You were right - Relationship couldn't be saved.

[JamesHa]

I posted back in July 14th and I'll be open. A month and a half later I realized it wasn't working out.

 

Our connection, the intimacy, the sex... everything was amazing for the month in the half. We were communicating like never before.

 

We put in so much work that weekend together, and we continued to work on it. I thought we were capable of healing.

 

Even expressing our emotions and being vulnerable with each other. It seemed like it was over with her and the OM.

 

Today she was acting odd. The same type of coldness she gave me when I first caught her cheating. I was just playing around with her on text and she was very dismissive... it was weird and different compared to most of the month and a half.

 

I decided to go with my gut feeling and confront her to see the phone bill and he was still in the picture.

 

I sent her home packing.

 

I'm sad.. angry... yet excited about my future. I really feel she was holding me back in a lot.. in an almost subtle way... but her energy just wasn't right for me and my purpose.

 

It pisses me off that she tried to make finances a thing...

 

I put so much pressure on myself to provide for the both of us.

 

I was seeing more money coming in this past month and a half.

 

Even sent her $600 + ( I dont regret doing so)

 

She brought up BS from our past, that I stopped doing once we talked after I caught her cheating in July.

 

I come to think of it... and I've felt so much guilt with falling short on finances.... (Im going through bankruptcy... going to court on Wed)

 

"What if we lose the house???" was one of her fears that lead her to her cheating.

 

Well excuse the **** out of me... but we wouldn't have a home together if it weren't for me in the first place.......

 

Anyway I'm ranting.

 

There's part of me that feels guilty..

Some of it's second guessing what I could have been different

 

All in all I was growing and she didn't want to grow with me.

 

Our challenges is no reason for her to cheat.

 

And if she slips up... I gave her a chance. I supported her more than most men would, and it feels like a slap in the face for her to point out the bad.

 

I choose to Love & Accept myself... and continue to focus on my goals.

 

Thank You everybody who's helped me in the previous thread.

 

I did tune the thread out because I thought I could heal our relationship and didn't want it to play into paranoia.

 

but here I am... back like some people said ;-)

 

I'm happy I didn't let it go on for too long and it was only a month and a half.

 

And **** it during the month and a half the sex was great and very frequent. So it was sort of like a sex marathon before the end.

 

Feels good to be out of limbo.

[road]

Another example where the OP should of

stayed on his original thread and just do

an update.

 

There are to many stories here to keep all

the facts in our heads and not enough time

to look back and see what was said in the

past by the OP and others.

 

This update post has been taken out of

context.

[ExpatInItaly]

I'm sorry it ended this way, OP. I remember your original thread and it was clear then that your relationship wasn't going to last much longer.

 

You tried. She didn't.

 

This is why it's so important to understand that when someone has been cheating, the relationship as you knew it is essentially already over. Physically she was still with you, but her heart and mind were long gone.

 

You will be happier for it in the long run. It's far worse to stay with someone who's violated your trust so badly and really no longer wants to be there.

[elaine567]

And **** it during the month and a half the sex was great and very frequent. So it was sort of like a sex marathon before the end.

 

Its called "hysterical bonding", it was for you about reclaiming what was yours and for her it was to make it up to you for straying and to make sure you were back on board again..

It fosters connection and can build up the bonds again.

 

Sex can be in indication of the health of a relationship, but as you found out it is not a very accurate indicator.

[Space Ritual]

"What if we lose the house???" was one of her fears that lead her to her cheating.

 

 

Oh Bullshnitt

 

She is a cheater because she chose to be. All on her and her crappy coping skills.

 

Good riddance!

[Space Ritual]

James,

 

If you remember your last thread I said the scales fell from your eyes only to have you put them back on.

 

None of us enjoy being right on this subforum. However pulling the plug, although it dragged out an additional 6 weeks longer than it should have, is the best thing you could have done for yourself.

 

Better late than never.

Now that you are a survivor of this heart wrenching crap, you may be a very valuable asset to those who come here in the future with a similar conundrum.

 

Lament the loss of the relationship, but don't for too long. You seem like a good guy whom somebody would be very lucky to have in their life. Always remember this chick confused your kindness for weakness and in the end you have given her a valuable lesson in how not to treat someone you purport to love. Whether or not she learns it, is her affair now.

[doyathinkso]

At last she is (officially) someone else's problem now, the poor stooge.

I still can't believe you actually shook his hand when they were b.s.ing you!

 

Anyways, now, repeat this over and over till it becomes second nature. .... Not my circus, Not my monkeys.

[harrybrown]

enjoy your freedom.

 

before your next relationship, get a test for stds.

 

 

If anyone asks, you can be sure and expose.

 

So did she ever have any remorse?

[JamesHa]

thanks everybody.

 

She did have remorse,

At the same time she hurt me in ways and continued to hurt me in ways that are hard to believe someone that close to me would do.

 

She had a lot of remorse when I first found out and I thought we worked through a lot. I dont think many guys out there would have done what I did that weekend... facilitating that type of process.

 

When I caught her yesterday she was more defensive trying to I guess... have us talk it out and give her yet another chance. She was remorseful but honestly what the ****?

 

I was open and vulnerable to her these 6 weeks

At times I wanted to snoop her phone... but I held back and chose to trust her.

 

Oddly enough there was one day I did confront her she said he was still trying to pursue her and I told her to cut it off, when I saw the phone bill she actually had talked to him on the phone 2 hours before. It must have been my 6th sense

 

What hurts the most is that she saw what pain I was in because i was vulnerable. There was a morning where I broke down crying.. we spent an amazing 3 day weekend together and following that she was working OT and it just was tearing me up.

 

It may sound petty and not even worth thinking about but there's definitely a part of me that wants to see how they manage to have an affair when it's no longer the excitement of an affair.

 

Anyway its an intense week for me. thanks everybody for sharing your support even if it was something I didn't want to hear.

 

I know this will all serve me.

[Space Ritual]

She had a lot of remorse when I first found out.

 

 

 

 

No she didn't. Remorse and regret are 2 very different things.

 

 

She only had regret at getting caught, and became increasingly resentful the last 6 weeks. Sounds more like she wanted out but wanted you to e the bad guy dumping her.

 

Had she had remorse, she would have bent over backwards to make you feel safe and begun doing the work on herself to be a safe person to love.

 

She did neither.

 

Let her experience her fantasy through her rose colored glasses when she smells his farts and cleans up his skidmarked drawers.

 

She'll be back for you James.....once she finds out she needs some more ego kibbles when they run out form the other guy.

 

She will be back like a bad meal at a truckstop. Don't let her in