Problem with sex/nudity/scantily clad women on tv

[Newuser1094]

I'm hoping someone can help me with this issue, or if someone can at least relate to me because this is really getting on my nerves now.

Is it just me that feels insecure and extremely uncomfortable when watching TV or movies with a partner and a sex scene, nudity or scantily clad women come on. Everything seems to have them in it nowadays!!! It makes me so angry. My partner is aware of how uncomfortable it makes me and says he isn't interested but I can't help but feel that all males get turned on and attracted to these women. It makes me feel sick to my stomach the thought of him looking at these women and possibly getting turned on by them?

I have suffered with the issue since I was 15 and am now 22 and it's really getting on my nerves. I also have severe anxiety and am on a large dose of medication for it and have tried talking therapies but they dont seem to work much. It's easy for people to say 'oh get over it' but unfortunately that's much easier said than done.

 

Also if anyone can suggest any movies or tv shows that don't contain this sort of bull**** please don't hesitate to recommend them ?

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Have never experienced this with a partner, but I have with my nearly 15 year old son!

[Newuser1094]

Thanks for the reply, it's reassuring to know I'm not the only one with this issue, I've always felt deeply embaressed about it if I'm honest

[CptInsano]

Why does it embarrass you that your partner might get turned on? My last gf was really into Paul Walker, and I knew that she turned all mushy when he was on TV. But it didn't bug me in the slightest, we had a very healthy sex life. So I'm really wondering why it bothers you?

 

Oddly enough, these commercials on TV bother me as a male when I was younger, largely because I felt it was such a blatant attempt at manipulation. But I saw it more as a method to sell products or services, not as much as a way to turn us on.

[Blanco]

So you're saying you get turned on by any attractive guy you see in a movie or TV show?

[central]

There are channels that only play shows from the 50s and 60s, and there are documentaries, etc. As for movies, you can read about them online before watching, and decide if they will be okay for you. Really, though, few men are actually getting "turned on" by these scenes, so I don't think you need to worry much about it.

[Blanco]

Might I suggest rather than investing energy into searching for shows that would only make people of Jane Austen's era blush, address your own insecurities.

 

I will say that it's OK to have insecurities, but it's not fair to your partner for you to basically want to make 80 percent of movies and TV shows off limits just because you think he wants to go rub one out any time there's a bit of cleavage on screen.

 

Relationships can be hard enough with real-life stuff. You're more or less dooming your relationship by wanting what you watch as a couple to look like it was filtered through a workplace computer.

[nospam99]

Hi Newuser1094. I'm an old guy and fairly new to loveshack, too. But I'm having a lot of fun reading about age-old relationship issues. Neither your generation nor mine invented doubt or jealousy. I suggest you read several threads. What I've noticed in my own brief time at loveshack is that one of the topics that keeps coming up is a variation of a young woman being worried about their bf's sex drive. If I can generalize, it seems that many young women do not have a good understanding of male sex drive. Granted there are guys who are not going to be faithful or interested in long term relationships. But there are also plenty of us who are committed to our women. Again, read a number of topics. If you don't already have it, get an understanding about how men are biologically wired to be aroused by sex-charged visual imagery. That's why the TV and movie people use that imagery - to sell subscriptions and tickets. But also read about how men can tell the difference between the women they are committed to and the female images that the media presents to which the men have no emotional attachment. AND have a heart to heart talk with your bf. Get him to reassure you that those two-dimensional women on TV are just libido-bait, while you are his "one and only".

[grays]

OP, I felt that way a lot when I was younger and its awful. I wish I could tell you how I got past it. I dont feel it at all now though, and I am much less prone to insecurity around real life women, too. I think part of it is about really feeling my own value. There's always gonna be women with better bodies or body parts or some sexy something I dont have. But I actually think Im pretty bomb and my guy friends are lucky to get to be with me. I know it and I can tell they feel lucky. I can tell because they keep choosing to be with me, as your boyfriend keeps choosing to be with you.

 

Also, you dont have to compare or measure up to anyone. You are a unique individual who has worth beyond what your boobs look like. Its never the purely physical stuff that draws me to a particular guy. And there are guys that Im very attracted to who arent what Im supposed to like. Im sure that stuff is true about my guy friends, too.

[Newuser1094]

Thankyou glad you managed to get over the insecurites, hope I can one day I feel absolutely awful

[preraph]

Glad you're working on your anxiety and sorry it's not going better. I still kind of think the right therapist might get to the bottom of why you are so threatened by it.

 

If your man is not really reacting to it, then that's really all he can do. I mean, every show has pretty women. It is annoying on a certain level for all women, but most of us accept it as the norm unless the man is acting like a tool about it.

 

You might need to ask a therapist to work on it some more or maybe adjust the med or something, but sounds like an old self-esteem problem maybe

[thefooloftheyear]

I think I'd be more concerned if he didn't get a bit turned on by it...Its completely normal behavior for men..Now, if he was making comments about it in your presence, then that would be inappropriate and crass..

 

You need to accept that this is something you need to come to terms with in the context of a relationship...

 

TFY

[spiderowl]

Why do other women's bodies feel so threatening to you? Is it because you feel your partner might be attracted to them or because you perhaps feel your body is not good in some way? It seems you have felt very concerned about this for a long time now. I agree with others that a good therapist might help you to understand where this fear is coming from. Is it a fear he is getting turned on or is it something about sex that bothers you? I wonder because you mention feeling embarrassed. If you are avoiding the issue of sex with your partner, then I could see why him possibly being attracted to other womens' bodies would be so worrying to you. Maybe you fear losing him?

 

It does seem an exaggerated fear though I am sure you are not the only one who reacts to this. I would not blame yourself. Seeking others who feel the same as you is not going to resolve the problem for you. You need to find out honestly why it is so worrying to you.

[Miss Spider]

I think it's something you might overcome with time and maturity. I remember when I was 19 it really bothered me that my potential bf would be attracted to other women, peek stares at them when theyre with me, I even went on a message board to express my worries and some smartass said date a blind man then.

Well I realized men are gonna men and be attracted to other women. It's just biology. You can try to control it and put parental locks on your tv but it's not going to stop him from lusting. In fact, it will probably make it worse. You're going to have to put those horse blinder things on him when he goes out too. And women can be the same. I guess the acceptance came with time and realizing that I had more to offer a guy than my looks and that what makes him choose me. Then I had a phase that I thought I wouldn't care if my bf slept with other women even though I had no interest in other men. But then I got a BF and more maturity and learned I'm kind of possessive like most people. I'd still maybe be okay with some stuff...but IDK

Edited September 4, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[Simple Logic]

If the audiences enjoyed women dressed like nuns, then that is what the producers would offer.

[SammySammy]

Women don't have to be scantily clad for us to be attracted to them or turned on by them. Not that the attire of people on television is what's causing you to be insecure.

 

That comes from unrealistic and irrational expectations.

 

Expecting your partner to not be attracted to others. Unrealistic. Expecting the world to change to suit you. Irrational.

 

Maybe it's time to grow up and face the world as it is.

[knabe]

Women don't have to be scantily clad for us to be attracted to them or turned on by them. Not that the attire of people on television is what's causing you to be insecure.

 

That comes from unrealistic and irrational expectations.

 

Expecting your partner to not be attracted to others. Unrealistic. Expecting the world to change to suit you. Irrational.

 

Maybe it's time to grow up and face the world as it is.

 

Best and most practically helpful answer so far.

[normal person]

OP, did you stop finding all other men attractive when you met your boyfriend? Probably not. You can't help it. Your boyfriend can't help it either. You can't escape biological programming. It's just a natural thing you'll need to learn to deal with, because expecting him (or him expecting you) not to be turned on by other people will only cause you frustration.

 

I'm never hesitant to ask a girl I'm dating if she has a "type," or who her celebrity crush is, or even joke around and suggest that she has a little crush on another guy with a smile on my face. Why? Because I know it's incredibly irrational to think that I'm the only person on Earth who she desires. I'm far from perfect, but she has chosen to be with me over someone else. Complaining and getting all insecure about those things will only make you look worse. One time I was at a hockey game with my girlfriend and Kate Upton was sitting near us. Naturally, I looked at her (just observing, not making eye contact), and may have, like, nodded my head in approval as if to say "Yup, she's hot" to my girlfriend -- she didn't take that well at all. That was the beginning of the end. If I'm expected to deny or undermine my biological attraction to a literal supermodel, I'm not dating a reasonable, secure, person. Conversely I've dated other girls that would've said something like "Hell yeah, I love her hair" or "Wow, I want her boobs. Nice." And I wouldn't be threatened if she saw Ryan Gosselin and got all flustered. It's unreasonable to expect otherwise.

 

 

I think it's pretty healthy to be realistic. I would talk to your boyfriend about what he likes in women and tell him what you like in men. It might give you some clarity and insight. It'd probably be a lot easier than rushing to change the channel every time you see a girl in a bikini. That's a battle you're never going to win. Sex sells. You might as well just embrace it. If you think your partner might enjoy some totally harmless, momentary, sexual escapism, why shouldn't you be able to too?

[elaine567]

I think it was interesting that someone posted on here about being demi-sexual and how they are not aroused by porn or other women/men, only by the one they love and have a deep emotional connection with.

I wonder if some people who get very stressed and upset by partners watching porn or having celebrity crushes or getting turned on by strangers or by TV/film images etc. are maybe demisexual.

 

They perhaps do not really understand how the sole object of their desire can get aroused by anyone else, and if they are aroused by someone else, they are therefore betraying the relationship.

 

Society tells them they are supposed to be accepting and "adult" about it, but they are not accepting and "adult" about it at all, so they get very stressed and upset.

Just a thought.