Toxic Family

[samspruce]

Hi.

 

I am in an awkward situation.

 

I lived at home with my dad, step mom, and half brother while I battled a people pleasing, suppressive, PTSD-like mental illness.

 

I became the family scapegoat, while they got away with a lot of ****. I could not play the gossip, manipulative game they were playing, especially in my state: I literally couldn't speak up, and hid in my room when stressed.

 

Anyhow, my step mom eventually starting having an affair when she got the most power in the house, and the problem was I was the only one who knew.

 

During this time I could not speak up about this situation (my trauma is directly related to someone cheating on me, and worse, betrayal, getting my ass kicked, etc). The stress of approaching this topic with anybody would mute me -- I LITERALLY could NOT speak.

 

Eventually I started approaching my step mom 1 on 1, telling her I did not trust her, etc. Suffice to say, she got the gist.

 

I was then removed from my house the day before my moms funeral because my step mom is a bitch, and my dad is a whipped cunt.

 

Its been almost a year since I've been home (I started to speak up, texted my step mom, etc.). She does NOT want me there because she knows I will call her out -- and shes bipolar. Also I haven't gone because it is very stressful. Until I approach her, she will have some hold on my dads mind about my situation (my dad helps me out financially sort of)

 

Also it is important to note that I have made it clear to SO many people that she had an affair.

 

I have some questions.

 

Basically:

 

Do I keep bringing this up to my brother to get respect? He does not like hearing his mom had an affair, and does not fully believe it, and thinks I was removed from the house because I WANTED to leave -- just garbage **** my step mom and dad fill his head with to save themselves.

 

Because of this I've lost respect from my brother because he thinks im full of ****.

 

My dad hates me: I am a constant reminder of my step mom having an affair. He constantly hides the fact that she probably ****ed this guy, and also suppresses his emotions and just gets angry at me.

 

My step mom has ostracized me because she knows if I make a joke about it, her face will light up like a ****ing demon, and everybody will know.

 

The game is still going on, the toxicity still circles, and I am out of the loop, somewhat. And can not play the gossip game well.

 

When in such a situation, do you play the game or can you just love people and forget about it? I dont know. Since I've made it clear to SO many people that my step mom had an affair, should i just stop saying it? I dont know.

 

Or better question, can you just raise you consciousness so you are ABOVE all this ****? Is that even possible? Or are you really your environment?

 

I've been ****ed over so hard by these people... do you just forgive and try to mend things?

 

My mind is running a mile a minute, and I'll refine things later.

 

Please advice. Or questions.

Edited September 4, 2017 by samspruce

[d0nnivain]

You don't live there any more & you think these people are toxic. Leave them be. Build a life with supportive kind people. You will be so much better off.