I am not attracted to most men. What is wrong with me?

[Daisy2013]

Maybe nothing is wrong with you, you just need to know the man first. Nothing wrong with that. I look at some and think "he's handsome" or whatever, but no sexual attraction per se. I have to get to know someone, than sexual attraction develops. And when it does, it is amazing.

[Mysterio]

With the exception of some of the Women I work with. I find most women attractive from age 24 ish to 70. I am 46. So for me. I doubt that I will be with a woman and not have any physical attraction to them some how.

 

I have female friends. All of them are lookers. One of them is 66 and I have to lay mental tricks just to go out with her, when we have an outing.

 

I see myself as being in the Boyishly/handsome/cute range. Thats just my view on myself. So if your not into that. Ok thats fine.

 

I think that Women are over promoted beauty wise than Men. So thats why I think that women are actually less attracted to men than vice versa.

[HiCrunchy]

Maybe nothing is wrong with you, you just need to know the man first. Nothing wrong with that. I look at some and think "he's handsome" or whatever, but no sexual attraction per se. I have to get to know someone, than sexual attraction develops. And when it does, it is amazing.

 

Like I mentioned in the post above. I was instantly attracted to my ex. There wasn't a lag time or anything to be attracted to him physically at least, so I do not believe that is my issue.

[HiCrunchy]

 

I think that Women are over promoted beauty wise than Men. So thats why I think that women are actually less attracted to men than vice versa.

 

So what do you mean that women are promoted more beauty wise? Do you mean that women are expected to be more beautiful, so put more effort into their appearance and hence why there are more beautiful women vs men. As for men, there are many people who do not believe men should take care of their appearance and hence less attractive men?

 

I've never thought about it that way, but its a possibility.

 

But that is more of a societal thing than my own personal problems in dating.

[Mysterio]

What I mean by Promoted beauty is that all the music video's, TV/Internet/Print Ads have women's beauty highlighted.

 

I see more Women's beauty in mens faces than vice versa.

[hippychick3]

There is nothing abnormal about you. Most women are not attracted to most men. After my divorce, I went on about 60 dates before I met my bf. I was attracted to maybe 3 of them. That's a very small percentage. Before I met my ex at 18, I was maybe attracted to 2 (?) guys before that. I'm just picky and selective. If my bf broke up with me today, it would take me a long time to feel attraction to someone else.

 

OP, you're still not completely over your ex and you were so young (still are) before you dated him. Being selective is a positive trait. You'll eventually move on and find someone else.

[kazen]

You're normal. Evolution dictates women are meant to be selective, so you're never meant to be attracted to most men. On the other hand, men are design to be attracted to lots of women so they can spread their seeds.

[Mysterio]

So Kazan. Your basically saying that its easier for men to be friends with women, than vice versa, right?

 

I feel that way as well. All my female friends are attractive women. I just have to live with it. A couple of them could have their way with me. If they wanted to.

[HiCrunchy]

So Kazan. Your basically saying that its easier for men to be friends with women, than vice versa, right?

 

I feel that way as well. All my female friends are attractive women. I just have to live with it. A couple of them could have their way with me. If they wanted to.

 

Many of my male (and surprisingly female) friends have accused me of friendzoning them. But I think that is because I categorize people into "friends" and "partner" categories pretty easily. I have never had friend feelings grow into partner feelings if you get what I mean.

 

Tho there was that one time, but I nipped it before it happened because that would have been a terrible thing really and I don't wanna lose friends over this kind of thing.

[CptInsano]

You're normal. Evolution dictates women are meant to be selective, so you're never meant to be attracted to most men. On the other hand, men are design to be attracted to lots of women so they can spread their seeds.

 

Agreed. It just helps you as a guy if you become selective as well. Allows you to stay out of all kinds of trouble and lets you focus on what you truly want to accomplish.

[HiCrunchy]

Agreed. It just helps you as a guy if you become selective as well. Allows you to stay out of all kinds of trouble and lets you focus on what you truly want to accomplish.

 

A person can't be less selective unless they ignore tihings they deem really important in their partner. It essentially against against how they actually feel for just for the sake of being in a relationship with someone

[CptInsano]

A person can't be less selective unless they ignore tihings they deem really important in their partner. It essentially against against how they actually feel for just for the sake of being in a relationship with someone

 

Yes, I've seen exactly that behavior. Not as a single compromise, but as a slow series of lowering their standards, because that person was in their lives, anyhow. Right up to that divorce from a person they weren't compatible with from the start.

[Mysterio]

Physically. I find most women attractive. Pesonality and status wise. Thats my problem right now. Its meeting a woman that finds me attractive physically/personality wise. We are both single. Thats the tough part.

[K.K.]

See, I'm weird about this. On one hand, I tend to live up in my own mind a lot. I talk to guys and the first thing I think, for some reason, is what it would be like to kiss them. I wonder how they are in bed. I love love love men. The whole maleness of them. The body hair, the strength, their arms, just whatever it is that makes them manly I absolutely adore.

 

But damned if that isn't as far as it goes.

 

I can never seem to make a mental connection with them and when I do, I pick the wrong ones. One was married. One was abusive. The others drove me crazy with how ate up with them I was.

 

I haven't had sex in forever because I just can't get attracted enough to do it! ! And frankly, it's driving me out of my mind.

 

I wish I could find somebody that would check all of my boxes. Some sarcastic little sexy thing with an awesome sense of humor. I did but he was married and gone now. I didn't even have sex with him. I was scared. It's all I think about now. .. having sex with him. Ugh.

 

I have no idea what thread I have replied on. Completely lost my train of thought. Ugh

Edited September 14, 2017 by K.K.
grammar nazi

[HiCrunchy]

Yes, I've seen exactly that behavior. Not as a single compromise, but as a slow series of lowering their standards, because that person was in their lives, anyhow. Right up to that divorce from a person they weren't compatible with from the start.

 

In that sense being less selective is not the solution then.

[HiCrunchy]

See, I'm weird about this. On one hand, I tend to live up in my own mind a lot. I talk to guys and the first thing I think, for some reason, is what it would be like to kiss them. I wonder how they are in bed. I love love love men. The whole maleness of them. The body hair, the strength, their arms, just whatever it is that makes them manly I absolutely adore.

 

But damned if that isn't as far as it goes.

 

I can never seem to make a mental connection with them and when I do, I pick the wrong ones. One was married. One was abusive. The others drove me crazy with how ate up with them I was.

 

I haven't had sex in forever because I just can't get attracted enough to do it! ! And frankly, it's driving me out of my mind.

 

I wish I could find somebody that would check all of my boxes. Some sarcastic little sexy thing with an awesome sense of humor. I did but he was married and gone now. I didn't even have sex with him. I was scared. It's all I think about now. .. having sex with him. Ugh.

 

I have no idea what thread I have replied on. Completely lost my train of thought. Ugh

 

You replied on my thread. I asked a question regarding my attraction level to men and that the reason I never really dated before my first love was because I wasn't physically attracted most of the men I came in contact with. I liked my ex personality wise and his looks. It has been a year and I haven't found another person like this. It was like he was the exception.

 

I have the same sex problem. I don't really do hookups and I am horny as **** since my ex left. He refused to hookup with me after we broke up. It sounds silly, but the fact that he didn't wanna hook up with me after we broke up made me feel worse because he didn't even want me for my body.....I oddly felt totally dicacared but it was probably for the best sigh...

[CptInsano]

In that sense being less selective is not the solution then.

 

That's why I advocated men to be selective as well.

[Steve51]

My wife is not attracted to most men either visually or sexually. We tested that. My wife finally realized that she is bisexual after we had a threesome with her bi best friend. We did not know the gf was bi either. Happy coincidence but then again, every women I had a relationship with, all four, are bisexual and I did not know it at first. This is a mystery that I will never solve. My wife has a theory that once they have sex with me, they are turned off of men.

 

My wife is sexually attracted to young male studs and not so fussy about woman. Sex with females is just her preference, not her need. She is bisexual and struggled for many years confused about her sexuality. She had great sex with me and our girlfriend but when she finally tried another guy, she hated it and told me she never wanted to have sex with any male but me.

 

My wife wants a male for marriage, romance and dating. She only prefers women for sex. She has had sex with a female close to 3,000 times over our 45 years of marriage since her longtime girlfriend lived with us full time for several years and then part time after she got married. She never went on a date with any or them. Outside of the bedroom she was never intimate with them. She could do anything two women can do in bed but once sex was over, she never kissed or hugged a girl. In fact, she only had sex with women if I took part. That is due to not wanting to feel like she is a lesbian. With me taking part she could tell herself that sex with other women was just an extension of heterosexual sex with me. She did not call herself bi until she was 63. So it can be very confusing once you find that you are attracted to the person and not so much their gender.

 

Just be who you are meant to be. Sexual identity is not black and white. There is a lot of gray area in-between hetero and non hetero. We all fall somewhere in the line between the two ends.

[HiCrunchy]

My wife is not attracted to most men either visually or sexually. We tested that. My wife finally realized that she is bisexual after we had a threesome with her bi best friend. We did not know the gf was bi either. Happy coincidence but then again, every women I had a relationship with, all four, are bisexual and I did not know it at first. This is a mystery that I will never solve. My wife has a theory that once they have sex with me, they are turned off of men.

 

My wife is sexually attracted to young male studs and not so fussy about woman. Sex with females is just her preference, not her need. She is bisexual and struggled for many years confused about her sexuality. She had great sex with me and our girlfriend but when she finally tried another guy, she hated it and told me she never wanted to have sex with any male but me.

 

My wife wants a male for marriage, romance and dating. She only prefers women for sex. She has had sex with a female close to 3,000 times over our 45 years of marriage since her longtime girlfriend lived with us full time for several years and then part time after she got married. She never went on a date with any or them. Outside of the bedroom she was never intimate with them. She could do anything two women can do in bed but once sex was over, she never kissed or hugged a girl. In fact, she only had sex with women if I took part. That is due to not wanting to feel like she is a lesbian. With me taking part she could tell herself that sex with other women was just an extension of heterosexual sex with me. She did not call herself bi until she was 63. So it can be very confusing once you find that you are attracted to the person and not so much their gender.

 

Just be who you are meant to be. Sexual identity is not black and white. There is a lot of gray area in-between hetero and non hetero. We all fall somewhere in the line between the two ends.

 

I am too monogamous to ever be in that situation. I do not want my partner sleeping with anyone but me and to be frank I liked getting ****ed by men. I like the masculine vibe, I like being carried to the bed like princess, being held down so that I can't move etc. A woman cannot satisfy that need for me. If I did sleep with a woman I wouldn't let a third party in let alone a man to lust over an intimate moment of mine. Again, I do not think it is an issue with my sexuality.

 

I'm Curious, what r ur thoughts on male bi sexuality?

[HiCrunchy]

I have tried to get on to tinder to try some online dating.

I just can't bring myself to meet anyone.

 

All the guys I think are okay (looks wise) end up just being douchey or boring. (How do you even talk to a stranger?)

I just get sad again. The more of these guys I talk to the more I miss him, I miss him more than when I was just single. We used to go the same college, had things to talk about, peers in common...

I know he isn't coming back so I have to find someone else but why haven't I found someone yet?

 

People here always seem to "find someone better" at least within a year.

Maybe I sound give up, and live the sugar baby life. I have been thinking about it.

[Chilli]

Nothing weiird going on your just a bit different to average these days that will date bloody anyone, why l have no clue.

And your probably a one man women too and that's a beautiful thing.

Don't worry about date sites either l got the same out or 1000s of women there was only one or two that were even really , worth even talking to for me and none , zero, l even wanted to sleep with, not one.

Mid you , from what l saw that wouldn't be surprising on date sites , shocking range of people to choose from.

but l'm the same in RL too, not many women float my boat at all , she's a one in a million thing,

l'm proud of that tbh so there's never been any point in dating for me because when l do see my one in a million it's just on all it's own and a no brainer. So there's only been 2 real women in my life the rest don't even count.

Edited September 23, 2017 by Chilli

[Cookiesandough]

Sorry to hear about your situation. I see myself in a lot of what you said. Only one real relationship...not attracted to majority of men...I think you are just super picky.

Edited October 1, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[HiCrunchy]

I am starting to think I am just going to die alone.

Are my standards really that high? Honestly I do not think that they are.

I just want to date someone that I am attracted to, click with emotionally and someone with goals and dreams. Is that really asking for too much?

 

I should just accept that maybe I am not going to be alone.

Relationships are just not for me. I'm just tired.

 

I see couples all the time and feel really sad most of the time. It makes me miss my ex or (more so the relationship that I had with him. I remember the time when I was happy with him. It makes me mourn the relationship with him).

[BaileyB]

You are 22 years old. Believe me when I say, you have lots of time.

 

Don't catastrophize. It doesn't help.

 

Is it possible that you are depressed? You sound quite sad and rather desperate... Neither of which is a good thing when you are dating and hoping to attract a new partner.

[HiCrunchy]

You are 22 years old. Believe me when I say, you have lots of time.

 

Don't catastrophize. It doesn't help.

 

Is it possible that you are depressed? You sound quite sad and rather desperate... Neither of which is a good thing when you are dating and hoping to attract a new partner.

 

Thank you.

 

Honestly it maybe possible that I have depression. I have never been formally diagnosed by a doctor and the one time I saw a counselor they never suspected that I had depression.

 

I am a little guilty because part of the reason my ex was unhappy with me is because I told him I didn't love myself. Maybe a part of me still feels guilty about that.

 

I did act desperate when he left me I guess (letter, crying, over texting, the works, drunk texting, haha). Everything you're not supposed to do. Strangely I do not regret it, but maybe he thinks I'm crazy now tbh

 

This was last year of course and I have been trying to feel good about who I am and accept myself. In other areas of my life I feel a little better, and thinking about living life to the fullest. Though I am in phase in life where it feels that all my peers are advancing and I am stuck for some reason.

 

I actually think I am very kind, loving, beautiful etc. I don't mean so sound arrogant or anything but I think I am an attractive woman and get hit on pretty frequently. I would like to think that there is someone out there for me. Part of me really wants to believe that.

Edited October 1, 2017 by HiCrunchy
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