jadedjessie Posted August 12, 2005 Share Posted August 12, 2005 I want my ex-boyfriend back. We had some problems that were caused by my anxiety disorder, and even though we had a lot of love for each other, it got to be too much for him. I have now gotten help for my anxiety and I want a second chance with my love. This is complicated, because after he broke up with me I kept begging him to get back together and I irritated him and scared him off. Now, I have gone completely without contacting him for a while and have gotten help for my anxiety, but I don't know how to tell him that without further irritating him. This is a touchy situation and I know I'm walking on thin ice. What can I do to tell him I've done what I needed to do about our problems and I want another chance to prove it? He doesn't answer my calls, and I know text messages will just piss him off. Is it hopeless? Or is there something I can do? Link to post Share on other sites
Zaira Posted August 12, 2005 Share Posted August 12, 2005 How long since you've had no contact? If it hasn't been too long, then he may just need more time - enough so he may think that you have had a good chance of bettering yourself Can you go and see him? Write a letter? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jadedjessie Posted August 12, 2005 Author Share Posted August 12, 2005 It hasn't been too long since I last talked to him, but I was planning on dropping his things off at his place and leaving a letter for him in his box of clothes. In the letter I would explain what I did to better myself and tell him I would love a second chance with him but that I have accepted his decision. I would think that the last part would maybe give him a sense of urgency, that if he didn't act soon he could never have me back, you know? But I'm not sure if this will work. If he thinks he's better off without me, he'll be glad to hear I'm ready to move on. I'm stuck. What can I do? Link to post Share on other sites
Zaira Posted August 15, 2005 Share Posted August 15, 2005 Write your letter, but don't go giving ultimatums. Give him the time he needs. If you haven't heard from in a month or so, then it's time to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
dr strangelove Posted August 15, 2005 Share Posted August 15, 2005 Can I make a small comment. If your broke up and he still has things at your place this is an excuse for him to drop by and see you, its also a small sign that he hasnt quite let go. Talking in person is always better then a letter btw. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jadedjessie Posted August 15, 2005 Author Share Posted August 15, 2005 Well, its been a few days, and I've seen my ex for the first time in three weeks. The last time I had seen him we were head-over-heels in love with each other, or so I thought. Last night when I saw him he came up and gave me a hug and asked me how I was. I thought that was pretty much a slap in the face. I said I was fine but in my head I was thinking, "F*ck you! You break my heart then give me a hug and ask me how I'm doing?? How the f*ck do you think I am?!" But I kept that to myself. I noticed something about him though. He's an a**h***. I never noticed before because of my feelings for him, but now I see everything he says to people and it's just so rude. So I decided I don't care anymore. I don't want him back if he doesn't even want me. I'm not going to jump through any hoops for him. It's done. There are plenty of other, better guys out there. Link to post Share on other sites
Jackgibbs Posted August 15, 2005 Share Posted August 15, 2005 I want to tell you way to go on realizing. I wish I could feel as good as you. Need anything else just ask. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jadedjessie Posted August 16, 2005 Author Share Posted August 16, 2005 Yeah. Screw him. He's being a little slut now anyways. Hehe, my turn! lol Link to post Share on other sites
theclash Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 Originally posted by jadedjessie I kept begging him to get back together and I irritated him and scared him off hi jaded jessie. Firstly, well done for getting over your anxity problems. secondly, unfortunately you found out the hard way, that begging an ex boyfriend to take you back will NOT work. Constantly phoning and texting will just make him annoyed & he will change his phone number, so i'm glad you've stopped. If you want your boyfriend back, the best thing you can do at the mo is give him time. Dont contact him whatsoever for months, then he will realise how much he misses you (it took my ex under 10 weeks to come running back last time) DONT send him a text, or ring him, no matter how irresistable it seems. He's probably expecting you to make contact with him, but if you dont, he will wonder to himself 'I wonder why she hasnt texted me, begging to get back with me' For the time being jadedjessie, concentrate on going out with your girlfriends, lashing it out on the town, whatever makes you happy. Make him see what he is missing. I'm not saying you are doing this, but moping about around the house feeling sad and sorry for yourself wont help. As for getting back in touch again, do it slowly and gently. Send him a card through the post to let him know you still care for him, but please dont write "I love you" all over it. It is very tempting I know, lol, but theres no need to do that cos he already knows you love him. Just write any message you like, & sign it 'from Jessie' then say a few weeks after you sent the card, if you see him in the street for example, subtley ask him how he is, let the conversation flow naturaly. But whatever you do, DO NOT beg him to take you back. I know you want your bf back, but the worst thing you can ever do is keep begging an ex bf. Another good line which really works is "I do love you, but I respect your point of view about why we split up. I will be happy being friends" I know you dont want to be friends, but there are some scarifices you've got to make. It;s worked for me in the past, and I hope this works for you. Good luck. Keep us posted Link to post Share on other sites
Author jadedjessie Posted August 16, 2005 Author Share Posted August 16, 2005 I don't want him back anymore. But now I'm taking all of the worst possible steps in getting over him. I slept with his best friend, another one of his friends wants to sleep with me, and I have just been ignoring how I feel about me and him. I know I need to grieve and do non-damaging things to get over him, but I'm so tired of feeling sad over it. I just want to continue on with my life and not care anymore. I really do think I'm going about this all wrong though. What does everyone else think? Is what I'm doing just going to damage myself more in the long run? Am I a complete moron? What should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
Zaira Posted August 23, 2005 Share Posted August 23, 2005 Hrmm, it doesn't sound like you are over him at all. Sleeping with his friends is a big NO NO!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author jadedjessie Posted August 23, 2005 Author Share Posted August 23, 2005 Originally posted by ~Zaira~ Hrmm, it doesn't sound like you are over him at all. Sleeping with his friends is a big NO NO!! Yep. I know. I didn't say I was over him, I said I was taking the worst possible steps in getting over him. Now it's been a month, and I don't want him back. I'm sure many people can relate to this: It was like I fell in love with who he pretended to be, and then he showed his true colors, and I despise him. He's a total jerk. What happened to the sweet little guy I loved? When I talked to my friends, I asked them if he was always a little a**h*** like that, and they said that he was. I guess my feelings for him clouded my eyes. Now I've fallen into a relationship with Tom (one of the friends who I slept with). Me and Lane (the other friend I slept with) have decided to just pretend it never happened. Tom and I are actually doing quite well. Even the ex has noticed that I'm much happier with him (we're a tight group of friends, we see each other a lot). So now my focus is on Tom. My ex can go fork himself. I have a lot of fun with Tom. We're always laughing together and just enjoying each other's company. Tom makes me glad my ex dumped me. My feelings for him are growing stronger by the day. Do rebounds ever work out though? Are me and Tom doomed or is there a chance we can make it? I really like him a lot, I'm very happy with him, and I would love for our relationship to work out. Any tips I can follow to prevent this from being the typical rebound? I don't want to hurt him, or myself. *Sigh* The guy-troubles are never-ending. Maybe I'll become a nun. lol Link to post Share on other sites
Sal Paradise Posted August 23, 2005 Share Posted August 23, 2005 Sounds like you did that to hurt him. He may be an a**hole but he didn't deserve that. If you were over him you wouldn't feel the need to hurt him. Sounds like you still have a lot of soul searching to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jadedjessie Posted August 23, 2005 Author Share Posted August 23, 2005 Originally posted by Sal Paradise Sounds like you did that to hurt him. He may be an a**hole but he didn't deserve that. If you were over him you wouldn't feel the need to hurt him. Sounds like you still have a lot of soul searching to do. Not quite. I didn't go out looking for a friend of his to sleep with. That particular friend happens to be one of my best friends too. I don't feel the need to hurt him at all. If he's hurting because of my actions, well, that sucks, and it wasn't what I intended to do, but I can't feel too bad for him. Afterall, he's the one who broke up with me. He doesn't want me anymore. He has no reason to care about what I'm up to. In my opinion, he's trying to hurt me. I didn't want anyone to know what I had done, but he makes a point to announce whenever I'm around how he loves flirting with girls at his new job. As if I'm supposed to care? As if that's supposed to make me jealous and sad that he dumped me? Whatever. I have a new guy. I don't care what the ex is up to, and I don't care if he cares about what I'm up to. I may sound like I'm in denial or something but I'm not. I'm just not concerned with my ex anymore. My concern is for Tom. *shrug* Link to post Share on other sites
Sal Paradise Posted August 23, 2005 Share Posted August 23, 2005 Reverse the roles and ask yourself if you would be hurt by it. If he slept with your best friend. Would you not think he did it to hurt you? And you don't think its even remotely possible that deep down in your subconscious you didn't do it to get back in him in some way? You say you don't care but if you didn't his telling you about his flirting with other girls etc... wouldn't bother you. Read your post back to yourself and really think about what you're saying. I could be wrong (I don't know you) but it sounds to me as if you're still hurting and are in denial. It sounds like you're trying to convince yourself you don't care anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jadedjessie Posted August 23, 2005 Author Share Posted August 23, 2005 Originally posted by Sal Paradise It sounds like you're trying to convince yourself you don't care anymore. Say that's the case, which it very well may be, I don't know, I'm confused. Anyways, if that's true, what do I do now? I'm in a relationship with Tom now. I'm very happy with him. We laugh a lot and have a great time together. So maybe I'm still hurt by ex, but I still don't want to be with him. Is it okay for me to have a relationship with Tom? Is this just going to end up hurting him or myself? I like him a lot and I'd love for it to work out. But how if I'm not over my ex yet? Link to post Share on other sites
Sal Paradise Posted August 23, 2005 Share Posted August 23, 2005 Its a tough one. The fact that he is a friend of your ex could cause some serious problems. It could lead to the friends no longer being friends. Perhaps deep down thats why you did it? It will also make it very hard for you to ever get over the ex because if he and the friend remain friends you will never be free of him. That in the long term could cause problems between you and Tom as well as you and the ex. Perhaps thats another reason you're with Tom. Its a way to keep yourself close to your boyfriend without actually being with your boyfriend. Perhaps its a combo of wanting to hurt him and keep him close to you in some way. And beyond all that even if this guy wasn't close to your ex you're really running the risk of hurting the new guy because he could very well be the dreaded "rebound." I think all things considered you need to be honest with yourself and Tom. You need to let him know whats going on inside you. You need to ask yourself is this worth hurting yourself over? How will you feel if you see the ex with another woman or hear Tom and your ex discussing some girl your ex is with? Think of all the possible things that could go wrong. This relationship will be extremely hard to maintain. They're hard to maintain even without the baggage. But this one is covered in baggage. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jadedjessie Posted August 23, 2005 Author Share Posted August 23, 2005 Even if I wasn't with Tom, I still wouldn't be free from my ex. We have the same group of friends and half the times I'm with these friends, my ex is there too. I didn't go out with Tom to spite my ex, I started going out with Tom because I like him. Tom has actually never liked my ex, but because of our close group of friends, he doesn't let that be known. My ex says that he doesn't care that Tom and I are together, and even though I think he has no right to care anyway, I think he does. My ex is off trying to hook up with other girls, and I won't care if I see him with someone else. I have someone else now too. I'm far more concerned about Tom and my relationship with him than my ex and the things he's up to. I'm trying to put the baggage of my ex away for good and just be happy with Tom, but of course it's something that still causes me some pain to think about. All I want is for me and Tom to be happy. Why does it have to be so complicated? Link to post Share on other sites
upsetnhurt Posted August 23, 2005 Share Posted August 23, 2005 Jaded, DId you ever think you might be with Tom simply because he provides you comfort and allows you to put aside dealing with the loss of your ex? Have you sat back and truly determined what characteristics you might want in a new guy? Do us a favor and stop now for a period of time to grieve properly......you don't need the additional hurt that will come from things not working with Tom nor does he need the heartbreak. If in a few months you and Tom still feel the connection...GReat and go for it with a gusto. Link to post Share on other sites
arieskmr22 Posted September 11, 2005 Share Posted September 11, 2005 well my see im trying to get my ex boyfreind back too cause i luv him to death and he is always on my mind do u have any tips for me to get him back cause i really need him in my life as a boyfriend not a friend. Link to post Share on other sites
arieskmr22 Posted September 11, 2005 Share Posted September 11, 2005 see my boyfriend broke up woth me after a week cause i thought we were going to fast with the luv thing. but see not that he is gone i really do luv him and i asked for as econd chance and he said not right now. it is really heart breaking. it might sound stupid after a week but it is. i need tips to get him back really bad cause i <33 him alot. we talk when we see each other but he never calls when he say he will it hurts so if u have tips to help get him back that will be great. <33 <33 arieskmr22 Link to post Share on other sites
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