Stacie227 Posted September 4, 2017 Share Posted September 4, 2017 I am a 38 year old professional woman. I travel a good bit for work. I'm married and been with the same man for 16 years. I've taken pride in the fact that I usually "do the right thing" morally. However, 7 months ago I met a man that changed everything. He was engaged (she is 14 years younger than him and 10 years younger than me). We fooled around one night when traveling for work but didn't have sex. For a few months we text (sext) back and forth and were on and off. We live about 6 hours from each other so meeting up isn't easy. Then he got married. About 5 weeks later we started talking again and finally consummated the affair. We've since met up two more times and have plans to meet up next week. His wife is younger, and way thinner (she has a flat stomach, nice body). I would guess she weighs 130-135. I weigh 160 and am curvy with large breasts (she is small chested). I do not have a flat stomach. I guess I just don't understand what the hell he is doing with me when she looks the way she does! And to top it off they are newlyweds (even though they've been together 3 years). Men-what do you say about this? Before there is judgement...I know it's wrong to be with a married man and I am not proud of that. My marriage is on the rocks, mostly because my husband doesn't like the way I look because of my weight. Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted September 4, 2017 Share Posted September 4, 2017 Why is he with you? Because he can be, probably. He's not picking you over her, he's enjoying having MORE. 11 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted September 4, 2017 Share Posted September 4, 2017 The answer is pretty obvious, he's with you because you said "Yes." He has a young, beautiful new wife at home but he is clearly looking for a little extra excitement and some sex on the side. Another woman would have refused his advances and told him to go back to his wife, but you said "Sure. I'll do this with you." The more important question you should be asking is, why are you with him? What do you gain from this affair? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted September 4, 2017 Share Posted September 4, 2017 I'd suggest using your spare time to work on either your actual body issues if any (such as diet and exercise), or work on your feelings about your body via counseling. Actually maybe both. Do you, first of all. Then we address the marriage. In no way is an affair with a CMM going to help you feel better long term. I understand he is providing seeming acceptance of your body and giving you the validation that you need. That feels good, for sure. However, like all A's with newly-married CMM, it is not about you in any individual way. It's him getting more booty. When that finally becomes clear (and it will), it is going to feel so terrible it wipes out any of the fake warm fuzzies that have already accrued. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted September 4, 2017 Share Posted September 4, 2017 I'd suggest using your spare time to work on either your actual body issues if any (such as diet and exercise), or work on your feelings about your body via counseling. Actually maybe both. Do you, first of all. Then we address the marriage. In no way is an affair with a CMM going to help you feel better long term. I understand he is providing seeming acceptance of your body and giving you the validation that you need. That feels good, for sure. However, like all A's with newly-married CMM, it is not about you in any individual way. It's him getting more booty. When that finally becomes clear (and it will), it is going to feel so terrible it wipes out any of the fake warm fuzzies that have already accrued. Absolutely agree with this post, 100%! Link to post Share on other sites
imsosad Posted September 4, 2017 Share Posted September 4, 2017 My dear, you put yourself down and then ask why he is with you. That is why. Your low self esteem. Affairs are often damaging to the people involved. The stress, the lies, the anxiety, being second best... More often than not, affairs begin when one or both of the partners are in need of validation and feeling a lack of self worth. I think this MM is the least of your problems. What is going on in your marriage? Why is weight causing such a problem between you and your spouse? I suspect the problem is much deeper than a few pounds. Nothing good ever comes out of self loathing. Feeling good about yourself is the key ti making smart, healthy choices in life. Start there. Losing weight is not a priority imo. Finding your s3lf worth and love for yourself is much more important. S3lf love isn't only for slim young women. I suggest designing a plan to work on being your own best friend and number one supporter. Counselling. Support groups. Journalling. Working out (for health and mental health). Nurturing friendships. Reading. Look up body positive blogs, lots of inspiration there. Whatever works for you. Figure out your marriage. When you find yourself and set your marriage straight, you will no longer need some half assed validation from a married cheater. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted September 4, 2017 Share Posted September 4, 2017 He has targeted you because your self esteem is low. Your marriage is shot to pieces and you are needy and vulnerable. He's a predator.... he KNOWS. Get away from the mongrel, Poppy. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
deadsoul Posted September 4, 2017 Share Posted September 4, 2017 everything was said above... but asking why he is with you doesn't seem like you value yourself that much. Time to change that. On every front. Keep posting, you deserve better and more. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 5, 2017 Share Posted September 5, 2017 Nothing has been mentioned about your husband. Why are you cheating on him? Many years of marriage (do you have children too?), is it worth losing all that you know and love for some married or engaged guy who is just in it for the thrill of the chase and ego feed? He is zoning in on your insecurities and knows he can manipulate you, tell you what you want to hear and you'll do what he wants. That's not love, not even "like". It's cruel, controlling and malicious. Have you thought about your own consequences in this if your husband finds out you've had an affair? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Midwestmissy Posted September 5, 2017 Share Posted September 5, 2017 He has huge personal issues he's refused to face and you are his distraction - you make him feel how he wants to feel - without the work of authenticity and a moral compass. These things make him a lousy partner. Maybe you like the fact that you're "winning" over a younger, thinner woman? Trust me, he's no prize. Think about what he vowed in front of friends and family - without a gun to his head - and decide if that's a good man. Run. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 5, 2017 Share Posted September 5, 2017 OP, does your husband look better than your OM? Maybe he's wondering why you want him if your husband looks better. Or maybe you are having an affair with this guy because he is more handsome than your husband. As you can see the questions fly in both directions. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted September 5, 2017 Share Posted September 5, 2017 I'd suggest using your spare time to work on either your actual body issues if any (such as diet and exercise), or work on your feelings about your body via counseling. Actually maybe both. Do you, first of all. Then we address the marriage. In no way is an affair with a CMM going to help you feel better long term. I understand he is providing seeming acceptance of your body and giving you the validation that you need. That feels good, for sure. However, like all A's with newly-married CMM, it is not about you in any individual way. It's him getting more booty. When that finally becomes clear (and it will), it is going to feel so terrible it wipes out any of the fake warm fuzzies that have already accrued. If you spent the time you spend on this affair in the gym and ate healthy you to would be 30 lbs lighter and have a flat stomach. And, Your BH would be all over you. Now as to your OM and why he is banging you. Variety. Men love the thought of being able to bang every attractive woman that they see. Many do not act on such thoughts. Never the less they have them. They just take that horny-ness home and do their own wife. Your OM is having these thoughts. It is just that he is willing to act on them. You are not hotter then his BW. You are attractive though, at least enough for your OM. A woman doe not have to be a certain weight, rack size, hair, so on and so on for a man to want to bang her. The sum of a woman's total attractiveness is not her parts add up to but how they all fit together. I assume you were thinner when you married your BH. I can see how you being heavier has lowered you overall attractiveness. Banging an AP will never improve your looks or make your marriage better. Though when you stop banging your OM and confess to your BH then you will at least have improved your morals if not your looks. Stop Confess Hit the gym Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted September 5, 2017 Share Posted September 5, 2017 She does not value herself as I guess her husband is not finding her attractive enough to have sex with her or connect emotionally to her, due to her extra weight. Her whole value to him, has been reduced, due to a few extra pounds and that is gutting for her. The marriage is thus "on the rocks". Along comes Mr Romeo who engages with her and who loves the sex and suddenly she is validated and on cloud nine, albeit with a few nagging doubts. OP It is unsustainable, unless you are one of the very few women who can use the MM as a FWB and not ever get emotionally involved. Otherwise you are signing yourself up to a whole load of hurt, whatever the outcome. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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