I want to be inlove again

[suzanna]

Hello everyone pls i need help on what to do. I got married to my husband 2yrs ago, he was sooo loving and caring, but i have fallen out of Love and i dont know how to tell him i want a divorce.It all started on our wedding night, when he spent the whole night with his groomsmen and left me in the hotel room very hungry and lonely, he came in after midnight all drunk,i got so angry that i refused him sex, i cried all night cos it dawned on me that i might have made a mistake in marrying him, Secondly i have lost any sexual interest towards him,dont have feelings for him, nd i hate the way he comes unto me, no affection,he just wants to go on straight to the point and it disgust me, i tried talkin to him about it several times but he always acts like he has change and goes back to beeing himself after some days, so i have come to realise that it is who he is nd he change, he is so flat, very unromantic nd has so many bad character which i cant talk about right now, im not sayin im perfect but i feel i desrve to be love the right way. We are both not happy cos i always refuse him sex,i want both of us to be happy but i dont think our happiness lies with each other. Pls what do i do?

[Frostedflake]

I'm sorry that he did not turn out to be who you were hoping.

 

I would say don't give up on this until you introduce a third party. As in, suggest counseling for you both. Getting an impartial therapist or counselor sometimes works even for the most stubborn of relationships because they have the training to encourage actual change without making people feel less.

 

If this suggestion made your stomach drop and you thought, "I really don't want to spend any more time on this. In my heart, it's not worth it and I truly feel that." I say, start lining up your ducks. Figure out where you'll be living, your job, who you're going to need for support (fam/friends), the rates of the lawyers in your areas, etc. Aim for divorce and be sure that nothing with change your mind because it's a long process for some depending on the state and it's very, very easy to let your ex convince you he's changed again and make it painful for yourself.

 

Best of luck.

[MidlifeMama]

I am sorry you are hurting. If it's this bad, this early on, you need to seek counsel. Set up counseling for yourself and explore the reasons you married him. He showed you who he was, possibly even before marriage, but I understand all to well how a person can jump into marriage. I did the same, but my husband showed me good qualities.

I unfortunately did not listen to my gut about some key incomaptibility and now I'm in the marriage 25 years later trying to figure out my own head and whether I want to continue this.

Leaving you alone on your wedding night was a huge big red flag as you know.

That will never leave you, I don't think so anyway.

He can't fulfill your needs and so to me this is not a good match.

Please reach out to trusted family or friends and start the process of divorce before you wake up 10 more years from now. You will heal, it is going to be rough but this doesn't sound like a good man for you. Best of luck.