merrmeade Posted September 7, 2017 Share Posted September 7, 2017 Someone posted a link on another thread to a podcast on limerence. I just listened to it and realized so many things about my own experience, but especially about the many stages that people or their spouses are in when they come to LS. This is a podcast by affair expert Dr. Joe Beam. He says there are three stages to limerence or "falling in love." He says that people in the 2nd stage of limerence can't be objective until they enter the inevitable third and final 'ending' stage of limerence when they will start pulling away from the object of limerence. Anyone who tries to pull them apart in stage 2 will be vilified, but in stage 3, with the right help and approach, they can be reasoned with. It made me think that maybe there's more hope for the shaky reconciliations that so many people enter into, including mine. Maybe it's all a matter of timing, and maybe your husband is at that turning point. I would recommend you listen to it. http://www.marriagehelper.com/stages-limerence-podcast Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted September 7, 2017 Share Posted September 7, 2017 I've never quite grasped what the word limerance signifies. Can anyone put it into a few simple words which express exactly what it means or implies? I would be very grateful. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
merrmeade Posted September 7, 2017 Share Posted September 7, 2017 I've never quite grasped what the word limerance signifies. Can anyone put it into a few simple words which express exactly what it means or implies? I would be very grateful. Thanks. It was popularized about 35 years ago in a book by Dorothy Tennov. Limerence is infatuation, obsession, idealization, romanticizing and all the physical extremes that go with it. Calling it limerence emphasizes the biochemical roller coaster that is launched when someone falls in "limerence" with another person. Responding to cues from the hypothalamus, the pituitary gland releases norepinephrine, dopamine, phenylethylamine (a natural amphetamine), estrogen and testosterone. That's in the beginning. Two years in, vasopressin and oxytocin, the "attachment" hormones, kick in for what that's worth. For some people, that initial high with limerence is addictive and they cycle in and out of relationships every 3 to 5 years. I think 'falling in love' pretty much takes it all in. Here's the list of "core characteristics" from the same article: • Idealization of the other person’s characteristics (positive and negative) • Uncontrollable and intrusive thoughts about the other person • Extreme shyness,stuttering, nervousness and confusion around the other person • Fear of rejection and despair or thoughts of suicide if rejection occurs • A sense of euphoria in response to real or perceived signs ofreciprocation • Fantasizing about or searching obsessively for signs of reciprocation (“reading into things”) • Being reminded of the person in everything around you • Replaying in your mind every encounter with the other person in great detail • Maintaining romantic intensity through adversity • Endlessly analyzing every word and gesture to determine their possible meaning • Arranging your schedule to maximize possible encounters with the other person • Experiencing physical symptoms such as trembling, flushing, weakness or heart palpitations around the other person Link to post Share on other sites
bealigerent Posted September 8, 2017 Share Posted September 8, 2017 It seems this man has no respect for you or your children, whatsoever, and you owe it to yourself and them to refuse to accept this behavior. Your life is the lesson your children learn. Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted September 9, 2017 Share Posted September 9, 2017 Hi Merrmeade, thank you very much for your explanation of Limerance. Much appreciated. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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