Need adivce on whether to wait it out or to axe LDR now

[jackson11]

Hi there

 

So I'm just going to jump straight in to the nature of the relationship I'm in

Facts of the thread:

We’re both 19

 

Was with the girl 6 months before she left, she has been in her new city for about 8 months.

 

She moved to a different city for a 2 year course (will come back here afterwards)

 

When she left, we tried staying as a couple but ran into communication issues and she wanted to be 'free'. She claimed she didn’t have enough time etc (the usual things that happen)

 

Became open, and not really a 'couple’ even though we have kept regular contact (including Skype every now and again)

 

When she visits, everything goes back to normal, I see her family she sees mine, we spend lots of time with each other etc.

 

We both genuinely see ourselves with each other once she’s back here

While in her new city, she came out that she was bi (I don’t personally care but I thought it might be relevant?)

 

She has not slept with a guy, she’s fooled around with a girl before and hooked up with males but no male sexual contact

 

Relationship between me and her has not really changed AT ALL when we are together

 

She will be back in about one year which I really don’t deem as being very long

 

As you might be able to tell, I wasn’t the one who really wanted an outcome where we weren’t in a monogamous relationship, yet, despite her wanting to be free she has yet to exercise the additional benefits of being ‘single’. At first I didn’t like it and to this day would prefer a proper relationship, yet I’ve found myself sleeping with two girls and hooking up with girls all the time at clubs.

 

I believe that she knows that it will hurt me more if I knew she had slept with a guy then if I told her I slept with a girl, which might be a part of the reason why she hasn’t yet. She just claims that she doesn’t ‘want’ to sleep with a guy but she doesn’t want to feel held back if she was in a situation where that was likely. She basically doesn’t want to hold herself back from experiencing whatever her life down there has to offer just because she’s in a relationship. This is something I completely understand

 

I know that regardless of what happens, she’s having the time of her life doing a course that is focused around doing what you ‘love’ while I’m working away at uni trying to get a good degree and wishing I was with her all the time. I’m not depressed or anything but the general feeling is that I’m the one working to keep this boat from sinking as opposed to her.

 

The relationship is at a stable point and we don’t really argue/fight at all. We both know what is expected of each other.

 

Basically I want to know whether I’m living in a fairy land where this is going to all work out and there won’t be any deal breaker baggage or if this ship is going to sink and I might as well give it the axe now so that I’m not wasting my time. I’m not sure whether I’ll grow to resent the fact that she’s been care free while I’ve been working hard for 2 years which is something I’d also like some advice on.

[Seriousperson]

You feel like you are steering the relationship. One sided relationships do not work and they end up causing you a lot of hurt. If she wanted to be w/you, you would feel that, since you are not she is not worth spending time on. Axe the relationship if you want to find a meaningful one. Good luck and don't let her lead on. She may find someone else and dumping you wouldn't be hard on her cause she doesn't really care in the 1st place.