Is My Relationship and Happiness Salvageable?

[deadoralive4]

So I [19 m] met my girlfriend [18 f] 2 months ago on a snap chat extension app (romantic right). I Come to find out she lives in the same town as me and she went to the same school as me just a year younger. Also, we shared common friends. It seemed like fate that I met her. We started talking more and eventually started having feelings for each other. She had about a month and a half left before she was going to a college 12 hours away from where I'm at in my hometown. I knew we probably shouldn't have started anything in retrospect but over time We fell in love with each other. This is my first serious relationship at 19 (sad I know). I'm really bad at socializing and my depression controls my life, slight things make me sad and moody. Despite all this we dated and made the most out of the time we had left and decided we would do long distance. We had a positive relationship, she became my first everything, my first kiss, my first cuddle, my first time in sex. It wasn't just infatuation I became deeply in love with her, not some childish puppy love but genuine love. I've never experienced this before true but it's a feeling I can't describe. She's not generic like everyone else, she has flaws and she knows it, she's not a slut, she's not her own person.

 

But enough about that, ever since she moved things have been hard. We get into a lot of altercations. And like I mean a lot. It's all stupid stuff, one person says one thing or accidentally offends the other, or there's some insecurity. In the begging I was just frustrated with it all, and eventually I just broke down. Every time we fight now it gets deep and I hurt so much. My depression makes me already feel like I'm worthless and that no one truly cares about me, and when she says something, recently for example, "I don't need you" it crushed me. I love her and I want to work things out, I'm trying. Not out of desperation but because I genuinely do think there's a possible future with her. The problem is, she has a tendency to act childish. She wants me to tell her how I feel and try to understand my depression and I, but every time I do and it's something she doesn't agree with she just blows up in my face. It seems like to me she's bipolar, she's either really happy or really dead inside. Her moods switch almost instantly depending on what I say and do or what I don't. Like I said I'm trying to work things out, but I'm young and still not matured completely. She says she'll try but the next day, week, etc. the cycle continues. I don't know what to do it just seems like she says she wants things to be good and happy but she won't put the effort to do so. I'm not perfect, I get easily offended, i'm sensitive, and I can act like a baby at times too. But I always try and take a step back after and realize how I affect others. I can't give her time to calm down when we're fighting because the longer I don't message her the angrier she gets. I don't know does this whole thing seem impossible, or can something be done. I don't like giving up on things, especially people. I realize there's other girls out there but I've been single 19 years because I wasn't interested in any of them apart from their looks. My heart hurts after every altercation and it's killing me. She'll say things she doesn't mean like "just leave me" or "I don't need you" or " you don't really love me". It makes me feel like a pest that's just buzzing around her. But then when she calms down and things are better she says she was just frustrated. But the effects of those words don't go away. Right now she did something I asked her not to do yesterday because it bothered me and I asked her to stop, then she proceeds to egg me on and not try to let things go. I asked her what she wants and the last thing she said was "Go away". This cycle is chickening me. I don't know what she want's or what she's truly thinking, especially because this is long distance it's so much harder to control these things. We would get over things easier in person just by being with each other but now, it's so hard. I don't know if she wants to end things, or needs time alone. What do you guys think? Am I a fool to try and mend this and make something out of it, or is there a future that could happen here? Any serious advice would be appreciated, thanks.

[d0nnivain]

Alas it's very hard (virtually impossible) to maintain a relationship when one person goes off to college & the other stays home. She has a whole new world to explore filled with new interesting people. The boy back home can't compare.

 

I think this cycle is destructive.

 

As much as you think you have problems -- depression & difficulty connecting with others -- I think you're just a teenager. Every teenager feels what you are experiencing at one time or another. It's dissipates as we mature. It will for you two.

 

You have now had the experience of a relationship. You can let this one go & find a new girl closer to home.

[ExpatInItaly]

Alas it's very hard (virtually impossible) to maintain a relationship when one person goes off to college & the other stays home. She has a whole new world to explore filled with new interesting people. The boy back home can't compare.

 

I think this cycle is destructive.

 

As much as you think you have problems -- depression & difficulty connecting with others -- I think you're just a teenager. Every teenager feels what you are experiencing at one time or another. It's dissipates as we mature. It will for you two.

 

You have now had the experience of a relationship. You can let this one go & find a new girl closer to home.

 

I agree with the above.

 

Your relationship has too many problems, as just 2 months in. This is not what a healthy relationship looks like. Add to that the fact that she is just 18, away from home for the first time, staring a whole new chapter of her life - this isn't likely to last, I'm afraid. And that's not a bad thing. You two seem to have a very dysfunctional dynamic going on. I understand she is your first, but I can promise she won't be your last. I would stop engaging in the drama and let her go completely before it gets any worse.

[preraph]

i think what you just found out is that even though it seemed lucky that you met and lived near each other, it may have filled you with false assumptions that it was "fate" or "meant to be." Now she's gone and all you have to go on is communication, you are not even compatible. She is disgusted by the whining and crying and your desperation. You say you are depressed but then accuse her of being bipolar. The opposite of manic isn't dead. It's very depressed. She's invited you to just move on without her any number of times, and that is what you should do. She may feel sorry for you, she may like you as a friend, but if she's telling you to go away and gets mad when you get emotional, she's not in love with you. She's clearly turned off by how you're acting all depressed and emotional, and really, there is no coming back from that.

 

You are both super young, too young to be trying to be long-term. She is away at school where she will meet friends to last a lifetime and where her world will expand. This is an age when people tend to change a lot and outgrow some of their relationships.

 

I think you two thought this was preordained because of how you met, but it's not. I think that's clear. You can't even get along.