Trying to understand why I was not enough

[batjokes92]

I'm very frustrated and depressed about my current situation. I have been trying to make a relationship work with a longtime online friend of mine. One night I got the courage to confess that I had feelings for him and he told me that he sensed some chemistry so we agreed to chat on skype everyday for 6 months to see if we could make things work. As I got to know him I begun to realize that he didn't really love me (although he claimed to) and he had A LOT of problems.. (alarming like, psychotic ones, I've written about him before so I wont go into it all I can say is that he was very controlling,narcissistic, loved to start drama and there were red flags of abuse, he'd constantly ask me for nude photos as well but i never sent them) he was still in love with his exgf who broke up with him years ago and he tells me that she hates me and he sent me screenshots of her calling me stupid and desperate. (I acknowledge that I may be desperate but I am NOT stupid, also this 40 year old woman has never met me or spoken to me before and just a note that their relationship was long distance too. And there was no romantic interest on my part until they split.) I saw in the screenshots that he told her that there was nothing romantic between us and that she didn't have to worry. Which was a lie. He told me that we had a romance going but I guess he didn't want her to know that. Later on he told me that his "love" for me was like a love for a sister or a daughter.. not quite at the level that he claimed to love his ex. This just made me feel pathetic since I loved him like a boyfriend.. Also, he said I didn't compare to his ex because I have "left no impact on his life" because I was not able to "save" him or "fix" him. His behavior toward me and the way he treated me was all the proof I needed to finally realize he wasn't as interested as he pretended to be so I blocked him on all social media. It was a very hard decision for me to make but I know it is for the best.

 

I have kept him blocked now for 3 weeks but i can see his exgf is still lurking on my blog even though i blocked her lol. I don't know what they are saying behind my back but I bet they are making fun of me and my feelings. And the night after I had blocked him on all social media I left his cell number unblocked just to see if he'd text me or call but he never did, shows to me he didn't really care. It's so confusing to me because he said that he cared for me deeply and wanted to protect me and be my "mentor", but he would mostly just disrespect me and degrade me when I would let my needs be known.

 

I've been through many experiences that mirror this one, I've maybe dated 5 men in total all different ages and most of them just want me for sex then once they get what they want they either run for the hills and pretend I don't exist or just keep me around for sex. It has really devastated my self esteem. I've never had a "real" romantic relationship I've only dated. I find it hard to face people, men especially, due to all the bad experience I've had in dating. I feel unworthy of any attention but when I do get it I assume they are just out to hurt me. I'm worried I will forever remain stuck with this cycle of users and I will never find someone who wants to have a real romantic relationship with me.

Edited September 4, 2017 by batjokes92

[bummer]

Terrible advice #1: Relax. If they are really being sneaky petes' behind your back, you don't need them and you got to let it go. If they aren't, then it's no big deal. Either way paranoia is bad for you.

 

Terrible advice #2: Work on that self-esteem. So easily said right? What do you like to do offline? Do you have a great (not good) core of friends to call upon? Start there, if you don't have friends who pump you up and make you feel awesome, you're doomed to attract men who wish to "mentor" or belittle you rather than engage you as a strong, independent equal. All that said, it starts with you. Make you a better, stronger, more resilient person. Do healthy things that make you feel good. Find others who enjoy just being your friend. Repeat. Remember, strength and resilience comes in many forms so adapt the logic to your personality. Just figure out based on your past bad experiences what the red flags were, and where the line should have been drawn. Make mental notes of those who used you so you can set good boundaries for future interactions.

 

Good advice #1: He's a codependent narcissist. Ain't nobody got time for that. Keep him NC like you are and be strong. You can do it!

[SixxChick]

Good advice #1: He's a codependent narcissist. Ain't nobody got time for that. Keep him NC like you are and be strong. You can do it!

 

All of the above.

[Hbroken]

You are enough!

 

The day you start understanding that you don't need an external person to make you feel like you are enough, you will start building the fulfilling life that you deserve.

 

Get to the point where you have enough self esteem and worthiness to understand that no matter what your frailties and flaws, you are enough to deserve to receive wholehearted love for who you are.

 

This guy is a symptom..not the problem,.

The problem is your self esteem,.

Work on this and the symptoms will disappear.

If you don't work on this, another symptoms will appear even if this one disappears

 

wish you all the best

 

I'm very frustrated and depressed about my current situation. I have been trying to make a relationship work with a longtime online friend of mine. One night I got the courage to confess that I had feelings for him and he told me that he sensed some chemistry so we agreed to chat on skype everyday for 6 months to see if we could make things work. As I got to know him I begun to realize that he didn't really love me (although he claimed to) and he had A LOT of problems.. (alarming like, psychotic ones, I've written about him before so I wont go into it all I can say is that he was very controlling,narcissistic, loved to start drama and there were red flags of abuse, he'd constantly ask me for nude photos as well but i never sent them) he was still in love with his exgf who broke up with him years ago and he tells me that she hates me and he sent me screenshots of her calling me stupid and desperate. (I acknowledge that I may be desperate but I am NOT stupid, also this 40 year old woman has never met me or spoken to me before and just a note that their relationship was long distance too. And there was no romantic interest on my part until they split.) I saw in the screenshots that he told her that there was nothing romantic between us and that she didn't have to worry. Which was a lie. He told me that we had a romance going but I guess he didn't want her to know that. Later on he told me that his "love" for me was like a love for a sister or a daughter.. not quite at the level that he claimed to love his ex. This just made me feel pathetic since I loved him like a boyfriend.. Also, he said I didn't compare to his ex because I have "left no impact on his life" because I was not able to "save" him or "fix" him. His behavior toward me and the way he treated me was all the proof I needed to finally realize he wasn't as interested as he pretended to be so I blocked him on all social media. It was a very hard decision for me to make but I know it is for the best.

 

I have kept him blocked now for 3 weeks but i can see his exgf is still lurking on my blog even though i blocked her lol. I don't know what they are saying behind my back but I bet they are making fun of me and my feelings. And the night after I had blocked him on all social media I left his cell number unblocked just to see if he'd text me or call but he never did, shows to me he didn't really care. It's so confusing to me because he said that he cared for me deeply and wanted to protect me and be my "mentor", but he would mostly just disrespect me and degrade me when I would let my needs be known.

 

I've been through many experiences that mirror this one, I've maybe dated 5 men in total all different ages and most of them just want me for sex then once they get what they want they either run for the hills and pretend I don't exist or just keep me around for sex. It has really devastated my self esteem. I've never had a "real" romantic relationship I've only dated. I find it hard to face people, men especially, due to all the bad experience I've had in dating. I feel unworthy of any attention but when I do get it I assume they are just out to hurt me. I'm worried I will forever remain stuck with this cycle of users and I will never find someone who wants to have a real romantic relationship with me.

[batjokes92]

So it's been almost 2 months now and I'm still struggling to get past this. I got a new job working with lots of nice people which is good but I can't seem to get my mind off of this situation. Last night I re read our final messages to each other and I cried. On one hand he says he loves me an will always be there to care for me but a few nights before he'd insult me with words like “maybe you really are only good for one night stands and a bj” all because I told him I was not in the mood to role play with him. I keep obsessing over this rejection and it’s killing me. I’ve never had such a strong bond with someone yet he says that he doesn't feel the same way. I cannot fathom why. On the last day he said “From day one I was approaching you with intentions only a mentor could have. Since always I was seeing you as someone to take care of. And this role, quite like big brother or father is way stronger than the role of a partner.” I blocked him on all social media and yet, I leave my cell number unblocked for him but he doesn't call or text. How strong of a bond can he really feel then?

 

And then I said to him "what about that time when we first met you told me you were beginning to have a crush on me?" he replies with “sometimes I felt like you were my sister, sometimes my daughter. I was fascinated and developed a crush but that was a battle of emotions. I couldn't ignore your feminine aspects.” But really, he is only 4 years older than me. He may be coming from a good place when he says this to me but all I see when i read this is I’m not woman enough to be considered his equal and it ****s up my self esteem.

 

What hurts the most is that he’s in love with a woman who calls me stupid without even knowing me. By proxy he must agree with her. I’m sure they talk about me behind my back. I’m sure they do. I’m sure I’m a big joke to them.

 

He was always confusing me. Telling me he loves me and is attracted to me and wants a future with me then turning around a few days later with “I love you as a daughter/sister” It makes me angry and drives me crazy. I want to be an equal not a subordinate.

 

Something else that makes me mad is when i told him I loved him he'd say "don't use such words without thinking twice it can be dangerous" yet HE would tell me he loved me all the time before he admitted to me he only liked me as a sister or daughter, so i feel that he is an enormous hypocrite.

 

I blocked him because his half hardheartedness was driving me insane and preventing me from moving on with life. (also because my dad and my brother told me to) Now that I have a job I want him back. I am tempted to unlock him. Him and his ex have been checking my blog quite a bit last month (even though they are blocked) so I know that I am still on their minds. What should I do? any advice or someone to talk to would be really helpful right now.

[bummer]

On one hand he says he loves me an will always be there to care for me but a few nights before he'd insult me with words like “maybe you really are only good for one night stands and a bj” all because I told him I was not in the mood to role play with him.

 

... I leave my cell number unblocked for him but he doesn't call or text. How strong of a bond can he really feel then?

 

First off, congrats on the job! Also, your dad and brother sound wise.

 

 

Words are words. Actions are actions. What actions has he shown you beyond brotherly kindness? Any positive actions when he wasn't getting something in return? Does he act like a child when he doesn't get his way with other things? Does he pretend to be wise and "older" when he's just a tool-stick?

 

he replies with “sometimes I felt like you were my sister, sometimes my daughter. I was fascinated and developed a crush but that was a battle of emotions. I couldn't ignore your feminine aspects.”

 

Manipulators manipulate. It's their power move. He did just enough to get what he wanted from you, and now he's moved on.

 

I’m sure they talk about me behind my back. I’m sure they do. I’m sure I’m a big joke to them.

 

Who cares? Not you. That's who. It doesnt matter what they think. Do you think you are mature and an adult? Prove it to yourself and let those who actually love you tell you you are awesome. Forget this boner.

 

 

I want to be an equal not a subordinate.

 

Prove it. Are you an equal to your own self-worth? Step back and look at this from the outside. He doesn't love you. He uses words to confuse you. But you are letting yourself get confused. Look back and realize it was all lies and push-pull manipulation. He got what he wanted and left. See him for exactly what he was. Not what you wish he was or thought he was.

 

Now that I have a job I want him back. I am tempted to unlock him. Him and his ex have been checking my blog quite a bit last month (even though they are blocked) so I know that I am still on their minds. What should I do? any advice or someone to talk to would be really helpful right now.

 

NOPE. Nope nope nope!! You want someone to acknowledge you and make you feel wanted. Find it with someone other than him, but know it's best coming from yourself. Honestly, either stop writing your blog or stop using it as a way to check if he's paying attention. You are not following NC rules well and you'll stay in this loop of loathing until you actually stop paying attention to him.

 

If you did talk to him again, what would give you closure? If he admitted he was playing you all along? If he admitted he never loved you?

 

Pretend I'm this jerk-off ex of yours: "Hey, yeah, I used you because I knew you were vulnerable and I have low self-esteem too. Using you made me feel better about myself. I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm sorry I was immature and not honest about my intentions."

 

stop checking in on him. good luck with your job!

[batjokes92]

First off, congrats on the job! Also, your dad and brother sound wise.

 

 

Words are words. Actions are actions. What actions has he shown you beyond brotherly kindness? Any positive actions when he wasn't getting something in return? Does he act like a child when he doesn't get his way with other things? Does he pretend to be wise and "older" when he's just a tool-stick?

 

 

 

Manipulators manipulate. It's their power move. He did just enough to get what he wanted from you, and now he's moved on.

 

 

 

Who cares? Not you. That's who. It doesnt matter what they think. Do you think you are mature and an adult? Prove it to yourself and let those who actually love you tell you you are awesome. Forget this boner.

 

 

 

 

Prove it. Are you an equal to your own self-worth? Step back and look at this from the outside. He doesn't love you. He uses words to confuse you. But you are letting yourself get confused. Look back and realize it was all lies and push-pull manipulation. He got what he wanted and left. See him for exactly what he was. Not what you wish he was or thought he was.

 

 

I've stopped checking his blog but I still can't seem to move on. I think about him all day, even while working. He really was the closest thing I've had to real love in my life. He wasn't a jerk ALL of the time. There were good times too. He'd often tell me he loved me, that he thought I was beautiful, said he loved all of my flaws and he'd often say that he loved what I "represent". I never fully understood what he ment by that.. he did send me 100$ to help pay my rent one month (though he did say that he wanted nudes from me afterward, he didn't demand it he just said it), he initiated most of the conversations we had too. He did make me feel wanted and cared for in some way.. more than any man has before (which is sad i suppose?). It's hard to forget such nice things when I have never had better. I've never had a boyfriend, only dated a few guys in my life they all lead to nowhere, usually them leaving me by the 3rd date.

 

He never left me. I left him. I blocked him after his "I love you but I'm not IN love with you" speech. He said "I can't say you have really changed me. You have meaning in my life, certain and important role, but there was no impact. It doesn't mean that you are worse or not enough. I realize that I am more experienced, that I am older." Maybe I over reacted but I felt that being friend zoned after months upon months of non stop romantic talk every day was humiliating. I knew I needed to get away from him for awhile. I look back now because I'm so afraid that I won't find better in my future.

 

For now I keep analyzing what he ment by "there was no impact" what does this mean? How can I make an impact on a man so he might fall in real love with me? Is there some knowledge I'm missing? Honestly I'm feeling like love is this huge terrifying and complicated puzzle I can never solve yet others figure it out with such little stress and effort.

Edited October 17, 2017 by batjokes92

[CeciliaCylara]

I've stopped checking his blog but I still can't seem to move on. I think about him all day, even while working. He really was the closest thing I've had to real love in my life. He wasn't a jerk ALL of the time. There were good times too. He'd often tell me he loved me, that he thought I was beautiful, said he loved all of my flaws and he'd often say that he loved what I "represent". I never fully understood what he ment by that.. he did send me 100$ to help pay my rent one month (though he did say that he wanted nudes from me afterward, he didn't demand it he just said it), he initiated most of the conversations we had too. He did make me feel wanted and cared for in some way.. more than any man has before (which is sad i suppose?). It's hard to forget such nice things when I have never had better. I've never had a boyfriend, only dated a few guys in my life they all lead to nowhere, usually them leaving me by the 3rd date.

 

He never left me. I left him. I blocked him after his "I love you but I'm not IN love with you" speech. He said "I can't say you have really changed me. You have meaning in my life, certain and important role, but there was no impact. It doesn't mean that you are worse or not enough. I realize that I am more experienced, that I am older." Maybe I over reacted but I felt that being friend zoned after months upon months of non stop romantic talk every day was humiliating. I knew I needed to get away from him for awhile. I look back now because I'm so afraid that I won't find better in my future.

 

For now I keep analyzing what he ment by "there was no impact" what does this mean? How can I make an impact on a man so he might fall in real love with me? Is there some knowledge I'm missing? Honestly I'm feeling like love is this huge terrifying and complicated puzzle I can never solve yet others figure it out with such little stress and effort.

 

I can understand where you're coming from. I'm six weeks NC with my ex and he also displayed the avoidant attachment personality (we were also long distance). He was my first experience in feeling REAL love too. We had our good times: 1. Whenever I'm down, he'd go out of his way to hug his laptop monitor while we're video chatting and while he looked ridiculous doing it, I fell for him for going out of his way to do so despite that. 2. He was strained on cash, so I told him he could come visit in the winter time instead of summer like we originally planned, however, he wanted to see me in the summer so he pulled overtime at work to do that. He definitely didn't HAVE to do that for us, but he did on his own. We had lots of good times that felt like we really were in love, but in spite of them, he still displayed red flags throughout our relationship.

 

When he got deep into his depression, he also gave me the line of "I love you, but I don't feel ready for a relationship". At some point in our relationship (after two years), he just lost the ability to recall why he loved me, even though he's told me why before and even thought about marriage with me. I believe I also represented stability for him, I am definitely the "one you marry" type of girl, however, he left me and chose to get into a relationship with a new girl who has bipolar. He has a history of picking women he felt he had to "take care of" (codependency). He's getting his thrill of a new relationship that's all just fun with no serious chance after walking away from a chance with me, who would have given him genuine love and stability, something he's lacked for a long time. I eventually cut contact from him, as I was sick of being in limbo and getting months of empty "I love you"s without any action to back them up.

 

That's what your ex means when you left no "impact". No matter how much we showed we love them, their own personal issues will always get in the way unless they fix themselves, by their OWN power. It's been a hard road, but I've accepted to let go of the past, even if I had fond memories from my ex. Believe me, you don't want that past. That past contains someone who will still have his issues and will just break your heart again. You cannot fix him. You cannot make him love you. You cannot change him. You can only change yourself. YOU are in control of yourself. You have to mature for both of your sakes. I held onto hope that my ex will see the light soon and come back, but holding on has held me back in healing. Your healing begins when you finally decide to let go. Let go of him. If you REALLY want the possibility of a second chance, you have to LET GO. He is incapable of loving you as is. He will not give you what you need. He is still emotionally immature, no matter how old he is (my ex is 32, still immature!) . That's the harsh reality of it.

 

On the other side, reality is still bright for you. You CAN find better. You may have some underlying issues like I did that made you think you could settle for this type of man. Codependency in my case. We're putting someone else's happiness before ours and it's just not healthy. That's not what healthy people do. Accept that you need help and may need to go to counseling like I did when I was about to reach rock bottom. It's scary to look inside ourselves, but facing danger and overcoming it will make you stronger and you will be able to see life with clear eyes once the gunk in ourselves have been cleaned. You need to fix yourself before getting into a new relationship, or else your risk repeating your toxic pattern. Once you do, and he does come around, you will have the emotional maturity to stare at this chance and be able to decide, with newfound confidence and strength, if the chance is worth it. You will be able to see if he really has changed for the better, because you would have seen it for yourself.

 

Good luck to you, feel free to PM me if you want to talk further.

[batjokes92]

I had a weak moment on Monday and I unblocked him on my skype and whatsapp. The conversation went something like this:

 

Me:Hello

Him: Hello.

Me: I'm sorry I blocked you. I thought it was the best decision I could make for myself at the time. I'm sorry it's been so long. I'm not sure if you care anymore but I am doing well now so I thought it was time to add you back.

Him: For what? You can block me back.

Me: I don't want to. I've missed you. I'm sorry.

Him: Then whatever.

Me: Do you want me to leave? Please just talk to me.

Him: We have nothing to talk about. Go have your life. **** boys you deserve. Post more half naked photos.

Me: I won't block you I will delete you.

Him: Then do whatever. I give no ****. Especially about you anymore.

Me: Why? Because I blocked you? You've blocked me before. You've gone months without a word to me before. Why are you mad?

Him: Because you left without a word. Because you even mocked me on your damn tumblr. Because you let the whole world see you half naked when I was only allowed to see your bare shoulder. **** you. You are a teasing little slut. Goodbye. Go post more photos of your body slut I am blocking you.

 

The conversation went on for another 20 minutes before he blocked me. He said much more. Called me attention whore, slut, hypocrite and manipulative.. said the love was all gone and he only has disgust for me now. And the fact that I blocked him was not his biggest problem. It was the fact that I never sent him any naked photos. The image he is referring to that was on my tumblr wasn't even naked anyway. So, at least now I know there is no going back to him. I've deleted all of his contact info. I regret unblocking him. I'm feeling like an idiot.

Edited October 28, 2017 by batjokes92

[basil67]

I'd say that you feeling like an idiot is a good thing. And you're far from the only person who's ever done something silly like this - I know I have. With luck, this exchange with him will have the effect of you being figuratively hit upside the head and realising that he was never worth your time, effort, love or care.

[BaileyB]

There is no going back with him, ever. And that is a good thing.

 

His behavior toward you is disrespectful and abusive. Darling, you should have ended that conversation after the first two minutes. Because that, is what it means to have self respect - you refuse to allow another person to hurt you.

 

You are getting there. If you can, go to a women's health centre and get some counselling. Break this pattern of letting abusive men who do not have your best interest at heart into your life. Good luck.

[batjokes92]

There is no going back with him, ever. And that is a good thing.

 

His behavior toward you is disrespectful and abusive. Darling, you should have ended that conversation after the first two minutes. Because that, is what it means to have self respect - you refuse to allow another person to hurt you.

 

You are getting there. If you can, go to a women's health centre and get some counselling. Break this pattern of letting abusive men who do not have your best interest at heart into your life. Good luck.

 

One month after he said those things to me he came back to my blog through some unblocked account and sent me these "anonymous" messages...

 

"For calling you a slut. I regret that and I feel guilty. I am sorry"

 

"I’ve been thinking about what have I done. I just want you to know that I don’t want you to be sad, to suffer and I feel terrible that I hurt you. I reacted on impulse, I was bitter and disappointed but I never had any bad intentions. I truly regret my actions. And I hope that someday you will forgive me. I forgave you"

 

"I won’t bother you anymore. Just let me know that you forgive me. In any way. Please. I still care for you and I wish you were happy"

 

I knew for sure this was him because I noticed he unblocked me on his whatsapp right after these messages were sent..

 

This was almost 2 weeks ago now. I haven't replied because I am not ready to forgive him. What he said really hurt me and he has said plenty more hurtful things to me before so I'm not sure if his apology is genuine. A part of me wants to accept the apology and unblock him (yes I still have him blocked on everything), but when I take a look at his blog I notice that he has many new online friends who are "young girls" and he's just posting about how much he loves them and how they are able to cheer him up when he's down... this is quite off putting because I can tell that at least one of these girls is harboring a major crush on him. For me, seeing this makes me want to stay away..

 

I just want to get over my feelings for him but this feels impossible. I am still lonely and in need of a partner..

Edited December 7, 2017 by batjokes92

[Steve51]

Online relationships are not real. When will you kids realize that there are hormonal events that take place with physical contact that emotionally bond a couple together. You get none of that online. Almost all LDR fail. You need to ask yourself why is it that you cannot find someone local that you can have a relationship with like 99.9% of the couples do? There is a whole psychology that goes into the type of people who seek out online relationships. They are totally different than real physical relationships and yet people expect them to be the same. Just cuddling with someone will produce Oxytocin which emotionally bonds a couple. It is the same hormone that bonds a mother to her child. It is that strong and what is missing from online relationships.

 

Scents and Pheromones also contribute to attraction and bonding. Those too are missing in an online relationship. Then there is the most important part, sex. Sex usually turns into love. No sex in online relationships and the willingness to forgo that is also a whole other psychological path to explore.

 

Online it is easy. You can take your time and decide what to write. You present yourself as you wish to be viewed as which is usually not the real you. It is the imagined you. The girl cannot smell or see in in 3D. She cannot get a sense of who you really are in various situations. Do you fart every few minutes, burp, have smelly armpits, etc.. How do you behave when on a date, handle a disagreements, are quick witted or need time to think about what to say, etc.. I do not even consider online relationships as close to a real relationship. They are mostly doomed to failure and lack almost all of the elements of a real relationship.

 

So don't be surprised at what happens because you are two people who cannot handle a real life physical relationship for whatever reasons are in your minds and that is bound to lead to trouble. My advice is to find a girl you can date every weekend, kiss, hold and see how you both act when in all the situations you will find yourself in real life. You are merely pen pals and that is a very poor form of communication as it lacks facial expressions, nuances, context, etc.. It is easy to misinterpret things unless you can have a back and forth verbal conversation unless you are both there and can read each other's body language.

 

You are asking about a relationship that is not really a romantic relationship. Romance is not texting or chatting online. That is not real. For all you know the girl on the other end can be a guy as happened to me once. You are dealing with someone like you who for whatever reason cannot have a real physical relationship and is OK without physical contact. That is not healthy to begin with so expect trouble.

[batjokes92]

Online relationships are not real. When will you kids realize that there are hormonal events that take place with physical contact that emotionally bond a couple together. You get none of that online. Almost all LDR fail. You need to ask yourself why is it that you cannot find someone local that you can have a relationship with like 99.9% of the couples do? There is a whole psychology that goes into the type of people who seek out online relationships. They are totally different than real physical relationships and yet people expect them to be the same. Just cuddling with someone will produce Oxytocin which emotionally bonds a couple. It is the same hormone that bonds a mother to her child. It is that strong and what is missing from online relationships.

 

Scents and Pheromones also contribute to attraction and bonding. Those too are missing in an online relationship. Then there is the most important part, sex. Sex usually turns into love. No sex in online relationships and the willingness to forgo that is also a whole other psychological path to explore.

 

Online it is easy. You can take your time and decide what to write. You present yourself as you wish to be viewed as which is usually not the real you. It is the imagined you. The girl cannot smell or see in in 3D. She cannot get a sense of who you really are in various situations. Do you fart every few minutes, burp, have smelly armpits, etc.. How do you behave when on a date, handle a disagreements, are quick witted or need time to think about what to say, etc.. I do not even consider online relationships as close to a real relationship. They are mostly doomed to failure and lack almost all of the elements of a real relationship.

 

So don't be surprised at what happens because you are two people who cannot handle a real life physical relationship for whatever reasons are in your minds and that is bound to lead to trouble. My advice is to find a girl you can date every weekend, kiss, hold and see how you both act when in all the situations you will find yourself in real life. You are merely pen pals and that is a very poor form of communication as it lacks facial expressions, nuances, context, etc.. It is easy to misinterpret things unless you can have a back and forth verbal conversation unless you are both there and can read each other's body language.

 

You are asking about a relationship that is not really a romantic relationship. Romance is not texting or chatting online. That is not real. For all you know the girl on the other end can be a guy as happened to me once. You are dealing with someone like you who for whatever reason cannot have a real physical relationship and is OK without physical contact. That is not healthy to begin with so expect trouble.

 

I see your point but I guess you didn't really read my story. I'm not male, I'm female, and I have been on real dates before, just been on one recently actually but it was only one date and the guy never called me back. So I'm trying irl just having no luck.

[wingzero]

I'm probably the worst person to give advice. Coming from a person that was in the shoes of the "jerk". He's not worth it. His "I love you" and "I care for you" and "I'm sorry" are all empty. He doesn't love you and, excuse my bluntness, you don't really "love" him either. Like you said, you're lonely and need a partner. You'll feel even lonlier when you're in a relationship where he doesn't reciprocate your feelings. In fact, it seems like he'd had no trouble backstabbing you or going 180 on you. I was him years ago(although I wasn't psychotic or narcissitic). People like us don't deserve people like you, at least not until we get our act together.

 

Work on yourself! Do some soul searching! The more you improve yourself, those you reach the goals you set, the more you realise that people like him are not worth it!

 

P.S. Don't go for people who need fixing. Only we can fix ourselves. We are our own responsibility! You're not his saving grace, if he wanted to be saved so bad, he should have gotten help.

[HiCrunchy]

Wow op he is such an *******.

How can u allow him to treat and speak it u that way.

He doesn’t respect you and doesn’t deserve your time.

 

You can find someone so much better, I promise you