has with you aren't much different from the things she discusses with her best girlfriends. She doesn't see you any differently then she sees them -- there's no lust, no desire, no romance. You are just "one of the girls." If that friendship is enough for you, fine but if you want a real romantic relationship you need a different woman -- one who views you as a sexy, desirable man. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted September 1, 2017 Share Posted September 1, 2017 She is treating you as a close friend. Women share problems with their close friends. If you do not want to be her friend at all, then you could become less available. I don't see why guys call being a friend being 'an emotional tampon'. Yes it is disappointing if a girl prefers being a friend to being a lover. If you can't handle just being a friend, then she should understand. If you want to be her friend though, then just treat her as a friend. That way there is no confusion as to boundaries. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author fred123 Posted September 1, 2017 Author Share Posted September 1, 2017 What if we have kissed and we kiss? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted September 1, 2017 Share Posted September 1, 2017 What if we have kissed and we kiss? Means nothing. She used you. She didn't want a relationship and she knew you wanted one. She knew she could use you and she did all she could. You hang on to a kiss or even sex while you close your eyes and ears to everything else bad she did. She was not even nice to you. She was mean, degrading, belittling you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author fred123 Posted September 2, 2017 Author Share Posted September 2, 2017 Ok so you are saying not to ever tolerate being an " emotional tampon". I guess i will learn this for next time. I Trying to be a boyfriend when you arent is a bad idea! I got that! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted September 2, 2017 Share Posted September 2, 2017 Ok so you are saying not to ever tolerate being an " emotional tampon". I guess i will learn this for next time. Trying to be a boyfriend when you arent is a bad idea! I got that! A woman who loves and adores you and is your gf and who you can share your worries with is someone you should listen to, someone you should try to help through life. YOU are a team, you help and listen to each other whenever it is needed. Someone who "does not want a relationship with you" is not your gf, she may be your friend, your fwb, your fb, an acquaintance... whatever... but it is up to YOU as to how much of HER emotional baggage YOU are willing to take on. If she has a short term crisis then it may be highly appropriate that you provide a shoulder to cry on, we may all do that on occasion for someone -even for a complete stranger if they need us. However, if she is forever landing ALL her troubles at your door then you need to step back as you are NOT her bf, so you are NOT obliged to forever listen to her sad stories. Even if you were her bf, there is a limit to sympathy and if she is forever bringing you down with all her issues, insecurities, rants, drama and upset, then it may be time to pull the plug. Relationships are supposed to be fun and easy, nothing easy and fun about a woman in your life who is forever bringing you down with HER problems... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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