My gf has an extensive past

[Cresingdown]

As a result I don't share the details with anyone aobut her past. If I did, neither of my friends nor family would accept her.

 

Her past involved literally being a hooker at one point in her life, having threesomes, alcoholic issues in her HS years, etc. She claims to be at a different point in her life now.

 

I know we all got a past but she exceeds it. I was wondering if a relationship with that type of girl works out in the end or doesn't? I have never dated a girl with such an extensive past as her.

[d0nnivain]

There are two factors at work here:

 

 

1. Has she really give up that life? If she wasn't actively hooking when you met her, she's probably done.

 

 

2. Can you fully accept it & never think about it again? You can't ever throw it in her face in a fight for example. Some people can put the past in the past. If you are always going to fret & wonder, don't bother dating her.

[Cresingdown]

There are two factors at work here:

 

 

1. Has she really give up that life? If she wasn't actively hooking when you met her, she's probably done.

 

 

2. Can you fully accept it & never think about it again? You can't ever throw it in her face in a fight for example. Some people can put the past in the past. If you are always going to fret & wonder, don't bother dating her.

1. She has stopped that job about 5 years ago. We've only been dating for about 4 months.

 

2. I can accept it but the only problem is I'm wondering if it's likely a girl with that extensive past really has it out of her system. Also, what if she runs into people that know her and this spreads out?

[harrybrown]

Hopefully she still enjoys being with you.

 

Maybe she can teach you some wild and wonderful things.

 

you may want to think about an std test.

 

good luck. maybe she will have a desire for sex with you rather than not really interested.

[LostOnes05]

Personally, it wouldn't work for me. As a guy with an extremely minimal past history, it would definitely be a deal breaker...particularly the hooker part. It would tell me that we don't have a similar moral compass or place the same value on sex. I'd also be worried about running into guys from her past who paid her for sex. Diseases are another issue. But since you've been with her, I'm guessing she was careful enough. I'd also want to know it was something that was permanently behind her or if she still had ties to that lifestyle (friends that are still hookers, etc.).

 

But honestly, I wouldn't want a relationship with a woman that proclaimed to be a hooker. It's your choice though. All about what you can live with and keep to yourself.

[d0nnivain]

I don't think the hooking is something that somebody does by choice, so I'm pretty sure that is "out of her system."

 

 

Have you ever seen her drunk & is it a routine behavior? I don't think it's really fair to judge an adult by the bad choices they made in HS. Drinking to be cool or some other immature reason does not make her a bad person if she's not doing it as an adult.

 

 

Has she expressed a desire for threesomes with you? If you aren't into that but she wants to do it again, that will be a problem.

 

 

Mostly I see a woman who made a LOT of bad choices when she was young & dumb. If you think she has smartened up, has a steady job & behaves responsibly, I doubt she will fall back to bad behaviors.

[O'Malley]

What's her life been like for the past 5 years? What's your relationship with her been like? Do you like who she is now? If her life and relationships have consistently been steady these past 5 years, and no relapses into substance abuse or other self destructive behaviors, I'd be more optimistic and open-minded about it. Former sex workers have relationships like everyone else, but if deep down you know that you'll never view her or your relationship the same it's time to move on.

 

You have to figure out whether your feelings are just initial shock or if you feel that you're not compatible as partners. Her trusting you with this information means that you shouldn't stay with her if you know that it will negatively affect your perception her or use her past against her, and that you don't divulge it to family or friends when the relationship ends.

[knabe]

Honestly, I think for both of you, breaking up would be the best thing. The fact that you are posting about it means it is a problem.

 

You need a woman you are not ashamed of, and she needs a man who will not ever use her past as a trump card.

[Cresingdown]

No where in my post I mentioned about being ashamed of her or rubbing it in her face. She was the one to open up to this after our 1st month of dating. I didn't really ask question but just listened as she went on explaining why, when it happened and what she now wants.

 

I'm going to try to see how it goes from there. Our relationship is good overall and in the past 5 years, well according to her she's been only wanting serious relationships (she had two past relationships, both long-term). I'm open minded to be honest but I just never wanted a former hooker so I was initially surprised.

[sandylee1]

You don't have to tell friends and family that she was a hooker, because that's not their business. I wouldn't be happy if my son told me his GF used to be a hooker.

 

Hopefully she now lives in a different area and won't bump into any former clients. I'm sure if she did, they won't be rushing to say where they know her from anyway.