Mr. Nice Guy ... Im sick of being him ... HELP!!

[bennychase]

I have been struggling with being a Nice Guy (NG) for that past 24 years of my life. I am currently 24.

I am trying to identify what traits women see in men which cause women to classify these men in the "He’s nice and I just want to be friends with him" category. I am sick of being a nice guy because women seem to pass me over for the "Bad Boys" (BBs).

I feel like before I can make a change in my life, I need to identify my "Nice Guy" traits and change them as much as possible.

 

My goal is to slip myself into a place somewhere between NG and BB.

 

Women: What traits do NGs posses that make you classify them as friends instead of you being attracted to them sexually or otherwise? What traits do men posses that lead you to classify them as BBs?

 

Guys: Are you a Mr. Nice Guy survivor and have made the transition from NG to BB? How did you do this? Has this change helped you be more successful with women?

[SoftDrink]

there's a certain poster on here who may be able to make you feel better---he doesn't believe there is such a thing as "nice guys" or "bad guys."

 

i disagree with him, as do most, but he may be able to make it more bearable for you to deal with.

[FWIW]

If you're not that into her, you can "treat her mean and keep her keen", she'll lap it up.

If you *are* into her, you'll get walked all over, she won't respect you, and then dump you.

 

You just can't win!

 

I'm joking of course (am I really?!) but one day you'll meet someone special where the above doesn't apply. Good luck finding her!

[Outcast]

What it means is that you two don't click but you're a decent enough person that she'd like you to be a pal. And the girls don't go for your fabled 'bad boys', it's just that any guy who can get a woman you want is, by definition, a 'bad boy' to you.

 

Just keep on as you're keeping on and eventually you will find someone that's a good match for you.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by bennychase

Guys: Are you a Mr. Nice Guy survivor and have made the transition from NG to BB? How did you do this? Has this change helped you be more successful with women?

yes I made the transition due to age and experience. mainly cause what I was doing when I was 25 was not working so I decided to do a make-over. Now at 40 I do OK with the ladies. What was the change you say??? I became a man!

[Outcast]

So you can conclude that after 15 years of being a Bad Guy, he's still not in a good long-term relationship. You have been warned.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by Outcast

So you can conclude that after 15 years of being a Bad Guy, he's still not in a good long-term relationship. You have been warned.

but I have banged a lot of chicks and i usually dumped the ones who wanted to get too serious. "commitmentphobe" is my middle name.

[Outcast]

And so you should include that as a caveat to your 'advice' to men because you'll only teach the genuine nice guys who aren't commitmentphobes how to drive women away.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by Outcast

...you'll only teach the genuine nice guys who aren't commitmentphobes how to drive women away.

many women are not interested in these dudes to begin with so there is no "driving away"

[MWC_LifeBeginsAt40]

A little teasing and dirty talk but be cute about it - don't come across as a pig. Smile, undress her with your eyes, then back off and let her get over the initial shock and then let her come to you.

 

Let her suspect you have a wild side and show only a little bit at a time.

 

Respect her feelings, but not her body. She wants to know you think she's hot.

[JS17]

i'm trying to find a nice guy. unfortunately the ones that are best at pretending to be the nicest, are really pretending. don't change.

[Mary3]

NG's are guys who are simply nice but I am not attracted to them in a physical way.

 

You asked that question and I tried to answer.

 

* But * someone can be a total hottie but a jerk and I keep him at arms length..

 

Someone can be a total nice guy but I dont feel a chemistry and keep them at arms length ( Friends Zone )...

 

So the theory that alpha said -- that you need to be a *total man* and bang the females and then dump them ...is also not a proven theory .

 

He may think that works but what does he have today ? ...but a super size box of condoms used up ?....I hope he used condoms

 

All kidding aside Alpha... Although you get ribbed here alot and your comments ( may or may not be popular ) but they are to the point I have to say... I like that part about you ...even though some of your comments are really kinda harsh..

 

I think its time for you to review your next 15 years !

[whichwayisup]

The key is balance. Don't be a mean person, but be firm. Learn to put yourself first at the appropriate times and most of all, how to say NO and not feel guilty.

 

You don't want to be a "badboy" in a sense...

 

Women want abit of both, with respect. No woman wants to be called a beyotch or treated like s***...But we also don't want a "yes" boy either.

 

Hope this helps abit.

[forties]

Originally posted by MWC_LifeBeginsAt40

A little teasing and dirty talk but be cute about it - don't come across as a pig. Smile, undress her with your eyes, then back off and let her get over the initial shock and then let her come to you.

 

Let her suspect you have a wild side and show only a little bit at a time.

 

Respect her feelings, but not her body. She wants to know you think she's hot.

You are so very right!, when I finally started doing what you just said, it worked!

[Soap]

JS17 really hit it. Most nice guys really aren't nice guys, they're just PRETENDING to be nice so they can get girls, be liked, etc.

 

If you want to be successful with girls (and life on the whole), you've really just got to be who you REALLY are. Don't do something just to "please" someone- do it because you WANT to.

 

And nice guys are usually desperate and they suplicate (beg) for the girl. This is undoubtedly unnatractive.

 

So basically:

 

nice guy- desperation+ confidence= chick magent

 

try it out;)

 

 

-soapz-

[Mary3]

Being naughty instead of being nice : BINGO !

[Jayhawks]

Yes. The NG has been overexposed in this forum. This issue has been dealt with many times and it is always the same conclusion.

 

 

 

A little teasing and dirty talk but be cute about it - don't come across as a pig. Smile, undress her with your eyes, then back off and let her get over the initial shock and then let her come to you.

 

Let her suspect you have a wild side and show only a little bit at a time.

 

Respect her feelings, but not her body. She wants to know you think she's hot.

 

 

I agree with 40ty. Most nice guys try to be friends first and then when they make a move the girl feels cheated because you have spoiled the friendship. You need to express your feelings to her but you can still be a NG. Just don't become a friend if that is not what you want from her. Let her know she's hot and you want a physical relationship with her if that is what you feel.

 

Just be honest with yourself and her.

[animo]

Yah keyphrase is honesty here...

 

you don't want to be that sneaky guy who slips in through the friends door and then tries to wiggle its way into the lovers department. That's just not going to work since you're basically lieing your ass off from day one.

 

If your intrested then show you're intrested! Don't be a horny geek boy about it, make it sensual and easy to swallow (pardon my choice of words). Shock and awe may get you right to the gold but may also get your right to a big ol slap across the cheek. Don't try this unless your balls are firmly in place

 

You don't want to be a BB, those guys are testosterone pumped up jerks and while that may attrackt a few weak females, the trade-in isn't worth it. What you really want to be is a MAN, don't let people walk all over you , don't be afraid to share your opinion (as in i'm instrested for example), don't beg don't whine, don't ask why women aren't intrested etc etc (really you DONT want to know) .

 

Positioning yourself as a NG usually means your positioning yourself as a whimpy submissive guy and women are not attrackted to this at all. It doesn't mean you have to be cocky or arrogant when dealing with women, just be regular BUT firm and stand your ground, speak you mind and don't let yourself be intimidated. But seriously i could go on forever here and you still won't get the picture, pick up a couple of books. I could recommend you read some of louis and copeland's work since they explain very well exactly what you're doing 'wrong'.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by animo

read some of louis and copeland's work since they explain very well exactly what you're doing 'wrong'.

hey ANIMO, thats who I also recommend all the time to "nice guys".

[clandestinidad]

Dont be too available to her. When she wants something from you, or wants to do something with you, etc etc...if you already have plans to do something else DO NOT change them.

 

While I enjoy spending time w/ a guy, its a turn-off if he always drops everything to be with me

 

if youre too available, its too easy for her, and there's nothing to 'want' (make sense??)

 

we might say that we want someone who does things for us all the time, but we really dont (every once in a while, yes). We really want someone who sticks to his plans, stands up for himself, and doesnt cater to us.......and that's not being a "bad boy", its being strong and standing your ground, and doing what YOU want to do. It makes us want you, and respect you

[crazy_grl]

Originally posted by kat23

we might say that we want someone who does things for us all the time, but we really dont (every once in a while, yes). We really want someone who sticks to his plans, stands up for himself, and doesnt cater to us.......and that's not being a "bad boy", its being strong and standing your ground, and doing what YOU want to do. It makes us want you, and respect you

 

Exactly. Also, flirting and sexual inuendo go a long way. Just be careful to keep it subtle and light and not come off sleazy.

[animo]

Listen to these ladies! They are feeding you pearls here Mr. Nice guy

[Markyboy]

yeh, girls (some) love that bad boy image.....they like the ones that treat them badly......im more of a joker, yeh i can be bad in a boyish way....but there again im always told im a nice guy

[LucreziaBorgia]

Women:

1. What traits do NGs posses that make you classify them as friends instead of you being attracted to them sexually or otherwise?

2. What traits do men posses that lead you to classify them as BBs?

 

Unfortunately, my classification on that comes primarily from whether or not I feel a 'spark' with them. That has very little to do with what the guy does or does not do. If there is a 'spark' they are pretty much automatically not in the 'just friend' category. If there is not a spark or any sort, then they are in the 'friend' category. Otherwise...

 

Sexually attractive: secure with their looks, and can enhance their looks sucessfully without looking like they are trying too hard. They just seem to pull off a natural sense of style, and fit comfortably into their own skin and clothing. They look good, smell good, dress well and do not appear to ever second guess themselves. Confidence is the key. Now, if an extraordinarily good looking guy happens to be self conscious, or not aware of his looks - then the 'wanting to get in their pants' factor is still pretty high, because they look good (super shallow, I know...). They are comfortable and confident when talking to women, and make it clear that they are not interested in "friends" but rather make it clear through words and actions that they are attracted. They take chances at expressing attraction and desire, and are unafraid to do so because they realize that if it doesn't happen, then it just wasn't meant to be.

 

Sexually unattractive: insecure to the point where they grump and bitch about women 'never wanting them', mope about it and obsess over it, they get clingy jealous and possessive when someone - anyone shows them some attention and it becomes apparent that the woman is pretty much interchangeable - they'll latch on to anyone (desperation and avoidance of loneliness rather than choosing a specific woman and pursuing her). If they are dirty, hygenically challenged in terms of body odor and breath (a HUGE turn off regardless of looks), or their clothing choice is done with absolutely no thought or consideration then that is not attractive. They are not comfortable or confident, and hide their attraction because they are afraid of rejection - they try to be a 'friend' by being the type of confidant and 'shoulder' that gay guys or other women are. They do not take chances at expressing attraction or desire, because they are terrified of rejection and if it doesn't happen, they will assume that it is because they are ugly, undesirable and not worth it.

 

It isn't about presenting yourself as a 'good' or 'bad' type - its about having the confidence to let a girl know what your intentions are and having enough of an ego not to be crushed by rejection.

 

If you don't want to be the 'friend guy' then don't offer the opportunity to be one. If a girl says "we should just be friends" then say "thanks, but I was more interested in dating you and I don't think 'friends' will work" and drop your contact down to "acquaintances level" while you find other women to date.

[Jayhawks]

Excellent post, LB.