[UPDATE]How do I tell my roommate, an elderly lady, she eventually needs to move out.

[Purrrfect]

Update. I told her last week and she took it much better than I thought she agreed it’s time to move on. I’m giving her until Jan 30. I told her I would waive 30 days of rent. So she has to be out by the last day of the month either Dec or Jan with 30 days notice. I had her sign this.

 

At this point I just want her out. Moving around the holidays isn’t convenient for me but I can’t risk being stuck with her. We are still civil and friendly and I’m hoping for a drama free transition.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Update. I told her last week and she took it much better than I thought she agreed it’s time to move on. I’m giving her until Jan 30. I told her I would waive 30 days of rent. So she has to be out by the last day of the month either Dec or Jan with 30 days notice. I had her sign this.

 

At this point I just want her out. Moving around the holidays isn’t convenient for me but I can’t risk being stuck with her. We are still civil and friendly and I’m hoping for a drama free transition.

 

Really good news, Purrrfect.

[CC12]

Update. I told her last week and she took it much better than I thought she agreed it’s time to move on. I’m giving her until Jan 30. I told her I would waive 30 days of rent. So she has to be out by the last day of the month either Dec or Jan with 30 days notice. I had her sign this.

 

At this point I just want her out. Moving around the holidays isn’t convenient for me but I can’t risk being stuck with her. We are still civil and friendly and I’m hoping for a drama free transition.

 

I think you're being very generous. She's fortunate to have you as a landlord. I'm glad she took it well. I hope the rest goes smoothly. Thanks for the update.

[Purrrfect]

I tried to update below thread but it won’t let me since its 60 days old.

 

Update. She’s not moving out this month. ugh.

 

I gave her a written notice 12/28 that she has to vacate property 1/31. I gave her verbal notice back in Oct

 

I’m so busy with kids back in sports I haven’t even been home until late. I finally asked her today if she was moving out by our agreed upon date. She asked me for one more month. She told me she can’t believe how much people are charging for rooms and everyone is more than what she’s paying me and not as nice. I told her I’m giving her a deal which is totally unjustified and she acknowledged she will not find a place for what she’s paying me. She asked her ex Hub for money ( he’s extremely wealthy) and Said he would give her some but had to figure out how to do it discreetly.

 

I’m kinda pissed. She’s great to my kids and they love having her here and both of them are kinda mad at me for having her move out. . I told her I would extend her rent amount for one month only and it’s due in full on the 3rd and that there will be no more extensions. So the only good things out of this is I’m using her rent for a home improvement project so that’s 1 less then my I have to pay for.

 

My thought is she really hasn’t looked much. When she pays rent on the 3rd I’m going to verbally tell her and send her a text she must me moved out by 2/28 and the house will be shut down and property smoke free 3-1.

 

I know you are probably thinking she is not going anywhere but she is. I will do a sherries eviction if I have too but my m hoping it doesn’t come to that. We’re also friends and she’s overall been a good roommate except for the fact she’s home 22/7 and I never have the house to myself when my kids are not here.

 

It could be worse. She could be a horrible mean sloppy person which she isn’t. If that was the case she would gave Been gone long ago.

[MsJayne]

I would normally feel sorry for someone in her situation because of her age and her eyesight problems, but she's manipulating you and fully taking advantage of your kindness. You say she has health issues which are aggravated by stress. I've often noticed this is surprisingly common among people who irritate others and overstep boundaries. It's a very convenient way for them to avoid confrontation and accountability. Perhaps her stress issues are real, but maybe not. Just sayin'....

Maybe you could offer to help her look for a place so that you know she is actually looking? Other than that, I think you're gonna need an exorcist to get rid of her.

[Purrrfect]

She had lasik back in sept so her eyesite is better. I don’t feel that sorry for her anymore she has caused this and she’s had plenty of time to find a place. I could use the money so I will let her stay in feb but under no circumstance is this going to continue

 

 

I would normally feel sorry for someone in her situation because of her age and her eyesight problems, but she's manipulating you and fully taking advantage of your kindness. You say she has health issues which are aggravated by stress. I've often noticed this is surprisingly common among people who irritate others and overstep boundaries. It's a very convenient way for them to avoid confrontation and accountability. Perhaps her stress issues are real, but maybe not. Just sayin'....

Maybe you could offer to help her look for a place so that you know she is actually looking? Other than that, I think you're gonna need an exorcist to get rid of her.

[Arieswoman]

Purrfect,

I haven't read your backstory so I don't know if you have taken legal advice about this?

 

If you haven't, maybe it's time y ou did so that you can "get your ducks in a row" ?

[O'Malley]

I'd contact an attorney, discuss your options and get familiar with your region's tenancy and eviction laws. At this point, if you're still looking for an option to avoid the eviction process, there is the "cash for keys" agreement, which may or may not be suited for your situation. Otherwise, I'd provide her a document stating that you've given her reasonable notice (put dates, etc.) and you will now proceed with eviction. Avoid the arguing/combative route as much as possible.

Edited January 22, 2018 by O'Malley

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

This has to be so stressful .

 

Why would her ex have to give her money discreetly? Does he have a new wife who would be mad about that? Remind us again where she lived before moving in with you?

[Purrrfect]

They have been divorced for a while. They are both elderly he’s older than her and remarried and he’s very well off. I’ve told her to suck it up and ask him for money since she really has no other choice and she says she did. So we will see.

 

I’m not giving her cash for keys she has no lease and has already lost my overstayed. I also waived rent for Jan for the sole purpose of getting her out by 1/31.

 

So I am a little annoyed. I told her the longer she stays with me the harder it will be to move and she promised me 1 more month. I’m not giving her any more.

 

 

 

This has to be so stressful .

 

Why would her ex have to give her money discreetly? Does he have a new wife who would be mad about that? Remind us again where she lived before moving in with you?

[Purrrfect]

I talked to her yesterday. Still hasn’t found a place.

 

When she paid her rent on feb 3 I’m going to give her a final 30 day notice and let her know she there will be no more extentions.

 

Yesterday she commented I am making her move at a bad time when the snowbirds out here are taking up everything. Even though I gave her plenty of notice, by the time the end of feb comes she will have had 4.5 months notice.

 

She said “ I know honey” She has to know I’ve been lenient and reasonable.

 

So. Sorry not sorry? She needs to be out.starting 3/1 my property is also entirely smoke free so she can’t stay anyways.

[Art_Critic]

IMO, you are being too nice... you asked her to leave and she isn't..

When you give her the "final" 30 days notice make sure to put in that document that eviction proceedings will be started at the 30 day mark as well...

[whichwayisup]

She must have other friends or family members she can stay with other than you.

 

Be respectful but firm and explain to her it isn't personal, you just want your space and life back and it's time for her to live her life on her own.

[Purrrfect]

I gave her a final 30 day Sunday. I told her there will be no extensions made and keys and garage remote need to be turned over by mar 3. I wrote her a nice letter and said please don’t take it personal but she must find new housing as she has been given plenty of notice. She was on her laptop last night looking at stuff. She has hardly looked. I don’t know what the hell she has been waiting for but of course the supposed apt she had March 1 fell through. I made it clear in he letter any extension will not be accommodated. She’s had over 4 months to find something and obviously has put no effort into looking which is totally ridiculous. I get that she is comfortable here and safe but this doesn’t work for me. I need my house and privacy back.

 

She can’t afford an apt so she’s going to have to find another roommate situation. And she is going to have a hard time finding someone to accept her. That’s why I gave her plenty of notice. So many people don’t like smoking and the fact she doesn’t work much is going to be an obstacle. And her she being almost 70 younger people want someone around their age. She is not mad at me and understands why she needs to move. I hope we can still be friends and keep in touch but I cannot have her live with me anymore.

 

My sister works with an older lady who owns a house who was looking to rent a room. I think an older person is a good match for her. Someone who wants companionship and doesn’t mind her being home all the time. She also mentioned to me she wouldn’t mind moving in with another single mom and maybe taking on some child care responsibilities. The only issue I see with that is her car reeks like smoke and most parents probably don’t want their kids exposed to second hand smoke. Anyways she has a little over 3 weeks to find something

Edited February 6, 2018 by Purrrfect

[Purrrfect]

Here it is 2/7 and this woman has to leave in 3 weeks and she has yet to find a place. I don’t get it. I stayed home yesterday from work and I don’t even think about his woman left the house. I would start my packing if I were her. Nothing.

[darkmoon]

does she secretly think you are a bit of a pushover? mmm...

[preraph]

I mean, if she won't go, evict her. I hate it since she's your friend, but what kind of friend won't leave when they're told to?

 

Have you ever told her if she's get a job working opposite hours to you where she's rarely home when you are, that you'd reconsider? Of course, this will only lead to her waiting to get a job that never happens. Why isn't she working????

[Purrrfect]

She’s almost 70 years old. She’s basically retired and works sporadically. Trust me nobody that doesnt work outside the house full time will be living with me again. I wante to ask her to move out last summer but kinda needed the money to get bills paid off.

 

She’s in for a rude awakening if she thinks anyone wants a smoker who is home almost 24/7 most days to live with them.

 

I told her the other night she needs to live with a smoker and her smoking is probably going to eliminate most roommate prospects.

 

Not my problem.

 

 

I mean, if she won't go, evict her. I hate it since she's your friend, but what kind of friend won't leave when they're told to?

 

Have you ever told her if she's get a job working opposite hours to you where she's rarely home when you are, that you'd reconsider? Of course, this will only lead to her waiting to get a job that never happens. Why isn't she working????

[Purrrfect]

I just got home from work. She gets home about 30 min after me. For the first time she’s not carrying any groceries. The only time she leaves the house is to go to the store or when she works on occasion.

 

That means she must have looked at a place.

 

Maybe there is hope. We will see. I do like the fact she never has anyone over and she’s quiet but I’ve never known anyone to sit home all day everyday and do nothing.

 

Looking forward to having my house back to myself.

[Art_Critic]

Here it is 2/7 and this woman has to leave in 3 weeks and she has yet to find a place. I don’t get it. I stayed home yesterday from work and I don’t even think about his woman left the house. I would start my packing if I were her. Nothing.

 

It's because she isn't moving.. you are not getting it.. she obviously knows you can't throw her out and have to evict her, legally...

 

I would start the process now and get the paperwork going as it can take up to 6 months to evict someone if they know how to work the law.. something tells me she does and you are in for an eye opener.

 

 

Stop being so nice.. she is using you.

[Art_Critic]

That means she must have looked at a place.

 

This is worse than a codependent watching or counting the number of drinks an Alcoholic drinks in a night.

 

You don't know she looked at a place and if she can even get it or has leased it.

 

I would make sure you are ready to have to evict her, start by going to the county and find out how you do that.. because I think unless she has a sudden conscience you are going to have to throw her out with a court order.

[whichwayisup]

Once she moves out (if she actually does) take a break from her. She relies on you too much and she really isn't your problem. The friendship won't be the same, you have built up resentment towards her and imagine her coming to visit and then wanting to spend the night? That puts you in a weird spot.

 

Does she have other friends or even family members to help her out?

 

AC is right, she's using you and has no intention of moving out. Find out the laws and talk to a lawyer too.

[Purrrfect]

In AZ it does not take 6 months to evict. Az is a pro landlord state and she also lives with me so no Judge is going to let her stay. I do believe once I get an order of eviction she has to move within 5 days.

 

I also can make it very inconvenient for her. I will take away her internet and her garage parking and make my property no smoking. She cannot stay in n the house without internet since she does nothing but stream and her smart phone is so old she cannot even barely use the internet o it.

 

 

I’m going to start collecting boxes for her.

 

She has a daughter in CA and 1 friend out here a very wealthy family. They can loan her some money or put her up someplace if they want.

 

 

 

Once she moves out (if she actually does) take

 

 

 

a break from her. She relies on you too much and she really isn't your problem. The friendship won't be the same, you have built up resentment towards her and imagine her coming to visit and then wanting to spend the night? That puts you in a weird spot.

 

Does she have other friends or even family members to help her out?

 

AC is right, she's using you and has no intention of moving out. Find out the laws and talk to a lawyer too.

[CC12]

I also can make it very inconvenient for her. I will take away her internet and her garage parking and make my property no smoking.

 

Look into something called constructive eviction. This usually applies to the landlord turning off heat/water in order to "make it very inconvenient" for the tenant so they move out. I don't know if taking away the internet/garage or banning smoking would apply. I can see there being an argument made that these are things she's been paying for so she has a right to them as long as she's still a paying tenant, which she is.

 

Personally, I think doing this would be kind of a dick move, on your part. I know you're frustrated and want her out ASAP, but you've been letting this go on for months now. A lot of your frustrations are of your own making. I don't think you should start punishing her for simply existing in a home she's still allowed to live in.

[Purepony]

I agree with the above poster ^^^