BF is getting jealous of a guy friend of mine for no apparent reason

[jkeefer928]

Hello everyone,

 

My bf and I have been together just over a year now (I am 22, he is 23) and we have gotten to that stage in our relationship where we are sharing our likes and dislikes, our pet peeves, and in general are just discussing our ‘issues’ more deeply. Lately my bf has been complaining a lot about how little time we have together. He thinks I’ve been spending too much time with my friends over him, and he’s been really bitching a lot about it lately. He says we only get to see each other a few times a week, but I seem to have time to hang out with my other friends all the time. Well, this is true but this is because he lives on the other side of the city and goes to a different school, while most of my friends live closeby and attend the same school and we even have the some of the same classes together. I told him it’s just a question of convenience and proximity, but he seems to be peeved that I’m always telling him I can’t see him or meet him because I’m already engaged or have plans with some of my friends.

 

Well, this past weekend, while we were discussing this issue, he began asking LOTS of questions about this one particular guy friend of mine (Matt) that I’ve been friends with since 9th grade. Apparently he’s suspicious of this guy and it’s obvious that he’s getting very jealous of him for some reason, but I have no idea why. I was surprised he even knew about him at all because my friends list on fb is private, so he can only see friends we have in common. But not only does he know about him, he also seems to know an awful lot of details about him, which means he has to have some other source of information. This makes me think he’s snooped into my phone and gotten my fb password and then looked at my friends list and started reading my messages. But regardless he has to have some outside source of information to know all this stuff about him, and it makes me mad that he’s been snooping on me like that. I consider it rather devious and dishonest to go behind your partner’s back to get information like that, and it’s a violation of my privacy if he has went into my phone. For the record, I would not snoop on my bf like that, and I’ve made it quite clear to him that I expect the same from him.

 

Anyways, although I’ve told him (over and over) that Matt is just a platonic friend, and while he’s assured me (over and over) that he understands, it seems obvious to me that he still doesn’t trust me. I can tell from his body language and other subtle indicators, as well as the fact that he keeps asking me questions about him constantly. I admit that I haven’t told him a lot yet, because I wouldn’t feel comfortable telling him everything so soon, but he’s been pushing me for more info and acting really rude about it if I don’t tell him literally everything he wants to know. But imho I think it’s too soon for that. We are in love, but I don’t think that means we need to share absolutely everything about our past, especially not all at once. It’s even gotten to the point where he is now randomly calling me and asking me lots of questions like where I am, who I’m with, what I’m doing, etc, which makes me feel really uncomfortable. I feel like I’m being constantly monitored and tracked by him. He even got kind of mad at me the other day when I had some friends over to study together and hang out and my guy friend was there. I told him the truth - that we were all just hanging out and studying together - and he knows I wouldn’t lie, but he still got mad just because my guy friend happened to be there.

 

The whole thing is really starting to frustrate me and I’m not sure what to do about it. I mean, I keep telling him that Matt and I are just friends but he won’t accept my answer. He just keeps asking me, over and over, if I’m “really sure” that we are just friends. And I keep assuring him that yes, we are definitely just friends. And I know that for certain because before I met my bf my guy friend and I used to flirt a lot, but since then I’ve noticed that I’ve cut down on the flirting and now am acting much more friendly with him. So I know for sure that there is nothing going on between Matt and I, and I’ve already told him that over and over, so what else can I do? I honestly feel like if he’s still jealous and doesn’t trust me, in spite of all my assurances and with NO evidence whatsoever me doing anything wrong, then that’s on HIM and HE needs to get over it.

 

I feel this issue is really driving us apart, because I’ve found myself not being completely honest with him, which I HATE doing but it seems it’s the only way to avoid being confrontational with him. For example, earlier today he asked me if I could see him tonite, but I already had plans with Matt. Well, I KNEW he’d get mad if I told him that, so I said I already had plans to get dinner and see a movie with “some friends”. I hated not just telling him the whole truth, that really it’s just Matt, but I just was not in the mood for another argument. But to me, the fact that I can’t be entirely truthful with him at this point is reason for concern. I mean, what kind of relationship is it if you cannot be competely truthful with your partner? I just don’t think that’s healthy in a relationship.

 

What do you think I should do?

[Raena]

Why didn't you invite him to come to the movies with you and Matt then? If you are just platonic friends, then bringing your boyfriend along shouldn't be an issue. Lying about it only adds fuel to the fire.

 

It seems to me that your behavior is what is making your boyfriend suspicious. There should be nothing secretive about who you hang out with. You've been dating this guy for a year, why doesn't he already know about Matt? Have they met each other?

 

How would you feel if you found out that your boyfriend has some female friend he spends time alone with that he's never told you about and you've never met?

 

I think your boyfriend has every right to be concerned about what you are doing. You are giving him reason to worry.

[preraph]

First things first. You're seeing him a few times a week, you said. This is not "a little." This is "a lot." So he has no reason to complain.

 

Red flag: He's jealous of your girlfriends. Seriously, this is petty and unjustified BS on his part. It's nothing you've done. He's that controlling or insecure. This is a big red flag. A guy who is controlling is abusive. A guy who is too jealous is abusive. The first step toward isolating you is usually making you feel bad for wanting to see friends. Isolation is the first step to get control over you by a controlling person. Do NOT give him any justifications or let him tell you what to do on this, and tell him to shut up about it because you're not giving up your friends! You need to stand up now and make it clear he's not steamrolling you on this and hope he gets it and stops -- or else eventually you will have to leave him because your life will be miserable with him.

 

It sounds like, yes, he has probably hacked into something of yours. Do not leave him alone with your phone or he might put a tracking device on it. Don't accept a phone as a gift from him or he'll know your every move. And regardless you are innocent, you can't let that happen or he'll be hard to get away from once it goes really bad.

 

He's using this old guy friend of yours as the only leverage he's got to try to get you to stop seeing your friends. Don't let him. Set your foot down. Keep your boundaries, and when he starts acting out passive-aggressively going out and partying just to get back at you, don't bat an eye or even pretend to notice, because he will.

 

Your friends will be there long after this guy is gone, so do not let him make you alienate them and ruin your friendships. No one respects someone who will cut their friends off for a man.

[guest569]

I feel this issue is really driving us apart, because I’ve found myself not being completely honest with him, which I HATE doing but it seems it’s the only way to avoid being confrontational with him. For example, earlier today he asked me if I could see him tonite, but I already had plans with Matt. Well, I KNEW he’d get mad if I told him that, so I said I already had plans to get dinner and see a movie with “some friends”. I hated not just telling him the whole truth, that really it’s just Matt, but I just was not in the mood for another argument. But to me, the fact that I can’t be entirely truthful with him at this point is reason for concern. I mean, what kind of relationship is it if you cannot be competely truthful with your partner? I just don’t think that’s healthy in a relationship.

 

What do you think I should do?

 

I went through this with my ex and we broke up over it. So it all sounds very familiar!

 

What you said about the 'inside information' is a concern. Do you have any mutual friends? And him calling all the time to see where you are and who you are with.. I don't know..

 

You say 'for no apparent reason' but I would be jealous if my boyfriend of a year always had other plans including a movie and dinner date with another woman, knowing I had an issue with it. It sounds like he wants you two to become closer and spend more time together, but you are happy with the way things are. How far apart do you live? Does he ever get invited to hang out with you and your friends?

[jkeefer928]

Thanks to everyone for their input.

 

Why didn't you invite him to come to the movies with you and Matt then? If you are just platonic friends, then bringing your boyfriend along shouldn't be an issue. Lying about it only adds fuel to the fire.

 

It seems to me that your behavior is what is making your boyfriend suspicious. There should be nothing secretive about who you hang out with. You've been dating this guy for a year, why doesn't he already know about Matt? Have they met each other?

 

How would you feel if you found out that your boyfriend has some female friend he spends time alone with that he's never told you about and you've never met?

 

I think your boyfriend has every right to be concerned about what you are doing. You are giving him reason to worry.

 

I have no problem going out with both of them and with them meeting. In fact, I've already planned on arranging that when the time is right. But right now I'm not sure that would be a good idea. I haven't yet told Matt about the situation with my bf, and I think that if we all got together without him knowing anything the situation could get ugly. I want to give him a head's up on what's going on first, then I think we can all get together without it being an awkward encounter.

 

As far as how I would feel if I was in his situation, I'm sure I'd have no problem with him spending time with a long-term female friend, especially if she is already in a relationship. If she was single, then I might worry a bit. But Matt is in a relationship and I've told my bf that, which to me implies that he is unavailable so there is nothing whatsoever to worry about. I haven't met Matt's gf and I'm not sure of the nature of their relationship (I think they're fwb ) but the fact he's already with someone should be enough to alleviate any of my bf's concerns.

 

First things first. You're seeing him a few times a week, you said. This is not "a little." This is "a lot." So he has no reason to complain.

 

Red flag: He's jealous of your girlfriends. Seriously, this is petty and unjustified BS on his part. It's nothing you've done. He's that controlling or insecure. This is a big red flag. A guy who is controlling is abusive. A guy who is too jealous is abusive. The first step toward isolating you is usually making you feel bad for wanting to see friends. Isolation is the first step to get control over you by a controlling person. Do NOT give him any justifications or let him tell you what to do on this, and tell him to shut up about it because you're not giving up your friends! You need to stand up now and make it clear he's not steamrolling you on this and hope he gets it and stops -- or else eventually you will have to leave him because your life will be miserable with him.

 

It sounds like, yes, he has probably hacked into something of yours. Do not leave him alone with your phone or he might put a tracking device on it. Don't accept a phone as a gift from him or he'll know your every move. And regardless you are innocent, you can't let that happen or he'll be hard to get away from once it goes really bad.

 

He's using this old guy friend of yours as the only leverage he's got to try to get you to stop seeing your friends. Don't let him. Set your foot down. Keep your boundaries, and when he starts acting out passive-aggressively going out and partying just to get back at you, don't bat an eye or even pretend to notice, because he will.

 

Your friends will be there long after this guy is gone, so do not let him make you alienate them and ruin your friendships. No one respects someone who will cut their friends off for a man

 

Yes, I understand. No, I will not let him ruin any of my friendships, and I'm definitely mindful of the fact that he might try and find some secret way to monitor me. I won't let him violate my privacy like that, but I do love my bf and my first choice is just to convince him that he really doesn't have anything to worry about. I know I would never cheat on him.

 

I went through this with my ex and we broke up over it. So it all sounds very familiar!

 

What you said about the 'inside information' is a concern. Do you have any mutual friends? And him calling all the time to see where you are and who you are with.. I don't know..

 

You say 'for no apparent reason' but I would be jealous if my boyfriend of a year always had other plans including a movie and dinner date with another woman, knowing I had an issue with it. It sounds like he wants you two to become closer and spend more time together, but you are happy with the way things are. How far apart do you live? Does he ever get invited to hang out with you and your friends?

 

Yes, I understand. I also would like us to be able to spend more time together, but all of my current friends live closeby, while he is like 1/2 hour away. For the record, I have been cutting back on the amount of time I spend with Matt in order to spend more time with my bf, but it's hard when we go to different schools and have different schedules.

 

And I wouldn't call it a "dinner date". Matt is my friend, not my bf. We're having dinner and seeing a movie, that's all. My feelings for Matt are just those of a friend, but my feelings for my bf are quite different. I feel like a lady when I'm with my bf, but I feel more like a sister when I'm with my friend. It's a completely different feeling.

[Bobdobalina]

sounds like you want your cake and eat it If Matt is more exciting to hang out dont drip the bf along since hes not the priority and getting the left overs of your time

You might have to make a choice ,if was the bf I think id be giving the relationship a back seat if another guy took precedence

[jkeefer928]

sounds like you want your cake and eat it If Matt is more exciting to hang out dont drip the bf along since hes not the priority and getting the left overs of your time

You might have to make a choice ,if was the bf I think id be giving the relationship a back seat if another guy took precedence

 

Thanks for the honest reply. Yes, I understand why you or my bf might think that, but let me make something clear. I really love my bf and no other guy is more important or "takes precedence". We have an amazing connection and I try to spend as much time with him as I can and I would never do anything to hurt him. It's just that sometimes I've already made plans with Matt by the time he asks me to go out with him. And while my bf is definitely more important, my friends are important too and I wouldn't feel comfortable cancelling plans with them on a whim just because my bf wants me to. I'll usually propose another day to get together, but with our schedules it's difficult.

 

But in no way is Matt a priority over my bf. Back in high school we were very close, maybe too close, but we never dated or had sex and we always just remained good friends. I mean, there were some parties back in high school where we cuddled and kissed a bit, but that was just because we were drunk and in no way reflected any true feelings of intimacy. Afterwards we always felt embarrassed about it and we agreed to remain just friends. There was never any real intimacy between us, only friendship, which we've maintained to this day. With my bf, however, there are strong feelings of love and intimacy between us. He is a true soulmate, we 'click' mentally and emotionally, and I love him more than anything. He is definitely my #1 even if I can't spend as much time with him as I would like.

[smackie9]

What would I do? Break up with him. He is turning into a first class jerk for one thing. Secondly the distance has become an issue. This kind of thing becomes a pain. You simply don't have the time to maintain a relationship. You should be dating someone you go to school with. I remember dating a few guys that lived a bit of a distance from me. It was ok for the short term, but after awhile it became apparent that we weren't really a part of each other's lives and it was frustrating having to put things on hold to go see them. It was just inconvenient. I feel things have run their course and it's time to call it quits. You have your life to live, and school....who needs the stress of a paranoid, bit%^& BF?

[jkeefer928]

Yes, you are right that he's really been a jerk lately, and I definitely don't need any more stress in my life right now. The problem is that I love him and I don't want to break up with him. He's the best bf I've ever had and he'll do ANYTHING for me! I don't want to lose him.

 

I was hoping this was something we could work through, since there is really no issue other than his unwarranted feelings of jealously and his snooping. Surely there must be some way for me to get him to trust me without having to give up seeing my friends?

 

However, if he keeps acting the way he is, I'm smart enough to know that it's not worth going on. I'd just be miserable and feel like a prisoner rather than a gf. But I'm still hoping for the best at this point....

[guest569]

I mean, there were some parties back in high school where we cuddled and kissed a bit, but that was just because we were drunk and in no way reflected any true feelings of intimacy.

 

Oh dear.. so how often do you see him now? The guy you used to get drunk with and kiss and cuddle.

 

And half an hour is not far.. why are people talking about distance??

[basil67]

Honestly, the way you're running your relationship sounds secretive and shady. There may be nothing untoward going on, but I can clearly see why your guy is wigged out. It really, REALLY looks like you're hiding something. Had you introduced your boyfriend to this other guy many months ago and integrated your social and dating life, you likely wouldn't be in this mess now.

 

A couple of other things:

 

* Half an hour is not far to travel to see someone you care about. It's a lame excuse to not see him.

 

* Your boyfriend wants to see you more often, but you already have plans with your friends. Why have you not come to some type of agreement to set aside one more day for your boyfriend?

 

* The guy friend you used to flirt with does not have a relationship. It's only a FWB and therefore, doesn't count. You talk a lot about how you don't feel anything for him, but what does he feel for you?

[Bobdobalina]

you keep double answering yourself not that theres hard and fast rules but when you let matt get in first thats a huge kick i think most would be answering matt with ill see what my so called love of my life is doing first and let you know but he finds out he was a bit slow off the mark and bang your gone

Im not sure what you class as a jerk but if that was a regular thing happening anyone would be pretty upset being the back up

[kgcolonel]

JK

 

One key word, Boundaries!! Never would i support the hardline questioning however to me, it appears that you and your BF need to establish agreed upon boundaries. Going to dinner and a movie (as much as you may protest) is a date. Seriously trade places with your BF for real now....your BF cant see you when you have the time because he is going out to dinner and a movie with a "friend" that you have never met and that you feel diminished by due to his unavailability.

 

You two are very young....not a criticism just a fact. You are not as practiced in relationship building as you will be in 10 years. That said, this is the time to learn some life lessons.....sit down with your BF and discuss, what is and what is not acceptable for each of you on the same level....BTW, who paid for the dinner and movie????

 

If after the discussion on boundaries, your BFs behavior does not change, then it is time to move on....this controlling behavior sounds to me like it has the potential to become abusive and that's an immediate deal breaker....it wont get better, only worse and more dangerous....

 

Best of Luck to you.....

[usa1ah]

Hello everyone,

 

My bf and I have been together just over a year now (I am 22, he is 23) and we have gotten to that stage in our relationship where we are sharing our likes and dislikes, our pet peeves, and in general are just discussing our ‘issues’ more deeply. Lately my bf has been complaining a lot about how little time we have together. He thinks I’ve been spending too much time with my friends over him, and he’s been really bitching a lot about it lately. He says we only get to see each other a few times a week, but I seem to have time to hang out with my other friends all the time. Well, this is true but this is because he lives on the other side of the city and goes to a different school, while most of my friends live closeby and attend the same school and we even have the some of the same classes together. I told him it’s just a question of convenience and proximity, but he seems to be peeved that I’m always telling him I can’t see him or meet him because I’m already engaged or have plans with some of my friends.

 

Well, this past weekend, while we were discussing this issue, he began asking LOTS of questions about this one particular guy friend of mine (Matt) that I’ve been friends with since 9th grade. Apparently he’s suspicious of this guy and it’s obvious that he’s getting very jealous of him for some reason, but I have no idea why. I was surprised he even knew about him at all because my friends list on fb is private, so he can only see friends we have in common. But not only does he know about him, he also seems to know an awful lot of details about him, which means he has to have some other source of information. This makes me think he’s snooped into my phone and gotten my fb password and then looked at my friends list and started reading my messages. But regardless he has to have some outside source of information to know all this stuff about him, and it makes me mad that he’s been snooping on me like that. I consider it rather devious and dishonest to go behind your partner’s back to get information like that, and it’s a violation of my privacy if he has went into my phone. For the record, I would not snoop on my bf like that, and I’ve made it quite clear to him that I expect the same from him.

 

Anyways, although I’ve told him (over and over) that Matt is just a platonic friend, and while he’s assured me (over and over) that he understands, it seems obvious to me that he still doesn’t trust me. I can tell from his body language and other subtle indicators, as well as the fact that he keeps asking me questions about him constantly. I admit that I haven’t told him a lot yet, because I wouldn’t feel comfortable telling him everything so soon, but he’s been pushing me for more info and acting really rude about it if I don’t tell him literally everything he wants to know. But imho I think it’s too soon for that. We are in love, but I don’t think that means we need to share absolutely everything about our past, especially not all at once. It’s even gotten to the point where he is now randomly calling me and asking me lots of questions like where I am, who I’m with, what I’m doing, etc, which makes me feel really uncomfortable. I feel like I’m being constantly monitored and tracked by him. He even got kind of mad at me the other day when I had some friends over to study together and hang out and my guy friend was there. I told him the truth - that we were all just hanging out and studying together - and he knows I wouldn’t lie, but he still got mad just because my guy friend happened to be there.

 

The whole thing is really starting to frustrate me and I’m not sure what to do about it. I mean, I keep telling him that Matt and I are just friends but he won’t accept my answer. He just keeps asking me, over and over, if I’m “really sure” that we are just friends. And I keep assuring him that yes, we are definitely just friends. And I know that for certain because before I met my bf my guy friend and I used to flirt a lot, but since then I’ve noticed that I’ve cut down on the flirting and now am acting much more friendly with him. So I know for sure that there is nothing going on between Matt and I, and I’ve already told him that over and over, so what else can I do? I honestly feel like if he’s still jealous and doesn’t trust me, in spite of all my assurances and with NO evidence whatsoever me doing anything wrong, then that’s on HIM and HE needs to get over it.

 

I feel this issue is really driving us apart, because I’ve found myself not being completely honest with him, which I HATE doing but it seems it’s the only way to avoid being confrontational with him. For example, earlier today he asked me if I could see him tonite, but I already had plans with Matt. Well, I KNEW he’d get mad if I told him that, so I said I already had plans to get dinner and see a movie with “some friends”. I hated not just telling him the whole truth, that really it’s just Matt, but I just was not in the mood for another argument. But to me, the fact that I can’t be entirely truthful with him at this point is reason for concern. I mean, what kind of relationship is it if you cannot be competely truthful with your partner? I just don’t think that’s healthy in a relationship.

 

What do you think I should do?

 

I think someone gave him the info about Matt. Also said something about how close you and Matt are. Some like "hey you know about your gf and Matt right?"

 

Someone is trying to destroy your relationship with your BF. I have a guess about who did it.

[usa1ah]

The two of you have been dating steady for a year and you have gone nowhere in the relationship.

 

I can understand his feelings if he has fallen in love with you.

 

He didn't have to snoop to get the info. Honestly if this has started just recently, then someone has come to him and gave him the info.

[usa1ah]

You know for certain that there is nothing between you and Matt.

 

How about Matt's feelings for you?

 

This really sounds like someone is going behind your back and whispering in your bf ear. I have personally seen a guy do this to break a couple up. He got a girl to do it for him. She went to the bf with story's and pics of the gf and her guy friend together. It broke the gf's heart when her bf broke up with her then the guy friend made his move. That's when she figured out what had happened. As far as I know she has never talked with the childhood friend again.

[usa1ah]

FWB is nowhere near a committed relationship.

 

Has Matt ever made a move on you?

 

When was the last time he had a gf?

 

How long did it last?

 

Did he come start to you when it ended?

 

Look at your friendship with Matt from a natural position. Looking from the outside in, could someone mistake you and Matt as a couple?

[usa1ah]

One last question for tonight.

 

How long was it, after you stopped flirting with Matt, that your bf started asking about him?

[Poutrew]

Heh heh...this is so classic. You have a mole on the inside attempting to break up you and your bf. And, it is working out flawlessly. You really want to know where your bf is getting his info about Matt? You think your bf snooped on your phone? Why would he do that since the one feeding him the info is Matt himself, probably through an intermediary. Your friend since 9th grade is feeling more for you than you are for him, but that will change when he steps in to offer 'comfort' when you come to him devastated over the eventual break up.... Yeah, I know what you are going to say: "Matt is decent and as pure as the driven snow and he would never resort to such tactics... etc." My one question for you to answer would be this: Why is Matt spending so much time with you when he has a FWB he can be pile driving instead? No man spends that amount of time on someone he considers a platonic friend - and it sounds like you are spending more time with Matt than your BF, who is 30 minutes away and is therefore unavailable... One last observation - you have mentioned Matt by name many, many times, but your bf is only anonymous 'bf' - you haven't even graced him with the dignity of giving him a fake name. Are you absolutely sure you have no feelings for Matt? From where I am sitting, it really doesn't look like it...

[road]

This BF should dump the OP for she puts other

men ahead of himself.

 

Thirty minutes away is not a long distance

relationship. Just an excuse used by the OP to

put her friends and herself first all the time.

 

This thread is another example in a never

ending list of examples of why there should

not be opposite sex friends. Specially when in

a relationship.

 

This OP is a classic example an Orbiter. She loves

to keep as many men as possible willing to pretend

they just want to be friends around her to constantly

feed her ego.

 

Men that want a relationship with a woman will

use being just a friend to move him into the slot

from boy friend to the boyfriend.

 

No man that makes out with a woman repeatedly

does not want a relationship with her.

 

Another huge red flag about the OP is that she

purposely has kept Matt and her BF from ever

meeting.

 

Yes pure grade AAA baloney that she has to prepare

Matt in advance that she has a BF before both men

can meet.

 

OP is not a WW/WGF - yet. Though she can do the

False Justification Jedi mind games like a professional.

[lolablue17]

It's a toxic combination of the 2 of you. Yes, he seems a little of a jealous guy. But it seems that you provide reasons for him to be jealous.

 

You are very strict with your "human rights" when it comes to your bf. You prefer to go out with Matt, because your bf was late with inviting you, and it didn't happen rarely. It's a rule for you. It definitelly means that you hang out with the one who "booked" you first. It means that your bf has no priority at all, and adding the distance reality between your bf and the center of your life, Matt seems to be the big winner.

 

The problem is not quantity. The problem is that your bf senses that you never make any effort to change your priorities to his direction. He is willing to change the world to see you, while you date him only if you don't already have other plans.

 

It's poor, don't you think? I would have never agreed to be in a relationship in which being "the one" gives me no benefits, and in order to meet my I need to stand in the reagular "common people queue" like everyone else.

 

Now you started to be a liar, and that is the sign that it should be stopped. You will have no privilege to claim later to your bf "It's your fault that I lied". No no no. The lying is on you. It's your choice and there is no excuse for that. Look at the mirror and say to yourself. "I'm a liar gf". Do you think your bf doesn't sense it in his guts?

 

Either you end it, or should you start changing your priorities. This situation must be stopped for good.

[darkmoon]

if you accuse your boyf of "bitching" (your choice of word in your OP) do you really think he will put up with that insult indefinitely and smile thru obediently?

[salparadise]

 

we have gotten to that stage in our relationship where we are sharing our likes and dislikes, our pet peeves, and in general are just discussing our ‘issues’ more deeply.

 

Over a year and you're just now discussing likes, dislikes, and pet peeves eh? I guess after a year it's time to move on from talking about the weather.

 

Lately my bf has been complaining a lot about how little time we have together. He thinks I’ve been spending too much time with my friends over him

 

You're keeping him in a small box, holding him at arms length, not integrating him into your life, and not making him a priority. I understand exactly why he feels that way.

 

For example, earlier today he asked me if I could see him tonite, but I already had plans with Matt.

 

So why don't you just explain to Matt that you'll have to hang out another time because your boyfriend want to get together, and he is your first priority?

 

If I had a GF who treated me like that, I'd end it.

[knabe]

I don't know if you have mentioned this, but how old are you?

[frigginlost]

Honestly, nothing past "I keep my friends list hidden" means anything...

 

This "relationship" is not going to work out.

 

"Those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing"...

 

Your boyfriend thinks he is wasting his time with you and that feeling is growing.