jigwig Posted September 5, 2017 Share Posted September 5, 2017 Anyone out there have any experience on how to maintain a relationship with a narcissistic partner that believes every word spoken is gold and believes that everyone else on the planet is stupid, crazy, or not worth a damn. It's been a challenge. We are off and on, but despite seeing glimpses of a kind person here and there I have come to the conclusion that natcistic people remain narcisistic people. Frustrated and ready to end it for good, but would like to hear others experiences. Link to post Share on other sites
Mumbles Posted September 5, 2017 Share Posted September 5, 2017 Anyone out there have any experience on how to maintain a relationship with a narcissistic partner that believes every word spoken is gold and believes that everyone else on the planet is stupid, crazy, or not worth a damn. It's been a challenge. We are off and on, but despite seeing glimpses of a kind person here and there I have come to the conclusion that natcistic people remain narcisistic people. Frustrated and ready to end it for good, but would like to hear others experiences. I do, my wife. She's HPD ... Histrionic Personality Disorder, its a mainly female version of Narcissism, but its narcissism at its core. The advice, from clinicians and the general public living with these personalities is to run, and run quickly, as to not do so is to invite a life of abuse from them. However, if you're not there yet, or are a co-dependent (like me) who simply won't make that decision, well, the key to survival with them is to put them in a box, emotionally speaking, with solid boundaries and feed them 'narcissistic supply', which is basically you telling them how fantastic they are, in an ongoing way. They will never 'get better' and will circle around and around in a never ending cycle of abuse, destruction and recovery at predictable intervals, making your life, well ... entertaining shall we say but not always in a good way. Read up on the numerous internet sources of knowledge on Cluster-B personality disorders - it will help you to understand who your partner really is and, to some extent, whats going on. An easy to digest format is Youtube - with some great videos made by a narcissist, Sam Vaknir. Very helpful in getting a lot of understanding in a short period of time. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted September 5, 2017 Share Posted September 5, 2017 (edited) lf you really , really . really , love this person, l feel your pain. You toss and turn , and you are willing to try anything . And you think , lf l can find a way of getting around this , or that, or if this, and if that, then we can still have this , we can do it. And l won't have to leave this person l love, we can have it. But mumbles is right , everyone will tell you to run like hell , and maybe they're right ., l dunno. l think they are , but then l also know what it's like to love someone like this too. With mine , well how do we really know what it is but some said bpd ,some narc, was she anything , or was it just her , no idea, it's all a fine line from what l could tell. Sometimes there was real progress,but there was never ever an apology , not a good sign. She could be incredible , the love of my life, but in the end there was one too many implosions and , well , that had to be that. But it hasn't been very long and l still ask myself what if , everyday. Edited September 5, 2017 by Chilli 1 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted September 5, 2017 Share Posted September 5, 2017 ...despite seeing glimpses of a kind person here and there I have come to the conclusion that natcistic people remain narcisistic people. Yup, that's stating the obvious, but perhaps you didn't get the memo. Narcissism is a personality disorder, cluster b. It describes a person's fundamental personality organization. It does not change. They don't have the ability to simply decide not to be that way anymore. We hear a lot of codependents talking about convincing them to go to therapy... as if a few hours talking about themselves is the cure. Nope. The solution to being attached to a narcissist is to learn about codependency and figure out what it is about YOU that make you unable to walk away from someone who treats you like crap. Therapy is more helpful with that. You have to increase your own sense of worthiness. When you believe you are worthy of being loved, you quit settling for being treated like crap as an alternative to being alone. A narcissist can't get their hooks into a truly healthy person. That person will walk away at the first signs, and they're sort of immune to the ploys narcissists use to secure attachment... compliments, adoration, love bombing, etc. (ironically, because that's what they need from you). 3 Link to post Share on other sites
TheWoman Posted September 5, 2017 Share Posted September 5, 2017 Subjugate all your feelings thoughts values and personal goals and live entirely at their whim. Be prepared to lose all your friends and family eventually when they get sick of being treated badly and watching your decline. Get used to feeling embarrassed, ashamed and worthless. And that is how to live with a narcissist long term. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jigwig Posted September 5, 2017 Author Share Posted September 5, 2017 Thanks all and thanks Sal for getting me the memo. I left 5 months ago and have stood strong on repeated advances. I have taken calls, but I find myself disgusted and angry after so I am convinced I need to cut that out as well. The real clue actually for me was when I didn't feed the dragon. I didn't compliment or rave it was sought out elsewhere. In the beginning of the relationship it seemed like confidence. Now it feels nasty and pathetic. It only took me 4 years and three break ups to realize there is something bigger going on here. I admit it was tough to let go, and like Chilli I wonder what if, but in my head and heart I always knew something was not right. Just now putting the finger on it. Tganks Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted September 5, 2017 Share Posted September 5, 2017 (edited) Yeah right, Mine there was none of that sort of thing or most of the things people describe in narcs and pbd. Or she didn't love bomb or mirroring or faking it and all the stuff, and l wasn't some codependent thing it was nothing like that. We were just two people crazy about each other most of the time, simple as that. She didn't look for opportunities or anything like that, or the push pull thing, none of that . But she was extremely paranoid and a few of the other things. Mainly though we'd be all fine for wks and things would've been just fantastic, brilliant, but then we might get into slight disagreement and from that she'd just let fly and say anything. But she never like looked for it or started it on purpose type of thing, disagreements might just pop up in something though, like they do, but then that'd be that. Real bad tempered little sh@t and that was the main issue . Edited September 5, 2017 by Chilli Link to post Share on other sites
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